OSWALD: Jervis stays with Joker; Harley will travel with you and Pamela, Edward – Harley’s plan sounds the more feasible. Do what you can for Joker. EDWARD: Right. (clicks) Joker – a word, if you will. JOKER: Harley my dear – would you be so kind as to give my newfound caregiver the 101 of proper Joker Maintenance? Maybe set him up with a band-aid or two? HARLEY: Sure thing, Puddin’. (departs) JOKER: What’s in your noggin, Riddles? EDWARD: Tetch. JOKER: He’s certainly small enough to fit. EDWARD: I don’t trust him. He’s up to something, but I don’t know what yet. JOKER: You want me to keep an eye on him while he keeps an eye on me? EDWARD: … yes? JOKER: Oh, why not? Sounds like fun. We can have an adventure in babysitting! First one to flee gets a shard of glass through each foot. (TETCH squeaks) EDWARD: Thank you. JOKER: One thing in return, Old Sport. EDWARD: You’re not getting any pies out of me, Joker. JOKER: Way to break a man’s heart, Eddie. No – I need you to keep Harley out of trouble. EDWARD: We both know she can take care of herself. JOKER: Not that, Riddles, she’s got this… terrible habit of, ugh, helping people. Puts her in… compromising positions, if you follow. EDWARD: I don’t. JOKER: Brains for days, this one. Just keep Ahab away from white whales. HARLEY: Prepped and ready! You take good care of Mister J now – no half-assin’ it, you hear? TETCH: Yes, ma’am. No, ma’am! PAMELA: We should get going. HARLEY: Right. Let’s go. See ya soon, puddin’. (blows a kiss to The Joker) JOKER: Happy trails, campers. (grabs TETCH, who squeaks) Now you come sit with me, youngin. Tell Papa Jokes a story while you patch his wounds. TETCH: Well, uh… once-once upon a time… EDWARD: (chuckles) I almost feel bad for the little fool. HARLEY: So where to, Eddie? EDWARD: We should keep going up and try to find Bolton. He at least seems to be in possession of his faculties – more or less. PAMELA: Then what? EDWARD: Damned if I know; I’m just improvising here. (PAUSE AS THEY WALK) (LOW HUM OF SINGING) EDWARD: Wait. Stop. Shh! (CRANE singing “O Death” down the halls) HARLEY: There’s a lot of blood up here… EDWARD: SHH! (singing stops) PAMELA: Fuck. EDWARD: (softly shushing them) (pause – silence) HARLEY: Is he gone? EDWARD: I think so. (slam of scythe on the wall) SCARECROW: Boo. (they run) (SCARECROW laughs) HARLEY: We’re just giving him what he wants. PAMELA: What? HARLEY: Fear. Violence. They make him… happy. EDWARD: White whales… Harley - I don’t think this is the time for counsellHARLEY: Hold my gun. EDWARD: Harley, no. HARLEY: I’ll hold out my hands; show him they’re empty. So he can trust me not to double-cross. PAMELA: Harley, no. HARLEY: (sigh) Harley, yes. This is something I can do. EDWARD: If you die… HARLEY: Puddin’’ll kill ya? If I die, worry about Jonny. EDWARD: Don’t do this. Please. HARLEY: Sorry, Eddie. (steps out) Jonny? SCARECROW: Ahh… I remember you… little lamb. I broke your clown. Did you cry? HARLEY: I’m so sorry about Ikky. SCARECROW: No guards to save you this time. HARLEY: Jonny – I know you’re in pain. SCARECROW: Shut your mouth. HARLEY: I got no weapon - come out so we can talk. Just you and me. (pause) JON: Harley. HARLEY: It’s not your fault. JON: I – SCARECROW: NO! (grabs her neck) YOU WILL NOT TAKE HIM FROM ME AGAIN! ALL SHALL BE PUNISHED! HARLEY: (choking) He’s… not your friend… SCARECROW: You were so much prettier when you begged for his life. (EDWARD hits SCARECROW with his cane, knocking HARLEY loose) HARLEY: (gasping) No! (SCARECROW swings his scythe at EDWARD and slices his cane in half; pieces fall to the floor) EDWARD: My cane! HARLEY: Why did you do that? EDWARD: Oh, there’s gratitude for you – what are you, a hero? HARLEY: DUCK! (SCARECROW swings, and hits the sword of CAVALIER.) CAVALIER: Ha HA! Back you fiend, you have been thwarted by the CAVALIER! EDWARD: Mortimer! – how did you… CAVALIER: There’s no time for conversation, my dear Edward! Make good your escape, I shall hold him here! PAMELA: Come on, this way! (They run. Sounds of battle in the hall recede as they move) EDWARD: That was too close. HARLEY: I almost had ‘im. PAMELA: No Harley. You almost died. EDWARD: Shit - there’s no way out of here. HARLEY: Same as last time! You gotta give Jonny a reason to break through! EDWARD: I fear he may be too far gone for the soft touch. Now.. where can we go.. (Vent pops out of the wall and clatters to the ground) SELENA: Get in, quickly. EDWARD: Selena? PAMELA: What – HARLEY: The heck? SELENA: NOW! (they go through the vent and drop down onto the floor on the other side.) EDWARD: Now I’ve seen everything. What are you doing here? SELENA: …I have my reasons. EDWARD: A certain black-cloaked Big Brother wanted eyes on the ground? SELENA: … Maybe. EDWARD: But we weren’t expecting a lockdown though, were we? SELENA: Nope. HARLEY: (grinning) Stuck in the bin with the looneys, huh Kitty? SELENA: (sighs) Yep. EDWARD: This place is as tight as a snare drum on lockdown – only time that it is, mind you. (thumping noise) PAMELA: Now what? EDWARD: There’s no way Jon could get here that quickly. HARLEY: No, it’s coming from the gym. EDWARD: Alright, let’s all go together, yes? (they agree and take a look) EDWARD: It’s… Bane, isn’t it? BANE: And who are you, green man? EDWARD: (flourish) Edward Nygma, at your service. (the girls snicker) BANE: The… Riddler. I have heard of your reputation. EDWARD: (puffing up) Of course you have. BANE: You have made many enemies in Mexico, Mr. Riddler. I could bring back your head and live like a king. But not today. HARLEY: Whatcha doin’, Mr. Bane? BANE: This place is… evil. I could not find my way out, so I have decided to make one. PAMELA: By punching the wall. SELENA: Effective. EDWARD: It does seem to be working. BANE: Why then, do you interrupt me? EDWARD: We’re looking to stop this whole mess. We need to get Bolton to lift this damn lockdown. BANE: Bolton. BANE spits. EDWARD: Ah, I see you’ve met him. BANE: I should have broken him when I had the chance. I do not enjoy this place, but if you require my help, it is yours. EDWARD: (sighs) This is becoming a pattern. Selena – you want to help, too? SELENA: “Want” is a strong word, but going with you is better than going solo. EDWARD: Just remember – we’re trying to help Jonathan. If we don’t have to kill him, we won’t. SELENA: Fair enough. BANE: Who is this… Jonathan? EDWARD: Short answer? The reason for the lockdown. BANE: Then he had better stay out of my way. EDWARD: I’ll be sure to let him know. Oswald – come in. OSWALD: Oswald here. How is it going? EDWARD: We’ve found Bane, and Selena is here too. OSWALD: Selena Kyle? This is most unusual. EDWARD: Yeah, eyes for the Bat, evidently. OSWALD: I see – so what’s the problem? EDWARD: Jon’s closing in on us, and we’ll attract too much attention as a big group. Any ideas on who we should take?