(EDWARD knocks on the door.)

EDWARD: Jon? Are you in?

(The door, unlocked, opens with a slow creak.)

EDWARD: (to himself) You need some WD-40 for that door, old man. (louder) Jon? Are you here?

No response. EDWARD walks into the office slowly, puzzled.

EDWARD: He must have gone out for a coffee. Oh well, I can at least say my farewells to Ikky while I’m here. What’s this? Sheet down, sleeping in the middle of the afternoon? Wakey wakey Ikky, Eddie’s here to see you!

EDWARD pulls aside the sheet covering ICHABOD’s cage. EDWARD recoils with a gasp.

EDWARD: Oh my. Oh. Oh, no no no. Ikky! But how? …wait... I…

(The door slowly closes with a long, ominous creak. EDWARD turns to see SCARECROW, who was standing behind the door.)

EDWARD: Jon.

SCARECROW: You should not be here.

EDWARD: What happened?

SCARECROW: Returning to the scene of a crime?

EDWARD: You - you dare? You accuse ME of this - atrocity? I would never so much as CONSIDER doing such a thing!

SCARECROW: No?

EDWARD: NO. I wouldn’t let anyone I didn’t trust stay with me while I sleep, Jon. I loved her. You don’t get the monopoly on grief, you insensitive cretin - she was my friend, too.

(PAUSE.)

EDWARD: Jon’s gone, isn’t he.

SCARECROW: Jonny’s taking a little rest.

EDWARD: (babbling) I guess I should have known; the crows in the courtyard were gone. It was all so, very quiet. I never should have come here.

SCARECROW: And yet… here you are.

EDWARD: I’m leaving. I just came to see Jon first…

SCARECROW: Bless your heart. Do your immediate future a favour and use that big brain of yours. Do you know who did this?

EDWARD: N-not for certain. If I were to hypothesise - I would imagine there’s a certain guard about town you’ve been shitting on for the last little while who perhaps reached something of a limit and is now trying to get a reaction out of you, and by the appearance of everything around here, it looks like it might have worked.

SCARECROW: So it does.

EDWARD: Scarecrow - we-we’ve worked together before. You used to be able to stand me, or at least not try and kill me.

SCARECROW: See saw, Margery Daw.

EDWARD: As one goes up - the other goes down?

SCARECROW: Jonny shall have a new master.

EDWARD: (babbling again) I suppose I should be flattered, that means Jon actually likes me now as opposed to before, when he was the one who just put up with me to shut me up, but I can’t seem to access those positive feelings right now for some reason.

SCARECROW: You talk too much.

EDWARD: Famed for it. People get so mad at me they start threatening my life -

(gulp, claps a hand over his mouth to try and shut himself up)

PAUSE.

EDWARD: I should go. I-I only came to say goodbye.

SCARECROW: Good. Bye.

EDWARD: (babbling) Now now, not too close, we’ve discussed personal space before -

(EDWARD picks up CRANE’s phone and hits SCARECROW with it; SCARECROW falls to the floor and EDWARD runs to the door, opens it, and flees.)

EDWARD: (voice fading into distance) Shit shit shit shit… Run, you fool…

SCARECROW: BOLTON! SCARECROW WILL HAVE YOUR HEAD!