1 00:00:01,060 --> 00:00:04,126 [david]: well i'm goin to welcome you back to the end of same as a podcast 2 00:00:04,286 --> 00:00:08,793 [david]: i know it's been a little while since we've been here together i've had a 3 00:00:09,254 --> 00:00:13,762 [david]: busy and bit of an irregular summer but kind of forward to the fall and 4 00:00:13,822 --> 00:00:19,351 [david]: the structure and the rhythm that that provides and hopefully can get back together like 5 00:00:19,391 --> 00:00:23,438 [david]: this a little more often i am excited as we kind of kick off this 6 00:00:23,678 --> 00:00:28,947 [david]: this false c send to have jessie wilden with us and she's going to be 7 00:00:28,987 --> 00:00:33,895 [david]: talking to us about a very difficult story but story in which she has you 8 00:00:33,955 --> 00:00:38,363 [david]: know found some very important lessons and more and just the lessons that i think 9 00:00:38,683 --> 00:00:43,131 [david]: story of hope and forgiveness in the midst of tragedy and i think i should 10 00:00:43,231 --> 00:00:46,476 [david]: say that it may not be obvious i want to say this up front so 11 00:00:46,536 --> 00:00:50,383 [david]: that our our audience stays with us it may not be obvious to people with 12 00:00:50,483 --> 00:00:52,486 [david]: chronic pain and chronic illness the 13 00:00:52,445 --> 00:00:53,204 [jessye_wilden]: yeah 14 00:00:52,666 --> 00:00:53,548 [david]: direct relevance 15 00:00:53,615 --> 00:00:53,876 [jessye_wilden]: oh 16 00:00:53,969 --> 00:00:56,873 [david]: to this story but i will say a couple of things about that for one 17 00:00:56,914 --> 00:00:59,959 [david]: thing i think from what i know of the story and i haven't read the 18 00:01:00,019 --> 00:01:05,949 [david]: book just read some of the information that jesse has provided but i know a 19 00:01:05,989 --> 00:01:08,894 [david]: little bit about the story and i know 20 00:01:09,005 --> 00:01:09,665 [jessye_wilden]: yeah 21 00:01:09,154 --> 00:01:14,843 [david]: that it's an important human story and god's story in its own merit and those 22 00:01:14,884 --> 00:01:19,291 [david]: are always worth hearing and always worth telling regardless of how it directly relates to 23 00:01:19,331 --> 00:01:22,797 [david]: a particular audience but i also want to say there are some things we're gonna 24 00:01:22,857 --> 00:01:28,606 [david]: touch on that i think really overlay ap in terms of difficult issues for the 25 00:01:28,646 --> 00:01:33,595 [david]: chronic pain and illness community that is mainly going to be my audience when we're 26 00:01:33,635 --> 00:01:38,403 [david]: talking about things with mental health things that are a suis i m some of 27 00:01:38,443 --> 00:01:44,513 [david]: those more difficult and tragic aspects of life struggles and so um and in those 28 00:01:44,573 --> 00:01:48,059 [david]: things we need to find stories of hope and forgiveness as well and so i 29 00:01:48,780 --> 00:01:53,568 [david]: i think there will be a lot here for everyone listening and want to just 30 00:01:53,688 --> 00:01:59,778 [david]: say that i came into contact with jessie indirectly through my wife katie katie has 31 00:01:59,818 --> 00:02:04,206 [david]: a really good friend and amy presumably amy will be listening to this at some 32 00:02:04,286 --> 00:02:09,895 [david]: point so we say hi amy and amy is a good friend of our guest 33 00:02:10,075 --> 00:02:19,111 [david]: jessie and and so thankful to be connected through those mutual relationships and just want 34 00:02:19,171 --> 00:02:23,177 [david]: to mention jessie has written a book that is coming out very soon we'll talk 35 00:02:23,237 --> 00:02:27,945 [david]: about the details of that end of our time together in terms of where they 36 00:02:27,985 --> 00:02:31,511 [david]: can get in when they can get it and all that good stuff but let 37 00:02:31,531 --> 00:02:35,438 [david]: me let me go ahead and let's get into the conversation and jessie first of 38 00:02:35,478 --> 00:02:41,107 [david]: all thank you for being with us on the end of sam's podcast and i 39 00:02:41,167 --> 00:02:44,873 [david]: want to just start off by asking a little bit about your book the title 40 00:02:44,934 --> 00:02:49,622 [david]: of your book which is we wrote your name in color uh and tell me 41 00:02:49,723 --> 00:02:54,595 [david]: a little bit about the background or story to that title and how we got 42 00:02:54,655 --> 00:02:55,217 [david]: to this point 43 00:02:57,195 --> 00:03:02,003 [jessye_wilden]: thank you so much for having me here i was just thinking about how great 44 00:03:02,043 --> 00:03:05,108 [jessye_wilden]: it is to have friends to make more friends so 45 00:03:05,530 --> 00:03:05,670 [david]: yeah 46 00:03:05,549 --> 00:03:06,090 [jessye_wilden]: i'm so happy 47 00:03:06,071 --> 00:03:06,271 [david]: amen 48 00:03:06,130 --> 00:03:11,237 [jessye_wilden]: to be here david really honored really honored to be king about this and um 49 00:03:11,977 --> 00:03:12,738 [jessye_wilden]: so yeah my 50 00:03:12,700 --> 00:03:12,901 [david]: yeah 51 00:03:12,878 --> 00:03:13,078 [jessye_wilden]: book 52 00:03:13,162 --> 00:03:13,242 [david]: my 53 00:03:13,178 --> 00:03:13,619 [jessye_wilden]: is called 54 00:03:13,382 --> 00:03:13,563 [david]: book 55 00:03:13,639 --> 00:03:13,719 [jessye_wilden]: we 56 00:03:13,663 --> 00:03:13,763 [david]: is 57 00:03:13,759 --> 00:03:20,666 [jessye_wilden]: wrote your name in color and it releases in october and it really that the 58 00:03:20,786 --> 00:03:21,086 [jessye_wilden]: name 59 00:03:21,012 --> 00:03:21,133 [david]: the 60 00:03:21,166 --> 00:03:21,447 [jessye_wilden]: actually 61 00:03:21,233 --> 00:03:21,515 [david]: name 62 00:03:21,547 --> 00:03:22,769 [jessye_wilden]: for a long 63 00:03:22,722 --> 00:03:22,742 [david]: a 64 00:03:22,889 --> 00:03:23,310 [jessye_wilden]: time 65 00:03:22,943 --> 00:03:23,707 [david]: long time 66 00:03:23,811 --> 00:03:27,226 [jessye_wilden]: was called the year of mela and what it is 67 00:03:27,151 --> 00:03:27,294 [david]: what 68 00:03:27,306 --> 00:03:27,546 [jessye_wilden]: is it 69 00:03:27,497 --> 00:03:27,517 [david]: i 70 00:03:27,987 --> 00:03:31,173 [jessye_wilden]: because it's a memoir it's not a whole biography so it doesn't tell the whole 71 00:03:31,213 --> 00:03:34,198 [jessye_wilden]: story of my life thankfullyit 72 00:03:33,504 --> 00:03:33,745 [david]: okay 73 00:03:34,739 --> 00:03:39,448 [jessye_wilden]: was kind of the nine months i was pregnant with my my last daughter 74 00:03:40,391 --> 00:03:40,411 [david]: a 75 00:03:40,529 --> 00:03:41,691 [jessye_wilden]: and in that time 76 00:03:41,880 --> 00:03:42,201 [david]: in that 77 00:03:42,212 --> 00:03:47,181 [jessye_wilden]: um it was probably the hardest year that we've ever experienced but also the most 78 00:03:47,281 --> 00:03:50,426 [jessye_wilden]: beautiful breath taking year and 79 00:03:50,763 --> 00:03:50,906 [david]: and 80 00:03:51,587 --> 00:03:52,328 [jessye_wilden]: what had started 81 00:03:52,250 --> 00:03:52,350 [david]: had 82 00:03:52,408 --> 00:03:52,468 [jessye_wilden]: it 83 00:03:52,491 --> 00:03:52,772 [david]: started 84 00:03:52,568 --> 00:03:52,868 [jessye_wilden]: off was 85 00:03:52,872 --> 00:03:52,912 [david]: it 86 00:03:52,928 --> 00:03:52,949 [jessye_wilden]: i 87 00:03:53,012 --> 00:03:53,093 [david]: off 88 00:03:53,029 --> 00:03:53,249 [jessye_wilden]: really 89 00:03:53,213 --> 00:03:53,273 [david]: as 90 00:03:53,289 --> 00:03:53,509 [jessye_wilden]: didn't 91 00:03:53,354 --> 00:03:53,695 [david]: i really 92 00:03:53,529 --> 00:03:53,729 [jessye_wilden]: write 93 00:03:53,715 --> 00:03:53,915 [david]: didn't 94 00:03:53,749 --> 00:03:54,050 [jessye_wilden]: it to be 95 00:03:53,996 --> 00:03:54,136 [david]: write 96 00:03:54,090 --> 00:03:54,350 [jessye_wilden]: a book 97 00:03:54,196 --> 00:03:54,758 [david]: it to be a book 98 00:03:54,811 --> 00:03:55,592 [jessye_wilden]: i wrote a story 99 00:03:55,370 --> 00:03:56,072 [david]: what a story 100 00:03:55,852 --> 00:03:59,146 [jessye_wilden]: that was meant for my kids as there's so 101 00:03:59,161 --> 00:03:59,341 [david]: there's 102 00:03:59,306 --> 00:03:59,466 [jessye_wilden]: many 103 00:03:59,441 --> 00:03:59,561 [david]: so 104 00:03:59,546 --> 00:03:59,847 [jessye_wilden]: times 105 00:03:59,702 --> 00:03:59,842 [david]: many 106 00:03:59,947 --> 00:04:00,147 [jessye_wilden]: where 107 00:04:00,102 --> 00:04:00,142 [david]: me 108 00:04:00,227 --> 00:04:05,453 [jessye_wilden]: we see something beautiful and we're the only ones who see it and so my 109 00:04:05,513 --> 00:04:06,034 [jessye_wilden]: husband and i 110 00:04:06,321 --> 00:04:07,192 [david]: so my husband and i 111 00:04:07,195 --> 00:04:08,277 [jessye_wilden]: decided after ten years 112 00:04:08,290 --> 00:04:08,652 [david]: decided 113 00:04:08,317 --> 00:04:08,838 [jessye_wilden]: of praying that 114 00:04:08,793 --> 00:04:08,974 [david]: after 115 00:04:08,898 --> 00:04:08,958 [jessye_wilden]: we 116 00:04:09,034 --> 00:04:09,135 [david]: ten 117 00:04:09,098 --> 00:04:09,218 [jessye_wilden]: were 118 00:04:09,195 --> 00:04:09,336 [david]: years 119 00:04:09,258 --> 00:04:09,759 [jessye_wilden]: going to 120 00:04:09,959 --> 00:04:10,220 [david]: we were 121 00:04:10,140 --> 00:04:10,360 [jessye_wilden]: build 122 00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:10,441 [david]: going 123 00:04:10,480 --> 00:04:10,580 [jessye_wilden]: our 124 00:04:10,622 --> 00:04:10,723 [david]: to 125 00:04:10,641 --> 00:04:13,806 [jessye_wilden]: dream house um in monchesta california 126 00:04:13,610 --> 00:04:16,734 [david]: chest 127 00:04:14,026 --> 00:04:17,051 [jessye_wilden]: we lived in a suburb about thirty minutes away and that had really been where 128 00:04:17,111 --> 00:04:21,559 [jessye_wilden]: our life was and so we decided we were going to sell our house 129 00:04:21,630 --> 00:04:22,092 [david]: our house 130 00:04:21,979 --> 00:04:27,789 [jessye_wilden]: and temporarily move into the back of his parents garage and start building 131 00:04:27,761 --> 00:04:27,802 [david]: so 132 00:04:27,829 --> 00:04:27,949 [jessye_wilden]: this 133 00:04:28,005 --> 00:04:28,228 [david]: building 134 00:04:28,010 --> 00:04:28,270 [jessye_wilden]: house 135 00:04:28,289 --> 00:04:28,695 [david]: his house 136 00:04:28,911 --> 00:04:29,432 [jessye_wilden]: and this is 137 00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:29,440 [david]: and 138 00:04:29,492 --> 00:04:29,572 [jessye_wilden]: the 139 00:04:29,500 --> 00:04:29,660 [david]: this 140 00:04:29,652 --> 00:04:29,933 [jessye_wilden]: story 141 00:04:29,741 --> 00:04:29,961 [david]: is the 142 00:04:30,093 --> 00:04:31,677 [jessye_wilden]: of that year so we're living in 143 00:04:31,665 --> 00:04:31,866 [david]: living 144 00:04:31,717 --> 00:04:31,978 [jessye_wilden]: the back 145 00:04:31,926 --> 00:04:32,066 [david]: in the 146 00:04:32,018 --> 00:04:32,078 [jessye_wilden]: of 147 00:04:32,106 --> 00:04:32,226 [david]: back 148 00:04:32,118 --> 00:04:32,600 [jessye_wilden]: the garage 149 00:04:32,307 --> 00:04:32,848 [david]: of the garage 150 00:04:33,543 --> 00:04:34,426 [jessye_wilden]: our two daughters 151 00:04:34,071 --> 00:04:34,672 [david]: to daughters 152 00:04:34,486 --> 00:04:36,512 [jessye_wilden]: were living in the main house with grandma and grandpa 153 00:04:36,897 --> 00:04:37,238 [david]: grandpa 154 00:04:37,885 --> 00:04:39,192 [jessye_wilden]: we thought we had it all planned out 155 00:04:39,950 --> 00:04:40,212 [david]: thought we 156 00:04:40,267 --> 00:04:40,347 [jessye_wilden]: the 157 00:04:40,292 --> 00:04:40,393 [david]: had 158 00:04:40,407 --> 00:04:40,608 [jessye_wilden]: house 159 00:04:40,453 --> 00:04:40,936 [david]: it all and 160 00:04:40,869 --> 00:04:41,150 [jessye_wilden]: almost 161 00:04:41,016 --> 00:04:41,097 [david]: out 162 00:04:41,210 --> 00:04:42,054 [jessye_wilden]: fell through and 163 00:04:42,062 --> 00:04:42,142 [david]: the 164 00:04:42,134 --> 00:04:42,375 [jessye_wilden]: then 165 00:04:42,202 --> 00:04:42,383 [david]: house 166 00:04:42,476 --> 00:04:42,596 [jessye_wilden]: what 167 00:04:42,644 --> 00:04:42,886 [david]: as 168 00:04:42,656 --> 00:04:43,339 [jessye_wilden]: started happening 169 00:04:43,227 --> 00:04:43,549 [david]: through 170 00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:43,721 [jessye_wilden]: was 171 00:04:43,710 --> 00:04:44,996 [david]: and then what started happening 172 00:04:44,995 --> 00:04:45,055 [jessye_wilden]: we 173 00:04:45,096 --> 00:04:45,337 [david]: was 174 00:04:45,255 --> 00:04:46,237 [jessye_wilden]: got a big surprise 175 00:04:46,631 --> 00:04:47,178 [david]: you got a big 176 00:04:47,199 --> 00:04:51,086 [jessye_wilden]: right as we started the house we found out guess what i'm pregnant so it 177 00:04:51,146 --> 00:04:53,089 [jessye_wilden]: felt like i had a sixteen year old and a ten year 178 00:04:53,017 --> 00:04:53,118 [david]: had 179 00:04:53,130 --> 00:04:53,911 [jessye_wilden]: old daughter and guess 180 00:04:53,719 --> 00:04:53,799 [david]: old 181 00:04:53,951 --> 00:04:54,592 [jessye_wilden]: what i'm pregnant 182 00:04:55,822 --> 00:04:57,164 [david]: wow 183 00:04:56,055 --> 00:04:58,719 [jessye_wilden]: two months after that two months after that 184 00:04:59,328 --> 00:04:59,628 [david]: or that 185 00:04:59,581 --> 00:05:00,542 [jessye_wilden]: we had something 186 00:05:00,630 --> 00:05:00,650 [david]: i 187 00:05:00,642 --> 00:05:00,823 [jessye_wilden]: flip 188 00:05:00,771 --> 00:05:00,911 [david]: had 189 00:05:00,923 --> 00:05:06,813 [jessye_wilden]: our lives in such a big way and my husband's littlest sister and her husband 190 00:05:06,893 --> 00:05:07,774 [jessye_wilden]: who are also our best 191 00:05:07,931 --> 00:05:07,951 [david]: a 192 00:05:07,996 --> 00:05:10,708 [jessye_wilden]: ends um had a 193 00:05:10,848 --> 00:05:11,110 [david]: had 194 00:05:10,848 --> 00:05:16,240 [jessye_wilden]: suicide homicide and nobody saw coming nobody and we live in a really 195 00:05:15,746 --> 00:05:15,787 [david]: in 196 00:05:16,380 --> 00:05:17,101 [jessye_wilden]: small town 197 00:05:16,831 --> 00:05:17,133 [david]: small 198 00:05:17,402 --> 00:05:19,346 [jessye_wilden]: of it's over three 199 00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:19,400 [david]: still 200 00:05:19,366 --> 00:05:25,177 [jessye_wilden]: thousand people and so as you can imagine this just ripped through the town and 201 00:05:25,337 --> 00:05:30,376 [jessye_wilden]: our family and we had promised them that when 202 00:05:30,303 --> 00:05:30,424 [david]: no 203 00:05:31,077 --> 00:05:31,738 [jessye_wilden]: if ever something 204 00:05:31,741 --> 00:05:31,841 [david]: for 205 00:05:31,778 --> 00:05:31,878 [jessye_wilden]: were 206 00:05:31,902 --> 00:05:32,002 [david]: some 207 00:05:31,918 --> 00:05:33,039 [jessye_wilden]: to happen when their babies 208 00:05:32,966 --> 00:05:33,047 [david]: the 209 00:05:33,099 --> 00:05:36,743 [jessye_wilden]: were born they had two children um when they died 210 00:05:36,924 --> 00:05:37,486 [david]: when they did 211 00:05:38,305 --> 00:05:41,860 [jessye_wilden]: we had promised to take care of them if anything happened to them so immediately 212 00:05:41,996 --> 00:05:42,297 [david]: mediate 213 00:05:43,215 --> 00:05:43,836 [jessye_wilden]: we had 214 00:05:43,780 --> 00:05:44,325 [david]: you had 215 00:05:44,076 --> 00:05:44,678 [jessye_wilden]: two more children 216 00:05:44,587 --> 00:05:44,708 [david]: to 217 00:05:44,718 --> 00:05:45,299 [jessye_wilden]: to care for 218 00:05:45,353 --> 00:05:45,776 [david]: care for 219 00:05:46,341 --> 00:05:46,922 [jessye_wilden]: not legally 220 00:05:46,620 --> 00:05:46,882 [david]: i'm not 221 00:05:46,982 --> 00:05:47,483 [jessye_wilden]: yet but 222 00:05:47,446 --> 00:05:47,949 [david]: yet 223 00:05:47,944 --> 00:05:50,328 [jessye_wilden]: that moved in to that situation with 224 00:05:50,412 --> 00:05:50,432 [david]: i 225 00:05:50,429 --> 00:05:55,046 [jessye_wilden]: us and we live in a 226 00:05:55,080 --> 00:05:55,200 [david]: live 227 00:05:55,226 --> 00:05:55,967 [jessye_wilden]: like i said a small 228 00:05:55,820 --> 00:05:56,021 [david]: said a 229 00:05:56,027 --> 00:05:56,288 [jessye_wilden]: town 230 00:05:56,081 --> 00:05:56,301 [david]: small 231 00:05:56,468 --> 00:05:57,229 [jessye_wilden]: but we have a 232 00:05:57,242 --> 00:05:57,402 [david]: have 233 00:05:57,289 --> 00:05:57,530 [jessye_wilden]: really 234 00:05:57,482 --> 00:05:57,783 [david]: a really 235 00:05:57,690 --> 00:05:58,191 [jessye_wilden]: special 236 00:05:57,963 --> 00:05:58,483 [david]: special 237 00:05:58,451 --> 00:05:58,812 [jessye_wilden]: weird 238 00:05:58,764 --> 00:05:59,104 [david]: weird 239 00:05:59,233 --> 00:05:59,814 [jessye_wilden]: funky little 240 00:05:59,865 --> 00:06:00,125 [david]: little 241 00:06:00,114 --> 00:06:00,354 [jessye_wilden]: thing 242 00:06:00,385 --> 00:06:00,646 [david]: thing 243 00:06:00,495 --> 00:06:02,077 [jessye_wilden]: going on on one of the frontage roads 244 00:06:02,107 --> 00:06:02,287 [david]: road 245 00:06:02,117 --> 00:06:03,420 [jessye_wilden]: and it's called graffiti bridge 246 00:06:03,349 --> 00:06:03,669 [david]: bridge 247 00:06:04,041 --> 00:06:04,361 [jessye_wilden]: and it's 248 00:06:04,361 --> 00:06:04,422 [david]: he 249 00:06:04,541 --> 00:06:04,822 [jessye_wilden]: just 250 00:06:04,768 --> 00:06:05,053 [david]: just 251 00:06:05,243 --> 00:06:09,470 [jessye_wilden]: a bridge where train migrate across with cement walls and two cars can barely fit 252 00:06:09,550 --> 00:06:09,870 [jessye_wilden]: under it 253 00:06:10,258 --> 00:06:10,499 [david]: d it 254 00:06:10,551 --> 00:06:11,653 [jessye_wilden]: but it has become 255 00:06:11,331 --> 00:06:12,222 [david]: it has become 256 00:06:13,065 --> 00:06:13,726 [jessye_wilden]: one of the social 257 00:06:13,500 --> 00:06:13,801 [david]: one of the 258 00:06:13,826 --> 00:06:14,127 [jessye_wilden]: media 259 00:06:13,881 --> 00:06:14,162 [david]: social 260 00:06:14,227 --> 00:06:14,828 [jessye_wilden]: platforms 261 00:06:14,282 --> 00:06:15,064 [david]: mediator 262 00:06:15,008 --> 00:06:17,252 [jessye_wilden]: of our town so if someone's struggling 263 00:06:17,040 --> 00:06:19,123 [david]: i struggle 264 00:06:17,352 --> 00:06:22,280 [jessye_wilden]: with cancer you'll be like you know go debora or someone hates trump you'll see 265 00:06:22,308 --> 00:06:22,489 [david]: you'll 266 00:06:22,340 --> 00:06:22,521 [jessye_wilden]: that 267 00:06:22,549 --> 00:06:22,689 [david]: see 268 00:06:22,621 --> 00:06:22,861 [jessye_wilden]: there 269 00:06:22,749 --> 00:06:22,909 [david]: that 270 00:06:23,442 --> 00:06:25,787 [jessye_wilden]: you know and it's kind of continually 271 00:06:25,454 --> 00:06:26,175 [david]: coil 272 00:06:25,928 --> 00:06:27,853 [jessye_wilden]: painted over rolled 273 00:06:27,597 --> 00:06:27,858 [david]: at your 274 00:06:27,913 --> 00:06:27,973 [jessye_wilden]: and 275 00:06:28,018 --> 00:06:28,198 [david]: old 276 00:06:28,033 --> 00:06:28,996 [jessye_wilden]: re rolled beautiful 277 00:06:28,940 --> 00:06:29,321 [david]: butiful 278 00:06:29,076 --> 00:06:32,755 [jessye_wilden]: things hateful things and it really kind of represents 279 00:06:32,620 --> 00:06:33,003 [david]: present 280 00:06:32,875 --> 00:06:38,380 [jessye_wilden]: like everyone and the right after danny and rena were their names died the 281 00:06:38,430 --> 00:06:38,551 [david]: an 282 00:06:38,460 --> 00:06:43,324 [jessye_wilden]: youth group out of like grief and remembrance pulled some people together 283 00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:44,427 [david]: hold some people 284 00:06:44,465 --> 00:06:44,986 [jessye_wilden]: including 285 00:06:44,488 --> 00:06:44,812 [david]: together 286 00:06:45,066 --> 00:06:46,370 [jessye_wilden]: my kids and said 287 00:06:46,230 --> 00:06:46,310 [david]: the 288 00:06:46,570 --> 00:06:49,797 [jessye_wilden]: you know let's go paint bridge so 289 00:06:49,810 --> 00:06:50,070 [david]: bridge 290 00:06:49,857 --> 00:06:51,561 [jessye_wilden]: they painted the bridge with 291 00:06:51,393 --> 00:06:51,834 [david]: the bridge 292 00:06:51,861 --> 00:06:52,182 [jessye_wilden]: love 293 00:06:52,355 --> 00:06:52,536 [david]: with 294 00:06:52,362 --> 00:06:52,823 [jessye_wilden]: and beauty 295 00:06:52,836 --> 00:06:53,758 [david]: love and beauty 296 00:06:55,796 --> 00:06:56,017 [jessye_wilden]: and 297 00:06:56,634 --> 00:06:56,838 [david]: and 298 00:06:56,641 --> 00:06:57,627 [jessye_wilden]: what ended up happening 299 00:06:57,631 --> 00:06:57,651 [david]: i 300 00:06:57,788 --> 00:06:58,049 [jessye_wilden]: was 301 00:06:58,015 --> 00:06:58,885 [david]: happening was 302 00:07:00,185 --> 00:07:01,227 [jessye_wilden]: in the middle of the night 303 00:07:01,050 --> 00:07:01,651 [david]: the middle of the 304 00:07:01,628 --> 00:07:01,908 [jessye_wilden]: someone 305 00:07:01,731 --> 00:07:01,911 [david]: night 306 00:07:01,948 --> 00:07:04,013 [jessye_wilden]: would come and cross out danny's name 307 00:07:05,136 --> 00:07:05,416 [david]: all 308 00:07:05,255 --> 00:07:05,836 [jessye_wilden]: because he 309 00:07:05,957 --> 00:07:06,318 [david]: because 310 00:07:06,016 --> 00:07:06,417 [jessye_wilden]: had 311 00:07:06,418 --> 00:07:07,079 [david]: he had 312 00:07:06,998 --> 00:07:07,859 [jessye_wilden]: killed rena 313 00:07:07,620 --> 00:07:07,820 [david]: kill 314 00:07:08,440 --> 00:07:09,281 [jessye_wilden]: i think people just 315 00:07:09,323 --> 00:07:09,543 [david]: people 316 00:07:09,342 --> 00:07:09,622 [jessye_wilden]: wanted 317 00:07:09,624 --> 00:07:09,744 [david]: just 318 00:07:09,842 --> 00:07:10,323 [jessye_wilden]: justice 319 00:07:09,844 --> 00:07:10,746 [david]: wanted justice 320 00:07:10,423 --> 00:07:10,924 [jessye_wilden]: i think they 321 00:07:10,866 --> 00:07:11,147 [david]: i think 322 00:07:11,004 --> 00:07:11,145 [jessye_wilden]: just 323 00:07:11,227 --> 00:07:11,327 [david]: they 324 00:07:11,265 --> 00:07:11,645 [jessye_wilden]: wanted 325 00:07:11,447 --> 00:07:12,048 [david]: just wanted 326 00:07:12,587 --> 00:07:13,268 [jessye_wilden]: his life not to 327 00:07:13,211 --> 00:07:13,352 [david]: life 328 00:07:13,308 --> 00:07:13,829 [jessye_wilden]: be celebrated 329 00:07:13,432 --> 00:07:14,176 [david]: not to be cleated 330 00:07:13,889 --> 00:07:16,954 [jessye_wilden]: so this wouldn't happen to someone else but what i got 331 00:07:16,810 --> 00:07:16,830 [david]: i 332 00:07:16,994 --> 00:07:17,074 [jessye_wilden]: to 333 00:07:17,011 --> 00:07:17,151 [david]: got 334 00:07:17,195 --> 00:07:17,756 [jessye_wilden]: experience 335 00:07:17,211 --> 00:07:18,635 [david]: to exincebecause 336 00:07:17,896 --> 00:07:18,638 [jessye_wilden]: was because i had 337 00:07:18,675 --> 00:07:18,695 [david]: i 338 00:07:18,698 --> 00:07:18,938 [jessye_wilden]: morning 339 00:07:18,756 --> 00:07:19,137 [david]: had morning 340 00:07:18,998 --> 00:07:21,543 [jessye_wilden]: sickness and i would go into the main house to get some protein in the 341 00:07:21,583 --> 00:07:24,469 [jessye_wilden]: morning i would experience watching my husband's 342 00:07:24,091 --> 00:07:24,474 [david]: husband 343 00:07:24,529 --> 00:07:25,271 [jessye_wilden]: mom pull on 344 00:07:25,282 --> 00:07:25,322 [david]: on 345 00:07:25,331 --> 00:07:25,792 [jessye_wilden]: her shoes 346 00:07:25,524 --> 00:07:25,867 [david]: shoes 347 00:07:25,952 --> 00:07:26,453 [jessye_wilden]: and grab 348 00:07:26,303 --> 00:07:26,467 [david]: oh 349 00:07:27,165 --> 00:07:27,485 [jessye_wilden]: a can 350 00:07:27,310 --> 00:07:27,834 [david]: canopy 351 00:07:27,565 --> 00:07:29,629 [jessye_wilden]: of paint a can 352 00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:29,620 [david]: i 353 00:07:29,689 --> 00:07:30,029 [jessye_wilden]: of spray 354 00:07:29,880 --> 00:07:30,081 [david]: break 355 00:07:30,130 --> 00:07:30,430 [jessye_wilden]: paint 356 00:07:31,082 --> 00:07:31,362 [david]: whatever 357 00:07:31,091 --> 00:07:31,472 [jessye_wilden]: whatever it 358 00:07:31,482 --> 00:07:31,562 [david]: was 359 00:07:31,492 --> 00:07:31,592 [jessye_wilden]: was 360 00:07:31,642 --> 00:07:31,682 [david]: in 361 00:07:31,652 --> 00:07:31,692 [jessye_wilden]: in 362 00:07:31,722 --> 00:07:31,783 [david]: the 363 00:07:31,732 --> 00:07:32,914 [jessye_wilden]: the garage and every morning 364 00:07:32,664 --> 00:07:32,884 [david]: morning 365 00:07:32,974 --> 00:07:36,841 [jessye_wilden]: before anyone got up she would go paint his name back 366 00:07:37,129 --> 00:07:37,149 [david]: a 367 00:07:37,462 --> 00:07:39,626 [jessye_wilden]: in color and so every day his name changed 368 00:07:39,562 --> 00:07:39,783 [david]: while 369 00:07:39,686 --> 00:07:43,358 [jessye_wilden]: in color and every night someone crossed it off and that was a story 370 00:07:43,191 --> 00:07:43,595 [david]: a story 371 00:07:43,398 --> 00:07:43,820 [jessye_wilden]: that only 372 00:07:43,635 --> 00:07:44,059 [david]: that only 373 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:44,582 [jessye_wilden]: i witnessed 374 00:07:44,241 --> 00:07:44,846 [david]: i witness 375 00:07:45,785 --> 00:07:45,985 [jessye_wilden]: and 376 00:07:46,051 --> 00:07:46,212 [david]: and 377 00:07:46,286 --> 00:07:46,867 [jessye_wilden]: i remember 378 00:07:46,514 --> 00:07:47,058 [david]: i remember 379 00:07:47,267 --> 00:07:47,768 [jessye_wilden]: thinking 380 00:07:47,502 --> 00:07:47,965 [david]: thinking 381 00:07:48,750 --> 00:07:49,331 [jessye_wilden]: as covid 382 00:07:49,060 --> 00:07:49,540 [david]: is ovid 383 00:07:49,391 --> 00:07:49,591 [jessye_wilden]: hit 384 00:07:49,620 --> 00:07:49,820 [david]: hit 385 00:07:49,972 --> 00:07:50,072 [jessye_wilden]: and 386 00:07:50,201 --> 00:07:50,281 [david]: and 387 00:07:50,232 --> 00:07:50,252 [jessye_wilden]: i 388 00:07:50,441 --> 00:07:50,461 [david]: i 389 00:07:50,593 --> 00:07:52,636 [jessye_wilden]: speckled and painted every project around the house 390 00:07:52,483 --> 00:07:52,563 [david]: the 391 00:07:52,776 --> 00:07:57,244 [jessye_wilden]: with shut in and found some rest fit in some creative space i thought i 392 00:07:57,364 --> 00:08:01,753 [jessye_wilden]: want kids to know that story but really that becomes the whole anthem of the 393 00:08:01,793 --> 00:08:02,855 [jessye_wilden]: book because 394 00:08:02,720 --> 00:08:02,920 [david]: because 395 00:08:02,916 --> 00:08:03,357 [jessye_wilden]: graphidia 396 00:08:03,141 --> 00:08:03,744 [david]: pediabridge 397 00:08:03,438 --> 00:08:04,201 [jessye_wilden]: bridge is 398 00:08:04,105 --> 00:08:04,206 [david]: is 399 00:08:04,261 --> 00:08:08,002 [jessye_wilden]: the world it is what is around us 400 00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:08,462 [david]: it's around 401 00:08:08,828 --> 00:08:09,029 [jessye_wilden]: and 402 00:08:09,366 --> 00:08:09,888 [david]: games 403 00:08:09,915 --> 00:08:10,898 [jessye_wilden]: we get to choose 404 00:08:10,971 --> 00:08:11,031 [david]: to 405 00:08:11,139 --> 00:08:11,279 [jessye_wilden]: to 406 00:08:11,152 --> 00:08:11,533 [david]: choose 407 00:08:11,540 --> 00:08:12,162 [jessye_wilden]: add people's 408 00:08:11,794 --> 00:08:11,894 [david]: to 409 00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:14,791 [jessye_wilden]: name back in color to in love paint 410 00:08:14,604 --> 00:08:14,845 [david]: love 411 00:08:14,951 --> 00:08:15,172 [jessye_wilden]: over 412 00:08:15,387 --> 00:08:15,648 [david]: over 413 00:08:16,475 --> 00:08:16,775 [jessye_wilden]: what 414 00:08:16,820 --> 00:08:17,140 [david]: what 415 00:08:17,436 --> 00:08:17,757 [jessye_wilden]: could be 416 00:08:17,761 --> 00:08:17,921 [david]: could 417 00:08:17,817 --> 00:08:18,277 [jessye_wilden]: erased 418 00:08:17,961 --> 00:08:18,462 [david]: be a race 419 00:08:18,378 --> 00:08:22,344 [jessye_wilden]: or hate that hatred and but her because it was her daughter 420 00:08:22,328 --> 00:08:22,609 [david]: daughter 421 00:08:23,785 --> 00:08:24,206 [jessye_wilden]: it just 422 00:08:24,042 --> 00:08:24,483 [david]: it just 423 00:08:24,347 --> 00:08:24,668 [jessye_wilden]: was 424 00:08:24,744 --> 00:08:24,764 [david]: a 425 00:08:24,788 --> 00:08:31,082 [jessye_wilden]: the most breath taking peace of forgiveness and love that i had ever witnessed or 426 00:08:31,303 --> 00:08:31,884 [jessye_wilden]: close to it 427 00:08:31,862 --> 00:08:31,963 [david]: to 428 00:08:32,655 --> 00:08:32,875 [jessye_wilden]: and 429 00:08:32,923 --> 00:08:33,106 [david]: ah 430 00:08:33,356 --> 00:08:34,378 [jessye_wilden]: so that became 431 00:08:34,021 --> 00:08:34,846 [david]: that became 432 00:08:35,399 --> 00:08:36,401 [jessye_wilden]: i wrote the whole story 433 00:08:36,470 --> 00:08:36,810 [david]: i wrote 434 00:08:36,661 --> 00:08:36,942 [jessye_wilden]: that was 435 00:08:36,871 --> 00:08:36,951 [david]: the 436 00:08:36,982 --> 00:08:37,242 [jessye_wilden]: somewhere 437 00:08:36,991 --> 00:08:37,151 [david]: whole 438 00:08:37,282 --> 00:08:39,987 [jessye_wilden]: in the middle kind of time line and then when i tore apart of the 439 00:08:40,027 --> 00:08:44,114 [jessye_wilden]: story and did some like flash backs and made it a little richer one of 440 00:08:44,154 --> 00:08:45,057 [jessye_wilden]: my writing ach said 441 00:08:45,185 --> 00:08:45,425 [david]: writing 442 00:08:45,298 --> 00:08:48,616 [jessye_wilden]: hey i know your prologue like you do she goes 443 00:08:48,510 --> 00:08:48,730 [david]: yeah 444 00:08:48,656 --> 00:08:51,238 [jessye_wilden]: yeah it's griped bridge and so now even 445 00:08:51,217 --> 00:08:51,317 [david]: now 446 00:08:51,418 --> 00:08:52,339 [jessye_wilden]: it was the first story 447 00:08:52,420 --> 00:08:52,640 [david]: first 448 00:08:52,439 --> 00:08:56,443 [jessye_wilden]: i wrote and it is the first story in the book to open up basically 449 00:08:56,503 --> 00:08:57,003 [jessye_wilden]: that whole 450 00:08:56,974 --> 00:08:57,035 [david]: the 451 00:08:57,084 --> 00:08:57,404 [jessye_wilden]: idea 452 00:08:57,216 --> 00:08:57,843 [david]: whole idea 453 00:08:58,515 --> 00:09:02,992 [jessye_wilden]: of loving someone for giving someone and painting their name back in color 454 00:09:04,080 --> 00:09:10,193 [david]: yeah well thank you for sharing that and i mean it's such a difficult but 455 00:09:10,273 --> 00:09:11,115 [david]: powerful story 456 00:09:11,656 --> 00:09:11,737 [jessye_wilden]: oh 457 00:09:11,796 --> 00:09:14,721 [david]: and i and i do think that's a beautiful 458 00:09:15,104 --> 00:09:15,125 [jessye_wilden]: m 459 00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:20,270 [david]: and powerful metaphor for like you said the world the things of beauty things of 460 00:09:20,370 --> 00:09:25,819 [david]: ugliness the tragedy but forgiveness and love to all kind of mingling together um u 461 00:09:25,879 --> 00:09:29,045 [david]: now a couple of thoughts came to my mind as you were you know sharing 462 00:09:29,105 --> 00:09:33,632 [david]: that and you know one is we hear these stories all time now on the 463 00:09:33,692 --> 00:09:37,577 [david]: news or you know get a headline you know of the murder suicide type stories 464 00:09:38,558 --> 00:09:45,609 [david]: and they just feel so distant and in a sense like well that couldn't happen 465 00:09:45,909 --> 00:09:49,215 [david]: he couldn't happen to you you know and or anyone you know and i mean 466 00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:50,838 [david]: that's we know that's not logically true 467 00:09:52,605 --> 00:09:52,666 [jessye_wilden]: no 468 00:09:52,741 --> 00:09:53,021 [david]: um 469 00:09:52,766 --> 00:09:54,540 [jessye_wilden]: but it's absolutely how i feel 470 00:09:55,385 --> 00:10:00,434 [david]: right and i was thinking too about the fact that a couple of different families 471 00:10:00,594 --> 00:10:03,960 [david]: my wife and i have had relationships with what we have made that same agree 472 00:10:04,100 --> 00:10:09,509 [david]: and about their kids you know and the ray sum of something and again these 473 00:10:09,569 --> 00:10:10,150 [david]: are things to 474 00:10:10,161 --> 00:10:10,715 [jessye_wilden]: hm 475 00:10:10,270 --> 00:10:13,175 [david]: us that seem like such a remote possibility 476 00:10:13,683 --> 00:10:14,255 [jessye_wilden]: hm 477 00:10:14,217 --> 00:10:19,265 [david]: and what they've happened you know in your case and i'd like to kind of 478 00:10:19,465 --> 00:10:22,631 [david]: ask and it kind of goes along with that first question as because it's part 479 00:10:22,691 --> 00:10:27,819 [david]: of the back drop what led to led to the book and everything but you 480 00:10:28,481 --> 00:10:34,482 [david]: journey from you know there did you was it your going to be your mother 481 00:10:34,523 --> 00:10:36,626 [david]: in law right your is that who were 482 00:10:36,601 --> 00:10:37,175 [jessye_wilden]: hm 483 00:10:36,646 --> 00:10:38,509 [david]: talking about her okay so your mother in law 484 00:10:38,415 --> 00:10:39,995 [jessye_wilden]: yeah 485 00:10:39,311 --> 00:10:42,356 [david]: does she kind of lead the way for you and being able to forgive and 486 00:10:42,416 --> 00:10:45,521 [david]: accept or is that something that came to you pretty natural because of your close 487 00:10:45,661 --> 00:10:51,007 [david]: relationship with him um and i guess what i'm asking is how did you find 488 00:10:51,208 --> 00:10:58,971 [david]: some good and in this tragedy that that you and your family experience oh 489 00:10:59,916 --> 00:11:03,283 [jessye_wilden]: that's such a good question because right how do we wrestle with that 490 00:11:03,990 --> 00:11:04,151 [david]: yeah 491 00:11:04,125 --> 00:11:05,268 [jessye_wilden]: and how could we know it even in 492 00:11:05,256 --> 00:11:05,417 [david]: even 493 00:11:05,328 --> 00:11:06,210 [jessye_wilden]: our mind and then live 494 00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:06,480 [david]: her mind 495 00:11:06,270 --> 00:11:14,712 [jessye_wilden]: it out for me i could tap back into an experience in my life when 496 00:11:14,812 --> 00:11:18,152 [jessye_wilden]: i was sixteen i had been abused 497 00:11:17,581 --> 00:11:18,956 [david]: had been abused 498 00:11:19,015 --> 00:11:21,559 [jessye_wilden]: secretly and no one knew and then i 499 00:11:21,634 --> 00:11:21,734 [david]: and 500 00:11:21,719 --> 00:11:22,080 [jessye_wilden]: had 501 00:11:21,774 --> 00:11:22,636 [david]: then i had 502 00:11:22,681 --> 00:11:27,569 [jessye_wilden]: kind of just kind of just that dominated in my life of just everything going 503 00:11:27,609 --> 00:11:31,862 [jessye_wilden]: downhill and there came a night where i took um 504 00:11:31,950 --> 00:11:32,193 [david]: oh 505 00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:36,558 [jessye_wilden]: the only pills i had near me which were a half bottle of melatonin and 506 00:11:36,598 --> 00:11:39,817 [jessye_wilden]: i woke up with a sleepy hangover but at that point 507 00:11:39,631 --> 00:11:40,435 [david]: but at that point 508 00:11:40,178 --> 00:11:40,839 [jessye_wilden]: i really 509 00:11:40,817 --> 00:11:40,837 [david]: i 510 00:11:41,020 --> 00:11:41,982 [jessye_wilden]: understood 511 00:11:41,179 --> 00:11:42,526 [david]: really understood 512 00:11:43,155 --> 00:11:43,979 [jessye_wilden]: that someone who 513 00:11:44,060 --> 00:11:44,341 [david]: someone 514 00:11:44,642 --> 00:11:46,411 [jessye_wilden]: in my experience anyways that 515 00:11:46,647 --> 00:11:46,908 [david]: yeah 516 00:11:47,165 --> 00:11:47,806 [jessye_wilden]: someone who wants 517 00:11:47,810 --> 00:11:47,890 [david]: what 518 00:11:47,906 --> 00:11:47,986 [jessye_wilden]: to 519 00:11:48,172 --> 00:11:48,332 [david]: wants 520 00:11:48,206 --> 00:11:48,447 [jessye_wilden]: kill 521 00:11:48,433 --> 00:11:48,513 [david]: to 522 00:11:48,487 --> 00:11:48,968 [jessye_wilden]: themselves 523 00:11:48,775 --> 00:11:49,136 [david]: kill them 524 00:11:49,088 --> 00:11:49,548 [jessye_wilden]: it's not 525 00:11:49,639 --> 00:11:49,820 [david]: it's 526 00:11:49,649 --> 00:11:49,889 [jessye_wilden]: because 527 00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:50,081 [david]: not 528 00:11:49,929 --> 00:11:50,250 [jessye_wilden]: they want 529 00:11:50,201 --> 00:11:50,443 [david]: because 530 00:11:50,350 --> 00:11:50,430 [jessye_wilden]: to 531 00:11:50,483 --> 00:11:50,583 [david]: they 532 00:11:50,510 --> 00:11:50,831 [jessye_wilden]: die 533 00:11:50,664 --> 00:11:51,327 [david]: want to die 534 00:11:51,752 --> 00:11:52,513 [jessye_wilden]: it's because their 535 00:11:52,570 --> 00:11:52,791 [david]: because 536 00:11:52,714 --> 00:11:52,994 [jessye_wilden]: life 537 00:11:52,852 --> 00:11:53,013 [david]: their 538 00:11:53,195 --> 00:11:53,275 [jessye_wilden]: is 539 00:11:53,235 --> 00:11:53,436 [david]: life 540 00:11:53,335 --> 00:11:54,236 [jessye_wilden]: a blaze like their 541 00:11:54,383 --> 00:11:55,230 [david]: like there 542 00:11:54,717 --> 00:11:55,458 [jessye_wilden]: their mind is 543 00:11:55,450 --> 00:11:55,710 [david]: mind 544 00:11:55,518 --> 00:11:56,079 [jessye_wilden]: a blaze 545 00:11:55,810 --> 00:11:56,271 [david]: if the blow 546 00:11:56,340 --> 00:11:57,562 [jessye_wilden]: that like and if you think 547 00:11:57,573 --> 00:11:57,613 [david]: if 548 00:11:57,622 --> 00:11:57,682 [jessye_wilden]: of 549 00:11:57,653 --> 00:11:57,753 [david]: you 550 00:11:57,722 --> 00:11:58,063 [jessye_wilden]: yourself 551 00:11:57,833 --> 00:11:58,434 [david]: think of yourself 552 00:11:58,163 --> 00:11:58,543 [jessye_wilden]: in a two 553 00:11:58,655 --> 00:11:58,675 [david]: a 554 00:11:58,704 --> 00:11:58,884 [jessye_wilden]: three 555 00:11:58,755 --> 00:11:58,895 [david]: two 556 00:11:58,944 --> 00:11:59,165 [jessye_wilden]: story 557 00:11:59,075 --> 00:11:59,236 [david]: three 558 00:11:59,225 --> 00:11:59,626 [jessye_wilden]: building 559 00:11:59,316 --> 00:11:59,997 [david]: story building 560 00:11:59,787 --> 00:11:59,988 [jessye_wilden]: and the 561 00:12:00,197 --> 00:12:00,257 [david]: in 562 00:12:00,209 --> 00:12:00,671 [jessye_wilden]: ceiling 563 00:12:00,297 --> 00:12:01,038 [david]: the cling 564 00:12:00,872 --> 00:12:02,096 [jessye_wilden]: is fire 565 00:12:02,151 --> 00:12:02,512 [david]: fire 566 00:12:02,256 --> 00:12:02,997 [jessye_wilden]: and the walls and 567 00:12:03,014 --> 00:12:03,175 [david]: all 568 00:12:03,037 --> 00:12:03,578 [jessye_wilden]: the curtains 569 00:12:03,576 --> 00:12:03,858 [david]: curtain 570 00:12:03,618 --> 00:12:06,102 [jessye_wilden]: and the floor beneath you and you see 571 00:12:06,110 --> 00:12:06,191 [david]: or 572 00:12:06,162 --> 00:12:10,443 [jessye_wilden]: a window i think it's not that you would ever in your right mind 573 00:12:10,392 --> 00:12:11,294 [david]: it's not that you were 574 00:12:11,335 --> 00:12:11,375 [jessye_wilden]: if 575 00:12:11,395 --> 00:12:11,535 [david]: ever 576 00:12:11,435 --> 00:12:11,775 [jessye_wilden]: your life 577 00:12:11,635 --> 00:12:11,695 [david]: in 578 00:12:11,876 --> 00:12:12,216 [jessye_wilden]: wasn't 579 00:12:11,916 --> 00:12:12,538 [david]: right mind 580 00:12:13,038 --> 00:12:13,538 [jessye_wilden]: a flame 581 00:12:13,360 --> 00:12:14,025 [david]: if your life was 582 00:12:13,999 --> 00:12:14,179 [jessye_wilden]: jump 583 00:12:14,126 --> 00:12:14,207 [david]: it 584 00:12:14,260 --> 00:12:15,782 [jessye_wilden]: out that window you would never 585 00:12:15,840 --> 00:12:15,980 [david]: jump 586 00:12:15,862 --> 00:12:16,043 [jessye_wilden]: think 587 00:12:16,101 --> 00:12:16,161 [david]: out 588 00:12:16,163 --> 00:12:18,647 [jessye_wilden]: that but because you just feel like there are no 589 00:12:18,783 --> 00:12:19,344 [david]: you just feel 590 00:12:19,588 --> 00:12:21,191 [jessye_wilden]: other way you know like this 591 00:12:21,246 --> 00:12:21,346 [david]: the 592 00:12:21,291 --> 00:12:21,552 [jessye_wilden]: is the 593 00:12:21,486 --> 00:12:21,647 [david]: way 594 00:12:21,612 --> 00:12:24,247 [jessye_wilden]: way and so tapping into that 595 00:12:24,711 --> 00:12:25,015 [david]: happened 596 00:12:24,875 --> 00:12:25,275 [jessye_wilden]: but also 597 00:12:25,075 --> 00:12:25,116 [david]: in 598 00:12:25,395 --> 00:12:25,656 [jessye_wilden]: knowing 599 00:12:25,481 --> 00:12:25,623 [david]: at 600 00:12:25,676 --> 00:12:26,317 [jessye_wilden]: that it was still a 601 00:12:26,331 --> 00:12:26,553 [david]: also 602 00:12:26,397 --> 00:12:26,758 [jessye_wilden]: choice 603 00:12:26,674 --> 00:12:27,037 [david]: knowing that 604 00:12:27,359 --> 00:12:27,619 [jessye_wilden]: um 605 00:12:27,663 --> 00:12:28,027 [david]: choice 606 00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:29,222 [jessye_wilden]: a lot of people said 607 00:12:29,311 --> 00:12:29,331 [david]: a 608 00:12:29,322 --> 00:12:29,422 [jessye_wilden]: you 609 00:12:29,391 --> 00:12:29,471 [david]: lot 610 00:12:29,462 --> 00:12:29,562 [jessye_wilden]: know 611 00:12:29,532 --> 00:12:29,852 [david]: of people 612 00:12:29,642 --> 00:12:30,023 [jessye_wilden]: he wasn't 613 00:12:29,972 --> 00:12:30,253 [david]: said 614 00:12:30,103 --> 00:12:30,564 [jessye_wilden]: in his right 615 00:12:30,654 --> 00:12:30,714 [david]: he 616 00:12:30,704 --> 00:12:31,145 [jessye_wilden]: mind 617 00:12:30,794 --> 00:12:30,914 [david]: was 618 00:12:31,245 --> 00:12:31,786 [jessye_wilden]: or he wasn't 619 00:12:31,656 --> 00:12:32,016 [david]: mind 620 00:12:31,846 --> 00:12:32,327 [jessye_wilden]: and i thought 621 00:12:32,417 --> 00:12:32,517 [david]: was 622 00:12:32,647 --> 00:12:34,310 [jessye_wilden]: there were so many influences 623 00:12:33,870 --> 00:12:34,331 [david]: so many 624 00:12:34,390 --> 00:12:34,591 [jessye_wilden]: that 625 00:12:34,451 --> 00:12:35,073 [david]: influences 626 00:12:34,911 --> 00:12:35,132 [jessye_wilden]: we of 627 00:12:35,153 --> 00:12:35,313 [david]: that 628 00:12:35,212 --> 00:12:35,672 [jessye_wilden]: course can't 629 00:12:35,654 --> 00:12:35,734 [david]: he 630 00:12:35,733 --> 00:12:35,873 [jessye_wilden]: even 631 00:12:35,834 --> 00:12:35,874 [david]: of 632 00:12:35,973 --> 00:12:36,173 [jessye_wilden]: know 633 00:12:35,975 --> 00:12:36,456 [david]: course can't 634 00:12:36,474 --> 00:12:36,554 [jessye_wilden]: the 635 00:12:36,516 --> 00:12:36,656 [david]: even 636 00:12:36,614 --> 00:12:36,814 [jessye_wilden]: depth 637 00:12:36,816 --> 00:12:36,957 [david]: know 638 00:12:36,975 --> 00:12:37,075 [jessye_wilden]: of 639 00:12:37,337 --> 00:12:37,718 [david]: the depth 640 00:12:37,497 --> 00:12:38,902 [jessye_wilden]: in a person if i had 641 00:12:38,823 --> 00:12:38,865 [david]: so 642 00:12:38,982 --> 00:12:39,544 [jessye_wilden]: died the night 643 00:12:39,590 --> 00:12:39,610 [david]: i 644 00:12:39,604 --> 00:12:39,724 [jessye_wilden]: that 645 00:12:39,750 --> 00:12:39,871 [david]: had 646 00:12:39,785 --> 00:12:44,517 [jessye_wilden]: i took those pills my parents wouldn't have known why and so it allowed me 647 00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:48,063 [jessye_wilden]: to kind of like not have to answer every question i soon told them why 648 00:12:48,263 --> 00:12:50,046 [jessye_wilden]: and my life took a dramatic change 649 00:12:49,892 --> 00:12:50,642 [david]: a change 650 00:12:50,988 --> 00:12:51,248 [jessye_wilden]: um 651 00:12:51,572 --> 00:12:51,736 [david]: oh 652 00:12:51,989 --> 00:12:54,574 [jessye_wilden]: and i'm here today but i 653 00:12:54,592 --> 00:12:54,813 [david]: but 654 00:12:54,734 --> 00:12:54,974 [jessye_wilden]: think 655 00:12:55,095 --> 00:12:55,477 [david]: i think 656 00:12:55,705 --> 00:12:56,466 [jessye_wilden]: we are all 657 00:12:56,280 --> 00:12:56,541 [david]: we are 658 00:12:56,586 --> 00:12:56,806 [jessye_wilden]: very 659 00:12:56,762 --> 00:12:56,842 [david]: all 660 00:12:56,927 --> 00:12:57,207 [jessye_wilden]: close 661 00:12:57,143 --> 00:12:57,384 [david]: very 662 00:12:57,307 --> 00:12:57,468 [jessye_wilden]: to 663 00:12:57,505 --> 00:12:57,947 [david]: close to 664 00:12:58,209 --> 00:12:58,329 [jessye_wilden]: one 665 00:12:58,800 --> 00:12:58,901 [david]: and 666 00:12:58,830 --> 00:12:59,972 [jessye_wilden]: terrible night you know 667 00:13:00,428 --> 00:13:00,489 [david]: no 668 00:13:00,913 --> 00:13:01,494 [jessye_wilden]: closer than we 669 00:13:01,473 --> 00:13:01,735 [david]: closer 670 00:13:01,574 --> 00:13:01,815 [jessye_wilden]: think 671 00:13:01,815 --> 00:13:01,916 [david]: than 672 00:13:02,276 --> 00:13:03,417 [jessye_wilden]: and especially with something 673 00:13:03,260 --> 00:13:03,360 [david]: she 674 00:13:03,478 --> 00:13:03,598 [jessye_wilden]: like 675 00:13:03,481 --> 00:13:03,561 [david]: was 676 00:13:03,658 --> 00:13:07,404 [jessye_wilden]: chronic pain or or like hurt in our lives or in our hearts or in 677 00:13:07,464 --> 00:13:09,708 [jessye_wilden]: our and and the other thing though that 678 00:13:09,650 --> 00:13:09,811 [david]: other 679 00:13:09,768 --> 00:13:09,869 [jessye_wilden]: was 680 00:13:09,892 --> 00:13:10,053 [david]: things 681 00:13:09,949 --> 00:13:10,750 [jessye_wilden]: more surprising than 682 00:13:10,656 --> 00:13:10,777 [david]: more 683 00:13:10,810 --> 00:13:11,492 [jessye_wilden]: my experience 684 00:13:11,058 --> 00:13:11,259 [david]: in 685 00:13:12,654 --> 00:13:13,395 [jessye_wilden]: was i asked my 686 00:13:13,370 --> 00:13:13,430 [david]: so 687 00:13:13,455 --> 00:13:13,756 [jessye_wilden]: husband 688 00:13:13,511 --> 00:13:13,531 [david]: i 689 00:13:13,796 --> 00:13:15,759 [jessye_wilden]: that one night because so many people 690 00:13:15,819 --> 00:13:15,979 [david]: may 691 00:13:15,839 --> 00:13:19,626 [jessye_wilden]: in our town not only on gafitibidge but on facebook and instagram 692 00:13:19,451 --> 00:13:19,856 [david]: get into 693 00:13:19,686 --> 00:13:20,047 [jessye_wilden]: everywhere 694 00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:20,241 [david]: every 695 00:13:20,327 --> 00:13:21,369 [jessye_wilden]: were just angry and 696 00:13:21,290 --> 00:13:21,571 [david]: angry 697 00:13:21,429 --> 00:13:21,669 [jessye_wilden]: we were 698 00:13:21,671 --> 00:13:21,751 [david]: and 699 00:13:21,689 --> 00:13:21,810 [jessye_wilden]: going 700 00:13:21,832 --> 00:13:21,892 [david]: we 701 00:13:21,850 --> 00:13:22,070 [jessye_wilden]: to have 702 00:13:21,932 --> 00:13:22,193 [david]: were going 703 00:13:22,170 --> 00:13:22,190 [jessye_wilden]: a 704 00:13:22,233 --> 00:13:22,273 [david]: to 705 00:13:22,290 --> 00:13:22,791 [jessye_wilden]: memorial 706 00:13:22,313 --> 00:13:23,196 [david]: have a memorial 707 00:13:23,172 --> 00:13:23,753 [jessye_wilden]: for both of them 708 00:13:23,757 --> 00:13:23,958 [david]: of 709 00:13:25,075 --> 00:13:25,555 [jessye_wilden]: their children 710 00:13:25,260 --> 00:13:25,480 [david]: for the 711 00:13:25,635 --> 00:13:29,518 [jessye_wilden]: for us you know because we loved both them and their lives were so interconnected 712 00:13:29,599 --> 00:13:34,143 [jessye_wilden]: but people were frustrated by that you know they did not want to celebrate one 713 00:13:34,203 --> 00:13:37,837 [jessye_wilden]: with the other and so we did see 714 00:13:38,112 --> 00:13:38,173 [david]: we 715 00:13:38,158 --> 00:13:38,438 [jessye_wilden]: a lot 716 00:13:38,293 --> 00:13:38,434 [david]: did 717 00:13:38,498 --> 00:13:38,538 [jessye_wilden]: of 718 00:13:38,595 --> 00:13:38,755 [david]: see 719 00:13:38,638 --> 00:13:38,979 [jessye_wilden]: those 720 00:13:39,117 --> 00:13:39,398 [david]: a lot 721 00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:39,821 [jessye_wilden]: comments 722 00:13:39,478 --> 00:13:39,539 [david]: of 723 00:13:39,901 --> 00:13:40,562 [jessye_wilden]: and one night 724 00:13:40,362 --> 00:13:41,166 [david]: comments one 725 00:13:41,223 --> 00:13:41,384 [jessye_wilden]: back 726 00:13:41,246 --> 00:13:41,467 [david]: night 727 00:13:41,424 --> 00:13:42,686 [jessye_wilden]: in our little three hundred square 728 00:13:42,503 --> 00:13:42,684 [david]: little 729 00:13:42,726 --> 00:13:44,750 [jessye_wilden]: foot apartment sitting on this red tattered 730 00:13:44,750 --> 00:13:44,810 [david]: and 731 00:13:44,810 --> 00:13:45,010 [jessye_wilden]: couch 732 00:13:44,830 --> 00:13:44,930 [david]: this 733 00:13:45,070 --> 00:13:48,399 [jessye_wilden]: i asked my husband i was like are you angry 734 00:13:48,899 --> 00:13:48,919 [david]: i 735 00:13:49,144 --> 00:13:50,129 [jessye_wilden]: at danny like are you 736 00:13:50,471 --> 00:13:50,592 [david]: you 737 00:13:51,315 --> 00:13:51,900 [jessye_wilden]: and he took 738 00:13:51,851 --> 00:13:51,931 [david]: no 739 00:13:52,324 --> 00:13:53,050 [jessye_wilden]: such a deep 740 00:13:52,900 --> 00:13:53,062 [david]: just 741 00:13:55,155 --> 00:13:55,679 [jessye_wilden]: and he's like 742 00:13:55,711 --> 00:13:56,460 [david]: you say 743 00:13:56,565 --> 00:13:56,685 [jessye_wilden]: now 744 00:13:56,952 --> 00:13:57,054 [david]: no 745 00:13:57,467 --> 00:14:00,294 [jessye_wilden]: i am the same as danny because 746 00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:00,662 [david]: because 747 00:14:00,776 --> 00:14:01,377 [jessye_wilden]: if the bible 748 00:14:01,306 --> 00:14:01,809 [david]: the bible 749 00:14:01,498 --> 00:14:01,899 [jessye_wilden]: says 750 00:14:01,909 --> 00:14:02,151 [david]: says 751 00:14:02,019 --> 00:14:02,981 [jessye_wilden]: like if you hate 752 00:14:02,774 --> 00:14:02,875 [david]: you 753 00:14:03,142 --> 00:14:03,603 [jessye_wilden]: someone 754 00:14:03,197 --> 00:14:03,277 [david]: at 755 00:14:04,755 --> 00:14:05,362 [jessye_wilden]: it is the same 756 00:14:05,191 --> 00:14:05,433 [david]: is the 757 00:14:05,443 --> 00:14:08,738 [jessye_wilden]: as murder if i look back over the whole course 758 00:14:08,680 --> 00:14:08,700 [david]: i 759 00:14:08,778 --> 00:14:08,839 [jessye_wilden]: of 760 00:14:08,801 --> 00:14:08,962 [david]: look 761 00:14:08,899 --> 00:14:08,979 [jessye_wilden]: my 762 00:14:09,022 --> 00:14:09,163 [david]: back 763 00:14:09,039 --> 00:14:09,440 [jessye_wilden]: life how 764 00:14:09,444 --> 00:14:09,504 [david]: the 765 00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:09,620 [jessye_wilden]: can 766 00:14:09,605 --> 00:14:09,826 [david]: whole 767 00:14:09,721 --> 00:14:10,783 [jessye_wilden]: i say i'm any different 768 00:14:10,710 --> 00:14:11,032 [david]: how can 769 00:14:11,164 --> 00:14:11,966 [jessye_wilden]: and i just remember 770 00:14:11,796 --> 00:14:12,077 [david]: differ 771 00:14:12,066 --> 00:14:12,487 [jessye_wilden]: thinking like 772 00:14:12,670 --> 00:14:12,690 [david]: i 773 00:14:12,708 --> 00:14:12,748 [jessye_wilden]: i 774 00:14:12,790 --> 00:14:12,930 [david]: just 775 00:14:12,828 --> 00:14:12,948 [jessye_wilden]: had 776 00:14:13,031 --> 00:14:13,331 [david]: remember 777 00:14:13,089 --> 00:14:14,351 [jessye_wilden]: never read it like that 778 00:14:14,394 --> 00:14:14,614 [david]: never 779 00:14:14,452 --> 00:14:18,730 [jessye_wilden]: like of course i would have said i believed it but i had never felt 780 00:14:18,810 --> 00:14:19,912 [jessye_wilden]: that hurt and heal 781 00:14:20,647 --> 00:14:20,928 [david]: hal 782 00:14:20,834 --> 00:14:21,956 [jessye_wilden]: and i looked at him and 783 00:14:21,930 --> 00:14:21,950 [david]: i 784 00:14:22,017 --> 00:14:22,497 [jessye_wilden]: i realized 785 00:14:22,231 --> 00:14:22,531 [david]: looked at 786 00:14:22,558 --> 00:14:23,018 [jessye_wilden]: with both of 787 00:14:23,012 --> 00:14:23,353 [david]: realized 788 00:14:23,099 --> 00:14:25,303 [jessye_wilden]: us in our own ways empathy 789 00:14:25,658 --> 00:14:26,059 [david]: empathy 790 00:14:26,195 --> 00:14:28,198 [jessye_wilden]: trumped judgment it really 791 00:14:28,243 --> 00:14:28,404 [david]: wow 792 00:14:28,258 --> 00:14:32,806 [jessye_wilden]: was the like that was the only thing that was stronger than the judgment because 793 00:14:33,166 --> 00:14:35,330 [jessye_wilden]: i was danny my husband 794 00:14:35,662 --> 00:14:35,743 [david]: my 795 00:14:35,791 --> 00:14:36,051 [jessye_wilden]: was 796 00:14:35,863 --> 00:14:36,324 [david]: husband 797 00:14:36,211 --> 00:14:36,492 [jessye_wilden]: danny 798 00:14:36,786 --> 00:14:37,006 [david]: was 799 00:14:37,333 --> 00:14:38,295 [jessye_wilden]: and that doesn't and 800 00:14:38,270 --> 00:14:38,431 [david]: and 801 00:14:38,335 --> 00:14:38,576 [jessye_wilden]: that we 802 00:14:38,611 --> 00:14:38,732 [david]: that 803 00:14:38,676 --> 00:14:38,816 [jessye_wilden]: were 804 00:14:38,772 --> 00:14:38,993 [david]: doesn't 805 00:14:39,077 --> 00:14:39,238 [jessye_wilden]: near 806 00:14:39,093 --> 00:14:39,254 [david]: mean 807 00:14:39,358 --> 00:14:39,599 [jessye_wilden]: that 808 00:14:39,534 --> 00:14:39,855 [david]: we were 809 00:14:39,980 --> 00:14:40,521 [jessye_wilden]: experience 810 00:14:40,096 --> 00:14:40,558 [david]: near that 811 00:14:40,601 --> 00:14:43,476 [jessye_wilden]: but it means it means that we all 812 00:14:43,405 --> 00:14:43,646 [david]: that we 813 00:14:44,057 --> 00:14:48,082 [jessye_wilden]: can hurt and we all can feel lost and we all can make very very 814 00:14:48,162 --> 00:14:49,904 [jessye_wilden]: bad choices but that does not define us 815 00:14:51,060 --> 00:14:56,309 [david]: yeah well that's again powerful thank you you know that what was you say empathy 816 00:14:56,950 --> 00:14:59,414 [david]: trumps judgment or triumphs over judge how did you say that 817 00:15:00,375 --> 00:15:01,636 [jessye_wilden]: think it trumps judgment but 818 00:15:01,598 --> 00:15:01,858 [david]: trumps 819 00:15:01,696 --> 00:15:02,116 [jessye_wilden]: it triumphs 820 00:15:01,959 --> 00:15:02,139 [david]: okay 821 00:15:02,176 --> 00:15:02,757 [jessye_wilden]: over judgment 822 00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:02,820 [david]: yeah 823 00:15:02,817 --> 00:15:02,977 [jessye_wilden]: too 824 00:15:03,040 --> 00:15:03,160 [david]: yeah 825 00:15:03,077 --> 00:15:03,298 [jessye_wilden]: because 826 00:15:03,260 --> 00:15:03,441 [david]: that's 827 00:15:03,358 --> 00:15:03,578 [jessye_wilden]: if you 828 00:15:03,521 --> 00:15:03,701 [david]: right 829 00:15:03,758 --> 00:15:07,962 [jessye_wilden]: see yourself as the same there's no room for judgment you would judge yourself i 830 00:15:08,043 --> 00:15:11,296 [jessye_wilden]: think what we often do we want to figure out what 831 00:15:11,290 --> 00:15:11,330 [david]: we 832 00:15:11,357 --> 00:15:11,497 [jessye_wilden]: went 833 00:15:11,390 --> 00:15:11,491 [david]: want 834 00:15:11,537 --> 00:15:11,817 [jessye_wilden]: wrong 835 00:15:11,551 --> 00:15:12,295 [david]: to figure out what 836 00:15:12,258 --> 00:15:12,318 [jessye_wilden]: so 837 00:15:12,335 --> 00:15:12,496 [david]: went 838 00:15:12,378 --> 00:15:12,599 [jessye_wilden]: we can 839 00:15:12,536 --> 00:15:12,797 [david]: wrong 840 00:15:12,739 --> 00:15:13,320 [jessye_wilden]: space off 841 00:15:13,380 --> 00:15:13,521 [david]: yeah 842 00:15:13,821 --> 00:15:15,744 [jessye_wilden]: it's the opposite so if someone 843 00:15:15,552 --> 00:15:15,673 [david]: so 844 00:15:15,784 --> 00:15:16,505 [jessye_wilden]: gets breast cancer 845 00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:16,680 [david]: some of the 846 00:15:16,645 --> 00:15:20,091 [jessye_wilden]: this is so weird i've seen this they're like okay did you eat enough cale 847 00:15:20,271 --> 00:15:23,557 [jessye_wilden]: was it the cle you know and you're no i ate cale there like was 848 00:15:23,617 --> 00:15:26,041 [jessye_wilden]: it in your family because if it's not in my family 849 00:15:25,948 --> 00:15:26,048 [david]: not 850 00:15:26,081 --> 00:15:26,261 [jessye_wilden]: but it 851 00:15:26,208 --> 00:15:26,308 [david]: my 852 00:15:26,281 --> 00:15:26,822 [jessye_wilden]: was in yours 853 00:15:26,729 --> 00:15:26,809 [david]: but 854 00:15:27,403 --> 00:15:28,064 [jessye_wilden]: or a divorce 855 00:15:28,060 --> 00:15:28,140 [david]: and 856 00:15:28,125 --> 00:15:28,285 [jessye_wilden]: you're 857 00:15:28,180 --> 00:15:28,921 [david]: divorce 858 00:15:28,305 --> 00:15:28,866 [jessye_wilden]: like what did you 859 00:15:28,961 --> 00:15:29,401 [david]: what did you 860 00:15:29,487 --> 00:15:29,948 [jessye_wilden]: you know like 861 00:15:29,942 --> 00:15:30,042 [david]: you 862 00:15:30,008 --> 00:15:30,128 [jessye_wilden]: what 863 00:15:30,062 --> 00:15:30,182 [david]: know 864 00:15:30,188 --> 00:15:30,308 [jessye_wilden]: was 865 00:15:30,282 --> 00:15:30,382 [david]: like 866 00:15:30,408 --> 00:15:30,529 [jessye_wilden]: the 867 00:15:30,683 --> 00:15:30,983 [david]: a the 868 00:15:31,109 --> 00:15:31,791 [jessye_wilden]: what was the thing 869 00:15:31,564 --> 00:15:32,225 [david]: what was the thing 870 00:15:31,991 --> 00:15:32,812 [jessye_wilden]: like you know 871 00:15:32,986 --> 00:15:33,066 [david]: you 872 00:15:32,993 --> 00:15:33,073 [jessye_wilden]: and 873 00:15:33,126 --> 00:15:33,266 [david]: know 874 00:15:33,313 --> 00:15:34,014 [jessye_wilden]: you find that out 875 00:15:33,947 --> 00:15:34,267 [david]: find that 876 00:15:34,175 --> 00:15:34,395 [jessye_wilden]: you can 877 00:15:34,327 --> 00:15:34,407 [david]: out 878 00:15:34,435 --> 00:15:34,655 [jessye_wilden]: almost 879 00:15:34,507 --> 00:15:34,708 [david]: when you 880 00:15:34,716 --> 00:15:34,976 [jessye_wilden]: space 881 00:15:34,748 --> 00:15:35,068 [david]: can almost 882 00:15:35,156 --> 00:15:35,317 [jessye_wilden]: off 883 00:15:35,228 --> 00:15:35,409 [david]: face 884 00:15:35,517 --> 00:15:37,240 [jessye_wilden]: and often that's why we're asking questions 885 00:15:37,091 --> 00:15:37,391 [david]: what were 886 00:15:37,421 --> 00:15:44,213 [jessye_wilden]: so we can protect ourselves but it's such an active of christ actually to say 887 00:15:45,405 --> 00:15:51,471 [jessye_wilden]: i i don't know everything about you and i can empathize 888 00:15:50,850 --> 00:15:51,232 [david]: i can 889 00:15:51,631 --> 00:15:52,392 [jessye_wilden]: you know i can 890 00:15:52,458 --> 00:15:52,559 [david]: now 891 00:15:52,512 --> 00:15:52,953 [jessye_wilden]: say that 892 00:15:52,961 --> 00:15:53,021 [david]: an 893 00:15:53,153 --> 00:15:53,534 [jessye_wilden]: nobody 894 00:15:53,825 --> 00:15:54,207 [david]: nobody 895 00:15:54,485 --> 00:15:57,053 [jessye_wilden]: nobody is so far that they would never have a worse day 896 00:15:57,934 --> 00:16:01,821 [david]: yeah you know that is so good and i think one of 897 00:16:01,816 --> 00:16:01,917 [jessye_wilden]: ah 898 00:16:01,861 --> 00:16:03,183 [david]: those ways in which 899 00:16:03,414 --> 00:16:03,455 [jessye_wilden]: ah 900 00:16:03,664 --> 00:16:07,230 [david]: i didn't initially even anticipate as we were kind of working all over going 901 00:16:07,205 --> 00:16:07,225 [jessye_wilden]: m 902 00:16:07,250 --> 00:16:08,732 [david]: to talk about you know 903 00:16:08,585 --> 00:16:08,828 [jessye_wilden]: oh 904 00:16:08,873 --> 00:16:12,899 [david]: that would be kind of one of those overlapping or cross over issues with your 905 00:16:12,959 --> 00:16:18,168 [david]: story and chronic illness and chronic pain but but the issue of empathy is one 906 00:16:18,328 --> 00:16:22,475 [david]: in which is a great struggle with people in the community that you know we're 907 00:16:22,856 --> 00:16:27,924 [david]: representing so to speak um and because they have a hard time finding empathy with 908 00:16:28,205 --> 00:16:31,971 [david]: those that aren't going through a similar thing one's going through 909 00:16:31,964 --> 00:16:31,985 [jessye_wilden]: m 910 00:16:32,051 --> 00:16:34,315 [david]: pain of some kind that's one of the tings we emphasize and broken 911 00:16:34,058 --> 00:16:34,098 [jessye_wilden]: s 912 00:16:34,355 --> 00:16:38,822 [david]: amended so that we want we don't want people to completely define themselves by their 913 00:16:38,943 --> 00:16:42,749 [david]: pain and suffering either we want them to understand that because you don't want to 914 00:16:42,829 --> 00:16:45,293 [david]: is yourself from the rest of the human community over 915 00:16:45,255 --> 00:16:45,480 [jessye_wilden]: right 916 00:16:45,353 --> 00:16:48,759 [david]: it you know and so it's a fine balance but i do think they also 917 00:16:48,879 --> 00:16:52,746 [david]: need sometimes to be able to talk to people who have been through a similar 918 00:16:52,806 --> 00:16:54,308 [david]: experience so that they can 919 00:16:54,164 --> 00:16:54,185 [jessye_wilden]: m 920 00:16:55,110 --> 00:17:01,220 [david]: get some understanding and there are so many comments that people get with chronic illness 921 00:17:02,141 --> 00:17:04,565 [david]: blow your mind just that are more in line with judgment 922 00:17:04,844 --> 00:17:05,635 [jessye_wilden]: m m 923 00:17:05,928 --> 00:17:11,938 [david]: i mean i've had people blame my problem on diet soda you know you know 924 00:17:11,915 --> 00:17:11,935 [jessye_wilden]: m 925 00:17:11,978 --> 00:17:13,180 [david]: the chronic illness that i have 926 00:17:13,064 --> 00:17:13,085 [jessye_wilden]: m 927 00:17:13,260 --> 00:17:16,185 [david]: and if you just don't drink the ad and you know you'll get better well 928 00:17:16,686 --> 00:17:23,585 [david]: i tried that you know and end i just think that um yes your observation 929 00:17:23,665 --> 00:17:28,636 [david]: about wanting to define it wanting to have an answer you know i kind of 930 00:17:28,676 --> 00:17:34,045 [david]: protects us allows us to push ourselves away from it um label it and be 931 00:17:34,105 --> 00:17:36,208 [david]: done with it and instead of having to wrestle 932 00:17:36,105 --> 00:17:36,269 [jessye_wilden]: yeah 933 00:17:36,268 --> 00:17:41,096 [david]: with the same the same struggles going on inside of us and you know and 934 00:17:41,197 --> 00:17:46,065 [david]: so and there's humility in that perspective too so i appreciate you sharing all that 935 00:17:47,387 --> 00:17:47,667 [david]: i want to 936 00:17:47,826 --> 00:17:47,990 [jessye_wilden]: yeah 937 00:17:48,148 --> 00:17:51,998 [david]: i want to talk a little about your community you know you mentioned being three 938 00:17:52,038 --> 00:17:57,332 [david]: thousand or so and you know certainly if this were in a city of a 939 00:17:57,392 --> 00:18:02,300 [david]: million people it's just as tragic just as difficult but i think the small community 940 00:18:02,961 --> 00:18:07,849 [david]: element adds a different dynamic you've alluded to it some one of the 941 00:18:07,808 --> 00:18:08,375 [jessye_wilden]: hm 942 00:18:07,909 --> 00:18:13,499 [david]: thing i'm curious about as have you seen your story as it's unfolded and everything 943 00:18:13,539 --> 00:18:19,088 [david]: that's happened have any positive impact on your community have there been any change of 944 00:18:19,509 --> 00:18:23,721 [david]: perspective are those things kind of stay status quo which been your experience with that 945 00:18:23,761 --> 00:18:24,363 [david]: in your community 946 00:18:26,665 --> 00:18:28,067 [jessye_wilden]: that's a good question well 947 00:18:28,326 --> 00:18:28,587 [david]: well 948 00:18:28,668 --> 00:18:33,136 [jessye_wilden]: my perspective at first was being in a small county community with such a negative 949 00:18:33,256 --> 00:18:36,882 [jessye_wilden]: i remember going to church a few days after they died and there was a 950 00:18:36,990 --> 00:18:37,110 [david]: there 951 00:18:37,002 --> 00:18:37,263 [jessye_wilden]: news 952 00:18:37,170 --> 00:18:37,270 [david]: was 953 00:18:37,363 --> 00:18:37,543 [jessye_wilden]: crew 954 00:18:37,491 --> 00:18:37,631 [david]: new 955 00:18:37,683 --> 00:18:41,931 [jessye_wilden]: there everybody was watching us and that continued for a long time 956 00:18:41,601 --> 00:18:41,702 [david]: for 957 00:18:42,011 --> 00:18:45,276 [jessye_wilden]: and then like you like i told you about on social media 958 00:18:45,220 --> 00:18:45,320 [david]: you 959 00:18:45,356 --> 00:18:45,416 [jessye_wilden]: and 960 00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:45,801 [david]: media 961 00:18:45,476 --> 00:18:49,323 [jessye_wilden]: things so just to go to the grocery store you caused almost someone to start 962 00:18:49,383 --> 00:18:52,428 [jessye_wilden]: weeping you know the celery and so 963 00:18:52,291 --> 00:18:52,412 [david]: and 964 00:18:52,749 --> 00:18:54,752 [jessye_wilden]: it kind of like it was just 965 00:18:54,695 --> 00:18:55,136 [david]: it was just 966 00:18:55,593 --> 00:18:56,976 [jessye_wilden]: i remember thinking like this 967 00:18:56,999 --> 00:18:57,099 [david]: it 968 00:18:57,096 --> 00:19:00,421 [jessye_wilden]: fish bowl is something that i hate 969 00:19:00,571 --> 00:19:00,693 [david]: ha 970 00:19:00,842 --> 00:19:02,806 [jessye_wilden]: you know what god 971 00:19:02,770 --> 00:19:02,850 [david]: what 972 00:19:03,187 --> 00:19:03,508 [jessye_wilden]: allowed 973 00:19:03,531 --> 00:19:03,811 [david]: allowed 974 00:19:03,548 --> 00:19:03,949 [jessye_wilden]: me to do 975 00:19:03,851 --> 00:19:04,071 [david]: me to 976 00:19:04,029 --> 00:19:04,129 [jessye_wilden]: one 977 00:19:04,131 --> 00:19:04,211 [david]: do 978 00:19:04,149 --> 00:19:04,330 [jessye_wilden]: of the 979 00:19:04,332 --> 00:19:04,392 [david]: one 980 00:19:04,370 --> 00:19:04,550 [jessye_wilden]: things 981 00:19:04,452 --> 00:19:04,632 [david]: of the 982 00:19:04,590 --> 00:19:04,931 [jessye_wilden]: that really 983 00:19:04,872 --> 00:19:05,052 [david]: things 984 00:19:05,011 --> 00:19:05,312 [jessye_wilden]: booied 985 00:19:05,092 --> 00:19:05,213 [david]: that 986 00:19:05,352 --> 00:19:06,896 [jessye_wilden]: me that i think really really 987 00:19:06,754 --> 00:19:06,774 [david]: i 988 00:19:06,996 --> 00:19:07,197 [jessye_wilden]: like 989 00:19:07,355 --> 00:19:07,716 [david]: really 990 00:19:07,477 --> 00:19:07,979 [jessye_wilden]: resonates 991 00:19:07,876 --> 00:19:08,116 [david]: really 992 00:19:08,059 --> 00:19:08,219 [jessye_wilden]: with 993 00:19:08,276 --> 00:19:08,476 [david]: like 994 00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:09,362 [jessye_wilden]: any kind of pain 995 00:19:10,479 --> 00:19:10,499 [david]: i 996 00:19:10,726 --> 00:19:12,397 [jessye_wilden]: is i needed to 997 00:19:12,351 --> 00:19:12,574 [david]: yes 998 00:19:12,498 --> 00:19:13,321 [jessye_wilden]: look for good 999 00:19:13,510 --> 00:19:13,851 [david]: i needed 1000 00:19:13,823 --> 00:19:13,963 [jessye_wilden]: like 1001 00:19:13,931 --> 00:19:13,991 [david]: to 1002 00:19:14,043 --> 00:19:14,064 [jessye_wilden]: i 1003 00:19:14,111 --> 00:19:14,272 [david]: look 1004 00:19:14,184 --> 00:19:16,452 [jessye_wilden]: looked like like it was medicine 1005 00:19:16,115 --> 00:19:17,077 [david]: like it was 1006 00:19:17,265 --> 00:19:17,425 [jessye_wilden]: like 1007 00:19:17,338 --> 00:19:17,859 [david]: medicine 1008 00:19:17,626 --> 00:19:18,889 [jessye_wilden]: my life depended 1009 00:19:18,940 --> 00:19:19,081 [david]: my 1010 00:19:19,090 --> 00:19:19,170 [jessye_wilden]: on 1011 00:19:19,262 --> 00:19:19,483 [david]: life 1012 00:19:19,330 --> 00:19:19,751 [jessye_wilden]: finding 1013 00:19:19,604 --> 00:19:20,127 [david]: depended 1014 00:19:19,832 --> 00:19:20,052 [jessye_wilden]: good 1015 00:19:20,328 --> 00:19:21,253 [david]: on it 1016 00:19:21,565 --> 00:19:22,649 [jessye_wilden]: we talk about thankfulness 1017 00:19:22,802 --> 00:19:23,167 [david]: talk about 1018 00:19:23,111 --> 00:19:23,192 [jessye_wilden]: but 1019 00:19:23,227 --> 00:19:23,795 [david]: thankfulness 1020 00:19:23,252 --> 00:19:24,316 [jessye_wilden]: i think often we feel 1021 00:19:24,350 --> 00:19:24,370 [david]: i 1022 00:19:24,396 --> 00:19:24,517 [jessye_wilden]: that 1023 00:19:24,451 --> 00:19:24,592 [david]: think 1024 00:19:24,537 --> 00:19:25,682 [jessye_wilden]: it will arise in us 1025 00:19:26,162 --> 00:19:26,726 [david]: lies 1026 00:19:26,455 --> 00:19:27,219 [jessye_wilden]: we will be thankful 1027 00:19:27,913 --> 00:19:27,934 [david]: a 1028 00:19:28,215 --> 00:19:29,216 [jessye_wilden]: and what i found is 1029 00:19:29,210 --> 00:19:29,330 [david]: what 1030 00:19:29,256 --> 00:19:29,677 [jessye_wilden]: the deeper 1031 00:19:29,410 --> 00:19:29,831 [david]: i found 1032 00:19:29,717 --> 00:19:30,298 [jessye_wilden]: the pain 1033 00:19:30,211 --> 00:19:30,752 [david]: deep 1034 00:19:30,498 --> 00:19:33,644 [jessye_wilden]: the more you have to be a treasure hunter and i mean like you're digging 1035 00:19:33,764 --> 00:19:34,585 [jessye_wilden]: deep and it's like 1036 00:19:35,099 --> 00:19:35,259 [david]: light 1037 00:19:35,186 --> 00:19:38,912 [jessye_wilden]: to vow to yourself even by the end of that day that you have to 1038 00:19:38,952 --> 00:19:44,437 [jessye_wilden]: think of three things before head hits the pillow can sometimes be hard and i 1039 00:19:44,477 --> 00:19:45,679 [jessye_wilden]: think we need to be real with that 1040 00:19:45,531 --> 00:19:45,792 [david]: and i 1041 00:19:45,779 --> 00:19:45,880 [jessye_wilden]: that 1042 00:19:45,852 --> 00:19:46,253 [david]: think we need 1043 00:19:46,260 --> 00:19:46,360 [jessye_wilden]: that 1044 00:19:46,294 --> 00:19:46,434 [david]: to be 1045 00:19:46,441 --> 00:19:47,001 [jessye_wilden]: thankfulness 1046 00:19:46,514 --> 00:19:46,675 [david]: real 1047 00:19:47,082 --> 00:19:47,823 [jessye_wilden]: is not something 1048 00:19:47,759 --> 00:19:48,120 [david]: thankful 1049 00:19:47,923 --> 00:19:49,866 [jessye_wilden]: that is natural but 1050 00:19:49,867 --> 00:19:50,228 [david]: natural 1051 00:19:49,926 --> 00:19:51,229 [jessye_wilden]: what that did is it 1052 00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:51,591 [david]: what that 1053 00:19:51,709 --> 00:19:51,749 [jessye_wilden]: i 1054 00:19:51,731 --> 00:19:52,012 [david]: did 1055 00:19:51,830 --> 00:19:52,390 [jessye_wilden]: kind of made 1056 00:19:52,252 --> 00:19:52,272 [david]: i 1057 00:19:52,431 --> 00:19:53,572 [jessye_wilden]: a promise with myself 1058 00:19:53,115 --> 00:19:54,117 [david]: kind of made a pose 1059 00:19:54,133 --> 00:19:55,416 [jessye_wilden]: that i would find three things 1060 00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:55,500 [david]: that 1061 00:19:55,516 --> 00:19:55,596 [jessye_wilden]: and 1062 00:19:55,580 --> 00:19:55,801 [david]: i would 1063 00:19:55,716 --> 00:19:55,937 [jessye_wilden]: i would 1064 00:19:55,861 --> 00:19:56,041 [david]: find 1065 00:19:55,957 --> 00:19:56,819 [jessye_wilden]: just suggest to anyone 1066 00:19:56,763 --> 00:19:56,823 [david]: and 1067 00:19:56,859 --> 00:19:56,939 [jessye_wilden]: who 1068 00:19:56,943 --> 00:19:56,963 [david]: i 1069 00:19:56,979 --> 00:19:57,179 [jessye_wilden]: finds 1070 00:19:57,023 --> 00:19:57,263 [david]: would just 1071 00:19:57,200 --> 00:19:57,300 [jessye_wilden]: that 1072 00:19:57,324 --> 00:19:57,584 [david]: suggest 1073 00:19:57,380 --> 00:19:57,921 [jessye_wilden]: overwhelming in 1074 00:19:57,925 --> 00:19:58,005 [david]: one 1075 00:19:57,941 --> 00:19:58,623 [jessye_wilden]: their life just do 1076 00:19:58,586 --> 00:19:59,588 [david]: vweminjust 1077 00:19:58,783 --> 00:19:58,883 [jessye_wilden]: one 1078 00:19:59,929 --> 00:20:00,029 [david]: one 1079 00:19:59,955 --> 00:20:01,038 [jessye_wilden]: start with one but 1080 00:20:00,983 --> 00:20:01,288 [david]: start 1081 00:20:01,138 --> 00:20:02,321 [jessye_wilden]: every day you're going to find 1082 00:20:02,110 --> 00:20:03,277 [david]: every day you're going to find 1083 00:20:02,982 --> 00:20:04,205 [jessye_wilden]: one one to your goodness from 1084 00:20:04,261 --> 00:20:04,381 [david]: once 1085 00:20:04,285 --> 00:20:04,426 [jessye_wilden]: your 1086 00:20:04,441 --> 00:20:04,582 [david]: your 1087 00:20:04,526 --> 00:20:04,626 [jessye_wilden]: own 1088 00:20:04,622 --> 00:20:04,883 [david]: goodness 1089 00:20:04,746 --> 00:20:07,332 [jessye_wilden]: eyes from your own experience and so because i made 1090 00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:07,562 [david]: because 1091 00:20:07,433 --> 00:20:07,653 [jessye_wilden]: that 1092 00:20:07,642 --> 00:20:07,985 [david]: i made 1093 00:20:08,486 --> 00:20:09,070 [jessye_wilden]: fish ball 1094 00:20:08,890 --> 00:20:09,293 [david]: a fish 1095 00:20:11,205 --> 00:20:11,969 [jessye_wilden]: started to soften 1096 00:20:11,992 --> 00:20:12,093 [david]: so 1097 00:20:12,049 --> 00:20:14,306 [jessye_wilden]: in my mind what i 1098 00:20:14,370 --> 00:20:14,491 [david]: what 1099 00:20:14,466 --> 00:20:14,667 [jessye_wilden]: saw 1100 00:20:14,592 --> 00:20:14,955 [david]: i saw 1101 00:20:14,848 --> 00:20:15,269 [jessye_wilden]: was people 1102 00:20:15,156 --> 00:20:15,237 [david]: was 1103 00:20:15,349 --> 00:20:15,630 [jessye_wilden]: trying to 1104 00:20:15,660 --> 00:20:15,821 [david]: trying 1105 00:20:15,671 --> 00:20:16,172 [jessye_wilden]: be helpful 1106 00:20:15,862 --> 00:20:15,922 [david]: to 1107 00:20:17,475 --> 00:20:17,675 [jessye_wilden]: people 1108 00:20:17,750 --> 00:20:17,931 [david]: people 1109 00:20:17,755 --> 00:20:18,115 [jessye_wilden]: not knowing 1110 00:20:18,051 --> 00:20:18,151 [david]: not 1111 00:20:18,135 --> 00:20:18,256 [jessye_wilden]: what 1112 00:20:18,191 --> 00:20:18,391 [david]: knowing 1113 00:20:18,316 --> 00:20:18,396 [jessye_wilden]: to 1114 00:20:18,431 --> 00:20:18,531 [david]: what 1115 00:20:18,476 --> 00:20:18,596 [jessye_wilden]: do 1116 00:20:18,632 --> 00:20:18,692 [david]: to 1117 00:20:18,816 --> 00:20:22,400 [jessye_wilden]: and i started having empathy for the people who were as opposed 1118 00:20:22,177 --> 00:20:22,577 [david]: as opposed 1119 00:20:22,440 --> 00:20:22,681 [jessye_wilden]: to just 1120 00:20:22,618 --> 00:20:22,678 [david]: to 1121 00:20:22,761 --> 00:20:25,224 [jessye_wilden]: feeling like you know this is so annoying and so hurtful 1122 00:20:25,980 --> 00:20:26,262 [david]: yes 1123 00:20:26,876 --> 00:20:29,827 [jessye_wilden]: and what started happening 1124 00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:29,900 [david]: happen 1125 00:20:29,887 --> 00:20:31,269 [jessye_wilden]: as i started letting 1126 00:20:31,081 --> 00:20:31,342 [david]: letting 1127 00:20:31,349 --> 00:20:31,850 [jessye_wilden]: them in 1128 00:20:31,842 --> 00:20:31,922 [david]: in 1129 00:20:31,951 --> 00:20:31,991 [jessye_wilden]: in 1130 00:20:32,042 --> 00:20:32,082 [david]: in 1131 00:20:32,091 --> 00:20:32,291 [jessye_wilden]: certain 1132 00:20:32,163 --> 00:20:32,363 [david]: certain 1133 00:20:32,311 --> 00:20:32,432 [jessye_wilden]: ways 1134 00:20:32,403 --> 00:20:32,503 [david]: ways 1135 00:20:32,452 --> 00:20:32,552 [jessye_wilden]: that 1136 00:20:32,543 --> 00:20:32,623 [david]: that 1137 00:20:32,592 --> 00:20:33,173 [jessye_wilden]: i could maybe 1138 00:20:33,164 --> 00:20:33,224 [david]: be 1139 00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:33,333 [jessye_wilden]: not 1140 00:20:33,304 --> 00:20:33,364 [david]: not 1141 00:20:33,393 --> 00:20:33,834 [jessye_wilden]: initially 1142 00:20:33,524 --> 00:20:33,904 [david]: initial 1143 00:20:34,215 --> 00:20:35,557 [jessye_wilden]: but for instance the day 1144 00:20:35,466 --> 00:20:35,706 [david]: today 1145 00:20:35,638 --> 00:20:35,978 [jessye_wilden]: we moved 1146 00:20:35,786 --> 00:20:36,107 [david]: we moved 1147 00:20:36,018 --> 00:20:36,159 [jessye_wilden]: into 1148 00:20:36,167 --> 00:20:36,307 [david]: into 1149 00:20:36,239 --> 00:20:36,459 [jessye_wilden]: our new 1150 00:20:36,387 --> 00:20:36,607 [david]: our new 1151 00:20:36,519 --> 00:20:36,720 [jessye_wilden]: house 1152 00:20:36,687 --> 00:20:36,847 [david]: house 1153 00:20:36,760 --> 00:20:40,030 [jessye_wilden]: that we were building we moved in as a family all of us everyone 1154 00:20:39,873 --> 00:20:40,156 [david]: everyone 1155 00:20:40,071 --> 00:20:40,333 [jessye_wilden]: had their 1156 00:20:40,236 --> 00:20:40,458 [david]: at their 1157 00:20:40,494 --> 00:20:40,595 [jessye_wilden]: own 1158 00:20:40,620 --> 00:20:40,700 [david]: own 1159 00:20:40,675 --> 00:20:41,139 [jessye_wilden]: bedroom 1160 00:20:40,801 --> 00:20:41,265 [david]: bedroom 1161 00:20:42,145 --> 00:20:45,437 [jessye_wilden]: with their own paint color it was beautiful and i thought that's why 1162 00:20:45,522 --> 00:20:45,642 [david]: why 1163 00:20:45,537 --> 00:20:48,067 [jessye_wilden]: we were building this house then that 1164 00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:48,201 [david]: that 1165 00:20:48,188 --> 00:20:48,389 [jessye_wilden]: day 1166 00:20:48,321 --> 00:20:48,522 [david]: day 1167 00:20:48,953 --> 00:20:48,993 [jessye_wilden]: i 1168 00:20:49,084 --> 00:20:49,104 [david]: i 1169 00:20:49,094 --> 00:20:49,315 [jessye_wilden]: drove 1170 00:20:49,224 --> 00:20:49,425 [david]: drove 1171 00:20:49,356 --> 00:20:49,497 [jessye_wilden]: down 1172 00:20:49,465 --> 00:20:49,586 [david]: down 1173 00:20:49,537 --> 00:20:50,020 [jessye_wilden]: the driveway 1174 00:20:49,646 --> 00:20:50,148 [david]: the driveway 1175 00:20:51,106 --> 00:20:52,495 [jessye_wilden]: sixty people 1176 00:20:52,257 --> 00:20:52,639 [david]: people 1177 00:20:52,817 --> 00:20:52,957 [jessye_wilden]: were 1178 00:20:52,962 --> 00:20:53,103 [david]: were 1179 00:20:53,058 --> 00:20:53,481 [jessye_wilden]: waiting 1180 00:20:53,204 --> 00:20:53,566 [david]: waiting 1181 00:20:54,345 --> 00:20:54,685 [jessye_wilden]: move us 1182 00:20:54,685 --> 00:20:54,827 [david]: this 1183 00:20:54,826 --> 00:20:55,988 [jessye_wilden]: in and 1184 00:20:55,950 --> 00:20:56,090 [david]: and 1185 00:20:57,029 --> 00:20:57,130 [jessye_wilden]: the 1186 00:20:57,131 --> 00:20:57,211 [david]: the 1187 00:20:57,290 --> 00:20:57,771 [jessye_wilden]: biggest 1188 00:20:57,371 --> 00:20:57,832 [david]: biggest 1189 00:20:58,011 --> 00:20:58,311 [jessye_wilden]: moving 1190 00:20:58,092 --> 00:20:58,412 [david]: moving 1191 00:20:58,412 --> 00:20:59,113 [jessye_wilden]: truck i've ever 1192 00:20:59,153 --> 00:20:59,193 [david]: er 1193 00:20:59,293 --> 00:20:59,714 [jessye_wilden]: seen 1194 00:20:59,394 --> 00:20:59,774 [david]: seen 1195 00:20:59,854 --> 00:21:00,175 [jessye_wilden]: someone 1196 00:20:59,954 --> 00:21:00,255 [david]: someone 1197 00:21:00,255 --> 00:21:00,455 [jessye_wilden]: had 1198 00:21:00,355 --> 00:21:00,535 [david]: had 1199 00:21:00,896 --> 00:21:01,276 [jessye_wilden]: rented 1200 00:21:00,995 --> 00:21:01,356 [david]: rented 1201 00:21:01,397 --> 00:21:01,837 [jessye_wilden]: people had 1202 00:21:01,856 --> 00:21:01,876 [david]: a 1203 00:21:01,938 --> 00:21:02,238 [jessye_wilden]: rented 1204 00:21:02,077 --> 00:21:04,219 [david]: entedorgrore 1205 00:21:02,378 --> 00:21:06,125 [jessye_wilden]: storage units for us for daninrinastff 1206 00:21:05,816 --> 00:21:06,906 [david]: a rinistuff 1207 00:21:06,365 --> 00:21:07,568 [jessye_wilden]: people had and then 1208 00:21:07,622 --> 00:21:07,889 [david]: god 1209 00:21:07,709 --> 00:21:08,631 [jessye_wilden]: they brought us dinner 1210 00:21:08,410 --> 00:21:08,730 [david]: and then 1211 00:21:08,772 --> 00:21:08,852 [jessye_wilden]: and 1212 00:21:08,871 --> 00:21:08,991 [david]: they 1213 00:21:08,952 --> 00:21:09,052 [jessye_wilden]: one 1214 00:21:09,051 --> 00:21:09,232 [david]: brought 1215 00:21:09,093 --> 00:21:09,534 [jessye_wilden]: person's like 1216 00:21:09,552 --> 00:21:09,673 [david]: in 1217 00:21:09,574 --> 00:21:12,181 [jessye_wilden]: we get your bed set up and we put the sheets on that's like first 1218 00:21:12,261 --> 00:21:12,722 [jessye_wilden]: thing you know 1219 00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:13,061 [david]: i 1220 00:21:13,655 --> 00:21:15,500 [jessye_wilden]: i was just astounded 1221 00:21:14,704 --> 00:21:16,348 [david]: was oned 1222 00:21:16,282 --> 00:21:16,843 [jessye_wilden]: like at 1223 00:21:17,100 --> 00:21:17,585 [david]: like that 1224 00:21:17,565 --> 00:21:18,447 [jessye_wilden]: what i hadn't been 1225 00:21:18,290 --> 00:21:18,510 [david]: what i 1226 00:21:18,527 --> 00:21:18,848 [jessye_wilden]: seeing 1227 00:21:18,610 --> 00:21:18,871 [david]: hadn't 1228 00:21:18,988 --> 00:21:19,108 [jessye_wilden]: so 1229 00:21:19,633 --> 00:21:19,773 [david]: so 1230 00:21:19,710 --> 00:21:20,371 [jessye_wilden]: that same 1231 00:21:20,315 --> 00:21:20,435 [david]: that 1232 00:21:20,552 --> 00:21:20,772 [jessye_wilden]: part 1233 00:21:20,676 --> 00:21:20,956 [david]: same 1234 00:21:20,832 --> 00:21:22,376 [jessye_wilden]: that made them all look at us 1235 00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:22,560 [david]: look 1236 00:21:22,556 --> 00:21:22,677 [jessye_wilden]: and 1237 00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:23,242 [david]: at us and 1238 00:21:23,158 --> 00:21:23,699 [jessye_wilden]: run into us 1239 00:21:23,763 --> 00:21:23,903 [david]: run 1240 00:21:23,779 --> 00:21:23,940 [jessye_wilden]: at the 1241 00:21:23,944 --> 00:21:24,144 [david]: into 1242 00:21:23,980 --> 00:21:25,263 [jessye_wilden]: grocery store in that manner 1243 00:21:25,126 --> 00:21:25,848 [david]: in manner 1244 00:21:26,105 --> 00:21:26,846 [jessye_wilden]: as the same 1245 00:21:26,770 --> 00:21:26,850 [david]: the 1246 00:21:27,026 --> 00:21:27,467 [jessye_wilden]: love 1247 00:21:27,030 --> 00:21:27,891 [david]: same love 1248 00:21:28,108 --> 00:21:28,809 [jessye_wilden]: that poured out 1249 00:21:28,812 --> 00:21:29,012 [david]: poured 1250 00:21:28,869 --> 00:21:30,191 [jessye_wilden]: over us so yes there 1251 00:21:30,213 --> 00:21:30,373 [david]: yes 1252 00:21:30,231 --> 00:21:32,135 [jessye_wilden]: were people who were angry at 1253 00:21:32,135 --> 00:21:32,335 [david]: angry 1254 00:21:32,175 --> 00:21:32,455 [jessye_wilden]: danny 1255 00:21:32,415 --> 00:21:32,455 [david]: at 1256 00:21:32,635 --> 00:21:36,141 [jessye_wilden]: and many people who saw it differently and i believe still do and that's one 1257 00:21:36,098 --> 00:21:36,178 [david]: and 1258 00:21:36,181 --> 00:21:36,241 [jessye_wilden]: of 1259 00:21:36,238 --> 00:21:36,419 [david]: that's 1260 00:21:36,282 --> 00:21:36,883 [jessye_wilden]: my excitements 1261 00:21:36,519 --> 00:21:36,839 [david]: one of my 1262 00:21:36,943 --> 00:21:37,924 [jessye_wilden]: this book comes 1263 00:21:38,591 --> 00:21:39,175 [david]: comes out 1264 00:21:39,427 --> 00:21:41,020 [jessye_wilden]: on the month of the fifth anniversary 1265 00:21:40,521 --> 00:21:40,561 [david]: he 1266 00:21:41,845 --> 00:21:43,869 [jessye_wilden]: since then and i am excited 1267 00:21:43,590 --> 00:21:44,592 [david]: and i am excited 1268 00:21:44,249 --> 00:21:49,234 [jessye_wilden]: because the main reason i wrote it once i really made it into was making 1269 00:21:49,274 --> 00:21:52,598 [jessye_wilden]: it into a book as i thought how are we 1270 00:21:52,731 --> 00:21:52,972 [david]: olof 1271 00:21:52,779 --> 00:21:54,248 [jessye_wilden]: thriving like i look under our 1272 00:21:54,215 --> 00:21:54,456 [david]: looking 1273 00:21:54,329 --> 00:21:54,570 [jessye_wilden]: roof 1274 00:21:54,496 --> 00:21:54,697 [david]: to our 1275 00:21:55,445 --> 00:21:55,946 [jessye_wilden]: our kids are 1276 00:21:56,050 --> 00:21:56,271 [david]: kids 1277 00:21:56,127 --> 00:21:56,288 [jessye_wilden]: so 1278 00:21:56,311 --> 00:21:56,412 [david]: are 1279 00:21:56,468 --> 00:21:56,789 [jessye_wilden]: happy 1280 00:21:56,612 --> 00:21:56,753 [david]: so 1281 00:21:56,909 --> 00:21:56,990 [jessye_wilden]: and 1282 00:21:56,953 --> 00:21:57,274 [david]: happy 1283 00:21:57,130 --> 00:21:57,271 [jessye_wilden]: so 1284 00:21:57,375 --> 00:21:57,455 [david]: and 1285 00:21:57,411 --> 00:21:57,812 [jessye_wilden]: joyful 1286 00:21:57,616 --> 00:21:57,716 [david]: so 1287 00:21:58,975 --> 00:22:01,319 [jessye_wilden]: and life's still hard a lot of days but 1288 00:22:01,635 --> 00:22:01,776 [david]: it 1289 00:22:01,940 --> 00:22:02,501 [jessye_wilden]: i look in 1290 00:22:02,510 --> 00:22:02,670 [david]: look 1291 00:22:02,561 --> 00:22:05,707 [jessye_wilden]: our community and i was sensing there were a lot of people stuck in grief 1292 00:22:05,927 --> 00:22:10,195 [jessye_wilden]: or stuck in anger or just had kind of lost themselves through this and i 1293 00:22:10,235 --> 00:22:10,556 [jessye_wilden]: would see 1294 00:22:10,540 --> 00:22:10,721 [david]: i would 1295 00:22:10,637 --> 00:22:10,837 [jessye_wilden]: it and 1296 00:22:10,802 --> 00:22:10,962 [david]: say 1297 00:22:10,918 --> 00:22:11,178 [jessye_wilden]: post 1298 00:22:11,023 --> 00:22:11,204 [david]: it and 1299 00:22:11,279 --> 00:22:11,680 [jessye_wilden]: especially 1300 00:22:11,284 --> 00:22:12,974 [david]: post esciallymorial 1301 00:22:11,740 --> 00:22:12,964 [jessye_wilden]: on memorial days 1302 00:22:13,054 --> 00:22:13,215 [david]: day 1303 00:22:13,185 --> 00:22:16,787 [jessye_wilden]: of know danny and rena like a birthday and i thought 1304 00:22:16,610 --> 00:22:17,132 [david]: and i thought 1305 00:22:16,948 --> 00:22:17,369 [jessye_wilden]: what if i 1306 00:22:17,333 --> 00:22:17,453 [david]: what 1307 00:22:17,450 --> 00:22:17,610 [jessye_wilden]: could 1308 00:22:17,554 --> 00:22:17,734 [david]: if i 1309 00:22:17,731 --> 00:22:18,072 [jessye_wilden]: share 1310 00:22:17,835 --> 00:22:18,457 [david]: could share 1311 00:22:19,655 --> 00:22:20,055 [jessye_wilden]: what it was 1312 00:22:20,040 --> 00:22:20,140 [david]: what 1313 00:22:20,136 --> 00:22:20,336 [jessye_wilden]: like 1314 00:22:20,220 --> 00:22:20,440 [david]: it was 1315 00:22:20,456 --> 00:22:20,596 [jessye_wilden]: from 1316 00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:20,661 [david]: like 1317 00:22:20,696 --> 00:22:21,818 [jessye_wilden]: my view and how 1318 00:22:22,003 --> 00:22:22,143 [david]: how 1319 00:22:22,059 --> 00:22:23,922 [jessye_wilden]: i clung to certain things that helped 1320 00:22:24,067 --> 00:22:24,227 [david]: help 1321 00:22:24,102 --> 00:22:24,683 [jessye_wilden]: buy me 1322 00:22:24,968 --> 00:22:25,068 [david]: me 1323 00:22:25,845 --> 00:22:26,526 [jessye_wilden]: helped heal 1324 00:22:26,653 --> 00:22:26,753 [david]: he 1325 00:22:26,687 --> 00:22:28,350 [jessye_wilden]: me um maybe 1326 00:22:28,441 --> 00:22:28,722 [david]: maybe 1327 00:22:28,490 --> 00:22:28,831 [jessye_wilden]: not as a 1328 00:22:28,842 --> 00:22:28,962 [david]: not 1329 00:22:28,891 --> 00:22:29,993 [jessye_wilden]: road map but maybe 1330 00:22:30,026 --> 00:22:30,387 [david]: maybe 1331 00:22:30,895 --> 00:22:31,597 [jessye_wilden]: that will be something 1332 00:22:31,571 --> 00:22:31,651 [david]: be 1333 00:22:31,657 --> 00:22:31,738 [jessye_wilden]: for 1334 00:22:31,691 --> 00:22:31,812 [david]: some 1335 00:22:31,798 --> 00:22:32,300 [jessye_wilden]: the community 1336 00:22:32,293 --> 00:22:32,655 [david]: community 1337 00:22:32,360 --> 00:22:34,890 [jessye_wilden]: so a lot of that is to be seen but we did have a couple 1338 00:22:34,803 --> 00:22:34,984 [david]: have a 1339 00:22:35,030 --> 00:22:35,391 [jessye_wilden]: people 1340 00:22:35,405 --> 00:22:35,767 [david]: people 1341 00:22:37,225 --> 00:22:37,645 [jessye_wilden]: write us 1342 00:22:37,790 --> 00:22:38,011 [david]: just 1343 00:22:37,985 --> 00:22:42,230 [jessye_wilden]: or call us and tell us things later like that they were really sorry they 1344 00:22:42,290 --> 00:22:43,411 [jessye_wilden]: wrote those things or 1345 00:22:43,687 --> 00:22:43,828 [david]: or 1346 00:22:44,092 --> 00:22:44,632 [jessye_wilden]: we had 1347 00:22:44,500 --> 00:22:44,984 [david]: we had 1348 00:22:45,153 --> 00:22:45,493 [jessye_wilden]: the nine 1349 00:22:45,528 --> 00:22:45,608 [david]: the 1350 00:22:45,633 --> 00:22:46,034 [jessye_wilden]: one one 1351 00:22:45,991 --> 00:22:46,435 [david]: one one 1352 00:22:47,355 --> 00:22:47,756 [jessye_wilden]: operator 1353 00:22:47,961 --> 00:22:48,041 [david]: at 1354 00:22:48,096 --> 00:22:51,662 [jessye_wilden]: who took now my daughter's call when her parents died 1355 00:22:51,888 --> 00:22:51,908 [david]: a 1356 00:22:52,303 --> 00:22:53,145 [jessye_wilden]: like how that affected 1357 00:22:52,850 --> 00:22:53,111 [david]: how that 1358 00:22:53,185 --> 00:22:54,026 [jessye_wilden]: her so there's been a lot of 1359 00:22:54,135 --> 00:22:54,155 [david]: a 1360 00:22:54,146 --> 00:22:54,567 [jessye_wilden]: healing 1361 00:22:54,195 --> 00:22:54,937 [david]: lot of tiling 1362 00:22:55,268 --> 00:22:55,328 [jessye_wilden]: in 1363 00:22:55,702 --> 00:22:55,867 [david]: yes 1364 00:22:55,889 --> 00:22:58,213 [jessye_wilden]: the fray of it and so i'm 1365 00:22:58,130 --> 00:22:58,351 [david]: and so 1366 00:22:58,333 --> 00:22:58,574 [jessye_wilden]: really 1367 00:22:58,451 --> 00:22:58,913 [david]: i'm really 1368 00:22:58,714 --> 00:22:58,974 [jessye_wilden]: really 1369 00:22:59,033 --> 00:22:59,295 [david]: really 1370 00:22:59,155 --> 00:22:59,739 [jessye_wilden]: xpectant 1371 00:22:59,435 --> 00:23:00,078 [david]: expected 1372 00:23:01,065 --> 00:23:01,406 [jessye_wilden]: open up 1373 00:23:01,440 --> 00:23:01,641 [david]: open 1374 00:23:01,466 --> 00:23:03,592 [jessye_wilden]: those conversations and talk about goodness here 1375 00:23:05,716 --> 00:23:11,774 [david]: so it sounds like in a lot of ways it's still on going this this 1376 00:23:11,894 --> 00:23:17,764 [david]: story between what happened in your family and the community and you've already found much 1377 00:23:17,844 --> 00:23:21,310 [david]: good in it and and that it will like you said now be the book 1378 00:23:21,370 --> 00:23:27,661 [david]: and everything being avenue of opening up even more opportunity for for good just 1379 00:23:27,795 --> 00:23:27,999 [jessye_wilden]: yeah 1380 00:23:27,841 --> 00:23:33,473 [david]: just curious how old were the kids their kids when they died five years 1381 00:23:33,476 --> 00:23:33,577 [jessye_wilden]: and 1382 00:23:33,534 --> 00:23:33,695 [david]: ago 1383 00:23:34,655 --> 00:23:35,398 [jessye_wilden]: they were ten and 1384 00:23:35,441 --> 00:23:35,603 [david]: we're 1385 00:23:35,459 --> 00:23:35,760 [jessye_wilden]: eleven 1386 00:23:35,685 --> 00:23:42,564 [david]: ten and at eleven so they're getting into those pretty big milestone years and everything 1387 00:23:42,665 --> 00:23:45,290 [david]: now i guess yeah 1388 00:23:45,649 --> 00:23:47,825 [jessye_wilden]: and they're doing it beautifully uh 1389 00:23:47,973 --> 00:23:49,275 [david]: are they that's 1390 00:23:49,329 --> 00:23:49,509 [jessye_wilden]: yeah 1391 00:23:49,335 --> 00:23:49,736 [david]: good to hear 1392 00:23:50,211 --> 00:23:50,772 [jessye_wilden]: yeah they are 1393 00:23:51,077 --> 00:23:56,887 [david]: ye good that's good well i did want to touch on you know an area 1394 00:23:57,027 --> 00:24:04,279 [david]: here that comes that comes into play you know again between your story and in 1395 00:24:04,359 --> 00:24:07,865 [david]: the no and are in the teams audience you know we've talked about a little 1396 00:24:07,885 --> 00:24:11,871 [david]: bit with chronic illness and chronic pain one of the things and i haven't looked 1397 00:24:11,892 --> 00:24:16,599 [david]: up to states in a while but i've done it in the past where people 1398 00:24:16,940 --> 00:24:24,693 [david]: with chronic pain and illness there incidents of mental health issues depression anxiety especially are 1399 00:24:24,753 --> 00:24:27,618 [david]: much higher than general population and 1400 00:24:27,635 --> 00:24:27,655 [jessye_wilden]: m 1401 00:24:27,678 --> 00:24:33,067 [david]: then also because of that related to that is the fact that the suicide rates 1402 00:24:33,447 --> 00:24:41,641 [david]: are a much higher one unintended consequence of the ovoid epidemic now it has been 1403 00:24:41,721 --> 00:24:46,349 [david]: that some people with chronic illness and pain that really needed those medicines just to 1404 00:24:47,431 --> 00:24:52,860 [david]: really to have a livable life you know have have found themselves cut off um 1405 00:24:53,701 --> 00:24:58,269 [david]: those very needed drugs and you know not 1406 00:24:58,394 --> 00:24:58,415 [jessye_wilden]: m 1407 00:24:58,950 --> 00:25:02,356 [david]: addiction as a big issue but some of the people that got cut off and 1408 00:25:02,376 --> 00:25:05,541 [david]: the medicines needed those and weren't dice and so we've 1409 00:25:05,465 --> 00:25:05,485 [jessye_wilden]: m 1410 00:25:05,581 --> 00:25:09,548 [david]: seen suicide increased because of that as well because i just they feel hopeless you 1411 00:25:09,588 --> 00:25:10,409 [david]: know they feel like 1412 00:25:11,132 --> 00:25:11,765 [jessye_wilden]: hm 1413 00:25:11,250 --> 00:25:14,516 [david]: you know if i can't get any relief from this pain and i'm looking at 1414 00:25:14,636 --> 00:25:18,462 [david]: maybe living with it for decade and already 1415 00:25:18,179 --> 00:25:18,845 [jessye_wilden]: hm 1416 00:25:18,483 --> 00:25:21,027 [david]: i want to say you've said something very helpful to that because you talked about 1417 00:25:21,087 --> 00:25:24,152 [david]: finding the one good thing that day you know that day to day kind of 1418 00:25:24,212 --> 00:25:28,018 [david]: approach instead of thinking about i gotta live forty years this way maybe you know 1419 00:25:28,038 --> 00:25:28,921 [david]: that that's over man 1420 00:25:28,905 --> 00:25:29,107 [jessye_wilden]: yeah 1421 00:25:28,961 --> 00:25:29,926 [david]: if you try to think of life that 1422 00:25:29,956 --> 00:25:30,625 [jessye_wilden]: absolutely 1423 00:25:29,966 --> 00:25:35,043 [david]: way you know but these these are very real problems and and a little bit 1424 00:25:35,103 --> 00:25:39,551 [david]: like you're saying and what's not needed in this situation is judgment you know they 1425 00:25:39,611 --> 00:25:42,856 [david]: took their life because you know they were weak i mean they've already 1426 00:25:43,004 --> 00:25:43,595 [jessye_wilden]: hm 1427 00:25:43,237 --> 00:25:45,841 [david]: shown their strength in many ways though 1428 00:25:45,646 --> 00:25:46,255 [jessye_wilden]: absolutely 1429 00:25:46,042 --> 00:25:49,227 [david]: and you know like you said it takes one bad day on one day in 1430 00:25:49,267 --> 00:25:53,214 [david]: which they just felt like they couldn't do it and couldn't go on and and 1431 00:25:53,274 --> 00:25:57,040 [david]: that can rob them of their lives and rob their family of a love one 1432 00:25:58,262 --> 00:26:02,870 [david]: so these are these are heavy issues and and what i want to ask is 1433 00:26:02,970 --> 00:26:10,506 [david]: just what is something that you have learned about finding hope in seemingly hopeless situations 1434 00:26:10,987 --> 00:26:13,757 [david]: that might encourage people to keep holding on 1435 00:26:16,505 --> 00:26:17,368 [jessye_wilden]: i think you were 1436 00:26:17,270 --> 00:26:17,431 [david]: think 1437 00:26:17,428 --> 00:26:17,709 [jessye_wilden]: saying it 1438 00:26:17,753 --> 00:26:17,854 [david]: you 1439 00:26:17,789 --> 00:26:17,909 [jessye_wilden]: so 1440 00:26:17,894 --> 00:26:18,015 [david]: were 1441 00:26:18,050 --> 00:26:18,491 [jessye_wilden]: beautifully 1442 00:26:18,076 --> 00:26:18,257 [david]: saying 1443 00:26:18,852 --> 00:26:19,053 [jessye_wilden]: like 1444 00:26:19,586 --> 00:26:19,606 [david]: i 1445 00:26:20,265 --> 00:26:23,453 [jessye_wilden]: not to focus too big to focus 1446 00:26:23,483 --> 00:26:23,565 [david]: he 1447 00:26:24,695 --> 00:26:29,203 [jessye_wilden]: that hour sometimes is enough and to know that it's enough to hear that here 1448 00:26:30,326 --> 00:26:30,849 [jessye_wilden]: but one thing 1449 00:26:30,862 --> 00:26:30,943 [david]: one 1450 00:26:30,889 --> 00:26:31,010 [jessye_wilden]: that 1451 00:26:31,023 --> 00:26:31,164 [david]: thing 1452 00:26:31,050 --> 00:26:33,747 [jessye_wilden]: really freed me 1453 00:26:33,780 --> 00:26:34,022 [david]: eat me 1454 00:26:34,068 --> 00:26:35,875 [jessye_wilden]: and i think it's out of balance in 1455 00:26:35,776 --> 00:26:35,796 [david]: i 1456 00:26:36,397 --> 00:26:38,978 [jessye_wilden]: most of us at times is that 1457 00:26:38,910 --> 00:26:39,930 [david]: oh 1458 00:26:39,059 --> 00:26:43,209 [jessye_wilden]: we are not the whole often we feel that we need to know the answers 1459 00:26:43,289 --> 00:26:44,190 [jessye_wilden]: or the reasons 1460 00:26:43,820 --> 00:26:44,241 [david]: often we 1461 00:26:44,250 --> 00:26:48,518 [jessye_wilden]: or how this is going to play out or um or what people say to 1462 00:26:48,658 --> 00:26:49,920 [jessye_wilden]: us what do we respond to 1463 00:26:49,830 --> 00:26:49,930 [david]: what 1464 00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:50,080 [jessye_wilden]: how 1465 00:26:50,030 --> 00:26:50,291 [david]: people 1466 00:26:50,120 --> 00:26:50,561 [jessye_wilden]: do we feel 1467 00:26:50,452 --> 00:26:50,612 [david]: say 1468 00:26:50,641 --> 00:26:50,861 [jessye_wilden]: about 1469 00:26:50,672 --> 00:26:50,993 [david]: to us 1470 00:26:50,942 --> 00:26:51,282 [jessye_wilden]: that or 1471 00:26:51,775 --> 00:26:51,856 [david]: on 1472 00:26:51,923 --> 00:26:52,043 [jessye_wilden]: what 1473 00:26:51,996 --> 00:26:52,076 [david]: to 1474 00:26:52,104 --> 00:26:53,950 [jessye_wilden]: is going on them and a lot of things just 1475 00:26:54,002 --> 00:26:54,102 [david]: what 1476 00:26:54,111 --> 00:26:54,332 [jessye_wilden]: aren't 1477 00:26:54,162 --> 00:26:54,884 [david]: is going on in the 1478 00:26:55,306 --> 00:26:57,196 [jessye_wilden]: ours and to make peace with 1479 00:26:57,091 --> 00:26:57,276 [david]: or 1480 00:26:57,216 --> 00:26:58,558 [jessye_wilden]: that saying like god's 1481 00:26:58,350 --> 00:26:58,711 [david]: make peace 1482 00:26:58,598 --> 00:26:58,959 [jessye_wilden]: the whole 1483 00:26:58,771 --> 00:26:59,031 [david]: with that 1484 00:26:59,079 --> 00:26:59,159 [jessye_wilden]: and 1485 00:26:59,191 --> 00:26:59,412 [david]: saying 1486 00:26:59,240 --> 00:27:01,123 [jessye_wilden]: we are not the whole but if you 1487 00:27:01,155 --> 00:27:01,215 [david]: no 1488 00:27:01,383 --> 00:27:02,165 [jessye_wilden]: swing so far 1489 00:27:02,277 --> 00:27:02,398 [david]: but 1490 00:27:02,385 --> 00:27:02,465 [jessye_wilden]: to 1491 00:27:02,458 --> 00:27:02,658 [david]: if you 1492 00:27:02,565 --> 00:27:02,926 [jessye_wilden]: say that 1493 00:27:02,898 --> 00:27:03,680 [david]: swing so far 1494 00:27:03,587 --> 00:27:03,867 [jessye_wilden]: god's 1495 00:27:03,880 --> 00:27:04,161 [david]: to say 1496 00:27:04,088 --> 00:27:04,649 [jessye_wilden]: everything 1497 00:27:04,261 --> 00:27:04,401 [david]: that 1498 00:27:04,709 --> 00:27:07,113 [jessye_wilden]: and wear nothing then you are probably going to 1499 00:27:07,066 --> 00:27:08,309 [david]: then you are to 1500 00:27:08,415 --> 00:27:09,665 [jessye_wilden]: see your life as 1501 00:27:09,620 --> 00:27:09,762 [david]: your 1502 00:27:09,745 --> 00:27:09,886 [jessye_wilden]: not 1503 00:27:09,802 --> 00:27:09,984 [david]: life 1504 00:27:09,927 --> 00:27:10,310 [jessye_wilden]: mattering 1505 00:27:10,509 --> 00:27:11,135 [david]: does not matter 1506 00:27:11,045 --> 00:27:11,767 [jessye_wilden]: as you're pain 1507 00:27:12,010 --> 00:27:12,130 [david]: your 1508 00:27:12,048 --> 00:27:12,610 [jessye_wilden]: not mattering 1509 00:27:12,271 --> 00:27:12,432 [david]: pa 1510 00:27:12,670 --> 00:27:14,576 [jessye_wilden]: because that needs to be balanced 1511 00:27:14,360 --> 00:27:14,541 [david]: needs 1512 00:27:14,616 --> 00:27:14,716 [jessye_wilden]: with 1513 00:27:14,621 --> 00:27:14,822 [david]: to be 1514 00:27:14,756 --> 00:27:14,837 [jessye_wilden]: the 1515 00:27:14,882 --> 00:27:15,224 [david]: balanced 1516 00:27:14,937 --> 00:27:15,198 [jessye_wilden]: idea 1517 00:27:15,284 --> 00:27:15,384 [david]: with 1518 00:27:15,318 --> 00:27:15,499 [jessye_wilden]: that 1519 00:27:15,445 --> 00:27:15,525 [david]: the 1520 00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:17,976 [jessye_wilden]: we are a part we are 1521 00:27:18,517 --> 00:27:18,598 [david]: re 1522 00:27:18,597 --> 00:27:19,439 [jessye_wilden]: we are not the whole 1523 00:27:19,321 --> 00:27:19,584 [david]: not the 1524 00:27:19,520 --> 00:27:19,740 [jessye_wilden]: but we 1525 00:27:19,685 --> 00:27:19,927 [david]: whole 1526 00:27:19,860 --> 00:27:20,021 [jessye_wilden]: are a 1527 00:27:20,028 --> 00:27:20,149 [david]: but 1528 00:27:20,141 --> 00:27:20,462 [jessye_wilden]: piece 1529 00:27:20,654 --> 00:27:20,956 [david]: peace 1530 00:27:21,685 --> 00:27:22,789 [jessye_wilden]: and god has allowed 1531 00:27:22,421 --> 00:27:23,244 [david]: god is allowed 1532 00:27:22,889 --> 00:27:23,672 [jessye_wilden]: us to 1533 00:27:24,046 --> 00:27:24,167 [david]: to 1534 00:27:24,605 --> 00:27:25,412 [jessye_wilden]: be an important 1535 00:27:25,331 --> 00:27:25,875 [david]: an important 1536 00:27:25,493 --> 00:27:25,815 [jessye_wilden]: piece 1537 00:27:25,956 --> 00:27:26,217 [david]: piece 1538 00:27:27,005 --> 00:27:27,586 [jessye_wilden]: but the thing is 1539 00:27:27,550 --> 00:27:27,850 [david]: the thing 1540 00:27:27,866 --> 00:27:27,947 [jessye_wilden]: if 1541 00:27:27,931 --> 00:27:27,991 [david]: is 1542 00:27:28,067 --> 00:27:28,167 [jessye_wilden]: we 1543 00:27:28,291 --> 00:27:28,592 [david]: if we 1544 00:27:28,688 --> 00:27:29,049 [jessye_wilden]: think we're 1545 00:27:29,073 --> 00:27:29,233 [david]: think 1546 00:27:29,129 --> 00:27:29,269 [jessye_wilden]: too 1547 00:27:29,294 --> 00:27:29,434 [david]: we're 1548 00:27:29,309 --> 00:27:29,550 [jessye_wilden]: much 1549 00:27:29,494 --> 00:27:29,895 [david]: too much 1550 00:27:29,770 --> 00:27:30,211 [jessye_wilden]: if we think 1551 00:27:30,256 --> 00:27:30,316 [david]: we 1552 00:27:30,392 --> 00:27:30,472 [jessye_wilden]: we 1553 00:27:30,396 --> 00:27:30,556 [david]: think 1554 00:27:30,612 --> 00:27:30,813 [jessye_wilden]: are the 1555 00:27:30,797 --> 00:27:30,877 [david]: we 1556 00:27:30,853 --> 00:27:31,073 [jessye_wilden]: whole 1557 00:27:30,977 --> 00:27:31,458 [david]: are the whole 1558 00:27:32,125 --> 00:27:35,741 [jessye_wilden]: causes anxiety and overwhelm and who wants to live a life being the whole 1559 00:27:36,701 --> 00:27:36,883 [david]: yeah 1560 00:27:37,215 --> 00:27:38,979 [jessye_wilden]: no um but if we 1561 00:27:38,931 --> 00:27:38,971 [david]: if 1562 00:27:39,120 --> 00:27:39,601 [jessye_wilden]: are not 1563 00:27:39,536 --> 00:27:39,779 [david]: not 1564 00:27:40,243 --> 00:27:41,789 [jessye_wilden]: if if we think 1565 00:27:41,654 --> 00:27:41,715 [david]: we 1566 00:27:41,830 --> 00:27:42,072 [jessye_wilden]: we don't 1567 00:27:42,098 --> 00:27:42,219 [david]: don't 1568 00:27:42,112 --> 00:27:43,947 [jessye_wilden]: have a part that's 1569 00:27:43,931 --> 00:27:44,115 [david]: that's 1570 00:27:44,027 --> 00:27:44,451 [jessye_wilden]: hopeless 1571 00:27:44,176 --> 00:27:44,624 [david]: hopeless 1572 00:27:45,385 --> 00:27:45,505 [jessye_wilden]: it's 1573 00:27:45,540 --> 00:27:45,660 [david]: it's 1574 00:27:45,565 --> 00:27:45,985 [jessye_wilden]: hopeless 1575 00:27:45,720 --> 00:27:46,121 [david]: hopeless 1576 00:27:46,105 --> 00:27:47,647 [jessye_wilden]: to think that but 1577 00:27:47,703 --> 00:27:47,783 [david]: but 1578 00:27:47,727 --> 00:27:47,988 [jessye_wilden]: i think 1579 00:27:47,884 --> 00:27:47,904 [david]: i 1580 00:27:48,168 --> 00:27:48,388 [jessye_wilden]: often 1581 00:27:48,304 --> 00:27:48,525 [david]: often 1582 00:27:48,468 --> 00:27:48,528 [jessye_wilden]: we 1583 00:27:48,585 --> 00:27:48,645 [david]: we 1584 00:27:48,608 --> 00:27:49,850 [jessye_wilden]: just get mixed up i get 1585 00:27:49,867 --> 00:27:49,987 [david]: get 1586 00:27:49,910 --> 00:27:54,815 [jessye_wilden]: mixed up thinking that some things are mine and they're really not um and other 1587 00:27:54,895 --> 00:27:57,297 [jessye_wilden]: things don't matter that really 1588 00:27:57,179 --> 00:27:57,379 [david]: really 1589 00:27:57,417 --> 00:27:57,518 [jessye_wilden]: do 1590 00:27:57,520 --> 00:27:57,601 [david]: do 1591 00:27:57,658 --> 00:27:57,718 [jessye_wilden]: and 1592 00:27:57,742 --> 00:27:57,822 [david]: when 1593 00:27:57,758 --> 00:27:58,038 [jessye_wilden]: i think 1594 00:27:57,903 --> 00:27:58,145 [david]: i think 1595 00:27:58,098 --> 00:27:59,199 [jessye_wilden]: when god helps 1596 00:27:59,122 --> 00:27:59,323 [david]: helps 1597 00:27:59,279 --> 00:27:59,379 [jessye_wilden]: us 1598 00:27:59,404 --> 00:27:59,484 [david]: us 1599 00:27:59,439 --> 00:27:59,539 [jessye_wilden]: to 1600 00:27:59,545 --> 00:27:59,625 [david]: to 1601 00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:00,560 [jessye_wilden]: put that 1602 00:28:00,540 --> 00:28:00,661 [david]: that 1603 00:28:00,640 --> 00:28:00,821 [jessye_wilden]: in the 1604 00:28:00,761 --> 00:28:00,882 [david]: an 1605 00:28:00,861 --> 00:28:01,581 [jessye_wilden]: right focus 1606 00:28:01,263 --> 00:28:01,705 [david]: focus 1607 00:28:01,781 --> 00:28:01,962 [jessye_wilden]: which 1608 00:28:01,906 --> 00:28:02,087 [david]: which 1609 00:28:02,082 --> 00:28:02,162 [jessye_wilden]: he 1610 00:28:02,167 --> 00:28:02,268 [david]: she 1611 00:28:02,282 --> 00:28:02,482 [jessye_wilden]: really 1612 00:28:02,448 --> 00:28:02,609 [david]: all 1613 00:28:02,562 --> 00:28:03,323 [jessye_wilden]: just sifts in 1614 00:28:03,393 --> 00:28:03,453 [david]: in 1615 00:28:03,423 --> 00:28:08,515 [jessye_wilden]: us if we let him we have purpose you know but we don't carry 1616 00:28:08,281 --> 00:28:08,682 [david]: we don't 1617 00:28:08,595 --> 00:28:09,739 [jessye_wilden]: it all and i think 1618 00:28:09,845 --> 00:28:09,925 [david]: and 1619 00:28:09,860 --> 00:28:10,161 [jessye_wilden]: that's 1620 00:28:09,985 --> 00:28:10,306 [david]: i think 1621 00:28:10,301 --> 00:28:10,622 [jessye_wilden]: where 1622 00:28:10,406 --> 00:28:11,068 [david]: that's where 1623 00:28:13,336 --> 00:28:18,361 [jessye_wilden]: everything flows from i think that that's where worship can flow from you know i've 1624 00:28:18,381 --> 00:28:18,581 [jessye_wilden]: written 1625 00:28:18,573 --> 00:28:18,673 [david]: i've 1626 00:28:18,642 --> 00:28:18,682 [jessye_wilden]: a 1627 00:28:18,713 --> 00:28:18,894 [david]: written 1628 00:28:18,722 --> 00:28:18,922 [jessye_wilden]: book 1629 00:28:18,914 --> 00:28:19,014 [david]: this 1630 00:28:20,283 --> 00:28:22,776 [jessye_wilden]: but people may look 1631 00:28:22,600 --> 00:28:22,860 [david]: o may 1632 00:28:22,836 --> 00:28:22,916 [jessye_wilden]: up 1633 00:28:22,920 --> 00:28:23,041 [david]: look 1634 00:28:22,976 --> 00:28:26,582 [jessye_wilden]: to that but i think that can be just as full of worship as cleaning 1635 00:28:26,662 --> 00:28:29,186 [jessye_wilden]: up throw up in the middle of the night from my four year old like 1636 00:28:29,286 --> 00:28:29,747 [jessye_wilden]: no joke 1637 00:28:30,172 --> 00:28:30,373 [david]: yeah 1638 00:28:30,889 --> 00:28:32,772 [jessye_wilden]: and i think we're often we put things 1639 00:28:32,737 --> 00:28:32,997 [david]: things 1640 00:28:32,892 --> 00:28:34,115 [jessye_wilden]: in certain views of what is 1641 00:28:34,159 --> 00:28:34,179 [david]: a 1642 00:28:34,195 --> 00:28:34,575 [jessye_wilden]: worship 1643 00:28:34,641 --> 00:28:34,802 [david]: ship 1644 00:28:34,675 --> 00:28:35,316 [jessye_wilden]: and for god 1645 00:28:35,225 --> 00:28:35,547 [david]: god 1646 00:28:35,396 --> 00:28:35,616 [jessye_wilden]: and what 1647 00:28:35,628 --> 00:28:35,688 [david]: and 1648 00:28:35,676 --> 00:28:35,736 [jessye_wilden]: is 1649 00:28:35,749 --> 00:28:35,870 [david]: what 1650 00:28:35,797 --> 00:28:36,057 [jessye_wilden]: a good 1651 00:28:35,950 --> 00:28:36,353 [david]: is a good 1652 00:28:36,177 --> 00:28:36,497 [jessye_wilden]: life 1653 00:28:36,494 --> 00:28:36,816 [david]: life 1654 00:28:37,539 --> 00:28:38,019 [jessye_wilden]: and i 1655 00:28:38,060 --> 00:28:38,201 [david]: and 1656 00:28:38,119 --> 00:28:38,500 [jessye_wilden]: think when 1657 00:28:38,522 --> 00:28:38,542 [david]: i 1658 00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:38,620 [jessye_wilden]: we 1659 00:28:38,663 --> 00:28:38,824 [david]: think 1660 00:28:38,720 --> 00:28:38,980 [jessye_wilden]: really 1661 00:28:39,024 --> 00:28:39,085 [david]: we 1662 00:28:39,080 --> 00:28:39,321 [jessye_wilden]: look 1663 00:28:39,185 --> 00:28:39,406 [david]: really 1664 00:28:39,501 --> 00:28:39,741 [jessye_wilden]: through 1665 00:28:39,527 --> 00:28:39,707 [david]: look 1666 00:28:39,801 --> 00:28:40,302 [jessye_wilden]: jesus's 1667 00:28:40,049 --> 00:28:40,511 [david]: o jesus 1668 00:28:40,402 --> 00:28:41,043 [jessye_wilden]: eyes for our 1669 00:28:41,033 --> 00:28:41,154 [david]: for 1670 00:28:41,163 --> 00:28:41,684 [jessye_wilden]: purpose 1671 00:28:41,315 --> 00:28:42,018 [david]: our purpose 1672 00:28:43,035 --> 00:28:43,536 [jessye_wilden]: ometimes it's 1673 00:28:43,550 --> 00:28:43,630 [david]: and 1674 00:28:43,596 --> 00:28:43,756 [jessye_wilden]: just 1675 00:28:43,730 --> 00:28:43,850 [david]: it's 1676 00:28:43,796 --> 00:28:43,937 [jessye_wilden]: that 1677 00:28:43,911 --> 00:28:44,091 [david]: just 1678 00:28:44,057 --> 00:28:44,378 [jessye_wilden]: moment 1679 00:28:44,131 --> 00:28:44,712 [david]: that moment 1680 00:28:44,478 --> 00:28:46,342 [jessye_wilden]: going like i trust you and i'm 1681 00:28:46,415 --> 00:28:46,495 [david]: and 1682 00:28:46,462 --> 00:28:46,963 [jessye_wilden]: convinced 1683 00:28:46,535 --> 00:28:47,237 [david]: i'm nice 1684 00:28:47,044 --> 00:28:47,324 [jessye_wilden]: that you 1685 00:28:47,337 --> 00:28:47,437 [david]: that 1686 00:28:47,384 --> 00:28:47,505 [jessye_wilden]: can 1687 00:28:47,497 --> 00:28:47,597 [david]: you 1688 00:28:47,585 --> 00:28:47,765 [jessye_wilden]: help 1689 00:28:47,657 --> 00:28:47,778 [david]: can 1690 00:28:47,865 --> 00:28:47,946 [jessye_wilden]: me 1691 00:28:47,878 --> 00:28:48,198 [david]: help me 1692 00:28:48,507 --> 00:28:48,988 [jessye_wilden]: through this 1693 00:28:49,071 --> 00:28:49,252 [david]: this 1694 00:28:49,128 --> 00:28:49,389 [jessye_wilden]: minute 1695 00:28:49,393 --> 00:28:49,695 [david]: minute 1696 00:28:49,669 --> 00:28:49,990 [jessye_wilden]: you know 1697 00:28:49,936 --> 00:28:50,258 [david]: you know 1698 00:28:50,732 --> 00:28:51,113 [jessye_wilden]: and that 1699 00:28:51,184 --> 00:28:51,385 [david]: that 1700 00:28:51,293 --> 00:28:51,413 [jessye_wilden]: is 1701 00:28:51,566 --> 00:28:51,687 [david]: is 1702 00:28:52,305 --> 00:28:53,086 [jessye_wilden]: as grand 1703 00:28:53,121 --> 00:28:53,361 [david]: and 1704 00:28:53,267 --> 00:28:56,293 [jessye_wilden]: and as wide and as worshipful i think about the widow 1705 00:28:56,206 --> 00:28:56,587 [david]: the widow 1706 00:28:56,373 --> 00:28:56,854 [jessye_wilden]: with the two 1707 00:28:57,007 --> 00:28:57,128 [david]: to 1708 00:28:57,035 --> 00:28:57,516 [jessye_wilden]: coins 1709 00:28:57,348 --> 00:28:57,709 [david]: point 1710 00:28:58,017 --> 00:28:58,558 [jessye_wilden]: sometimes that's 1711 00:28:58,420 --> 00:28:58,601 [david]: times 1712 00:28:58,858 --> 00:28:59,059 [jessye_wilden]: all 1713 00:28:59,104 --> 00:28:59,305 [david]: all 1714 00:28:59,420 --> 00:29:00,181 [jessye_wilden]: if you're familiar with 1715 00:29:00,150 --> 00:29:00,291 [david]: liar 1716 00:29:00,221 --> 00:29:03,050 [jessye_wilden]: that bible story it's like it isn't 1717 00:29:02,961 --> 00:29:03,182 [david]: it is 1718 00:29:03,170 --> 00:29:07,606 [jessye_wilden]: how much we give it's how much it is to us and i think 1719 00:29:07,491 --> 00:29:08,156 [david]: and i think 1720 00:29:08,107 --> 00:29:09,168 [jessye_wilden]: that people with chronic 1721 00:29:08,930 --> 00:29:09,312 [david]: people with 1722 00:29:09,249 --> 00:29:10,411 [jessye_wilden]: pain or people with 1723 00:29:10,397 --> 00:29:10,639 [david]: people 1724 00:29:10,651 --> 00:29:10,992 [jessye_wilden]: chronic 1725 00:29:10,719 --> 00:29:10,739 [david]: i 1726 00:29:11,192 --> 00:29:11,893 [jessye_wilden]: mental pain 1727 00:29:12,086 --> 00:29:12,247 [david]: am 1728 00:29:12,795 --> 00:29:13,275 [jessye_wilden]: either way 1729 00:29:13,170 --> 00:29:13,311 [david]: their 1730 00:29:13,375 --> 00:29:13,396 [jessye_wilden]: i 1731 00:29:13,411 --> 00:29:13,532 [david]: way 1732 00:29:13,496 --> 00:29:13,676 [jessye_wilden]: think 1733 00:29:13,673 --> 00:29:13,693 [david]: i 1734 00:29:13,756 --> 00:29:13,916 [jessye_wilden]: they 1735 00:29:13,793 --> 00:29:13,974 [david]: think 1736 00:29:14,537 --> 00:29:14,838 [jessye_wilden]: no one 1737 00:29:14,819 --> 00:29:14,879 [david]: no 1738 00:29:14,878 --> 00:29:15,118 [jessye_wilden]: knows 1739 00:29:15,020 --> 00:29:15,402 [david]: one knows 1740 00:29:15,178 --> 00:29:15,479 [jessye_wilden]: how much 1741 00:29:15,462 --> 00:29:15,542 [david]: how 1742 00:29:15,519 --> 00:29:15,659 [jessye_wilden]: they 1743 00:29:15,603 --> 00:29:15,723 [david]: much 1744 00:29:15,699 --> 00:29:15,860 [jessye_wilden]: have 1745 00:29:15,804 --> 00:29:15,904 [david]: they 1746 00:29:15,920 --> 00:29:16,020 [jessye_wilden]: to 1747 00:29:15,985 --> 00:29:16,125 [david]: have 1748 00:29:16,100 --> 00:29:16,380 [jessye_wilden]: spend 1749 00:29:16,206 --> 00:29:16,266 [david]: to 1750 00:29:17,282 --> 00:29:17,843 [jessye_wilden]: they are looking 1751 00:29:17,570 --> 00:29:18,070 [david]: they're looking 1752 00:29:17,923 --> 00:29:18,163 [jessye_wilden]: through 1753 00:29:18,190 --> 00:29:18,311 [david]: to 1754 00:29:18,584 --> 00:29:18,785 [jessye_wilden]: there 1755 00:29:18,851 --> 00:29:19,011 [david]: their 1756 00:29:18,905 --> 00:29:19,125 [jessye_wilden]: on 1757 00:29:19,172 --> 00:29:19,352 [david]: own 1758 00:29:19,405 --> 00:29:20,707 [jessye_wilden]: account you know their 1759 00:29:20,834 --> 00:29:20,974 [david]: their 1760 00:29:20,887 --> 00:29:21,107 [jessye_wilden]: own 1761 00:29:21,154 --> 00:29:21,335 [david]: own 1762 00:29:21,427 --> 00:29:21,748 [jessye_wilden]: how much 1763 00:29:21,715 --> 00:29:21,995 [david]: how much 1764 00:29:21,868 --> 00:29:22,348 [jessye_wilden]: they have 1765 00:29:22,156 --> 00:29:22,596 [david]: they have 1766 00:29:22,449 --> 00:29:23,069 [jessye_wilden]: an energy 1767 00:29:22,957 --> 00:29:23,317 [david]: energy 1768 00:29:23,189 --> 00:29:23,630 [jessye_wilden]: and time 1769 00:29:23,417 --> 00:29:23,838 [david]: and time 1770 00:29:23,690 --> 00:29:24,190 [jessye_wilden]: and effort 1771 00:29:23,918 --> 00:29:24,359 [david]: and effort 1772 00:29:24,311 --> 00:29:25,632 [jessye_wilden]: and like even 1773 00:29:25,640 --> 00:29:25,801 [david]: even 1774 00:29:25,712 --> 00:29:25,952 [jessye_wilden]: a white 1775 00:29:25,881 --> 00:29:26,102 [david]: a white 1776 00:29:25,992 --> 00:29:26,273 [jessye_wilden]: knuckle 1777 00:29:26,163 --> 00:29:26,303 [david]: neck 1778 00:29:26,333 --> 00:29:26,513 [jessye_wilden]: through 1779 00:29:26,504 --> 00:29:26,685 [david]: through 1780 00:29:26,593 --> 00:29:27,054 [jessye_wilden]: something 1781 00:29:26,745 --> 00:29:27,187 [david]: something 1782 00:29:28,065 --> 00:29:28,145 [jessye_wilden]: and 1783 00:29:28,182 --> 00:29:28,302 [david]: and 1784 00:29:28,226 --> 00:29:28,306 [jessye_wilden]: we 1785 00:29:28,403 --> 00:29:28,463 [david]: we 1786 00:29:28,447 --> 00:29:28,870 [jessye_wilden]: forget 1787 00:29:28,604 --> 00:29:29,007 [david]: forget 1788 00:29:29,011 --> 00:29:29,192 [jessye_wilden]: that 1789 00:29:29,168 --> 00:29:29,329 [david]: that 1790 00:29:29,474 --> 00:29:29,555 [jessye_wilden]: we 1791 00:29:29,651 --> 00:29:29,711 [david]: we 1792 00:29:29,655 --> 00:29:29,736 [jessye_wilden]: are 1793 00:29:29,792 --> 00:29:29,872 [david]: are 1794 00:29:29,796 --> 00:29:29,937 [jessye_wilden]: not 1795 00:29:29,933 --> 00:29:30,033 [david]: not 1796 00:29:29,998 --> 00:29:30,098 [jessye_wilden]: the 1797 00:29:30,134 --> 00:29:30,214 [david]: the 1798 00:29:30,179 --> 00:29:30,400 [jessye_wilden]: same 1799 00:29:30,295 --> 00:29:30,536 [david]: same 1800 00:29:31,225 --> 00:29:31,505 [jessye_wilden]: you know 1801 00:29:31,490 --> 00:29:31,550 [david]: no 1802 00:29:31,645 --> 00:29:31,746 [jessye_wilden]: we 1803 00:29:31,770 --> 00:29:31,831 [david]: we 1804 00:29:31,826 --> 00:29:31,906 [jessye_wilden]: are 1805 00:29:31,951 --> 00:29:32,031 [david]: are 1806 00:29:31,986 --> 00:29:32,127 [jessye_wilden]: not 1807 00:29:32,111 --> 00:29:32,231 [david]: not 1808 00:29:32,187 --> 00:29:32,287 [jessye_wilden]: all 1809 00:29:32,312 --> 00:29:32,412 [david]: all 1810 00:29:32,347 --> 00:29:32,427 [jessye_wilden]: the 1811 00:29:32,472 --> 00:29:32,552 [david]: the 1812 00:29:32,487 --> 00:29:32,748 [jessye_wilden]: same 1813 00:29:32,592 --> 00:29:32,853 [david]: same 1814 00:29:32,828 --> 00:29:35,434 [jessye_wilden]: and we don't all have the same tools or experiences 1815 00:29:34,837 --> 00:29:35,578 [david]: experiences 1816 00:29:36,316 --> 00:29:36,977 [jessye_wilden]: or support 1817 00:29:36,661 --> 00:29:37,143 [david]: support 1818 00:29:37,098 --> 00:29:37,619 [jessye_wilden]: and there's so 1819 00:29:37,626 --> 00:29:37,746 [david]: so 1820 00:29:37,699 --> 00:29:37,879 [jessye_wilden]: many 1821 00:29:37,887 --> 00:29:38,028 [david]: many 1822 00:29:37,920 --> 00:29:38,200 [jessye_wilden]: pieces 1823 00:29:38,088 --> 00:29:38,350 [david]: pieces 1824 00:29:38,280 --> 00:29:38,641 [jessye_wilden]: but god 1825 00:29:38,450 --> 00:29:38,812 [david]: but god 1826 00:29:38,701 --> 00:29:38,902 [jessye_wilden]: knows 1827 00:29:38,892 --> 00:29:39,073 [david]: knows 1828 00:29:38,982 --> 00:29:39,303 [jessye_wilden]: all those 1829 00:29:39,174 --> 00:29:39,274 [david]: all 1830 00:29:39,363 --> 00:29:39,663 [jessye_wilden]: things 1831 00:29:39,556 --> 00:29:39,857 [david]: things 1832 00:29:40,585 --> 00:29:40,866 [jessye_wilden]: and so 1833 00:29:40,750 --> 00:29:41,030 [david]: and so 1834 00:29:41,087 --> 00:29:41,408 [jessye_wilden]: i think 1835 00:29:41,251 --> 00:29:41,551 [david]: i think 1836 00:29:41,488 --> 00:29:42,090 [jessye_wilden]: when i have 1837 00:29:42,052 --> 00:29:42,192 [david]: in 1838 00:29:42,130 --> 00:29:45,642 [jessye_wilden]: felt so misunderstood and i'm sure many people listening today 1839 00:29:45,558 --> 00:29:45,859 [david]: today 1840 00:29:46,485 --> 00:29:46,967 [jessye_wilden]: feel that 1841 00:29:46,881 --> 00:29:47,123 [david]: that 1842 00:29:48,997 --> 00:29:49,118 [jessye_wilden]: i'd 1843 00:29:49,141 --> 00:29:49,282 [david]: i'd 1844 00:29:49,159 --> 00:29:49,280 [jessye_wilden]: like 1845 00:29:49,302 --> 00:29:49,423 [david]: like 1846 00:29:49,341 --> 00:29:49,645 [jessye_wilden]: to share 1847 00:29:49,463 --> 00:29:49,785 [david]: to share 1848 00:29:50,945 --> 00:29:51,105 [jessye_wilden]: one 1849 00:29:51,100 --> 00:29:51,260 [david]: one 1850 00:29:51,405 --> 00:29:51,685 [jessye_wilden]: thing 1851 00:29:51,561 --> 00:29:51,821 [david]: thing 1852 00:29:52,166 --> 00:29:52,306 [jessye_wilden]: on 1853 00:29:52,322 --> 00:29:52,422 [david]: on 1854 00:29:52,967 --> 00:29:53,347 [jessye_wilden]: suicide 1855 00:29:53,124 --> 00:29:53,464 [david]: suicide 1856 00:29:53,387 --> 00:29:57,111 [jessye_wilden]: awareness day which was september tenth i shared a post 1857 00:29:57,005 --> 00:29:57,167 [david]: okay 1858 00:29:57,211 --> 00:29:59,033 [jessye_wilden]: about like the colors 1859 00:29:58,700 --> 00:29:59,142 [david]: colors 1860 00:29:59,233 --> 00:29:59,453 [jessye_wilden]: that 1861 00:29:59,383 --> 00:29:59,604 [david]: that 1862 00:30:01,435 --> 00:30:02,036 [jessye_wilden]: represent 1863 00:30:01,571 --> 00:30:03,482 [david]: reentowsuicide 1864 00:30:02,678 --> 00:30:03,860 [jessye_wilden]: how suicide has affected 1865 00:30:03,543 --> 00:30:03,603 [david]: is 1866 00:30:03,940 --> 00:30:05,243 [jessye_wilden]: you and 1867 00:30:05,220 --> 00:30:05,380 [david]: and 1868 00:30:05,584 --> 00:30:05,624 [jessye_wilden]: i 1869 00:30:05,741 --> 00:30:05,761 [david]: i 1870 00:30:06,325 --> 00:30:06,646 [jessye_wilden]: green 1871 00:30:06,542 --> 00:30:06,843 [david]: really 1872 00:30:06,766 --> 00:30:06,927 [jessye_wilden]: meant 1873 00:30:06,943 --> 00:30:07,103 [david]: meant 1874 00:30:06,967 --> 00:30:07,107 [jessye_wilden]: that 1875 00:30:07,143 --> 00:30:07,264 [david]: that 1876 00:30:07,227 --> 00:30:07,388 [jessye_wilden]: you 1877 00:30:07,404 --> 00:30:07,524 [david]: you 1878 00:30:07,668 --> 00:30:07,929 [jessye_wilden]: had 1879 00:30:07,845 --> 00:30:08,065 [david]: had 1880 00:30:08,089 --> 00:30:08,470 [jessye_wilden]: struggled 1881 00:30:08,245 --> 00:30:08,626 [david]: struggled 1882 00:30:08,530 --> 00:30:08,650 [jessye_wilden]: with 1883 00:30:08,666 --> 00:30:08,786 [david]: with 1884 00:30:08,730 --> 00:30:09,191 [jessye_wilden]: suicide 1885 00:30:08,867 --> 00:30:09,307 [david]: suicide 1886 00:30:09,292 --> 00:30:09,913 [jessye_wilden]: or attempted 1887 00:30:09,428 --> 00:30:10,069 [david]: or attempted 1888 00:30:10,695 --> 00:30:10,936 [jessye_wilden]: and i 1889 00:30:11,001 --> 00:30:11,021 [david]: i 1890 00:30:11,056 --> 00:30:11,177 [jessye_wilden]: just 1891 00:30:11,203 --> 00:30:11,304 [david]: just 1892 00:30:11,237 --> 00:30:11,478 [jessye_wilden]: started 1893 00:30:11,344 --> 00:30:11,607 [david]: started 1894 00:30:11,538 --> 00:30:11,900 [jessye_wilden]: weeping 1895 00:30:11,687 --> 00:30:12,030 [david]: weeping 1896 00:30:12,040 --> 00:30:12,502 [jessye_wilden]: because 1897 00:30:12,172 --> 00:30:12,615 [david]: because 1898 00:30:13,945 --> 00:30:14,206 [jessye_wilden]: hundred 1899 00:30:14,060 --> 00:30:14,343 [david]: hundred 1900 00:30:14,266 --> 00:30:14,648 [jessye_wilden]: and fifty 1901 00:30:14,383 --> 00:30:14,444 [david]: and 1902 00:30:14,728 --> 00:30:15,511 [jessye_wilden]: people shared 1903 00:30:15,272 --> 00:30:15,635 [david]: shared 1904 00:30:16,515 --> 00:30:16,636 [jessye_wilden]: they 1905 00:30:16,620 --> 00:30:16,741 [david]: they 1906 00:30:16,716 --> 00:30:16,897 [jessye_wilden]: were 1907 00:30:16,841 --> 00:30:17,022 [david]: were 1908 00:30:17,500 --> 00:30:19,115 [jessye_wilden]: green and 1909 00:30:19,173 --> 00:30:19,233 [david]: and 1910 00:30:19,176 --> 00:30:19,556 [jessye_wilden]: i thought 1911 00:30:19,314 --> 00:30:19,657 [david]: i thought 1912 00:30:19,657 --> 00:30:20,017 [jessye_wilden]: we don't 1913 00:30:19,798 --> 00:30:20,120 [david]: we don't 1914 00:30:20,138 --> 00:30:20,358 [jessye_wilden]: know 1915 00:30:20,281 --> 00:30:20,503 [david]: know 1916 00:30:21,280 --> 00:30:21,360 [jessye_wilden]: as 1917 00:30:21,430 --> 00:30:21,510 [david]: as 1918 00:30:21,440 --> 00:30:21,500 [jessye_wilden]: we 1919 00:30:21,550 --> 00:30:21,630 [david]: we 1920 00:30:21,580 --> 00:30:21,781 [jessye_wilden]: walk 1921 00:30:21,711 --> 00:30:21,871 [david]: walk 1922 00:30:21,881 --> 00:30:22,342 [jessye_wilden]: around 1923 00:30:21,992 --> 00:30:22,313 [david]: around 1924 00:30:22,542 --> 00:30:24,125 [jessye_wilden]: who we almost 1925 00:30:23,998 --> 00:30:24,259 [david]: almost 1926 00:30:24,165 --> 00:30:25,368 [jessye_wilden]: lost today you know 1927 00:30:25,363 --> 00:30:25,483 [david]: know 1928 00:30:25,488 --> 00:30:25,868 [jessye_wilden]: and we don't 1929 00:30:25,744 --> 00:30:26,005 [david]: we don't 1930 00:30:25,929 --> 00:30:26,109 [jessye_wilden]: know 1931 00:30:26,065 --> 00:30:26,266 [david]: know 1932 00:30:26,269 --> 00:30:26,470 [jessye_wilden]: who's 1933 00:30:26,406 --> 00:30:26,587 [david]: who's 1934 00:30:26,570 --> 00:30:26,910 [jessye_wilden]: close 1935 00:30:26,707 --> 00:30:27,068 [david]: close 1936 00:30:27,672 --> 00:30:27,792 [jessye_wilden]: and 1937 00:30:27,792 --> 00:30:27,873 [david]: and 1938 00:30:27,872 --> 00:30:27,972 [jessye_wilden]: so 1939 00:30:27,995 --> 00:30:28,096 [david]: so 1940 00:30:28,153 --> 00:30:28,193 [jessye_wilden]: i 1941 00:30:28,278 --> 00:30:28,318 [david]: i 1942 00:30:28,293 --> 00:30:28,493 [jessye_wilden]: think 1943 00:30:28,420 --> 00:30:28,622 [david]: think 1944 00:30:29,275 --> 00:30:29,656 [jessye_wilden]: now that 1945 00:30:29,631 --> 00:30:29,772 [david]: that 1946 00:30:29,696 --> 00:30:31,700 [jessye_wilden]: can be part of our job to remember 1947 00:30:31,563 --> 00:30:31,805 [david]: member 1948 00:30:31,780 --> 00:30:32,021 [jessye_wilden]: that 1949 00:30:31,925 --> 00:30:32,127 [david]: that 1950 00:30:32,783 --> 00:30:32,863 [jessye_wilden]: but 1951 00:30:32,881 --> 00:30:32,981 [david]: but 1952 00:30:32,923 --> 00:30:32,983 [jessye_wilden]: we 1953 00:30:33,042 --> 00:30:33,102 [david]: we 1954 00:30:33,063 --> 00:30:33,224 [jessye_wilden]: don't 1955 00:30:33,162 --> 00:30:33,303 [david]: don't 1956 00:30:33,344 --> 00:30:36,631 [jessye_wilden]: hold all their decisions either and so that 1957 00:30:36,631 --> 00:30:36,792 [david]: that 1958 00:30:36,751 --> 00:30:37,172 [jessye_wilden]: is something 1959 00:30:36,913 --> 00:30:37,294 [david]: is somethin 1960 00:30:37,212 --> 00:30:38,946 [jessye_wilden]: that has has 1961 00:30:38,990 --> 00:30:39,091 [david]: it's 1962 00:30:39,067 --> 00:30:39,329 [jessye_wilden]: really 1963 00:30:39,192 --> 00:30:39,434 [david]: really 1964 00:30:40,094 --> 00:30:40,356 [jessye_wilden]: helped 1965 00:30:40,212 --> 00:30:40,394 [david]: help 1966 00:30:40,557 --> 00:30:41,060 [jessye_wilden]: anchor me 1967 00:30:42,530 --> 00:30:42,650 [david]: ah 1968 00:30:42,565 --> 00:30:42,908 [jessye_wilden]: through this 1969 00:30:45,415 --> 00:30:51,004 [david]: you know i was thinking about the purpose you know that people have 1970 00:30:50,882 --> 00:30:50,944 [jessye_wilden]: ah 1971 00:30:51,064 --> 00:30:56,273 [david]: in life and how if we let something become the it can blind us to 1972 00:30:56,333 --> 00:30:57,635 [david]: that purpose to keep going 1973 00:30:57,455 --> 00:30:57,696 [jessye_wilden]: oh 1974 00:30:57,675 --> 00:31:01,141 [david]: you know and i think sometimes pain suffering like you said whether it's mental or 1975 00:31:01,221 --> 00:31:04,186 [david]: physical or grief i mean it could be any of those things that can just 1976 00:31:04,226 --> 00:31:04,567 [david]: consume 1977 00:31:04,577 --> 00:31:04,758 [jessye_wilden]: yeah 1978 00:31:04,647 --> 00:31:09,194 [david]: us and that's all we can see and i think there are those times when 1979 00:31:09,254 --> 00:31:15,084 [david]: something is specially fresh and new or overwhelming that surviving is your purpose you know 1980 00:31:15,184 --> 00:31:16,006 [david]: for that for that 1981 00:31:15,915 --> 00:31:16,182 [jessye_wilden]: yes 1982 00:31:16,266 --> 00:31:18,009 [david]: period of time you know and 1983 00:31:17,896 --> 00:31:18,158 [jessye_wilden]: yes 1984 00:31:18,870 --> 00:31:21,615 [david]: and that's okay because that's all god is asking us to do is to keep 1985 00:31:21,655 --> 00:31:25,802 [david]: holding on to him during that time i do think one of the things we've 1986 00:31:25,842 --> 00:31:30,870 [david]: tried to do and broken and mended is to let people know that illness and 1987 00:31:31,211 --> 00:31:33,134 [david]: pain do not rob your purpose 1988 00:31:34,355 --> 00:31:34,375 [jessye_wilden]: m 1989 00:31:34,537 --> 00:31:38,744 [david]: or the way that god can use you in that god actually delights in using 1990 00:31:39,745 --> 00:31:46,176 [david]: weakness and brokenness in order to um you know to show his strength and his 1991 00:31:46,256 --> 00:31:50,643 [david]: power and in our lives and that's the reason why you know broken and mended 1992 00:31:50,744 --> 00:31:54,109 [david]: the name kind of comes from the idea of kansu and you know the 1993 00:31:54,215 --> 00:31:54,235 [jessye_wilden]: m 1994 00:31:54,410 --> 00:31:59,298 [david]: the seams you know with the where the brokenness is you fill it with in 1995 00:31:59,358 --> 00:32:02,844 [david]: this case gold precious metal but we're talking about 1996 00:32:02,744 --> 00:32:02,765 [jessye_wilden]: m 1997 00:32:02,904 --> 00:32:03,004 [david]: how 1998 00:32:02,996 --> 00:32:03,177 [jessye_wilden]: ken 1999 00:32:03,104 --> 00:32:03,304 [david]: god 2000 00:32:03,238 --> 00:32:03,601 [jessye_wilden]: stoke 2001 00:32:03,405 --> 00:32:06,309 [david]: shines through yeah you probably said it 2002 00:32:06,341 --> 00:32:06,905 [jessye_wilden]: hm 2003 00:32:06,350 --> 00:32:08,475 [david]: better an me because but in 2004 00:32:08,495 --> 00:32:08,596 [jessye_wilden]: no 2005 00:32:08,555 --> 00:32:15,582 [david]: any case i think you know that it's important for people to know that it's 2006 00:32:15,642 --> 00:32:16,824 [david]: important for people to 2007 00:32:16,865 --> 00:32:16,885 [jessye_wilden]: m 2008 00:32:17,005 --> 00:32:21,492 [david]: know like you said that your pain is not the whole and and 2009 00:32:21,575 --> 00:32:21,595 [jessye_wilden]: m 2010 00:32:21,772 --> 00:32:24,978 [david]: these are things we have to give that we have to give to god and 2011 00:32:25,038 --> 00:32:29,325 [david]: allow god to be the whole um not to the diminishment of our own person 2012 00:32:29,405 --> 00:32:32,270 [david]: hood or struggle but to know that he's walking with us in that and so 2013 00:32:33,131 --> 00:32:37,919 [david]: yeah very well well said and and i think that's something that really relates to 2014 00:32:38,020 --> 00:32:43,829 [david]: people in all whatever kind of pain you know they may be in but we 2015 00:32:43,849 --> 00:32:44,435 [jessye_wilden]: hm 2016 00:32:43,869 --> 00:32:47,596 [david]: want people to know that your life is worth it your and 2017 00:32:48,003 --> 00:32:48,575 [jessye_wilden]: hm 2018 00:32:48,056 --> 00:32:52,544 [david]: that god is as long as we're child drawing breath that god has purpose in 2019 00:32:52,824 --> 00:32:54,427 [david]: your life and will 2020 00:32:54,923 --> 00:32:55,535 [jessye_wilden]: hm 2021 00:32:55,509 --> 00:32:58,414 [david]: still be at work in your life and in the life of others through you 2022 00:32:59,015 --> 00:33:03,182 [david]: and i wanted to pick up too on this theme of for illness and this 2023 00:33:03,262 --> 00:33:07,268 [david]: is something also related to some of the people with chronic pain and chronic illness 2024 00:33:07,308 --> 00:33:10,273 [david]: in my case i want to say that i've been very blessed though this whole 2025 00:33:10,333 --> 00:33:14,160 [david]: experience to have no very good support from family and 2026 00:33:14,195 --> 00:33:14,215 [jessye_wilden]: m 2027 00:33:14,220 --> 00:33:17,505 [david]: friends when i've been going through chronic illness and pain but i know a lot 2028 00:33:17,565 --> 00:33:20,410 [david]: of people where that was not the case i even know some people 2029 00:33:20,195 --> 00:33:20,215 [jessye_wilden]: m 2030 00:33:20,470 --> 00:33:24,697 [david]: who were abandoned by their spouses because they decided they didn't 2031 00:33:24,545 --> 00:33:24,565 [jessye_wilden]: m 2032 00:33:24,757 --> 00:33:31,088 [david]: sign up for this when they um i mean just just difficult betrayals and in 2033 00:33:31,148 --> 00:33:37,338 [david]: broken hearts slept behind sometimes from a child that a friend close friend who no 2034 00:33:37,419 --> 00:33:40,547 [david]: longer was goin to be their friend because they couldn't keep up with their live 2035 00:33:40,608 --> 00:33:45,891 [david]: style all kinds of different situations that i know about that has happened to people 2036 00:33:45,952 --> 00:33:51,200 [david]: through they have chronic pain and illness and so i want to ask what would 2037 00:33:51,220 --> 00:33:57,232 [david]: you say to someone who told you that sometimes forgiveness is just too hard what 2038 00:33:57,313 --> 00:33:58,017 [david]: makes forgiveness 2039 00:33:57,780 --> 00:33:57,801 [jessye_wilden]: m 2040 00:33:58,097 --> 00:33:59,626 [david]: worth it in your experience 2041 00:34:02,455 --> 00:34:04,268 [jessye_wilden]: that's a really good question i think 2042 00:34:04,270 --> 00:34:04,391 [david]: she 2043 00:34:08,455 --> 00:34:09,178 [jessye_wilden]: i think knowing 2044 00:34:09,542 --> 00:34:09,885 [david]: knowing 2045 00:34:09,560 --> 00:34:13,956 [jessye_wilden]: jesus makes all the difference because 2046 00:34:14,081 --> 00:34:16,135 [david]: case oh 2047 00:34:17,865 --> 00:34:19,072 [jessye_wilden]: i think we don't see ourselves 2048 00:34:18,711 --> 00:34:18,751 [david]: m 2049 00:34:19,173 --> 00:34:20,441 [jessye_wilden]: rightly most of the time 2050 00:34:21,460 --> 00:34:21,540 [david]: hm 2051 00:34:21,495 --> 00:34:25,546 [jessye_wilden]: and how broken we were 2052 00:34:25,500 --> 00:34:25,941 [david]: we were 2053 00:34:26,148 --> 00:34:29,234 [jessye_wilden]: or how ugly we were or how we can be 2054 00:34:29,288 --> 00:34:29,488 [david]: and 2055 00:34:29,895 --> 00:34:30,296 [jessye_wilden]: and i think 2056 00:34:30,280 --> 00:34:30,361 [david]: and 2057 00:34:30,316 --> 00:34:30,376 [jessye_wilden]: we 2058 00:34:30,422 --> 00:34:30,442 [david]: i 2059 00:34:30,436 --> 00:34:30,536 [jessye_wilden]: put 2060 00:34:30,482 --> 00:34:30,603 [david]: think 2061 00:34:30,596 --> 00:34:30,657 [jessye_wilden]: on 2062 00:34:30,644 --> 00:34:30,704 [david]: we 2063 00:34:30,697 --> 00:34:30,937 [jessye_wilden]: a really 2064 00:34:30,785 --> 00:34:30,987 [david]: put on 2065 00:34:30,957 --> 00:34:31,097 [jessye_wilden]: good 2066 00:34:31,027 --> 00:34:31,269 [david]: a really 2067 00:34:31,137 --> 00:34:31,618 [jessye_wilden]: facade 2068 00:34:31,290 --> 00:34:32,400 [david]: good side 2069 00:34:32,721 --> 00:34:33,963 [jessye_wilden]: but if you like really knew 2070 00:34:33,891 --> 00:34:34,315 [david]: really knew 2071 00:34:35,195 --> 00:34:36,257 [jessye_wilden]: ourselves inside you know 2072 00:34:36,409 --> 00:34:36,490 [david]: you 2073 00:34:36,437 --> 00:34:36,598 [jessye_wilden]: kind 2074 00:34:36,550 --> 00:34:36,651 [david]: know 2075 00:34:36,638 --> 00:34:38,883 [jessye_wilden]: of thing and i just feel like 2076 00:34:38,682 --> 00:34:39,431 [david]: i just feel 2077 00:34:42,325 --> 00:34:43,046 [jessye_wilden]: when i think about 2078 00:34:43,032 --> 00:34:43,152 [david]: when 2079 00:34:43,127 --> 00:34:43,187 [jessye_wilden]: it 2080 00:34:43,212 --> 00:34:43,473 [david]: i think 2081 00:34:43,488 --> 00:34:44,450 [jessye_wilden]: i think about 2082 00:34:44,415 --> 00:34:44,575 [david]: think 2083 00:34:47,016 --> 00:34:47,819 [jessye_wilden]: what what jesus 2084 00:34:47,681 --> 00:34:47,822 [david]: what 2085 00:34:47,880 --> 00:34:53,036 [jessye_wilden]: went through for me which i can circle back to i think that 2086 00:34:52,892 --> 00:34:53,092 [david]: but i 2087 00:34:53,156 --> 00:34:53,216 [jessye_wilden]: if 2088 00:34:53,193 --> 00:34:53,353 [david]: think 2089 00:34:53,276 --> 00:34:53,637 [jessye_wilden]: you don't 2090 00:34:53,494 --> 00:34:53,815 [david]: that if 2091 00:34:53,757 --> 00:34:53,957 [jessye_wilden]: have 2092 00:34:53,875 --> 00:34:53,976 [david]: you 2093 00:34:53,997 --> 00:34:54,218 [jessye_wilden]: that 2094 00:34:54,036 --> 00:34:54,738 [david]: don't show that 2095 00:34:54,738 --> 00:34:55,560 [jessye_wilden]: i think even then 2096 00:34:55,614 --> 00:34:56,101 [david]: even then 2097 00:34:56,161 --> 00:34:56,802 [jessye_wilden]: the idea of 2098 00:34:56,860 --> 00:34:57,141 [david]: idea 2099 00:34:56,882 --> 00:34:57,423 [jessye_wilden]: forgiveness 2100 00:34:57,261 --> 00:34:59,307 [david]: of frgvnesss 2101 00:34:57,543 --> 00:35:01,730 [jessye_wilden]: is um it really circles back to that we're not the whole and if you 2102 00:35:01,770 --> 00:35:02,151 [jessye_wilden]: decide 2103 00:35:02,112 --> 00:35:02,193 [david]: you 2104 00:35:02,211 --> 00:35:02,351 [jessye_wilden]: that 2105 00:35:02,253 --> 00:35:02,633 [david]: decide 2106 00:35:02,852 --> 00:35:03,353 [jessye_wilden]: you need to 2107 00:35:03,334 --> 00:35:03,415 [david]: you 2108 00:35:03,413 --> 00:35:03,653 [jessye_wilden]: hold 2109 00:35:03,535 --> 00:35:03,815 [david]: need to 2110 00:35:03,834 --> 00:35:08,179 [jessye_wilden]: on to un for ness or if i decide order to prove a point or 2111 00:35:08,440 --> 00:35:12,511 [jessye_wilden]: to feel like i can protect myself from happening again i mean think about the 2112 00:35:12,551 --> 00:35:19,558 [jessye_wilden]: reasons we hold on to unforgiveness you know it's because it kind of protects 2113 00:35:19,633 --> 00:35:19,934 [david]: poet 2114 00:35:19,658 --> 00:35:21,779 [jessye_wilden]: us a little bit we don't want 2115 00:35:21,761 --> 00:35:21,822 [david]: you 2116 00:35:21,820 --> 00:35:21,880 [jessye_wilden]: to 2117 00:35:21,882 --> 00:35:22,022 [david]: don't 2118 00:35:21,941 --> 00:35:22,062 [jessye_wilden]: say 2119 00:35:22,083 --> 00:35:22,203 [david]: want 2120 00:35:22,122 --> 00:35:22,365 [jessye_wilden]: it was 2121 00:35:22,243 --> 00:35:22,283 [david]: to 2122 00:35:22,445 --> 00:35:25,142 [jessye_wilden]: okay we want to there's actually 2123 00:35:25,074 --> 00:35:25,255 [david]: there's 2124 00:35:25,182 --> 00:35:25,202 [jessye_wilden]: a 2125 00:35:25,315 --> 00:35:25,557 [david]: actually 2126 00:35:25,322 --> 00:35:25,684 [jessye_wilden]: strength 2127 00:35:25,617 --> 00:35:26,060 [david]: a strength 2128 00:35:25,785 --> 00:35:26,267 [jessye_wilden]: in anger 2129 00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:26,261 [david]: in 2130 00:35:26,609 --> 00:35:26,971 [jessye_wilden]: that is 2131 00:35:27,065 --> 00:35:27,387 [david]: this 2132 00:35:28,235 --> 00:35:30,859 [jessye_wilden]: vapor but it feels like you have 2133 00:35:30,742 --> 00:35:31,022 [david]: like you 2134 00:35:30,939 --> 00:35:31,220 [jessye_wilden]: power 2135 00:35:31,083 --> 00:35:31,263 [david]: have 2136 00:35:31,560 --> 00:35:32,261 [jessye_wilden]: becase that's the only 2137 00:35:32,164 --> 00:35:32,325 [david]: that's 2138 00:35:32,301 --> 00:35:32,442 [jessye_wilden]: thing 2139 00:35:32,345 --> 00:35:32,445 [david]: the 2140 00:35:32,482 --> 00:35:35,787 [jessye_wilden]: you really have power over that is your peace to forgive or not and right 2141 00:35:35,887 --> 00:35:37,991 [jessye_wilden]: so i think it comes mostly though 2142 00:35:37,814 --> 00:35:38,254 [david]: comes most 2143 00:35:38,111 --> 00:35:41,016 [jessye_wilden]: from a place of fear because if we are to forgive 2144 00:35:40,939 --> 00:35:41,280 [david]: here 2145 00:35:41,156 --> 00:35:45,241 [jessye_wilden]: what is on the other side of that like what possibly could happen if i 2146 00:35:45,361 --> 00:35:46,903 [jessye_wilden]: forgive then does that mean that 2147 00:35:46,951 --> 00:35:47,171 [david]: men 2148 00:35:46,963 --> 00:35:49,977 [jessye_wilden]: it was okay no it doesn't because we don't hold that 2149 00:35:49,997 --> 00:35:50,117 [david]: don't 2150 00:35:50,017 --> 00:35:50,197 [jessye_wilden]: part 2151 00:35:50,157 --> 00:35:50,297 [david]: hold 2152 00:35:52,060 --> 00:35:52,561 [jessye_wilden]: if i were to 2153 00:35:52,570 --> 00:35:52,670 [david]: my 2154 00:35:52,601 --> 00:35:52,922 [jessye_wilden]: forgive 2155 00:35:52,731 --> 00:35:52,891 [david]: word 2156 00:35:53,002 --> 00:35:55,145 [jessye_wilden]: maybe i'll just fall apart like maybe that 2157 00:35:55,120 --> 00:35:55,860 [david]: maze 2158 00:35:55,266 --> 00:35:58,491 [jessye_wilden]: anger is what is being able to film through the days you know to be 2159 00:35:58,591 --> 00:36:01,676 [jessye_wilden]: like stick it to them on i kind of understand 2160 00:36:01,446 --> 00:36:01,486 [david]: of 2161 00:36:01,716 --> 00:36:03,579 [jessye_wilden]: those things because what if someone told me that 2162 00:36:03,568 --> 00:36:03,668 [david]: old 2163 00:36:03,699 --> 00:36:05,522 [jessye_wilden]: like how do you what if i can't forgive 2164 00:36:05,401 --> 00:36:05,421 [david]: i 2165 00:36:05,562 --> 00:36:09,541 [jessye_wilden]: because it's too hard to be like yeah it is it is 2166 00:36:09,392 --> 00:36:09,982 [david]: it is 2167 00:36:10,247 --> 00:36:10,469 [jessye_wilden]: and 2168 00:36:10,702 --> 00:36:10,944 [david]: and 2169 00:36:11,905 --> 00:36:12,485 [jessye_wilden]: what has helped 2170 00:36:12,350 --> 00:36:12,612 [david]: what is 2171 00:36:12,605 --> 00:36:12,705 [jessye_wilden]: me 2172 00:36:12,672 --> 00:36:13,155 [david]: helped me 2173 00:36:13,747 --> 00:36:14,668 [jessye_wilden]: is to know that 2174 00:36:14,560 --> 00:36:14,721 [david]: now 2175 00:36:14,868 --> 00:36:14,888 [jessye_wilden]: i 2176 00:36:14,921 --> 00:36:15,082 [david]: that 2177 00:36:14,968 --> 00:36:15,469 [jessye_wilden]: have a god 2178 00:36:15,282 --> 00:36:15,543 [david]: i have 2179 00:36:15,549 --> 00:36:17,991 [jessye_wilden]: who weeps with me and loves 2180 00:36:18,031 --> 00:36:18,997 [david]: love 2181 00:36:18,131 --> 00:36:21,346 [jessye_wilden]: justice and heard every word that they said saw 2182 00:36:21,651 --> 00:36:21,731 [david]: so 2183 00:36:21,687 --> 00:36:22,309 [jessye_wilden]: every time 2184 00:36:22,094 --> 00:36:22,336 [david]: every 2185 00:36:22,369 --> 00:36:24,496 [jessye_wilden]: that they left me and then i 2186 00:36:24,520 --> 00:36:24,600 [david]: and 2187 00:36:24,596 --> 00:36:25,078 [jessye_wilden]: realized 2188 00:36:24,640 --> 00:36:25,502 [david]: then i realized 2189 00:36:25,680 --> 00:36:29,191 [jessye_wilden]: they left him too and they 2190 00:36:29,412 --> 00:36:29,554 [david]: the 2191 00:36:30,525 --> 00:36:31,350 [jessye_wilden]: hurt him too 2192 00:36:31,610 --> 00:36:32,460 [david]: to yeah 2193 00:36:32,515 --> 00:36:32,975 [jessye_wilden]: because not 2194 00:36:32,902 --> 00:36:33,183 [david]: because 2195 00:36:33,035 --> 00:36:33,356 [jessye_wilden]: only was 2196 00:36:33,263 --> 00:36:33,384 [david]: not 2197 00:36:33,396 --> 00:36:33,676 [jessye_wilden]: jesus 2198 00:36:33,464 --> 00:36:33,765 [david]: only with 2199 00:36:33,756 --> 00:36:38,223 [jessye_wilden]: beat and we always kind of highlight the whipping which was worthy of highlight 2200 00:36:38,131 --> 00:36:38,211 [david]: the 2201 00:36:39,415 --> 00:36:43,626 [jessye_wilden]: but they made fun of him called him names 2202 00:36:43,320 --> 00:36:43,400 [david]: the 2203 00:36:44,247 --> 00:36:45,128 [jessye_wilden]: they degraded him 2204 00:36:45,023 --> 00:36:45,404 [david]: graded 2205 00:36:45,228 --> 00:36:47,310 [jessye_wilden]: disgraced him he hung on that cross naked 2206 00:36:47,448 --> 00:36:47,749 [david]: naked 2207 00:36:47,751 --> 00:36:51,608 [jessye_wilden]: and that's often how it feels to be in pain and he did that 2208 00:36:51,640 --> 00:36:51,681 [david]: he 2209 00:36:51,648 --> 00:36:52,170 [jessye_wilden]: he didn't need 2210 00:36:52,084 --> 00:36:52,347 [david]: he didn't 2211 00:36:52,250 --> 00:36:52,431 [jessye_wilden]: to do 2212 00:36:52,447 --> 00:36:52,629 [david]: need 2213 00:36:52,491 --> 00:36:52,652 [jessye_wilden]: that 2214 00:36:52,690 --> 00:36:53,093 [david]: to that 2215 00:36:53,705 --> 00:36:53,825 [jessye_wilden]: so 2216 00:36:54,352 --> 00:36:54,553 [david]: right 2217 00:36:54,446 --> 00:36:57,830 [jessye_wilden]: when i really really think of him up there 2218 00:36:57,620 --> 00:36:57,962 [david]: he up 2219 00:36:57,970 --> 00:37:02,356 [jessye_wilden]: and not only just thinking of like the whole world but thinking of me thinking 2220 00:37:02,580 --> 00:37:02,801 [david]: king 2221 00:37:02,636 --> 00:37:05,204 [jessye_wilden]: of me like if i was the only one in 2222 00:37:05,180 --> 00:37:05,381 [david]: only 2223 00:37:05,244 --> 00:37:05,525 [jessye_wilden]: the world 2224 00:37:05,461 --> 00:37:05,521 [david]: an 2225 00:37:05,586 --> 00:37:10,698 [jessye_wilden]: who accepted that he would have done that anyways i don't know how 2226 00:37:10,812 --> 00:37:10,934 [david]: know 2227 00:37:10,859 --> 00:37:11,000 [jessye_wilden]: to 2228 00:37:11,015 --> 00:37:11,136 [david]: how 2229 00:37:11,120 --> 00:37:11,382 [jessye_wilden]: not 2230 00:37:11,318 --> 00:37:12,270 [david]: to not 2231 00:37:12,935 --> 00:37:16,562 [jessye_wilden]: live right with him and thank him in any other way that does 2232 00:37:16,633 --> 00:37:16,693 [david]: it 2233 00:37:16,662 --> 00:37:16,823 [jessye_wilden]: not 2234 00:37:16,794 --> 00:37:17,015 [david]: does 2235 00:37:16,923 --> 00:37:17,243 [jessye_wilden]: mean 2236 00:37:17,095 --> 00:37:17,436 [david]: not me 2237 00:37:18,628 --> 00:37:25,247 [jessye_wilden]: it hurts so deeply like it it feels like it will undo you and i 2238 00:37:25,307 --> 00:37:26,388 [jessye_wilden]: think we need to normalize 2239 00:37:25,932 --> 00:37:26,692 [david]: we need to normal 2240 00:37:26,468 --> 00:37:29,611 [jessye_wilden]: talking about that it feels like if you let this 2241 00:37:29,676 --> 00:37:29,816 [david]: let 2242 00:37:29,711 --> 00:37:29,791 [jessye_wilden]: go 2243 00:37:29,896 --> 00:37:30,036 [david]: this 2244 00:37:29,911 --> 00:37:31,072 [jessye_wilden]: if i let this go 2245 00:37:31,117 --> 00:37:31,257 [david]: this 2246 00:37:31,233 --> 00:37:34,216 [jessye_wilden]: if i just even for an inch i'm going to 2247 00:37:34,395 --> 00:37:34,537 [david]: good 2248 00:37:36,145 --> 00:37:36,895 [jessye_wilden]: i'm not going to make it 2249 00:37:36,963 --> 00:37:37,245 [david]: make 2250 00:37:39,286 --> 00:37:39,808 [jessye_wilden]: but what 2251 00:37:39,790 --> 00:37:39,950 [david]: but 2252 00:37:39,889 --> 00:37:40,110 [jessye_wilden]: i have 2253 00:37:40,151 --> 00:37:40,271 [david]: what 2254 00:37:40,250 --> 00:37:41,356 [jessye_wilden]: found is that 2255 00:37:41,314 --> 00:37:41,414 [david]: is 2256 00:37:41,477 --> 00:37:41,537 [jessye_wilden]: is 2257 00:37:41,615 --> 00:37:41,815 [david]: that 2258 00:37:41,617 --> 00:37:43,986 [jessye_wilden]: the worst point choosing 2259 00:37:44,002 --> 00:37:45,145 [david]: chsigthinking 2260 00:37:44,066 --> 00:37:45,409 [jessye_wilden]: it thinking the fear 2261 00:37:45,426 --> 00:37:45,506 [david]: the 2262 00:37:45,549 --> 00:37:45,610 [jessye_wilden]: of 2263 00:37:45,627 --> 00:37:45,868 [david]: fear 2264 00:37:45,690 --> 00:37:46,051 [jessye_wilden]: choosing 2265 00:37:45,988 --> 00:37:46,048 [david]: of 2266 00:37:46,111 --> 00:37:46,171 [jessye_wilden]: it 2267 00:37:46,128 --> 00:37:46,490 [david]: choosing 2268 00:37:46,251 --> 00:37:47,193 [jessye_wilden]: but once you choose 2269 00:37:46,991 --> 00:37:47,292 [david]: one you 2270 00:37:47,294 --> 00:37:47,354 [jessye_wilden]: it 2271 00:37:47,373 --> 00:37:47,633 [david]: choose 2272 00:37:47,474 --> 00:37:47,935 [jessye_wilden]: and sometimes 2273 00:37:47,714 --> 00:37:48,015 [david]: it and 2274 00:37:47,975 --> 00:37:48,176 [jessye_wilden]: you have 2275 00:37:48,115 --> 00:37:48,376 [david]: sometimes 2276 00:37:48,216 --> 00:37:48,537 [jessye_wilden]: to choose 2277 00:37:48,416 --> 00:37:48,597 [david]: you have 2278 00:37:48,617 --> 00:37:48,677 [jessye_wilden]: it 2279 00:37:48,637 --> 00:37:49,098 [david]: to choose it 2280 00:37:49,118 --> 00:37:50,221 [jessye_wilden]: a hundred times a day 2281 00:37:50,223 --> 00:37:50,666 [david]: i'm sure 2282 00:37:50,782 --> 00:37:51,203 [jessye_wilden]: to be real 2283 00:37:51,463 --> 00:37:51,649 [david]: real 2284 00:37:52,465 --> 00:37:53,026 [jessye_wilden]: once you choose 2285 00:37:52,910 --> 00:37:53,030 [david]: once 2286 00:37:53,066 --> 00:37:53,106 [jessye_wilden]: it 2287 00:37:53,090 --> 00:37:53,150 [david]: you 2288 00:37:53,146 --> 00:37:53,206 [jessye_wilden]: and 2289 00:37:53,250 --> 00:37:53,470 [david]: choose 2290 00:37:53,267 --> 00:37:56,534 [jessye_wilden]: once you practice it like if you're working out and that muscle gets stronger and 2291 00:37:56,574 --> 00:38:00,863 [jessye_wilden]: you say that's not mine that's god and i let god's and i let that 2292 00:38:00,943 --> 00:38:03,276 [jessye_wilden]: go you 2293 00:38:03,550 --> 00:38:03,692 [david]: you 2294 00:38:03,898 --> 00:38:04,782 [jessye_wilden]: stop limiting 2295 00:38:04,358 --> 00:38:05,185 [david]: stop limiting 2296 00:38:05,635 --> 00:38:06,737 [jessye_wilden]: your joy because i think 2297 00:38:06,681 --> 00:38:06,921 [david]: because 2298 00:38:06,817 --> 00:38:07,078 [jessye_wilden]: in order 2299 00:38:07,001 --> 00:38:07,021 [david]: i 2300 00:38:07,118 --> 00:38:11,809 [jessye_wilden]: to have unforgiveness we numb ourselves we just kind of numb 2301 00:38:11,690 --> 00:38:11,790 [david]: just 2302 00:38:11,910 --> 00:38:12,211 [jessye_wilden]: ourselves 2303 00:38:11,911 --> 00:38:12,432 [david]: in number 2304 00:38:12,252 --> 00:38:15,516 [jessye_wilden]: because now we don't really trust people now we know what 2305 00:38:15,521 --> 00:38:15,581 [david]: we 2306 00:38:15,556 --> 00:38:15,736 [jessye_wilden]: they're 2307 00:38:15,702 --> 00:38:15,822 [david]: know 2308 00:38:15,756 --> 00:38:18,821 [jessye_wilden]: capable of like we didn't before and 2309 00:38:19,090 --> 00:38:19,251 [david]: and 2310 00:38:19,102 --> 00:38:19,723 [jessye_wilden]: i think when we 2311 00:38:19,773 --> 00:38:19,793 [david]: i 2312 00:38:19,803 --> 00:38:24,531 [jessye_wilden]: start numbing we numb ourselves to other things like relationships and enjoy 2313 00:38:24,631 --> 00:38:24,831 [david]: so 2314 00:38:24,791 --> 00:38:27,906 [jessye_wilden]: and contentment and sometimes even 2315 00:38:27,960 --> 00:38:27,980 [david]: i 2316 00:38:28,147 --> 00:38:28,507 [jessye_wilden]: sleep 2317 00:38:28,721 --> 00:38:30,425 [david]: leepeating 2318 00:38:28,968 --> 00:38:30,931 [jessye_wilden]: and eating i mean like it affects 2319 00:38:30,725 --> 00:38:31,487 [david]: like it affect 2320 00:38:31,011 --> 00:38:33,295 [jessye_wilden]: our physical body you know we're talking 2321 00:38:33,310 --> 00:38:33,430 [david]: we're 2322 00:38:33,375 --> 00:38:33,616 [jessye_wilden]: about 2323 00:38:33,470 --> 00:38:34,032 [david]: talking about 2324 00:38:33,936 --> 00:38:34,337 [jessye_wilden]: physical 2325 00:38:34,392 --> 00:38:34,633 [david]: physic 2326 00:38:34,417 --> 00:38:36,460 [jessye_wilden]: pain and we're talking about mental pain did you know they 2327 00:38:36,516 --> 00:38:36,717 [david]: you know 2328 00:38:36,621 --> 00:38:37,122 [jessye_wilden]: found 2329 00:38:36,777 --> 00:38:37,598 [david]: they found 2330 00:38:37,863 --> 00:38:38,304 [jessye_wilden]: that if 2331 00:38:38,532 --> 00:38:38,714 [david]: yes 2332 00:38:39,215 --> 00:38:39,576 [jessye_wilden]: i'm left 2333 00:38:39,660 --> 00:38:39,680 [david]: i 2334 00:38:39,697 --> 00:38:39,797 [jessye_wilden]: out 2335 00:38:39,800 --> 00:38:40,020 [david]: left 2336 00:38:39,837 --> 00:38:40,038 [jessye_wilden]: like i 2337 00:38:40,121 --> 00:38:40,221 [david]: out 2338 00:38:40,139 --> 00:38:40,300 [jessye_wilden]: tried 2339 00:38:40,261 --> 00:38:40,381 [david]: like 2340 00:38:40,320 --> 00:38:40,520 [jessye_wilden]: to go 2341 00:38:40,582 --> 00:38:40,722 [david]: trying 2342 00:38:40,641 --> 00:38:40,762 [jessye_wilden]: sit 2343 00:38:40,782 --> 00:38:40,822 [david]: to 2344 00:38:40,842 --> 00:38:41,043 [jessye_wilden]: at the 2345 00:38:41,083 --> 00:38:41,203 [david]: sit 2346 00:38:41,123 --> 00:38:41,344 [jessye_wilden]: lunch 2347 00:38:41,263 --> 00:38:41,484 [david]: at the 2348 00:38:41,404 --> 00:38:41,666 [jessye_wilden]: table 2349 00:38:41,564 --> 00:38:42,125 [david]: lunch table 2350 00:38:42,087 --> 00:38:42,831 [jessye_wilden]: and i'm left 2351 00:38:42,847 --> 00:38:42,927 [david]: i'm 2352 00:38:42,991 --> 00:38:43,132 [jessye_wilden]: out 2353 00:38:43,027 --> 00:38:43,548 [david]: left out 2354 00:38:44,305 --> 00:38:45,086 [jessye_wilden]: that the same 2355 00:38:45,040 --> 00:38:45,140 [david]: the 2356 00:38:45,186 --> 00:38:45,467 [jessye_wilden]: neuro 2357 00:38:45,280 --> 00:38:45,521 [david]: same 2358 00:38:45,808 --> 00:38:48,833 [jessye_wilden]: receptors in my brain light up as if i spilled hot coffee on me 2359 00:38:49,468 --> 00:38:49,769 [david]: really 2360 00:38:50,755 --> 00:38:51,156 [jessye_wilden]: pain 2361 00:38:51,230 --> 00:38:51,591 [david]: pain 2362 00:38:51,377 --> 00:38:52,080 [jessye_wilden]: is pain 2363 00:38:51,791 --> 00:38:51,891 [david]: is 2364 00:38:53,475 --> 00:38:53,635 [jessye_wilden]: and 2365 00:38:53,874 --> 00:38:54,035 [david]: and 2366 00:38:54,157 --> 00:38:54,899 [jessye_wilden]: forgiveness 2367 00:38:54,615 --> 00:38:55,316 [david]: forgiveness 2368 00:38:55,380 --> 00:38:55,941 [jessye_wilden]: involves 2369 00:38:55,797 --> 00:38:56,378 [david]: involves 2370 00:38:56,302 --> 00:38:58,162 [jessye_wilden]: pain the thing 2371 00:38:58,180 --> 00:38:58,281 [david]: the 2372 00:38:58,284 --> 00:38:58,446 [jessye_wilden]: is 2373 00:38:58,382 --> 00:38:58,866 [david]: thing is 2374 00:38:59,905 --> 00:39:01,087 [jessye_wilden]: god uses 2375 00:39:01,091 --> 00:39:01,492 [david]: uses 2376 00:39:01,448 --> 00:39:02,791 [jessye_wilden]: pain and pain 2377 00:39:02,655 --> 00:39:02,735 [david]: and 2378 00:39:02,871 --> 00:39:02,952 [jessye_wilden]: is 2379 00:39:02,996 --> 00:39:03,196 [david]: pain 2380 00:39:03,032 --> 00:39:03,272 [jessye_wilden]: not the 2381 00:39:03,297 --> 00:39:03,377 [david]: is 2382 00:39:03,373 --> 00:39:03,613 [jessye_wilden]: enemy 2383 00:39:03,437 --> 00:39:04,078 [david]: not the end of it 2384 00:39:05,095 --> 00:39:05,656 [jessye_wilden]: which is just so 2385 00:39:05,620 --> 00:39:05,760 [david]: his 2386 00:39:05,776 --> 00:39:05,976 [jessye_wilden]: mind 2387 00:39:05,821 --> 00:39:06,102 [david]: just so 2388 00:39:06,016 --> 00:39:06,297 [jessye_wilden]: blowing 2389 00:39:06,202 --> 00:39:06,383 [david]: mind 2390 00:39:06,337 --> 00:39:06,417 [jessye_wilden]: and 2391 00:39:06,443 --> 00:39:06,704 [david]: glowing 2392 00:39:06,477 --> 00:39:06,738 [jessye_wilden]: hard to 2393 00:39:06,765 --> 00:39:06,845 [david]: and 2394 00:39:06,778 --> 00:39:07,078 [jessye_wilden]: believe 2395 00:39:06,905 --> 00:39:07,166 [david]: hard to 2396 00:39:07,158 --> 00:39:07,319 [jessye_wilden]: some 2397 00:39:07,206 --> 00:39:07,507 [david]: believe 2398 00:39:07,379 --> 00:39:07,619 [jessye_wilden]: days 2399 00:39:07,588 --> 00:39:07,769 [david]: some 2400 00:39:07,719 --> 00:39:08,120 [jessye_wilden]: especially 2401 00:39:07,809 --> 00:39:09,255 [david]: day cialyrealy 2402 00:39:08,401 --> 00:39:11,605 [jessye_wilden]: the really hard days but pain 2403 00:39:11,840 --> 00:39:11,941 [david]: he 2404 00:39:11,885 --> 00:39:12,546 [jessye_wilden]: is molding 2405 00:39:12,344 --> 00:39:12,425 [david]: is 2406 00:39:12,647 --> 00:39:13,448 [jessye_wilden]: and remaking us 2407 00:39:13,393 --> 00:39:13,695 [david]: making 2408 00:39:13,888 --> 00:39:15,010 [jessye_wilden]: constantly and 2409 00:39:15,370 --> 00:39:15,450 [david]: and 2410 00:39:15,611 --> 00:39:16,032 [jessye_wilden]: it helps 2411 00:39:16,032 --> 00:39:16,092 [david]: it 2412 00:39:16,112 --> 00:39:16,212 [jessye_wilden]: us 2413 00:39:16,233 --> 00:39:16,473 [david]: helps 2414 00:39:16,312 --> 00:39:16,813 [jessye_wilden]: to share 2415 00:39:16,554 --> 00:39:17,216 [david]: us to share 2416 00:39:17,013 --> 00:39:17,434 [jessye_wilden]: in what 2417 00:39:17,457 --> 00:39:17,858 [david]: in what 2418 00:39:18,375 --> 00:39:19,160 [jessye_wilden]: i believe jesus 2419 00:39:19,031 --> 00:39:19,596 [david]: live jesus 2420 00:39:19,945 --> 00:39:23,631 [jessye_wilden]: went through and it makes us like him and so it is 2421 00:39:23,630 --> 00:39:23,710 [david]: so 2422 00:39:23,691 --> 00:39:23,731 [jessye_wilden]: an 2423 00:39:23,850 --> 00:39:24,051 [david]: it is 2424 00:39:23,971 --> 00:39:24,773 [jessye_wilden]: incredible 2425 00:39:24,852 --> 00:39:25,012 [david]: red 2426 00:39:24,913 --> 00:39:28,599 [jessye_wilden]: instrument and to be learned to be thankful for pain is like a whole another 2427 00:39:28,659 --> 00:39:32,606 [jessye_wilden]: level that's what i'm working on is to recognize it like i don't want to 2428 00:39:32,626 --> 00:39:33,127 [jessye_wilden]: be afraid 2429 00:39:32,786 --> 00:39:33,047 [david]: don't want to 2430 00:39:33,227 --> 00:39:33,687 [jessye_wilden]: of pain 2431 00:39:33,428 --> 00:39:33,568 [david]: read 2432 00:39:34,148 --> 00:39:34,769 [jessye_wilden]: like jesus 2433 00:39:34,820 --> 00:39:35,221 [david]: jesus 2434 00:39:34,849 --> 00:39:35,551 [jessye_wilden]: was not afraid 2435 00:39:35,261 --> 00:39:35,381 [david]: just 2436 00:39:35,611 --> 00:39:37,033 [jessye_wilden]: of pain he walked into it 2437 00:39:37,027 --> 00:39:37,448 [david]: into it 2438 00:39:37,774 --> 00:39:39,617 [jessye_wilden]: his his was a baptism 2439 00:39:39,060 --> 00:39:39,421 [david]: this was a 2440 00:39:39,818 --> 00:39:41,861 [jessye_wilden]: of suffering and i imagine 2441 00:39:41,740 --> 00:39:42,301 [david]: i imagine 2442 00:39:41,921 --> 00:39:43,283 [jessye_wilden]: that some of the people listening right 2443 00:39:43,204 --> 00:39:43,524 [david]: listening 2444 00:39:43,323 --> 00:39:43,464 [jessye_wilden]: now 2445 00:39:43,585 --> 00:39:43,865 [david]: right now 2446 00:39:44,105 --> 00:39:44,445 [jessye_wilden]: are going 2447 00:39:44,326 --> 00:39:44,427 [david]: you 2448 00:39:44,505 --> 00:39:44,746 [jessye_wilden]: through 2449 00:39:44,567 --> 00:39:44,888 [david]: are going 2450 00:39:45,247 --> 00:39:46,369 [jessye_wilden]: a baptism like you 2451 00:39:46,400 --> 00:39:46,420 [david]: i 2452 00:39:46,429 --> 00:39:47,310 [jessye_wilden]: are being dumped 2453 00:39:47,022 --> 00:39:47,703 [david]: being dumped 2454 00:39:47,671 --> 00:39:48,212 [jessye_wilden]: all the way 2455 00:39:48,145 --> 00:39:48,365 [david]: all 2456 00:39:48,372 --> 00:39:48,632 [jessye_wilden]: under 2457 00:39:48,425 --> 00:39:48,666 [david]: the way 2458 00:39:48,773 --> 00:39:48,893 [jessye_wilden]: with 2459 00:39:48,826 --> 00:39:49,087 [david]: under 2460 00:39:48,953 --> 00:39:50,681 [jessye_wilden]: suffering and 2461 00:39:51,002 --> 00:39:51,184 [david]: and 2462 00:39:51,585 --> 00:39:52,190 [jessye_wilden]: if you find 2463 00:39:52,050 --> 00:39:52,292 [david]: if you 2464 00:39:52,230 --> 00:39:52,613 [jessye_wilden]: yourself 2465 00:39:52,433 --> 00:39:53,016 [david]: find yourself 2466 00:39:52,694 --> 00:39:53,157 [jessye_wilden]: there i'm 2467 00:39:53,157 --> 00:39:53,338 [david]: there 2468 00:39:53,218 --> 00:39:55,526 [jessye_wilden]: like to cling to 2469 00:39:55,620 --> 00:39:55,963 [david]: into 2470 00:39:55,726 --> 00:39:56,187 [jessye_wilden]: what he 2471 00:39:56,184 --> 00:39:56,305 [david]: what 2472 00:39:56,367 --> 00:39:56,467 [jessye_wilden]: can 2473 00:39:56,547 --> 00:39:56,628 [david]: he 2474 00:39:56,548 --> 00:39:56,748 [jessye_wilden]: hold 2475 00:39:56,809 --> 00:39:56,910 [david]: can 2476 00:39:56,848 --> 00:39:57,229 [jessye_wilden]: for you 2477 00:39:57,655 --> 00:39:57,917 [david]: use 2478 00:39:57,890 --> 00:39:58,551 [jessye_wilden]: and how he can 2479 00:39:58,480 --> 00:39:58,600 [david]: how 2480 00:39:58,691 --> 00:39:58,891 [jessye_wilden]: hold 2481 00:39:58,720 --> 00:39:59,021 [david]: he can 2482 00:39:58,951 --> 00:39:59,092 [jessye_wilden]: your 2483 00:39:59,141 --> 00:39:59,342 [david]: put 2484 00:39:59,172 --> 00:39:59,492 [jessye_wilden]: hand 2485 00:39:59,402 --> 00:39:59,502 [david]: you 2486 00:39:59,793 --> 00:40:01,300 [jessye_wilden]: through it and walk 2487 00:40:01,346 --> 00:40:01,427 [david]: and 2488 00:40:01,361 --> 00:40:01,482 [jessye_wilden]: with 2489 00:40:01,547 --> 00:40:01,707 [david]: walk 2490 00:40:01,563 --> 00:40:01,705 [jessye_wilden]: you 2491 00:40:01,807 --> 00:40:02,188 [david]: with you 2492 00:40:02,695 --> 00:40:03,336 [jessye_wilden]: and then how you 2493 00:40:03,250 --> 00:40:03,370 [david]: then 2494 00:40:03,456 --> 00:40:03,757 [jessye_wilden]: can just 2495 00:40:03,671 --> 00:40:03,792 [david]: you 2496 00:40:03,817 --> 00:40:04,158 [jessye_wilden]: focus 2497 00:40:03,892 --> 00:40:04,173 [david]: can just 2498 00:40:04,298 --> 00:40:06,463 [jessye_wilden]: on what he has asked you to and that's it 2499 00:40:06,561 --> 00:40:06,910 [david]: that's it 2500 00:40:07,345 --> 00:40:08,477 [jessye_wilden]: that's it and i think 2501 00:40:09,023 --> 00:40:09,310 [david]: i think 2502 00:40:09,425 --> 00:40:10,990 [jessye_wilden]: holding that unforgiveness 2503 00:40:10,420 --> 00:40:10,822 [david]: doing that 2504 00:40:11,050 --> 00:40:11,351 [jessye_wilden]: holding 2505 00:40:11,364 --> 00:40:11,645 [david]: goodness 2506 00:40:11,391 --> 00:40:12,053 [jessye_wilden]: them accountable 2507 00:40:11,705 --> 00:40:12,126 [david]: holding them 2508 00:40:12,595 --> 00:40:13,077 [jessye_wilden]: is not on 2509 00:40:13,150 --> 00:40:13,250 [david]: is 2510 00:40:13,157 --> 00:40:13,318 [jessye_wilden]: your 2511 00:40:13,311 --> 00:40:13,471 [david]: not 2512 00:40:13,478 --> 00:40:16,123 [jessye_wilden]: list it's above our pay grade thankfully 2513 00:40:17,080 --> 00:40:17,220 [david]: yeah 2514 00:40:17,095 --> 00:40:22,529 [jessye_wilden]: pieces on your list so we get to experience that by trading it in what's 2515 00:40:22,629 --> 00:40:23,933 [jessye_wilden]: not on ours for what is 2516 00:40:26,575 --> 00:40:32,767 [david]: you know recognizing what is ours and what is not so important i think you've 2517 00:40:32,987 --> 00:40:38,378 [david]: you've emphasized that in many of your answers today and when i asked a question 2518 00:40:38,458 --> 00:40:43,416 [david]: about what makes forgiveness worth it you know you mentioned in your answer that just 2519 00:40:43,577 --> 00:40:48,886 [david]: while ago that we get to become more like jesus through accepting that path of 2520 00:40:48,966 --> 00:40:54,555 [david]: forgiveness i mean could we not be moved by jesus on the cross as you 2521 00:40:54,615 --> 00:40:58,762 [david]: described earlier and then remembering that some of the words he spoke from the cross 2522 00:40:58,862 --> 00:41:04,992 [david]: where father forgive them for they know not what do not only was he asking 2523 00:41:05,052 --> 00:41:07,597 [david]: for forgiveness for them but he was giving them the benefit the doubt 2524 00:41:07,346 --> 00:41:07,548 [jessye_wilden]: right 2525 00:41:07,757 --> 00:41:09,700 [david]: you know and which is something when 2526 00:41:09,655 --> 00:41:09,695 [jessye_wilden]: a 2527 00:41:09,720 --> 00:41:10,562 [david]: we're not forgiving we 2528 00:41:10,577 --> 00:41:11,058 [jessye_wilden]: radical 2529 00:41:10,622 --> 00:41:11,964 [david]: definitely on't want to do you know 2530 00:41:12,782 --> 00:41:13,003 [jessye_wilden]: yeah 2531 00:41:13,106 --> 00:41:13,386 [david]: yeah 2532 00:41:13,825 --> 00:41:14,107 [jessye_wilden]: yeah 2533 00:41:14,288 --> 00:41:14,388 [david]: so 2534 00:41:14,974 --> 00:41:15,458 [jessye_wilden]: radical 2535 00:41:15,149 --> 00:41:21,420 [david]: yeah i was was reminded of a story about carton boon you know of her 2536 00:41:22,577 --> 00:41:22,657 [jessye_wilden]: oh 2537 00:41:23,002 --> 00:41:23,163 [david]: and 2538 00:41:23,078 --> 00:41:24,983 [jessye_wilden]: that's my favorite book is the hiding place 2539 00:41:26,128 --> 00:41:28,331 [david]: okay awesome i 2540 00:41:28,364 --> 00:41:28,385 [jessye_wilden]: m 2541 00:41:28,391 --> 00:41:31,517 [david]: don't know if i'll get the story exactly right but i just remember at some 2542 00:41:31,577 --> 00:41:36,024 [david]: point she talked about forgiveness you know being like ringing you know it's like a 2543 00:41:36,164 --> 00:41:37,406 [david]: bell that's ringing that 2544 00:41:37,865 --> 00:41:37,885 [jessye_wilden]: m 2545 00:41:38,288 --> 00:41:44,037 [david]: you know you it doesn't stop ringing instantly you know but it diminishes with each 2546 00:41:44,138 --> 00:41:44,538 [david]: passing 2547 00:41:44,474 --> 00:41:44,495 [jessye_wilden]: m 2548 00:41:44,618 --> 00:41:48,184 [david]: time that it kind of hits the side of the you know the bell but 2549 00:41:48,224 --> 00:41:51,109 [david]: she did say something along the lines but you can't keep pulling the rope you 2550 00:41:51,149 --> 00:41:52,451 [david]: know i mean you can't you can't keep 2551 00:41:52,516 --> 00:41:52,556 [jessye_wilden]: h 2552 00:41:52,532 --> 00:41:54,655 [david]: going back there and starting it all 2553 00:41:54,584 --> 00:41:54,605 [jessye_wilden]: m 2554 00:41:54,755 --> 00:41:57,901 [david]: over again you know and and i think that's part of that 2555 00:41:57,805 --> 00:41:58,047 [jessye_wilden]: yeah 2556 00:41:58,061 --> 00:42:01,627 [david]: choice that we have to make you know and so 2557 00:42:03,135 --> 00:42:03,356 [jessye_wilden]: yeah 2558 00:42:03,149 --> 00:42:03,590 [david]: yeah great 2559 00:42:03,859 --> 00:42:04,301 [jessye_wilden]: i agree 2560 00:42:04,291 --> 00:42:09,540 [david]: great great stuff on that thank you very much and i wanted to just kind 2561 00:42:09,580 --> 00:42:14,228 [david]: of get ready to kind of close out the conversation just give me an opportunity 2562 00:42:14,428 --> 00:42:20,558 [david]: to sides anything else that you would think kind of from your story that transcends 2563 00:42:20,839 --> 00:42:23,643 [david]: we've talked about how pain is pain um 2564 00:42:23,938 --> 00:42:24,485 [jessye_wilden]: hm 2565 00:42:24,164 --> 00:42:28,111 [david]: you know and so and that's the thing about your story is not everyone has 2566 00:42:28,171 --> 00:42:32,037 [david]: it and everyone's got a unique story even when they're dealing with similar things but 2567 00:42:33,640 --> 00:42:37,306 [david]: the one that you're talking about is unique to the majority of people that are 2568 00:42:37,326 --> 00:42:41,694 [david]: going to read your book or that are going to you know your story and 2569 00:42:41,834 --> 00:42:47,243 [david]: we've been touching on a few things today that we believe transcend your particular story 2570 00:42:47,363 --> 00:42:50,729 [david]: to speak to all of us that are going through a time of pain and 2571 00:42:51,631 --> 00:42:55,224 [david]: is there anything else you would want to emphasize about that that we haven't touched 2572 00:42:55,345 --> 00:42:57,056 [david]: on today oh 2573 00:42:57,472 --> 00:42:59,318 [jessye_wilden]: m i think we've pulled on its 2574 00:42:59,363 --> 00:42:59,503 [david]: old 2575 00:42:59,438 --> 00:42:59,840 [jessye_wilden]: threads 2576 00:43:00,005 --> 00:43:00,246 [david]: red 2577 00:43:00,040 --> 00:43:00,642 [jessye_wilden]: but i would just 2578 00:43:00,948 --> 00:43:01,128 [david]: just 2579 00:43:01,945 --> 00:43:02,747 [jessye_wilden]: i think one of the things 2580 00:43:02,710 --> 00:43:02,770 [david]: one 2581 00:43:02,787 --> 00:43:02,907 [jessye_wilden]: that 2582 00:43:02,810 --> 00:43:02,970 [david]: of the 2583 00:43:03,007 --> 00:43:03,048 [jessye_wilden]: i 2584 00:43:03,030 --> 00:43:03,191 [david]: things 2585 00:43:03,108 --> 00:43:04,933 [jessye_wilden]: didn't realize that i'm still learning 2586 00:43:04,573 --> 00:43:04,653 [david]: i'm 2587 00:43:05,985 --> 00:43:10,287 [jessye_wilden]: i would want to share is we're going to have pain 2588 00:43:10,322 --> 00:43:10,442 [david]: we're 2589 00:43:10,447 --> 00:43:10,527 [jessye_wilden]: and 2590 00:43:10,482 --> 00:43:10,642 [david]: going 2591 00:43:10,567 --> 00:43:10,788 [jessye_wilden]: we know 2592 00:43:10,682 --> 00:43:10,902 [david]: to have 2593 00:43:10,848 --> 00:43:11,790 [jessye_wilden]: it remakes us in 2594 00:43:11,784 --> 00:43:11,824 [david]: it 2595 00:43:11,870 --> 00:43:16,375 [jessye_wilden]: some way and it's going to either how you view 2596 00:43:16,380 --> 00:43:16,520 [david]: how 2597 00:43:16,496 --> 00:43:16,716 [jessye_wilden]: that 2598 00:43:16,741 --> 00:43:17,163 [david]: you view 2599 00:43:17,196 --> 00:43:18,237 [jessye_wilden]: how you filter that 2600 00:43:18,166 --> 00:43:18,227 [david]: you 2601 00:43:18,397 --> 00:43:19,598 [jessye_wilden]: how you choose to filter 2602 00:43:19,572 --> 00:43:19,873 [david]: choose 2603 00:43:19,659 --> 00:43:20,379 [jessye_wilden]: it it's a choice 2604 00:43:20,776 --> 00:43:21,057 [david]: choice 2605 00:43:21,020 --> 00:43:21,961 [jessye_wilden]: is really going to be 2606 00:43:21,930 --> 00:43:22,150 [david]: really 2607 00:43:22,221 --> 00:43:22,401 [jessye_wilden]: which 2608 00:43:22,230 --> 00:43:22,511 [david]: going to 2609 00:43:22,541 --> 00:43:22,801 [jessye_wilden]: camp 2610 00:43:22,571 --> 00:43:22,651 [david]: be 2611 00:43:22,882 --> 00:43:25,644 [jessye_wilden]: you live in and i believe that there's kind of two camps 2612 00:43:25,698 --> 00:43:25,818 [david]: to 2613 00:43:26,605 --> 00:43:27,371 [jessye_wilden]: i believe that either 2614 00:43:27,370 --> 00:43:27,591 [david]: believe 2615 00:43:27,452 --> 00:43:27,755 [jessye_wilden]: you can 2616 00:43:27,631 --> 00:43:28,033 [david]: that either 2617 00:43:27,876 --> 00:43:28,037 [jessye_wilden]: see 2618 00:43:28,133 --> 00:43:28,957 [david]: you can see 2619 00:43:28,935 --> 00:43:30,080 [jessye_wilden]: kind of think back to graffiti 2620 00:43:30,031 --> 00:43:30,192 [david]: back 2621 00:43:30,180 --> 00:43:30,522 [jessye_wilden]: bridge 2622 00:43:30,915 --> 00:43:31,177 [david]: ridge 2623 00:43:31,775 --> 00:43:32,519 [jessye_wilden]: is life is 2624 00:43:32,636 --> 00:43:32,858 [david]: life 2625 00:43:32,700 --> 00:43:32,941 [jessye_wilden]: adding 2626 00:43:33,100 --> 00:43:34,523 [david]: is adding oh 2627 00:43:34,886 --> 00:43:35,769 [jessye_wilden]: god is adding 2628 00:43:35,572 --> 00:43:35,855 [david]: god 2629 00:43:35,850 --> 00:43:38,800 [jessye_wilden]: to your life or you can see life is 2630 00:43:38,850 --> 00:43:38,870 [david]: m 2631 00:43:38,881 --> 00:43:40,405 [jessye_wilden]: stealing it's like 2632 00:43:40,719 --> 00:43:40,740 [david]: m 2633 00:43:40,986 --> 00:43:41,407 [jessye_wilden]: if you lose 2634 00:43:41,380 --> 00:43:42,030 [david]: like 2635 00:43:41,467 --> 00:43:42,268 [jessye_wilden]: a child like 2636 00:43:42,220 --> 00:43:42,522 [david]: you lose 2637 00:43:42,488 --> 00:43:42,528 [jessye_wilden]: i 2638 00:43:42,562 --> 00:43:42,582 [david]: a 2639 00:43:42,588 --> 00:43:42,688 [jessye_wilden]: was 2640 00:43:42,642 --> 00:43:43,044 [david]: child 2641 00:43:42,789 --> 00:43:44,411 [jessye_wilden]: stolen from there is that like 2642 00:43:44,613 --> 00:43:45,135 [david]: there is that 2643 00:43:45,172 --> 00:43:45,292 [jessye_wilden]: you 2644 00:43:45,196 --> 00:43:45,397 [david]: life 2645 00:43:45,332 --> 00:43:45,492 [jessye_wilden]: know 2646 00:43:46,261 --> 00:43:46,342 [david]: no 2647 00:43:47,236 --> 00:43:47,942 [jessye_wilden]: i remember one 2648 00:43:47,970 --> 00:43:48,010 [david]: i 2649 00:43:48,083 --> 00:43:48,386 [jessye_wilden]: story 2650 00:43:48,091 --> 00:43:49,137 [david]: remember one story 2651 00:43:49,475 --> 00:43:51,057 [jessye_wilden]: really quickly that my oldest 2652 00:43:50,780 --> 00:43:50,920 [david]: that 2653 00:43:51,177 --> 00:43:53,842 [jessye_wilden]: is now twenty one but at the time she was ten years old and she 2654 00:43:53,902 --> 00:43:57,748 [jessye_wilden]: was into horses and she would do horse shows but one day it was a 2655 00:43:57,808 --> 00:44:01,254 [jessye_wilden]: very windy day and that's not a good thing for horses and we were outside 2656 00:44:01,916 --> 00:44:02,779 [jessye_wilden]: riding the horse 2657 00:44:02,480 --> 00:44:02,962 [david]: riding the 2658 00:44:03,221 --> 00:44:06,150 [jessye_wilden]: and the horse got spooked and just took 2659 00:44:05,974 --> 00:44:06,235 [david]: just 2660 00:44:06,291 --> 00:44:06,612 [jessye_wilden]: off with 2661 00:44:06,616 --> 00:44:06,677 [david]: to 2662 00:44:06,672 --> 00:44:06,773 [jessye_wilden]: her 2663 00:44:08,151 --> 00:44:08,292 [david]: oh 2664 00:44:09,015 --> 00:44:10,060 [jessye_wilden]: and i remember 2665 00:44:09,971 --> 00:44:10,232 [david]: and i 2666 00:44:10,281 --> 00:44:10,824 [jessye_wilden]: one prayer 2667 00:44:10,593 --> 00:44:10,934 [david]: remember 2668 00:44:10,884 --> 00:44:12,251 [jessye_wilden]: to god in that moment 2669 00:44:12,457 --> 00:44:12,598 [david]: that 2670 00:44:13,105 --> 00:44:13,907 [jessye_wilden]: because when 2671 00:44:13,810 --> 00:44:14,574 [david]: because when 2672 00:44:14,449 --> 00:44:15,191 [jessye_wilden]: she was born her 2673 00:44:15,118 --> 00:44:15,198 [david]: she 2674 00:44:15,231 --> 00:44:15,351 [jessye_wilden]: name 2675 00:44:15,299 --> 00:44:15,400 [david]: was 2676 00:44:15,371 --> 00:44:15,853 [jessye_wilden]: is katrina 2677 00:44:15,500 --> 00:44:16,466 [david]: born a tin 2678 00:44:17,036 --> 00:44:17,899 [jessye_wilden]: when she was born 2679 00:44:17,871 --> 00:44:18,536 [david]: she was born 2680 00:44:18,280 --> 00:44:20,831 [jessye_wilden]: we almost lost her and that story is in 2681 00:44:20,810 --> 00:44:20,890 [david]: and 2682 00:44:20,872 --> 00:44:20,953 [jessye_wilden]: the 2683 00:44:20,931 --> 00:44:21,031 [david]: that 2684 00:44:20,973 --> 00:44:21,134 [jessye_wilden]: book 2685 00:44:21,112 --> 00:44:21,313 [david]: story 2686 00:44:21,276 --> 00:44:21,478 [jessye_wilden]: but 2687 00:44:22,016 --> 00:44:22,117 [david]: it 2688 00:44:22,365 --> 00:44:23,145 [jessye_wilden]: we almost lost 2689 00:44:23,170 --> 00:44:23,411 [david]: almost 2690 00:44:23,205 --> 00:44:23,325 [jessye_wilden]: her 2691 00:44:23,511 --> 00:44:23,731 [david]: lost 2692 00:44:23,746 --> 00:44:23,826 [jessye_wilden]: and 2693 00:44:23,832 --> 00:44:23,932 [david]: her 2694 00:44:23,886 --> 00:44:24,427 [jessye_wilden]: it was such 2695 00:44:24,393 --> 00:44:24,453 [david]: and 2696 00:44:24,487 --> 00:44:24,527 [jessye_wilden]: a 2697 00:44:24,534 --> 00:44:24,694 [david]: it was 2698 00:44:24,627 --> 00:44:25,067 [jessye_wilden]: miracle 2699 00:44:24,855 --> 00:44:25,075 [david]: such 2700 00:44:25,127 --> 00:44:25,247 [jessye_wilden]: that 2701 00:44:25,135 --> 00:44:25,717 [david]: a miracle 2702 00:44:25,287 --> 00:44:25,788 [jessye_wilden]: we brought her 2703 00:44:25,777 --> 00:44:25,897 [david]: that 2704 00:44:25,848 --> 00:44:26,208 [jessye_wilden]: home 2705 00:44:25,937 --> 00:44:26,298 [david]: we brought 2706 00:44:26,348 --> 00:44:26,589 [jessye_wilden]: and that 2707 00:44:26,519 --> 00:44:26,840 [david]: home 2708 00:44:26,649 --> 00:44:27,409 [jessye_wilden]: she was now ten 2709 00:44:27,301 --> 00:44:27,381 [david]: she 2710 00:44:27,469 --> 00:44:29,291 [jessye_wilden]: years old and in that moment i thought 2711 00:44:29,307 --> 00:44:29,868 [david]: met i thought 2712 00:44:29,972 --> 00:44:30,272 [jessye_wilden]: you know 2713 00:44:30,571 --> 00:44:30,813 [david]: you know 2714 00:44:30,833 --> 00:44:31,934 [jessye_wilden]: like if you take her now 2715 00:44:31,900 --> 00:44:32,706 [david]: take your mouth 2716 00:44:33,675 --> 00:44:34,397 [jessye_wilden]: she was yours 2717 00:44:34,190 --> 00:44:34,451 [david]: she was 2718 00:44:34,778 --> 00:44:35,340 [jessye_wilden]: and you gave us 2719 00:44:35,296 --> 00:44:35,377 [david]: and 2720 00:44:35,441 --> 00:44:35,621 [jessye_wilden]: ten 2721 00:44:35,537 --> 00:44:35,678 [david]: gave 2722 00:44:35,721 --> 00:44:38,283 [jessye_wilden]: years and i remember that 2723 00:44:38,380 --> 00:44:38,400 [david]: i 2724 00:44:38,404 --> 00:44:38,686 [jessye_wilden]: prayer 2725 00:44:38,521 --> 00:44:38,962 [david]: remember 2726 00:44:38,807 --> 00:44:39,189 [jessye_wilden]: came to 2727 00:44:39,143 --> 00:44:39,283 [david]: that 2728 00:44:39,230 --> 00:44:39,310 [jessye_wilden]: me 2729 00:44:39,424 --> 00:44:40,327 [david]: prayer came to me 2730 00:44:40,455 --> 00:44:41,478 [jessye_wilden]: she's fine she's twenty 2731 00:44:41,480 --> 00:44:41,580 [david]: is 2732 00:44:41,558 --> 00:44:43,684 [jessye_wilden]: one just going to college she's she's amazing 2733 00:44:43,485 --> 00:44:44,528 [david]: okayamzing 2734 00:44:43,844 --> 00:44:45,509 [jessye_wilden]: she's miracle after miracle 2735 00:44:45,320 --> 00:44:45,660 [david]: miracle 2736 00:44:45,589 --> 00:44:45,689 [jessye_wilden]: but 2737 00:44:45,720 --> 00:44:45,880 [david]: after 2738 00:44:45,749 --> 00:44:46,271 [jessye_wilden]: i remember 2739 00:44:45,940 --> 00:44:46,401 [david]: miracle but 2740 00:44:46,391 --> 00:44:46,732 [jessye_wilden]: thinking 2741 00:44:46,461 --> 00:44:46,922 [david]: i remember 2742 00:44:46,832 --> 00:44:47,033 [jessye_wilden]: like 2743 00:44:47,062 --> 00:44:47,663 [david]: thinkin like 2744 00:44:47,665 --> 00:44:48,326 [jessye_wilden]: what a difference 2745 00:44:48,304 --> 00:44:48,424 [david]: what 2746 00:44:48,386 --> 00:44:48,447 [jessye_wilden]: it 2747 00:44:48,504 --> 00:44:48,524 [david]: a 2748 00:44:48,527 --> 00:44:48,627 [jessye_wilden]: is 2749 00:44:48,604 --> 00:44:48,985 [david]: difference 2750 00:44:48,727 --> 00:44:49,068 [jessye_wilden]: to think 2751 00:44:49,065 --> 00:44:49,125 [david]: it 2752 00:44:49,148 --> 00:44:49,329 [jessye_wilden]: god 2753 00:44:49,185 --> 00:44:49,465 [david]: is to 2754 00:44:49,469 --> 00:44:49,810 [jessye_wilden]: takes 2755 00:44:49,565 --> 00:44:49,986 [david]: think god 2756 00:44:50,031 --> 00:44:50,131 [jessye_wilden]: as 2757 00:44:50,146 --> 00:44:50,447 [david]: takes 2758 00:44:50,191 --> 00:44:53,418 [jessye_wilden]: opposed to steals because i think when we feel 2759 00:44:53,291 --> 00:44:53,491 [david]: i think 2760 00:44:53,478 --> 00:44:53,599 [jessye_wilden]: like 2761 00:44:53,551 --> 00:44:53,671 [david]: when 2762 00:44:53,659 --> 00:44:53,839 [jessye_wilden]: life 2763 00:44:53,731 --> 00:44:54,032 [david]: we feel 2764 00:44:53,899 --> 00:44:54,180 [jessye_wilden]: is just 2765 00:44:54,112 --> 00:44:54,232 [david]: like 2766 00:44:54,240 --> 00:44:54,601 [jessye_wilden]: stealing 2767 00:44:54,292 --> 00:44:54,612 [david]: like it's 2768 00:44:54,662 --> 00:44:54,802 [jessye_wilden]: from 2769 00:44:54,672 --> 00:44:54,793 [david]: just 2770 00:44:54,882 --> 00:44:56,406 [jessye_wilden]: us like i look comparison 2771 00:44:55,994 --> 00:44:56,115 [david]: look 2772 00:44:56,467 --> 00:45:00,076 [jessye_wilden]: does that very easily i look around and they're healthy they don't struggle 2773 00:44:59,850 --> 00:45:00,133 [david]: they don't 2774 00:45:00,116 --> 00:45:00,737 [jessye_wilden]: with depression 2775 00:45:00,274 --> 00:45:01,182 [david]: struggle with depression 2776 00:45:00,917 --> 00:45:00,957 [jessye_wilden]: or 2777 00:45:01,384 --> 00:45:01,425 [david]: or 2778 00:45:01,538 --> 00:45:02,219 [jessye_wilden]: they didn't lose 2779 00:45:02,050 --> 00:45:02,370 [david]: he didn't 2780 00:45:02,300 --> 00:45:02,680 [jessye_wilden]: somebody 2781 00:45:02,450 --> 00:45:02,651 [david]: lose 2782 00:45:02,921 --> 00:45:04,824 [jessye_wilden]: you know it's very easy 2783 00:45:04,514 --> 00:45:04,714 [david]: very 2784 00:45:05,104 --> 00:45:06,046 [jessye_wilden]: to think like 2785 00:45:06,217 --> 00:45:06,457 [david]: like 2786 00:45:06,467 --> 00:45:10,173 [jessye_wilden]: we were being stolen from it was ours and taken from and i think what 2787 00:45:10,213 --> 00:45:14,198 [jessye_wilden]: that does when lived out every day becomes the anthem 2788 00:45:14,110 --> 00:45:14,271 [david]: some 2789 00:45:14,238 --> 00:45:15,925 [jessye_wilden]: of your life but so does 2790 00:45:15,822 --> 00:45:16,506 [david]: so does 2791 00:45:16,467 --> 00:45:17,150 [jessye_wilden]: looking for those 2792 00:45:17,160 --> 00:45:17,280 [david]: king 2793 00:45:17,210 --> 00:45:17,371 [jessye_wilden]: good 2794 00:45:17,380 --> 00:45:17,480 [david]: for 2795 00:45:17,451 --> 00:45:17,832 [jessye_wilden]: things 2796 00:45:17,520 --> 00:45:18,262 [david]: those things 2797 00:45:18,786 --> 00:45:21,139 [jessye_wilden]: and seeing 2798 00:45:21,127 --> 00:45:21,207 [david]: by 2799 00:45:21,280 --> 00:45:21,522 [jessye_wilden]: god 2800 00:45:21,388 --> 00:45:22,891 [david]: seeing 2801 00:45:22,066 --> 00:45:23,976 [jessye_wilden]: adding and kind 2802 00:45:23,973 --> 00:45:24,133 [david]: and 2803 00:45:24,036 --> 00:45:25,118 [jessye_wilden]: of like blaming them for 2804 00:45:25,095 --> 00:45:25,375 [david]: laming 2805 00:45:25,238 --> 00:45:26,540 [jessye_wilden]: everything good in your life 2806 00:45:26,518 --> 00:45:27,019 [david]: in her life 2807 00:45:27,121 --> 00:45:27,882 [jessye_wilden]: and all the things 2808 00:45:27,820 --> 00:45:27,941 [david]: all 2809 00:45:27,942 --> 00:45:33,852 [jessye_wilden]: that you're learning like fall like finding those that becomes a shield to us and 2810 00:45:33,892 --> 00:45:34,633 [jessye_wilden]: that becomes 2811 00:45:34,350 --> 00:45:34,854 [david]: i tell 2812 00:45:35,154 --> 00:45:36,356 [jessye_wilden]: like the threads that 2813 00:45:36,321 --> 00:45:36,341 [david]: a 2814 00:45:36,656 --> 00:45:40,041 [jessye_wilden]: make our lives beautiful um and so i would 2815 00:45:40,031 --> 00:45:40,091 [david]: and 2816 00:45:40,081 --> 00:45:40,221 [jessye_wilden]: just 2817 00:45:40,211 --> 00:45:40,291 [david]: so 2818 00:45:40,321 --> 00:45:40,462 [jessye_wilden]: say 2819 00:45:40,452 --> 00:45:40,693 [david]: i would 2820 00:45:40,582 --> 00:45:40,762 [jessye_wilden]: like 2821 00:45:40,733 --> 00:45:40,853 [david]: just 2822 00:45:40,822 --> 00:45:40,922 [jessye_wilden]: you 2823 00:45:40,933 --> 00:45:41,074 [david]: say 2824 00:45:40,982 --> 00:45:41,223 [jessye_wilden]: get to 2825 00:45:41,194 --> 00:45:41,334 [david]: like 2826 00:45:41,323 --> 00:45:41,543 [jessye_wilden]: choose 2827 00:45:41,415 --> 00:45:41,515 [david]: you 2828 00:45:41,603 --> 00:45:41,703 [jessye_wilden]: your 2829 00:45:41,756 --> 00:45:41,816 [david]: to 2830 00:45:41,783 --> 00:45:42,084 [jessye_wilden]: camp 2831 00:45:41,896 --> 00:45:42,578 [david]: choose your cap 2832 00:45:43,796 --> 00:45:44,437 [jessye_wilden]: abundance or 2833 00:45:44,433 --> 00:45:45,397 [david]: undancarscl 2834 00:45:44,497 --> 00:45:46,060 [jessye_wilden]: scarcity but the great news 2835 00:45:45,960 --> 00:45:46,180 [david]: great 2836 00:45:46,161 --> 00:45:46,241 [jessye_wilden]: is 2837 00:45:46,281 --> 00:45:46,502 [david]: news 2838 00:45:46,341 --> 00:45:46,802 [jessye_wilden]: is you can 2839 00:45:46,783 --> 00:45:46,883 [david]: as 2840 00:45:46,862 --> 00:45:47,123 [jessye_wilden]: change 2841 00:45:46,944 --> 00:45:47,245 [david]: you can 2842 00:45:47,243 --> 00:45:47,704 [jessye_wilden]: camps 2843 00:45:47,325 --> 00:45:47,606 [david]: change 2844 00:45:48,478 --> 00:45:49,026 [jessye_wilden]: in a second 2845 00:45:48,902 --> 00:45:49,003 [david]: ah 2846 00:45:49,945 --> 00:45:50,746 [jessye_wilden]: you can change 2847 00:45:50,365 --> 00:45:51,173 [david]: you can change 2848 00:45:51,447 --> 00:45:51,828 [jessye_wilden]: camps 2849 00:45:51,911 --> 00:45:52,260 [david]: yes 2850 00:45:52,349 --> 00:45:52,829 [jessye_wilden]: today you 2851 00:45:52,820 --> 00:45:53,020 [david]: today 2852 00:45:52,889 --> 00:45:53,150 [jessye_wilden]: can say 2853 00:45:53,160 --> 00:45:53,261 [david]: you 2854 00:45:53,270 --> 00:45:53,470 [jessye_wilden]: okay 2855 00:45:53,301 --> 00:45:53,401 [david]: can 2856 00:45:53,510 --> 00:45:54,372 [jessye_wilden]: i kind of realized 2857 00:45:54,304 --> 00:45:54,524 [david]: real 2858 00:45:54,472 --> 00:45:56,636 [jessye_wilden]: because of this thing that jesus 2859 00:45:56,690 --> 00:45:57,011 [david]: jesus 2860 00:45:56,716 --> 00:45:57,116 [jessye_wilden]: wept with 2861 00:45:57,092 --> 00:45:57,293 [david]: wept 2862 00:45:57,197 --> 00:45:58,759 [jessye_wilden]: me over that he understands 2863 00:45:58,297 --> 00:45:58,358 [david]: he 2864 00:45:58,819 --> 00:45:59,520 [jessye_wilden]: was a really big 2865 00:45:59,523 --> 00:45:59,704 [david]: really 2866 00:45:59,601 --> 00:45:59,841 [jessye_wilden]: deal 2867 00:45:59,805 --> 00:46:00,227 [david]: big deal 2868 00:46:00,422 --> 00:46:01,003 [jessye_wilden]: but if i let 2869 00:46:01,050 --> 00:46:01,070 [david]: i 2870 00:46:01,063 --> 00:46:01,223 [jessye_wilden]: this 2871 00:46:01,231 --> 00:46:01,371 [david]: let 2872 00:46:01,323 --> 00:46:01,444 [jessye_wilden]: go 2873 00:46:01,432 --> 00:46:01,612 [david]: this 2874 00:46:01,604 --> 00:46:01,664 [jessye_wilden]: and 2875 00:46:01,713 --> 00:46:01,813 [david]: go 2876 00:46:01,744 --> 00:46:02,085 [jessye_wilden]: i see 2877 00:46:01,974 --> 00:46:02,054 [david]: and 2878 00:46:02,265 --> 00:46:02,306 [jessye_wilden]: it 2879 00:46:02,355 --> 00:46:02,536 [david]: see 2880 00:46:02,366 --> 00:46:02,847 [jessye_wilden]: is adding 2881 00:46:02,656 --> 00:46:02,716 [david]: it 2882 00:46:02,927 --> 00:46:03,027 [jessye_wilden]: to 2883 00:46:03,017 --> 00:46:03,238 [david]: adding 2884 00:46:03,068 --> 00:46:03,469 [jessye_wilden]: my life 2885 00:46:03,339 --> 00:46:03,399 [david]: to 2886 00:46:03,569 --> 00:46:04,271 [jessye_wilden]: or i try to 2887 00:46:04,242 --> 00:46:04,643 [david]: try to 2888 00:46:04,572 --> 00:46:05,273 [jessye_wilden]: i just risk 2889 00:46:05,085 --> 00:46:05,185 [david]: just 2890 00:46:05,434 --> 00:46:05,494 [jessye_wilden]: it 2891 00:46:05,486 --> 00:46:05,908 [david]: risk it 2892 00:46:06,356 --> 00:46:07,600 [jessye_wilden]: like your life will 2893 00:46:07,521 --> 00:46:07,782 [david]: life 2894 00:46:07,680 --> 00:46:10,165 [jessye_wilden]: start changing and you will be 2895 00:46:10,260 --> 00:46:10,360 [david]: you 2896 00:46:10,305 --> 00:46:12,287 [jessye_wilden]: mighty in all the ways 2897 00:46:12,327 --> 00:46:12,448 [david]: all 2898 00:46:12,347 --> 00:46:12,467 [jessye_wilden]: that 2899 00:46:12,488 --> 00:46:12,568 [david]: the 2900 00:46:12,507 --> 00:46:12,668 [jessye_wilden]: god 2901 00:46:12,628 --> 00:46:12,729 [david]: way 2902 00:46:12,708 --> 00:46:14,650 [jessye_wilden]: wants you to be and you will find so much 2903 00:46:14,655 --> 00:46:14,715 [david]: in 2904 00:46:14,810 --> 00:46:15,070 [jessye_wilden]: hope 2905 00:46:14,996 --> 00:46:15,498 [david]: much help 2906 00:46:15,550 --> 00:46:16,071 [jessye_wilden]: within those 2907 00:46:16,140 --> 00:46:16,281 [david]: then 2908 00:46:16,151 --> 00:46:17,372 [jessye_wilden]: threads no matter 2909 00:46:17,580 --> 00:46:17,881 [david]: matter 2910 00:46:17,813 --> 00:46:18,433 [jessye_wilden]: what happens 2911 00:46:18,303 --> 00:46:18,423 [david]: what 2912 00:46:18,513 --> 00:46:21,770 [jessye_wilden]: on the outside to you and so i would 2913 00:46:21,750 --> 00:46:21,830 [david]: so 2914 00:46:21,811 --> 00:46:21,951 [jessye_wilden]: just 2915 00:46:21,991 --> 00:46:22,011 [david]: i 2916 00:46:21,991 --> 00:46:22,112 [jessye_wilden]: say 2917 00:46:22,071 --> 00:46:22,211 [david]: would 2918 00:46:22,172 --> 00:46:22,312 [jessye_wilden]: that 2919 00:46:22,251 --> 00:46:22,552 [david]: just say 2920 00:46:22,453 --> 00:46:22,653 [jessye_wilden]: choose 2921 00:46:22,612 --> 00:46:22,733 [david]: that 2922 00:46:22,713 --> 00:46:24,098 [jessye_wilden]: your camp and be really aware 2923 00:46:23,996 --> 00:46:24,197 [david]: really 2924 00:46:24,158 --> 00:46:24,218 [jessye_wilden]: of 2925 00:46:24,277 --> 00:46:24,538 [david]: aware 2926 00:46:24,318 --> 00:46:24,399 [jessye_wilden]: it 2927 00:46:24,598 --> 00:46:24,838 [david]: of it 2928 00:46:24,960 --> 00:46:25,723 [jessye_wilden]: and that has 2929 00:46:25,554 --> 00:46:25,736 [david]: not 2930 00:46:27,485 --> 00:46:28,588 [jessye_wilden]: it has been the way god 2931 00:46:28,488 --> 00:46:28,569 [david]: the 2932 00:46:28,628 --> 00:46:28,749 [jessye_wilden]: has 2933 00:46:28,629 --> 00:46:28,750 [david]: way 2934 00:46:29,030 --> 00:46:29,973 [jessye_wilden]: rescued me 2935 00:46:30,510 --> 00:46:36,889 [david]: m thank you for making the good news sound like good news 2936 00:46:36,614 --> 00:46:36,635 [jessye_wilden]: m 2937 00:46:37,149 --> 00:46:37,710 [david]: you know that's 2938 00:46:37,865 --> 00:46:38,145 [jessye_wilden]: yeah 2939 00:46:38,031 --> 00:46:41,096 [david]: that's the way it's that's the way it's supposed to be and you know 2940 00:46:41,015 --> 00:46:42,035 [jessye_wilden]: yeah 2941 00:46:41,316 --> 00:46:47,086 [david]: we i relate to so much what you're saying in my own struggles and knowing 2942 00:46:47,146 --> 00:46:52,535 [david]: that you know whether i knew jesus or not i would likely i think be 2943 00:46:52,595 --> 00:46:57,143 [david]: going through what i'm going through i much rather go through it with him than 2944 00:46:57,203 --> 00:46:58,685 [david]: without him and 2945 00:46:58,736 --> 00:46:58,900 [jessye_wilden]: yeah 2946 00:46:59,086 --> 00:47:02,351 [david]: and it gives it gives that sense of purpose and meaning that i just couldn't 2947 00:47:02,411 --> 00:47:07,219 [david]: find without him and you know majority of our audience here i think today will 2948 00:47:07,259 --> 00:47:11,883 [david]: be christians but you know i've always tried to make it a welcome environment to 2949 00:47:11,943 --> 00:47:15,787 [david]: anyone and that could come and and that especially that are going of course through 2950 00:47:15,807 --> 00:47:21,754 [david]: chronic pain and illness and but i've always said and tried to be up front 2951 00:47:21,794 --> 00:47:25,560 [david]: about it that when it comes to me trying to give any kind of hope 2952 00:47:25,640 --> 00:47:31,149 [david]: or encouragement the only way i know how is it's through jesus and he's the 2953 00:47:31,330 --> 00:47:35,016 [david]: is the only way that i can make sense out of what is happening to 2954 00:47:35,056 --> 00:47:38,001 [david]: me even when i can't make sense of it i still make 2955 00:47:38,045 --> 00:47:38,065 [jessye_wilden]: m 2956 00:47:38,081 --> 00:47:41,006 [david]: sense of it in a sense that i know that he's with me and 2957 00:47:41,446 --> 00:47:41,668 [jessye_wilden]: true 2958 00:47:41,687 --> 00:47:45,773 [david]: and without that without him um i don't know 2959 00:47:45,815 --> 00:47:45,977 [jessye_wilden]: yeah 2960 00:47:45,853 --> 00:47:48,717 [david]: how i could you know i don't know how i could do it and i'm 2961 00:47:48,735 --> 00:47:48,856 [jessye_wilden]: ah 2962 00:47:48,757 --> 00:47:50,079 [david]: sure a lot of people feel the same way 2963 00:47:51,125 --> 00:47:51,307 [jessye_wilden]: yeah 2964 00:47:51,250 --> 00:47:51,611 [david]: oh go ahead 2965 00:47:52,376 --> 00:47:53,961 [jessye_wilden]: may i touch on that that was just so 2966 00:47:53,977 --> 00:47:54,138 [david]: yeah 2967 00:47:54,061 --> 00:47:59,345 [jessye_wilden]: beautifully said and i just agree with all of it i think we often 2968 00:47:59,402 --> 00:47:59,463 [david]: we 2969 00:47:59,486 --> 00:48:01,889 [jessye_wilden]: feel misunderstood the deeper the pain 2970 00:48:01,741 --> 00:48:02,024 [david]: deeper 2971 00:48:02,049 --> 00:48:02,289 [jessye_wilden]: really 2972 00:48:02,085 --> 00:48:02,469 [david]: the pain 2973 00:48:02,650 --> 00:48:02,670 [jessye_wilden]: i 2974 00:48:02,651 --> 00:48:02,873 [david]: really 2975 00:48:02,770 --> 00:48:03,891 [jessye_wilden]: feel like the more we get 2976 00:48:03,860 --> 00:48:04,082 [david]: more 2977 00:48:03,951 --> 00:48:07,477 [jessye_wilden]: misunderstood and i think 2978 00:48:07,340 --> 00:48:07,360 [david]: i 2979 00:48:07,577 --> 00:48:08,279 [jessye_wilden]: one of the things 2980 00:48:08,242 --> 00:48:08,343 [david]: one 2981 00:48:08,721 --> 00:48:15,136 [jessye_wilden]: is that's okay it's okay to be misunderstood and that is worship just but what 2982 00:48:15,197 --> 00:48:15,900 [jessye_wilden]: you're saying 2983 00:48:15,552 --> 00:48:16,214 [david]: but what you're 2984 00:48:16,482 --> 00:48:17,547 [jessye_wilden]: is there is someone 2985 00:48:17,438 --> 00:48:17,538 [david]: the 2986 00:48:17,667 --> 00:48:18,872 [jessye_wilden]: who understands 2987 00:48:18,260 --> 00:48:18,361 [david]: one 2988 00:48:20,405 --> 00:48:22,551 [jessye_wilden]: all of it and we get to do 2989 00:48:22,520 --> 00:48:22,620 [david]: and 2990 00:48:22,631 --> 00:48:22,691 [jessye_wilden]: it 2991 00:48:22,721 --> 00:48:22,801 [david]: we 2992 00:48:22,752 --> 00:48:22,872 [jessye_wilden]: with 2993 00:48:22,902 --> 00:48:23,023 [david]: get 2994 00:48:22,992 --> 00:48:23,153 [jessye_wilden]: him 2995 00:48:23,103 --> 00:48:23,344 [david]: to do 2996 00:48:24,295 --> 00:48:26,703 [jessye_wilden]: that that does that changes the whole game 2997 00:48:27,785 --> 00:48:29,335 [david]: redeems yeah 2998 00:48:29,753 --> 00:48:30,365 [jessye_wilden]: hm 2999 00:48:31,451 --> 00:48:34,316 [david]: well jessie how can 3000 00:48:34,445 --> 00:48:34,688 [jessye_wilden]: oh 3001 00:48:34,576 --> 00:48:38,924 [david]: and when i know it soon but you can tell us exactly well people can 3002 00:48:38,984 --> 00:48:43,554 [david]: get your book i one to encourage people to please go out and get it 3003 00:48:43,674 --> 00:48:46,987 [david]: or order it and so tell us a little bit about the details of that 3004 00:48:47,985 --> 00:48:48,786 [jessye_wilden]: yeah it's called 3005 00:48:48,680 --> 00:48:48,800 [david]: it's 3006 00:48:48,866 --> 00:48:48,927 [jessye_wilden]: we 3007 00:48:48,880 --> 00:48:49,181 [david]: called 3008 00:48:49,007 --> 00:48:52,733 [jessye_wilden]: wrote your name in in color and my name is spelled 3009 00:48:52,586 --> 00:48:52,647 [david]: me 3010 00:48:52,753 --> 00:48:55,858 [jessye_wilden]: with a y e so it's j e s s e in case of we 3011 00:48:55,918 --> 00:48:58,062 [jessye_wilden]: run into that weldon and 3012 00:48:58,236 --> 00:48:58,496 [david]: and 3013 00:48:58,242 --> 00:48:58,663 [jessye_wilden]: it's really 3014 00:48:58,657 --> 00:48:59,077 [david]: it's really 3015 00:48:58,883 --> 00:48:59,224 [jessye_wilden]: anywhere 3016 00:48:59,298 --> 00:48:59,638 [david]: anywhere 3017 00:48:59,324 --> 00:48:59,684 [jessye_wilden]: online 3018 00:48:59,738 --> 00:48:59,818 [david]: on 3019 00:48:59,785 --> 00:48:59,925 [jessye_wilden]: it's 3020 00:48:59,859 --> 00:49:00,159 [david]: line 3021 00:49:00,025 --> 00:49:04,332 [jessye_wilden]: target walmar amazon m and if you would 3022 00:49:04,346 --> 00:49:04,426 [david]: you 3023 00:49:04,412 --> 00:49:08,179 [jessye_wilden]: pre order that i don't know if you know that but that is like a 3024 00:49:08,279 --> 00:49:13,087 [jessye_wilden]: special gift to authors because those numbers matter and it also helps us know how 3025 00:49:13,127 --> 00:49:15,791 [jessye_wilden]: many books to print so yeah pre ordering it 3026 00:49:15,825 --> 00:49:15,965 [david]: ring 3027 00:49:15,871 --> 00:49:20,078 [jessye_wilden]: now it will release october nineteenth and so if you're listening to this after 3028 00:49:20,111 --> 00:49:20,171 [david]: no 3029 00:49:20,119 --> 00:49:24,006 [jessye_wilden]: then that would be so great but share it with a friend let me know 3030 00:49:24,026 --> 00:49:27,641 [jessye_wilden]: what you think you can find me on jessie wilden dot com and i'd love 3031 00:49:27,701 --> 00:49:27,922 [jessye_wilden]: to hear 3032 00:49:29,082 --> 00:49:33,990 [david]: and wilton is w i l d e n also and of course that will 3033 00:49:34,031 --> 00:49:38,498 [david]: be here in the title of the podcast and it will be in the show 3034 00:49:38,598 --> 00:49:44,127 [david]: notes all that good stuff in fact i'll go ahead and link your website to 3035 00:49:44,667 --> 00:49:44,871 [jessye_wilden]: thank 3036 00:49:44,849 --> 00:49:44,969 [david]: to 3037 00:49:44,952 --> 00:49:45,074 [jessye_wilden]: you 3038 00:49:45,069 --> 00:49:50,798 [david]: the show notes as well and yes i encourage certainly all the people listening to 3039 00:49:51,039 --> 00:49:54,204 [david]: get the book i know my wife and i intend to do so as well 3040 00:49:54,304 --> 00:49:59,693 [david]: i think she got to read and exert and she's already excited about reading the 3041 00:49:59,773 --> 00:50:03,600 [david]: rest and so i just want to thank you again jessie for being with s 3042 00:50:04,261 --> 00:50:09,910 [david]: and h means a lot for you to share your story to share what god 3043 00:50:10,010 --> 00:50:15,964 [david]: has taught you in this and it's really powerful so i think so much 3044 00:50:16,856 --> 00:50:18,240 [jessye_wilden]: thank you it's been one of the good 3045 00:50:18,170 --> 00:50:18,250 [david]: ah 3046 00:50:18,280 --> 00:50:20,686 [jessye_wilden]: things in my day you know count one right there 3047 00:50:21,656 --> 00:50:27,726 [david]: good good good mine too and i want to thank everyone for listening like jessie 3048 00:50:27,786 --> 00:50:31,672 [david]: said whether it's later or pretty soon after we we put this out there you 3049 00:50:31,712 --> 00:50:37,602 [david]: know were always grateful to get new listeners and returning listeners want to mention that 3050 00:50:37,682 --> 00:50:42,410 [david]: we have a new website launch if you've gone to broken amended dot com it's 3051 00:50:42,470 --> 00:50:46,337 [david]: going to now broken amended dot or i think we'll get it set up where 3052 00:50:46,397 --> 00:50:49,181 [david]: dot com we'll re direct but it is 3053 00:50:49,546 --> 00:50:49,566 [jessye_wilden]: m 3054 00:50:49,863 --> 00:50:50,323 [david]: nearly 3055 00:50:50,414 --> 00:50:50,435 [jessye_wilden]: m 3056 00:50:50,524 --> 00:50:55,211 [david]: finished it's been a long process it is a major webs overhaul but it's going 3057 00:50:55,252 --> 00:50:59,759 [david]: to allow us to connect with so many more people in a much more effective 3058 00:50:59,859 --> 00:51:04,547 [david]: way and all the podcast are there as well and we will have it set 3059 00:51:04,587 --> 00:51:10,677 [david]: up where you can listen to the pod they're from the website of course you 3060 00:51:10,717 --> 00:51:13,923 [david]: know if you're listening to this podcast now you probably already found a good way 3061 00:51:14,063 --> 00:51:17,989 [david]: to find it but in any case if if you're ever just want to go 3062 00:51:18,110 --> 00:51:21,956 [david]: website and on your phone while you're driving and play it from there you can 3063 00:51:22,016 --> 00:51:26,063 [david]: do it as well and when i mention there are many opportunities to connect to 3064 00:51:26,103 --> 00:51:30,390 [david]: the broken and mended ministry the podcast is just one way in the seams but 3065 00:51:30,410 --> 00:51:34,377 [david]: you will find blog posts there you can all the also trying to organize support 3066 00:51:34,457 --> 00:51:39,746 [david]: groups for people living with chronic pain and chronic illness um and we have a 3067 00:51:39,806 --> 00:51:43,632 [david]: facebook group it's just really kind of the center of our ministry i know not 3068 00:51:43,692 --> 00:51:47,298 [david]: everyone's on facebook but it's the best way we know to connect with as many 3069 00:51:47,378 --> 00:51:52,567 [david]: people as we can and so all that's on the website and if if you 3070 00:51:52,607 --> 00:51:56,894 [david]: can actually go to broke an amended dot or now it's not a completed site 3071 00:51:56,954 --> 00:52:00,781 [david]: but it is usable at least most of it and or you can go to 3072 00:52:00,801 --> 00:52:05,449 [david]: broken amended dot com until we take it down or it re directs so just 3073 00:52:05,509 --> 00:52:09,897 [david]: want to say to all of you listening until next time let god walk with 3074 00:52:09,937 --> 00:52:15,207 [david]: you through your pain and we will visit with you on a later day so 3075 00:52:15,327 --> 00:52:16,109 [david]: thank you for being here