professorjervistetch asks: March Hare! It is so lovely to see that you’ve joined the big tea party! You’re a bit late! Don’t worry - I saved some for you! (laughs) Professor?! Someone’s off their meds. Go fall down a rabbit hole, twerp. Anonymous asks: What are some of your favourite books? AND anonymous asks: What’s your favourite book? AND hewtab asks: What is your favourite book? Hmm; let’s see. A Modest Proposal, Perfume, Nausea, Frankenstein, Waiting for Godot, Catch-22, 1984, Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?, The Count of Monte Cristo, The Complete Robot, The Lord of the Flies, aaaand, let’s say Nicholas Nickleby. Is that all of them? Hah, no. Do I have a favourite? Categorically, no. As Gaiman once said, picking five favourite books is like picking the five body parts you’d most like not to lose. murderermarv asks: What are your thoughts on Mr. Zsasz’s methods? Is that a kind of soda? Unless we’re referring to Charles Victor Szasz, but nobody calls him that: that particular nutbar goes by Vic Sage. I just call him “idiot”. I’d say more, but I fear he may be listening to my every word through his tinfoil helmet. Anonymous asks: Do you still have the hots for Catwoman? AND Anonymous asks: What do you think of Catwoman? While Selena has her uses, there’s no real affection there. As morals go, she’s a grey area; shaking hands with the villains and keeping the other hand on the Bat’s backside. I have no problem with grey areas, play both sides all you want. Unfortunately, you simply can’t expect people like me to trust you as a result. True to this form, she’s tried to use me in the past, and failed; so amusingly unused to being told ‘no’. Strangely, she expects no one to notice her hypocrisy; seems to think she can do whatever she wants without constructive criticism. Ain’t that cute? You can tell she’s never been subjected to aggressive self-examination for several hours a day. To wit, she’ll always remain an outsider: until Selena has known the loving embrace of a straitjacket, she’ll never truly be one of us. chickenhax asks: Do you monitor your fellow villains? Would you know where, um, Two-Face is at the moment, and what he’s up to? Harvey is currently getting his hair done at the barber shop he’s been going to since he was a child. Can’t prove it’s not true, can you? No, I don’t monitor the rogues. I have security cameras around my home and I hack other cameras for my own use, but the day to day of everyone else? I couldn’t care less. That kind of voyeuristic occupation is fit for the more… psychiatrically inclined. mikodemus asks: I said I would ask you something, so here I go: Do you like to travel? Have you ever been to northern Europe? Like Finland? I travel where necessary, when necessary; should the frying pan get too hot, so to speak. I stick to the Romance Language speaking countries, however: I’ve never been to Finland as I’ve never desired to. Sell me on it, if you like. anonymous asks: Pronounced as one letter, and written with three, two letters there are, and two only in me. I’m double, I’m single, I’m black, blue, and grey, I’m read from both ends and the same either way. What am I? AND paddedcell asks: They’re called new even when they’re a hundred years old. They allow you to see the future with a flick of your fingers. They’re not witches, but sometimes suffer the same fate. What are they? AND anonymous asks: What animal always stands on its toes, but it doesn’t have feet? Oh great, more riddles. Let’s do this quickly, like tearing off a bandage. First: An eye. The organ, not the letter. Second: Books. Third: The snake, more specifically the boa, the python, and the worm snake. They still have vestigial toes despite no longer having legs or feet. Fascinating, eh? You learned something. Me, I’ve learned nothing. Wait - I’ve learned that whoever requested that I be sent amateur riddles should be forcefully given shin splints. Yes, I feel better for having learned that. theload asks: If you could murder Jonathan Crane, would you? If so, how? Personally, I’d just strangle him. AND anonymous asks: Do you think Jonathan Crane would be able to survive one of your death traps? Probably one of my more general traps. If I made one just for him, then no. But why would I want him dead? Believe it or not, Crane has yet to annoy me enough to make me want to commit murder. Next to which, he has nothing I want and has nothing on me, so there’d be no point. It’s so strange how some people see villains - as if we just wander down the street killing people for a lark. You wouldn’t have a long career, going about it like that. Look, you know a villain by their decisions, not by mere contrarian nature. But that’s a lecture for another time. Anonymous asks: Have you seen that guy with the green mohawk pretending to be you? I have not. He wouldn’t be the first person to assume that anyone with a fetish for green can be a Riddler - and my being a practical man, he’s welcome to be my decoy and get arrested or blown up for me any time he likes. Diableret asks: Hi Riddler - As a man with tattoos (or at least I’m led to believe you have many), what are your views on body art on women? AND Diableret asks: How many tattoos do you have? I have no tattoos. There’s nothing that can improve perfection, and at this point anything further would only mar it. As for women, they can do what they like. There’s already enough useless law enforcement around without adding the body police to it.