In The Seams
Podcast Notes
Grief and Chronic Illness 

Recently I did a funeral for the spouse of a friend who struggles with debilitating chronic pain. He is a person of strong faith, but it reminded me that just because we suffer already with chronic illness and pain doesn’t lessen the other experiences of suffering in our life. Our loved ones still die. We have relationship problems. We have financial problems. In fact, if anything chronic illness increases the occurrence of these incidents. 

I’m not sure that our loved ones die anymore frequently. After all, everyone we know will die. But chronic illness does make some relationships challenging and sometimes even includes abandonment from our healthy friends and loved ones. Most of us are buried in medical costs. Sometimes I hear a friend anxious about a relatively small medical charge. And I can’t help being a little cynical. It must be nice to get to be concerned about a one-time charge that you’ll have paid off in a few months. 

I know I should be more empathetic, but I’ve become jaded by medical bills. And I grieve our financial situation because of them. We teach our kids that life isn’t fair, but it seems especially unfair to have to deal with all we do and still have the burden of the other crushing griefs of life. 

How do we keep this cynicism at bay? 2 Cor. 4:16-18 helps: (All Scripture citations from HCSB)

16 Therefore we do not give up. Even though our outer person is being destroyed, our inner person is being renewed day by day. 17 For our momentary light affliction is producing for us an absolutely incomparable eternal weight of glory. 18 So we do not focus on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Our current reality is not our destiny, and no amount of unfair suffering can change the destiny we have in Christ. Of course, we are not alone in that unfairness. No one was more innocent and suffered more than Jesus. Paul himself suffered greatly. Job and the Psalmists, the martyrs mentioned in Rev. 6, the people mentioned at the end of Heb. 11:32-40:

32 And what more can I say? Time is too short for me to tell about Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, David, Samuel, and the prophets, 33 who by faith conquered kingdoms, administered justice, obtained promises, shut the mouths of lions, 34 quenched the raging of fire, escaped the edge of the sword, gained strength after being weak, became mighty in battle, and put foreign armies to flight. 35 Women received their dead—they were raised to life again. Some men were tortured, not accepting release, so that they might gain a better resurrection, 36 and others experienced mockings and scourgings, as well as bonds and imprisonment. 37 They were stoned, they were sawed in two, they died by the sword, they wandered about in sheepskins, in goatskins, destitute, afflicted, and mistreated. 38 The world was not worthy of them. They wandered in deserts and on mountains, hiding in caves and holes in the ground.
39 All these were approved through their faith, but they did not receive what was promised, 40 since God had provided something better for us, so that they would not be made perfect without us.
 

The very next verses portray these faithful sufferers as our cloud of witnesses that encourage us in our running of the race. Heb. 12:1-2:
Therefore, since we also have such a large cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us lay aside every weight and the sin that so easily ensnares us. Let us run with endurance the race that lies before us, 2 keeping our eyes on Jesus, the source and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that lay before Him endured a cross and despised the shame and has sat down at the right hand of God’s throne.

If we are not careful, we can be tricked into thinking we have suffered in a unique way. Everyone’s story is unique, but no one has the market cornered on suffering. If you think you do, that is a good sign you have lost perspective. That doesn’t diminish the struggle though. But we need perspective as we endure our trials here for a while before we are reunited with Jesus and the faithful who have gone on before us. 

The hope of a greater glory that far outweighs our suffering, the company of the great cloud of witnesses and the author and perfecter of our faith, Jesus Christ on this journey help make life a little more bearable even on our darkest days. A final aid in our time of need are the people who God has put with us now. We need real contact with others. It is why Broken and Mended is committed to forming real communities of hurting people walking in faith together. 

Sometimes physical contact becomes limited or nearly impossible. In these scenarios, I am glad we have online spaces we can hear from others and virtual places of connection. But don’t do this alone. You weren’t meant to be alone. People don’t have to have the same story you do to relate to your experience and vice versa. Whether you find such a community with Broken and Mended or find it elsewhere, don’t let isolation win. 

Of course, talk to God a lot! It helps more than we can imagine. Talk to others as well. We have more support groups and even access to professional counselors online than we ever have. (mention Esther Smith, Christian Trauma Counseling, Faithful Counseling).