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Today on the show, we've got some extra ****** movies starting with samurai cop from 1991 and Picasso trigger from 1988.
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Oh wait, everyone.
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Welcome to Brandon at random reviews.
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I am your host, Brandon Griffith.
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Thank you for stopping by.
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I do appreciate it today on the show.
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Like I said, we've got some ****** movies and I'm just going to dive right into him head first, just like Pete Rose.
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Those samurai cop released sometime in 1991. It's always mysterious when Wikipedia doesn't even know when things were specifically released, but it was directed and written by Amir Sjerven and produced by Orlando Karate. And then the music was composed.
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By Alan DeMar DeRozan and it stars Matt Hannon AKA Matt Caredes.
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And that's his you know, hand in.
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This is his stage name.
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And he plays the character Joe Marshall and it has Robert Zadar as Yamashita.
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Then we've got Mark Fraser, who plays Frank Washington Cranston Kamuro, Janice Farley, Gerald Okamura and that was I mean, he plays Okamura.
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I didn't write down the names of the characters, 'cause you'll find out pretty quick that it's pretty ******* irrelevant what these characters names are.
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Plot synopsis Joe Marshall and Frank Washington are two tenacious police detectives who seek at all.
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Costs to stop the Ketana, a renegade Yakusa game composed of violent and sadistic killers who want to lead the drug trade in Los Angeles.
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So Oh my goodness, it's like first thing, we get some ******* amazing dialogue.
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It is just ****** movie level dialogue.
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That's what we're talking about.
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Here it's not well acted.
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It's not well written.
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And any of that stuff and already early on in this movie.
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It's like there's scantily clad women.
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It's already a very ***** movie, it's it's just amazing to me to watch it, and so the production quality is not as bad as I expected it to be.
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You know, when I saw what this movie was supposed to be, it.
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Design like these so bad it's good less.
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Some stuff I was like OK, I want to check this out.
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I want to see how it is.
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You know, maybe it's it's good and so I I was.
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I was pleasantly surprised that it didn't look like a total hack made the movie.
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It's just you know when you've got a bad script, you've got a.
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Bad script some of the.
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Stuff like the like, helicopters flying around.
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And aerial views of things.
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I feel like that's gotta be expensive unless I guess you like lease it from somebody and you know you get it that way.
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But I I was genuinely surprised that we saw anything other than you know, ground level views of anything and we get this back and forth between.
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Mean Joe, our protagonist, and this girl in the helicopter, and it's like they're they're 100% ridiculous. Just insane **** that they're talking about and Joe keeps telling her to keep things warm and ready. And it's like all, very sexual. It's all very preposterous.
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They say most of these scenes were filmed in one take.
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And it's not that I don't believe it, but why?
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I mean, it could be, I guess, about the editing process, you know?
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I mean for me if I go through, I mean when I record a podcast, I'll like feel it out a couple of times.
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I'll record the first like minute or so and then I will just go back and you know, and that's more.
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For like sound quality checks and things like that.
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I mean, I'm not doing what they're doing, which is shooting an entire movie and not doing any extra takes or anything.
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But anyway, I mean if you don't have time to edit something like this, then you took too much time to create it's that's bottom line.
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I mean, if if you don't have time to cut out some extra takes and stuff.
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Then what are you even doing?
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Making a movie?
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I have legitimately throughout this entire movie, I had no idea what was supposed to be going on in the plot.
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I couldn't follow it because they were just bouncing from one group of characters to another.
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I didn't have any frame of reference for what they were doing.
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It was just nonsense.
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You know it, it didn't work for me.
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There's this scene where they put this guy who was on fire out and then the chick from the helicopter tells him something that he he wouldn't be able to hear like ** ***'* talking in the helicopter and he is.
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On the ground, and she's talking and I guess it's supposed to be like he's reading her lips somehow and it's like, OK I guess and they keep it.
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It's like they're just having a regular conversation with each other and they can't hear each other at all.
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We get a lot of.
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Of random gun deaths and the opening scenes.
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It's like kind of a chase.
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I guess you could call it Joe and the girl from the helicopter are quick to bang it out and you know she's really not half bad looking.
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I'm I'm I'm pretty pleased with that.
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You know Joe gets painted up as a real horror just by everything he does.
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Says it's like his one track mind is so prevalent in this movie.
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It's so clear that that's all he ever wants out of anybody.
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And so it's just.
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It's kind of ridiculous, but it is what it is.
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So there's this sequence of dialogue that comes through where he is talking to this woman.
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This nurse, I think it is at this hospital and she is very forward about like hitting on him and him hitting on her and things like that.
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She says do you like what you see?
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He says I love what I see.
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**, *** says, would you like to touch what you see and he says yes, yes I would, she says.
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Would you like to go out with me?
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He says, ah yes, I would, she says.
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Would you like to **** me?
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And then he holds the stethoscope, like the part that you put on somebody's chest. He holds it up to his mouth and he says, bingo, this is the kind of **** I'm talking about here.
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This is this is this movie OK so the the facial expressions throughout that conversation there's, you know Frank is standing there, it's as part.
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Partner and he's this black guy with like a mustache and he is just like reacting to this conversation in real time and it's so animated like it's so over the top it's it's just stupid so the burn victim that they they've taken.
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You know they put this guy out when they were in the middle of the chase.
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And they they take him to the hospital, and he's there.
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They're telling him that it's going to be a few weeks before he's able to talk to them because.
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His lips are burning.
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And and things like that, so it's that they have to guard.
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They have to count on this guy being guarded so that nobody gets to him before he can tell them what's going on.
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And so the bad guys come almost immediately and take the burn victim we had seen.
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I'm sorry I couldn't write down every scene, but we see the scene.
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Where the bad guys are talk.
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King and the main bad guy says that he wants the guys head.
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And so these bad guys come and they take this ******* guys head and bring it back to the main bad guy and that's that's their MO.
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So the guard cop was not guarding the guy like he was in the hospital, but he was not guarding when he was supposed to be.
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And that kind of never gets addressed at all.
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And it's like the classic example of you had one ******* job.
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Dude, that's all you were supposed to be doing.
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Is making sure that nothing happened to this guy.
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If you go down in a blaze of glory.
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Be trying to defend this guy and they get to him anyway.
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Then that's good.
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That's that's what you should be doing.
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That's that's your job.
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So we go back to police headquarters and the chief is pretty sick of Joe and Frank *********.
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He doesn't believe Joe is going to be able to get the bad guys, and you know his ***** on the line and all this stuff the bad guys.
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They're called the Catana, which is a ukusa gang.
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I think that's yeah cuz a yeah and Joe keeps.
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Calling the the female officer the one that was driving the helicopter, you know she was piloting it and he keeps telling her to keep it warm like what the **** anyway?
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There there are some weird moments in this movie where it's like they're they're talking about.
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This that and the other thing and it's like there will be music cues that are terrible.
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I mean they are just horrendous.
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And I don't understand what they were thinking.
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'cause it's like you.
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Don't really need that in a a movie like this.
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You don't need to have those incidental sounds coming through and the score, it's just make it stand on its own 2 feet.
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So Joe and Frank go to confront Catana.
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At this restaurant, and this is where we get it's it's shining through that the actor who played Joe.
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I think it was Matt Hannon something like that.
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Anyway, he basically was pretty ******* jaded about this whole movie and he was like rolling his eyes multiple times and scenes that did not merit him rolling his eyes.
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And as an actor, and so you know, they're having this talk with them and explaining to them what's going to happen.
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And all this stuff.
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And it's just.
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It's a very interesting interaction.
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And you know, of course Joe is, you know he's got a whiff of attraction for this woman.
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That's with the ketana.
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And you know he's determined he's going to go and *******, you know, tell her how it is and all this **** you know.
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And it's like he says, by the way, what's an all American girl like you doing with a geek like this?
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That's what he says to this Jennifer person.
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When you know like he's talking to.
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Or he actually says that to her, and there's there's a scene outside where they're getting confronted Joey.
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Frank and like there's all these big sequences that they keep happening in this movie.
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Forgive me for not walking you through every step, but basically it ends this particular sequence ends with Joe throwing a qatana which is a samurai sword and cuts off.
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Dudes are.
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With it by throwing it.
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So yeah, if you can imagine how difficult that would be even if you were just doing it with your own hands.
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You know you were just holding onto this, or like I realized, there's super sharp swords, but there's no ******* way if you're just throwing it, then it's going to do anything but bounce off his arm.
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Maybe cut a little bit of his.
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Clothing I don't know, so the effects are extremely cheap.
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In this movie they don't use what they call squibs, which are what you you use to simulate gunshot wounds in real.
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Time you would, you know you rig up this blood pack to a charge and you set the charge off.
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When the shooting is supposed to happen and that way it looks like there's an impact from a bullet.
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But basically all this this movie does is just puts blood on people clothes and shows, you know.
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Shows them falling over or whatever, but it it is legitimately.
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Terrible Yamashita is the bad guys, right hand in this movie and he's actually top billed on IMDb.
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I don't know how much stock to put in IMDb anymore.
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He kinda is like a Steven Segal type, you know, like he's not Asian but he'd like to think he is Asian.
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But and then Joe has another conversation.
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With Jennifer, after all the hoopla with cutting the arm off and stuff, I guess it's it's like he he's having a conversation with her and it is completely ridiculous and it's just my goodness.
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Uhm, I.
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I guess my biggest note about.
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The guy who played Joe making all these facial expressions about you know, like just reacting to the scenes in real time as a person and not staying in the scene is.
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It's like he he must have thought he wasn't part of the problem because he totally ******* was.
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He is not a good actor he is.
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It's not like we have this one big star that really has some acting chops and he's surrounded by a bunch of ******* amateurs.
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You know the fights are just?
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I mean I gotta say they're they're pretty amazing.
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In this movie you you see they'll punch each other and you can see like 6 inches of air.
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Between where the fist is and where it's supposedly landing, and it, it's just like that class.
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Like like you know you remember like the old Batman Adam West Batman show where they would do like the POW and you know bang and all that stuff and they would be punching people and it looked so fake but they dialed it up for the comedy in that show and this movie is trying to play it off as serious like.
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It's it's very difficult.
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So Okamura is trying to crush Joes head mid fight in the scene and he almost succeeded if not for the laws of physics.
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And Joe has frank arrest Okamura and there's a struggle and Joe has to shoot him, shoot Okamura and.
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So Okamura is dead and they can't question him.
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They can't take him back to police headquarters.
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They're kind of screwed.
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And so you know, the chief gets pretty ****** *** because they've got all these ******* instances of you know times that they should have apprehended somebody.
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And they didn't even ******* do it.
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There's a scene that I don't even remember and I just watched this movie today where Yamashita and the bad girl Jennifer.
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They're like going at it and they like there's a complete full frontal and honestly no complaints here.
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She was not bad looking so I don't know if maybe I'm mixing up.
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Characters, 'cause that's definitely a real possibility, but Yamashita and I have her noted as bad girl or ******* and then Joe and Jennifer are gonna ****.
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And then this is the kind of notes I'm able to take in this movie.
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This is I just want to make this.
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Clear, I think that at a certain point the the police officer girl and the bad girl are both better looking than this Jennifer person that Joe is all of a sudden interested in and it's a crying shame when when dudes can't realize that.
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So Yamashita comes to the one officer house trying to find Joe.
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And he doesn't.
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The guy doesn't know where Joe is.
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And so they kill his wife, and he lets out this really cheese ball.
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No damn, you and it sounds so ******.
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Joe goes to the beach at one point and he's with Jennifer and he's wearing a ******* banana hammock, which he's totally the type of guy that would wear a banana.
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Panic at the beach and you know Jennifer's got her swimsuit on as you would expect and they they start to they start growing Frank about where to find Joe right and so Frank is he like, tries to get them to. You know he tries to appease them.
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And he tells them that the address is in his jacket and they go looking through it, and then Frank manages to get the upper hand and kills one guy.
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And I guess he slits the other guy's throat, but they don't really show it at all. I'm guessing the effects would have been too time consuming for them. Other minor things have happened to this point, but the most notable.
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Thing is, yet another sex scene that we get in this movie I.
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Wish more shows and movies would normalize sex like I was watching Ted Lasso and there's a scene where it's like there.
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This this couple is talking and they they like resolve their issues with each other and then the guy immediately.
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Goes down on this girl like no questions asked and it's like yes, that is what things need to be like in movies because that **** happens in real life and that's what needs to be.
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You know is shown on screen all the time. Yamashita comes to Joe's house to take him and Jennifer out with a bunch of guys.
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Is and I mean at this point I'm asking.
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I'm like I'm not supposed to believe that Yamashita is Asian because he he looks like Steven Segal to me.
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I I just I don't think it's possible at all that he that they're supposed to be suggesting that he's Asian.
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The composer Slash Sound editor for this film.
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Has a lot of horrible instincts and like it shows through almost every scene.
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It's just it's a very ******* amateurish production and the lack of a I kept noticing.
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It's just every gun scene somebody gets shot and there is no squibs.
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There's no nothing, nobody you know got any charges rigged on their chest or anything.
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It's just it's nonsense.
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I mean, I, I really wish that they would.
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They would have like paid the extra money you know the main bad guys voice it.
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It's like it can't be his real ******* voice.
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I just I don't buy it.
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I want to say that I read something about them dubbing in a bunch of lines after the.
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Act and they did it all because of all this, you know, time crunch and you know trying to squeeze a a penny out of a pound or whatever you want to call it.
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They killed the main bad guy after a standoff at this point and there's still like 12 minutes of runtime left in this ******* movie.
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I mean, it's it's ridiculous how much time there's left and they're sneaking around outside of his house hoping to find Yamashita.
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And there's a lot of gunfire and they kill the main bad girl and a few others.
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And then Yamashita and Joe Swordfights and Joe wins, and we get Joe in a banana hammock and the apologue.
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And you know, it's just like thank God, man, I I.
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I was wondering if we were ever going to see Joe again.
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You know what I mean?
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So as far as praise for this movie, I would say.
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It was not half as bad as I expected it was.
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It was pretty bad, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.
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And you know, there's there's a lot of stuff.
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I mean as far as criticism, the effects were atrocious.
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The the writing was just **** ****, the acting was dreadful.
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And you know, I mean, it's like there were.
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There were very little there.
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There was very little in the way of things to praise for this movie.
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It was a lot easier to you know to to criticize lead actor Matthew Karidas.
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This is some trivia credited as Matt Hannon cut.
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His long hair very short seven months after filming, wrapped while he was looking for some more acting work.
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Director and screenwriter Amir Shervan called him back for some reshoots.
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Sherman was furious that Caredes had.
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Cut his hair and immediately went out to look for a wig. Unfortunately, Sherman was only able to find a woman wig that looked nothing like carina's real hair. Curetis agreed to wear it.
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Assuming Sherman was going to do some long shots and pickups, sjerven still had half of the movie to shoot completely out of chronicle.
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Chronological order as a result, karidas characters hair alternates between his natural long hair and an obvious.
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Big, the wig comes off a few times revealing Criticis real short hair, and so you you do notice it.
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It is painfully obvious like it's not like they got the color wrong or anything.
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It's like the styling of the hair was that ridiculous and it it was.
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It looked like a woman wig.
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The entire movie is set during daytime.
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Because Amir Shervan could not afford lighting to shoot at night.
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Matthew Karidis hated working on the film.
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He has stated the look on his face in various scenes, including the restaurant monologue.
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Log showed his disgust. The film makers apparently had access to only a handful of firearms, only Joes and Yamashita's weapons are exclusive to a single character.
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Other guns repeatedly reappear in the hands of multiple characters, often on opposing sides of the same shootout additionally.
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Not all are fired, possibly due to a lack of appropriate caliber blanks.
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Consequently, the director could not place too many gunmen in each frame.
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This seems to contribute to the confusion.
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The confusing staging of some action sequences and the frequent tongue in cheek criticism.
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That the gangs many Hench men only attack one or two at a time, allowing Joe and Frank to pick them off with these.
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OK, so some info and ratings one time 96 minutes budget unknown worldwide gross unknown IMDb rating 4.6 which is the sweet spot rotten tomato critics score?
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Unknown, unlisted, whatever you want to call it. I'm guessing no critics reviewed this movie Rotten Tomato audience score 47% personal rating of two out of five stars.
00:22:12
It wasn't as bad as all that, but it was pretty bad, and that's on the standard of bad movies, you know.
00:22:20
Like it was, it's, you know, it's tough because there's some movies that are like this that are fun to watch and this one it really wasn't.
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It was just a cheaply made movie and it didn't really deliver on anything and far as far as excitement.
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So now we.
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Move on to Picasso Trigger released on February 25th.
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1988, which I guess is right. OK, so I'm going to have to fix that, but.
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Directed by Andy Sedaris.
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Written by Andy Sedaris, produced by Arlene Sedaris.
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Score composed by Gary Stockdale with the cast we have Steve Bond, who plays Travis Abilene, Donna Speer who plays Donna Hamilton, Hope, Marie Carlton.
00:23:08
Who plays taryn?
00:23:09
Harold Diamond, who plays Jade John Aprea, who plays Salazar and Bruce Penhall, who plays Hondo OK.
00:23:20
Yeah no, no casting notes other than the fact that I don't remember who any of these people are by name other than the very main guy.
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And I I made it a special point to figure out who the **** he was supposed to be.
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So plot synopsis after his brother is killed, a crime Lord triggers a ruthless.
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Hunt against all agents responsible and the remaining agents will have to avenge their fallen comrades.
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OK, so apparently this movie is a sequel to the movie hard ticket to Hawaii.
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IE which is, you know, it's such a bad movie, but it's it's one of those so bad it's good movies.
00:23:58
It's it's ******* stupid and I love it. Some guy named Miguel Ortiz sends a tape to a guy giving him instructions to help kill a man who murdered Miguel's brother. We get a a motorcycle with a real life sidecar.
00:24:13
Never really understood who would want to ride ***** in that scenario, but I guess I probably would.
00:24:18
I don't if I can help it.
00:24:20
I don't like to be the driver I I like to be a passenger and I I wouldn't mind a sidecar gig.
00:24:26
Why not this dude from the beginning who watched the tape, is wearing a tux and I guess he's going to speak at some art exhibits and so he does.
00:24:35
You know he you're trying to figure out why he's all dressed up.
00:24:38
And the Picasso trigger is a painting of a fish.
00:24:42
Which I've initially felt was a let down and then the guy you know he donates the painting and you know everybody applauds him and all this stuff and we see him talk to we see the guy talk to this woman and you don't really know who she is and he's like kind of hitting on her.
00:25:03
And stuff like that, but it's not really clear what his motives are and she points out that his code name is Picasso Trigger, and that's what I I really took away from their interaction.
00:25:17
The guy in the sidecar from the beginning of the movie assassinates Picasso Trigger on the steps of the museum and I'm like what is going on.
00:25:26
I thought this was going to be, you know, like I guess I knew he wasn't the good guy, but I thought he was going to be around longer than that.
00:25:32
These girls so far I we get it.
00:25:37
Guy walking through the casino smoking.
00:25:40
I gotta say those were the days.
00:25:41
I mean, I miss being able to smoke where I want to smoke, you know, or at least having a section to smoke in.
00:25:47
If you go to a restaurant I mean nothing better.
00:25:49
But then smoke hanging in the air, and you know saturating the walls and getting all tacky and disgusting.
00:25:57
And yeah, I mean it's it's simpler times.
00:26:01
For some reason, the homing device that they're they're talking about at this, you know they're at this restaurant, and this guy says he's putting a homing device.
00:26:10
In this look, this flower lapel.
00:26:13
And I I don't know why, but it the homing device looks like it's just an ordinary marble, like, just like a little spherical marble.
00:26:23
And that's it.
00:26:24
But this acting in this movie is really ******* rough.
00:26:27
I mean it is.
00:26:28
It is pretty desperate for I.
00:26:31
I couldn't find anything for.
00:26:34
You know to sink my teeth into and actually enjoy watching.
00:26:38
It was just everything about it was taking me out of every ******* scene that I watch.
00:26:43
These guys are out driving in the desert and suddenly a helicopter comes and attacks them and I guess you're supposed to gather that these are all the men responsible.
00:26:54
Or the people responsible for the the death of this Miguel guys brother.
00:27:00
And it's it's very confusing though, 'cause they don't really set it up and I just I I don't know.
00:27:06
So the car explodes.
00:27:08
You know the helicopter attacks it and explode.
00:27:11
And those two guys were supposed to be good guys and they perished in the fire.
00:27:17
The main bad guy looks like a bad guy from an unproduced Dirty Harry movie that even Clint Eastwood wouldn't have signed onto.
00:27:26
And I've not been able to follow to this point.
00:27:29
Who any of these characters are?
00:27:31
They keep.
00:27:31
Introducing new characters that you couldn't have possibly thought they were going to bring up, and it's like what are we doing here?
00:27:38
You know what I mean?
00:27:39
What, why do you?
00:27:40
Why can we not narrow the focus of this movie and have these things not happen on?
00:27:46
Screen, it would save you money and it would be easier to do, you know.
00:27:51
And this was only 16 minutes in that I was like already like what the actual FOK is going on in this movie.
00:27:57
I have no ******* idea anymore.
00:27:59
I I will say the effects in this movie are significantly better than samurai cop.
00:28:04
I will give it that it's.
00:28:06
There's they do the squibs, they do explosions.
00:28:10
They do a bunch of stuff like that and it's it's pretty nifty and I developed this superhuman ability during this movie to be able to tell when an actress was about to do a nude scene.
00:28:23
It was just like I could something.
00:28:25
Something in the air or something, I don't know it, just I I could just tell oh she's going to have a nude scene I'm going to see her ***** and I was of course you know when I thought this it was like oh, you know I might if if I if I have to eat crow on these ***** you know it's going to be a disappointment across the board.
00:28:44
But I was right and it was a 2 Fer there were.
00:28:46
Two women who showed their ***** and we keep getting more and more characters brought up that we've never seen before.
00:28:54
I don't really know what they're going for with it there.
00:28:57
There are these guys spying on the two girls who showed their ***** and they use.
00:29:03
This, like they're on a boat.
00:29:05
You know, these girls are, and these guys figure out that they're on this boat and so they send a remote control airplane to blow up the boat.
00:29:16
And the girls happen to not be on the boat at that specific time and so they they.
00:29:23
Boat blows up and they're like holy ****, what the ****?
00:29:26
And they're trying to figure out what happened and why.
00:29:28
You know why it went down like.
00:29:30
That, and it's just.
00:29:33
I mean like it's so off the wall, everything that happens in this movie.
00:29:37
Yet another location comes up with unfamiliar characters.
00:29:41
We get another explosion, this time on a farm and it's it's just more of these people that this bad guy is taking out for killing his brother or like causing his brother Staph.
00:29:52
And I mean, that's apparently what it's what's supposed to be happening, but.
00:29:56
It's like they could have shot it sequentially and had it be a montage of murders and you know they could have done some split screen they could have done this.
00:30:07
They could have done that it.
00:30:08
Would have been.
00:30:09
A much more interesting way to deliver this, but the way they did it, it was confusing because as a moviegoer, you expect.
00:30:17
When you're watching a movie that who you're seeing on screen is going to be relevant and I understand breaking that mold can be important as an art form.
00:30:26
But at the same time you have to ******* deliver something of a narrative.
00:30:31
You know.
00:30:32
I mean, you're not really telling much of a story, just having this guy kill everybody.
00:30:36
So there's there's this couple that at one point they're talking about boning, and they're they're referring to it as a bumpy ride.
00:30:46
And it's like really suggestive and stuff.
00:30:49
And it's like yeah, OK, just ******* ******* get it over with.
00:30:52
And now you know these these hot girls, the girls from the boats, that their blondes they are going to go somewhere by train.
00:31:02
We don't really know where and they're just wearing bathing suits.
00:31:07
Everywhere, which is of course what people do.
00:31:09
You know it's only natural, and they make these jokes about these guys that are checking them out at the train station.
00:31:16
And one says in a weird voice.
00:31:18
Is is that a snorkel in his pocket or is he just happy to see me and it turned out it was just a snorkel and she had a very displeased reaction to that and there's a man on screen that we see that looks like and this is the first time we see him.
00:31:35
He looks like a literal action figure.
00:31:37
You know what I mean, it, it's like.
00:31:38
I could totally see him made into an action figure.
00:31:41
And looking like that it would not be at all off the wall to have happen.
00:31:47
Now our girls are just in little short short get UPS and they're going to go fly this plane and you know I don't normally say this in movies but I have to say at this point thus far this is this movie.
00:32:01
Is desperately needed some voiceover narrate?
00:32:04
Nation I love it when movies can accomplish it without it.
00:32:07
You know they don't.
00:32:08
They don't need it, but for me it's like **** no like I, I'm good, I I I don't I I want that narration.
00:32:16
You know what I mean?
00:32:17
You you can't?
00:32:17
You clearly can't tell this story without any kind of narration, so you know you could have gone back and done that.
00:32:24
You know you could have used anybody to do that, and it could have just been a guy that was just the narrator.
00:32:29
It didn't have to be an actor.
00:32:31
It didn't have to be anybody, so we haven't seen.
00:32:34
It's like 30 minutes in almost and we're just seeing Travis for the first time.
00:32:39
Who is the main character of this movie and?
00:32:43
It's I I'm baffled by it.
00:32:45
I'm I'm like why are you going this route and we're seeing this chick who's named Agent Pantera, and she is a mysterious femme fatale type, and you know we see you know we are gonna see her ***** and then I don't think we actually do.
00:33:02
It's like.
00:33:03
It's kind of a cop out thing, but the guy Travis she's talking to looks like Tom Berenger mixed with shooter Mcgavin and that's the best way I could describe him.
00:33:15
It's been over 3 minutes since I've seen someone ***** at this point, and I'm losing my mind 'cause I can't understand how they're possibly going without ***** for this long.
00:33:26
We get a little bit of B roll of people dancing at this club.
00:33:30
This is as random as this movie is.
00:33:33
I need you to understand that.
00:33:35
I am not just trying to gather my notes and try and think of something to say.
00:33:40
There is so much going on in this movie that you have to digest and you have no time in which to do that and it's just a pain in the ******* ***.
00:33:51
The one chick is, you know she's talking to Travis and he seems really into her and he has like no memory of her.
00:33:58
But apparently they had already met and.
00:34:01
She's like really forgiving about it and is, like you know, not at all bothered by the fact that he, just like blew her off and didn't care, you know?
00:34:10
And so it it.
00:34:11
It's it becomes clear later in the movie why that is now that I'm thinking about it.
00:34:15
But it's very strange watching everything happen.
00:34:20
It's like it doesn't have any rhyme or reason to it, so the two of them start boning, and you know this is where we don't get any *****.
00:34:30
We we get no *****.
00:34:31
Whatsoever, but the music is super 80s pornai when they're about to have sex, and then they cut away before we see anything.
00:34:39
And I I just don't feel like this Travis guy has got a leading man quality.
00:34:44
He doesn't have the chops to do it.
00:34:47
You know he doesn't have the looks, it's.
00:34:50
It's rough, there are people with actual speaking parts in this movie that wouldn't even be cast as extras in a real movie like a real Hollywood movie.
00:35:00
We get this speedboat chase that is the world's slowest speedboat chase. It is so ******* slow they're not even throttling.
00:35:10
All and then when you see the closeup shots, it's like they're going 10 miles an hour.
00:35:15
You could ******* tell the water is not moving beside them.
00:35:19
You know what I mean?
00:35:19
It's it's very clear that they're not chugging along.
00:35:23
It's like they had to stop so they could capture sound or something.
00:35:26
I don't know.
00:35:27
The movie comes up out of nowhere and block.
00:35:30
Letters and I didn't know if notice it that it had been doing this before, but it just says Thursday and that's the closest thing to narrative we get in this movie.
00:35:39
And so Travis and Pantera, or at a briefing and Travis is just hovering over Pantera, like touching our hair and stuff.
00:35:48
It's ******* weird.
00:35:49
Man, it's super creepy.
00:35:51
This blonde bimbo from the boats bombing is, you know, we see a scene with her naked again.
00:35:58
I I never thought I could speak with such disdain about *****, but it's like, yeah, alright. More *****. The dialogue is like 90% in this.
00:36:09
So these suggestive things that are hinting towards sex you know.
00:36:14
And it's there's a line where this girl is the one of the blonde girls is going.
00:36:19
And she says he's no pro at golf, but he can sure use his driver.
00:36:23
And it's like, yeah, that's.
00:36:24
It's a great ******* line.
00:36:27
Well done.
00:36:28
They go to the golf course and we see a guy make a putt that it had to have been like a 90 foot putt.
00:36:34
It was ridiculously long and we watched this putt go in the hole, but they splice it together in like 12 different clips and they keep.
00:36:45
Showing different angles and the ball moving.
00:36:48
And all of a sudden you know we get this close-up shot of the ball just rolling gently into the hole.
00:36:53
And it's like, yeah, that seemed like that really happened.
00:36:56
Thank you.
00:36:56
The blonde guy and the blonde girl from the boat explosion are gonna go bone at this point that there you know the guy is leaving the golf course and I don't remember if we had seen him up to this point, but if we had.
00:37:08
He was not memorable and Travis is proving to be a real scumbag, but he's he's supposed to be our hero, but he's just a big ***** ** **** like he's a woman.
00:37:18
Laser he's a douche my God and and then we get more people.
00:37:24
I don't believe we've met at this dance show.
00:37:27
Two guys are talking to these two female dancers who were putting on a show in this I I don't know.
00:37:33
I don't think you would call it a club.
00:37:34
It was like a venue and they start talking to them and.
00:37:38
They want them.
00:37:39
To take their show on the road.
00:37:41
And I'm like what relevance does this have to this ******* movie?
00:37:44
Why did we need this anyway?
00:37:46
The guy and the girl from the golf course at this point are boning in the pool and then it has to be like some of the previous non ***** film makers I've ever encountered.
00:37:59
I don't think I've ever seen it this.
00:38:01
Bad and it's just.
00:38:02
It's nonstop, it's like every other scene is a sex scene and it's.
00:38:06
It's like it's funny initially, but then you're like, wow, I really am watching all of this.
00:38:12
OK, that's fine, so the action figure guy that I mentioned earlier is is with some girl and they're trying to break into this bad guys house by pretending to be a.
00:38:22
Phone repair group and.
00:38:25
I'm not sure to what end they're doing this, but they they do it. So then what do you know we get more ***** and then even more ***** and the blondie's are out riding dirt bikes now after their respective bath and shower. You know, because we had to watch that and we got to watch that.
00:38:46
Don't get me wrong, don't get it twisted.
00:38:48
I enjoyed it, but it's not like it was a necessary scene.
00:38:52
So as a film reviewer, I have to point these things out because it is too difficult to be able to figure out what they're doing so.
00:39:02
I really at this point and I this must have been like an hour in.
00:39:06
I had no ******* idea what was going on in this movie.
00:39:09
I had no idea where we were really at with the story.
00:39:13
What in the plot had occurred?
00:39:16
You know what?
00:39:17
What progress any of our characters had made with doing anything and it just.
00:39:22
They just keep shoveling it on and hope that something sticks and every every chance they get.
00:39:29
It's more tips and ask and it would be fine, but what's what's the motivation?
00:39:34
You know what?
00:39:35
I mean like what?
00:39:35
Is what is the driving force of all these *****, the people who pretended to be phone repairman show up at the same house again?
00:39:42
And a big fight ensues.
00:39:44
People are getting knocked out way too ******* easily, which is one of my least favorite movie tropes.
00:39:51
There's a big gunfight at a club, and this dude literally like to show he's dead.
00:39:57
He sticks his tongue out like that's a thing.
00:40:00
Dead people do, so there's this this.
00:40:02
Huge ******* black bodybuilder guy that we haven't seen up to this point and he's ******* ripped and he's like gonna carry this girl who got got grazed in the gunfight and he's going to I guess carry her all the way to the.
00:40:19
Hospital maybe or just to?
00:40:21
Car I don't know, so the briefing scene was the only time this was earlier that I talked about, but it was the only time it was the part where it was playing with their hair.
00:40:30
But it was the only time that we saw these separate good guys in the same scene together so that that made it a little more clear.
00:40:39
But it still was very convoluted.
00:40:42
And we get a dirt bike chase, which I guess I mean as soon as we saw the dirt bikes, we should know we're going to get a dirt bike chase.
00:40:50
I still have no idea what's going on in this at this point, and I'm guessing Travis will be involved in the final showdown.
00:40:58
The blonde girls are outside the bad guys house and one of them uses an RC car rigged with an explosive to blow up part of the house.
00:41:07
So remote control explosives are a big deal in this movie.
00:41:11
I tried to remark on every moment to see if it started making sense, like I started putting everything in my notes that I could possibly see just to see if I could walk through it and understand what the **** was going on.
00:41:24
There were about 15 minutes left and I realized I had desperately been wanting the movie to end for quite some time.
00:41:30
Travis, for some reason, goes into the bad guy house while pretending he has a leg injury that clearly inhibits his mobility so he can use a gun that is made to look like a crutch.
00:41:42
And I guess I mean it's not the worst idea.
00:41:45
You know what I mean?
00:41:45
It's probably the most original idea in this movie, and so we find out that.
00:41:50
The Picasso trigger guy who was assassinated on the steps of the museum is actually alive and he he gets away initially.
00:42:00
And the Pantera chick is.
00:42:02
If you're sure she's bad at this point, she goes to kill Travis with a knife and one of the Blondie shoots her with a harpoon, and now we get another waterbound chase scene, this time with a hovercraft and seadoos and.
00:42:17
So it's at.
00:42:17
This point that we find out that Picasso trigger.
00:42:20
Is still alive even after having been thought dead and he looks out to the sea and starts walking.
00:42:28
And just starts walking and and the two, the blonde girl and Travis are are hanging out outside and they're they're arming this crutch weapon to fire at this guy and kill him.
00:42:42
And it ******* blows Picasso trigger right up like it goes without a hitch.
00:42:47
It is perfectly as.
00:42:48
Planned for some reason, Travis keeps trying to convince everybody after this that he.
00:42:54
Was sure that Pantera was no good and he didn't think she was.
00:42:58
She was on their side or anything, even though he clearly did not think that some praise for this movie.
00:43:05
The obscene amount of nudity was, I guess, nice.
00:43:08
The effects were much better than samurai, cop, and the actors were more into it than samurai cop.
00:43:14
They were not.
00:43:14
Better, but they were more into it.
00:43:17
It was like they weren't.
00:43:18
Just taking themselves out of the scene constantly so criticism this movie is nowhere near as good or fun as its predecessor.
00:43:26
Hard ticket to Hawaii.
00:43:27
This was not an overly fun to watch bad movie.
00:43:31
It was just bad, which is making me rethink my format.
00:43:35
At this point I'm trying to decide if I actually want to keep *******.
00:43:38
Plugging away at bad movies or if I want to focus more on the good and deal with it that way, the story was not worth trying to follow.
00:43:46
I established that pretty quickly.
00:43:48
But I I tried anyway, it was just it was not worth my time. No trivia for this movie and no IMDb Nuggets because of that info and ratings. We have a runtime of 99 minutes. Budget unknown, worldwide gross unknown IMDb rating 4.5.
00:44:09
One tomato critics score unknown.
00:44:12
Rotten Tomato audience score 34% personal rating this one I guess. Two out of five stars. I really don't feel strongly about it, but it was better even though I raped it the same as samurai cop I. I think there were some trade-offs between the two of them so I do want to.
00:44:33
I I want to constantly be evolving on this show and I want to be talking about things that people want to listen to.
00:44:40
I mean, it's fun for me and I'm going to do it regardless, but I I want to.
00:44:45
I might reduce it down to one movie.
00:44:49
And really dive into one movie and see what what could possibly come of that you know how.
00:44:55
How fun it would be.
00:44:56
And I think that it you might see some changes coming pretty soon.
00:45:02
I'm feeling pretty interested in the idea of doing one movie at a time, 'cause it'll it'll make everything a lot easier.
00:45:09
On my end, and I think people will like it more because they know one way or the other.
00:45:15
Hey, I want to listen to this or hey I don't and it's it's that you know it's just nothing else so.
00:45:21
Maybe I will, maybe I won't.
00:45:23
I'm still mulling it over, but let me know what you think.
00:45:26
If you you hear this and you want to let me know hey don't change anything or hey yeah change it up I think that would be a good idea feel free to let me know alright thanks everybody have a good day.
00:45:45
Brandon at Random reviews is performed, written, directed, produced and edited by Brandon Griffith.
00:45:52
Theme music is performed by Augusto Deniz from fiber.