CRANE: Excuse me, excuse me. Oh for Chrissake, YOU. HENCHMAN: What? CRANE: Joker. Where is he? HENCHMAN: Who's askin'? CRANE: Your worst nightmare. HENCHMAN: (laughs) Push off, toothpick. CRANE: (laughs, then grabs him) HENCHMAN: Hey! CRANE: Listen here, and listen good. I don't have time for pleasantries so I'll be frank. Tell me where the Joker is, or I will literally scare you to death. JOKER: (over loudspeaker) Now now now, Jonboy! Don't break the help. Stairs to your left, then first door to the right. CRANE: It's always stairs. (drops the HENCHMAN) HENCHMAN: Fuckin’ weirdo. (CRANE reaches the door and knocks) JOKER: What's the password? ... Oh, just come in then! Jonathan Crane, Gotham City's Primary Scaregiver. CRANE: Quite a crowd out there. JOKER: Well, when the Joker throws a party, he goes BIG. CRANE: What's the occasion? JOKER: Why, the Superban of course! CRANE: You don't think this will make things a little... chaotic? JOKER: Chaos is kinda my thing, Jonno. But there's more to this than just a shindig - it's a message, nay, a REMINDER of who's who in this town. Showing the rogues abroad that they'd have to be CRAZY to move in on my turf. CRANE: Our turf. JOKER: Ooh, willing to join the cause? CRANE: Anything's possible. JOKER: Noted. Now, I'm sure you had a reason for the visit. As much as I love a chinwag, I'm a busy man. So what can the Joker do for you? CRANE: Actually, I need to speak to Dr. Qunzel. JOKER: Oh. Well THAT'S no fun. CRANE: I rarely am. JOKER: Isn't THAT the truth? Alright. (clicks a button) Paging Dr. Quinzel. Paging Dr. Quinzel. HARLEY: (over intercom) Eeeee! JOKER: This wouldn’t have anything to do with that devilish swine you’ve befriended, would it? CRANE: I’ve no idea what you mean. JOKER: Well, the gazette says differently, unless they listed the OTHER Jonathan Crane as a suspect in murder most foul! CRANE: What? HARLEY: Alright Puddin’, show the doctor where it hurts! AHH! CRANE: Oh dear! JOKER: HAHAHAHA! OOPS! HARLEY: Puddin’!! JOKER: Sorry wuggums, today it’s the real deal, but maybe later we can get to the BOTTOM of this! (grabs her behind) HARLEY: Take it off, or I break it off. JOKER: OOP! Well, she’s all warmed up for you, Crane Ol’ Boy. I’d better go… see to things... out there. NO! NO NO NO! The gas goes in the CLOWN float! (explosion) JOKER: OH FOR PETE’S SAKE! HARLEY: So what do ya want? I’m not gonna get blown up again, am I? CRANE: No… well, not by me. I need your medical opinion. HARLEY: Regressive Personality Disorder, exacerbated by severe substance abuse. CRANE: You haven’t even seen the patient. HARLEY: I wasn’t talking about the patient. CRANE: Well, we are proud of that little diagnosis aren’t we? HARLEY: It got you out of Arkham. CRANE: It got you a Doctoral Thesis. I got me out of Arkham. HARLEY: Not my diagnosis. *sigh* Give it. *opens file* This is Fanaticism… Messiah Complex. CRANE: God Complexes aren’t acknowledged in the DSM. Wouldn’t hold up in a court. HARLEY: Delusions of Grandeur, Megalomania, call it what you want. He says he “fixes” people, Jonny. That means, in his head, he’s got it all figured out. CRANE: Do you think he’s a threat? HARLEY: Absolutely. Wait a minute… Valentino. Professor Valentino? CRANE: Ring a bell? HARLEY: We used to be on the same lecture circuit… years ago now. Yeah, I remember… bit of a Nebbish, but kept to himself. Always talking to that girl… CRANE: Anya? HARLEY: Anya! That’s the one. Poor thing… CRANE: What, for falling for a man like that? HARLEY: No, well, yeah, but… she died. I read about it a year or so ago. House fire, I think. CRANE: Then I guess I don’t have much choice but to pay him a visit. Thank you, Doctor – your help has… always been appreciated. HARLEY: Any time, Doctor. Oh and Jonny? CRANE: Hmm? HARLEY: Be careful. If he does think he’s a god, he’s got nothin’ to fear from a man. (CRANE opens the door) CRANE: Oh, before I go – any practitioner of medicine would wear more than a stethoscope and a lab coat when treating a patient… HARLEY: OUT! CRANE: Alright, I’m goin’… (closes the door behind him)