Umbaby asks: How exactly did you come across Query and Echo? What did you think of
them? What do you think of them now?
AND
yurbledoodleburg asks: How’s Echo and Query these days?
Oh, they’re fine. As well as two highly-paid, well-heeled mercenaries can be. I first saw
them when I was scouting out a rival nightclub for Oswald years ago. Omega, it was
called; Echo bounced there. A fight broke out when a motorcycle club tried to crash the
venue, Query being among them. The fight between Query and Echo was something to
see, from my privileged position - and it only ended when they counted their teeth and
conceded a grudging draw. I figured: well, if they could fight like that against each other,
imagine what they could do on the same team. I sent them calling cards, and they
wisely agreed to be interviewed. Now, they’re my left and right hooks. Best decision
they ever made.

Anonymous asks: What is sex to you?
I’ve said we need more Sex Ed in schools, but this isn’t quite what I meant. (clears
throat) Sex refers to the biological differences between males and females; chiefly
defined in terms of their reproductive organs and genetic distinctions. However, this may
be too limiting: sex can refer to the structural, functional, and sometimes behavioural
characteristics that distinguish males from females and vice versa. It’s not to be
confused with gender, which is another subject entirely. But really, shouldn’t your
parents be telling you this?

Anonymous asks: What sort of qualities do you look for in your assistants?
AND
Nerdchicka asks: How would one go about becoming one of your henchgirls?
AND
Anonymous asks: Hello Edward, or do you prefer Mr. Nygma? Would you be interested
in a henchgirl? I think you’ll find I can be very useful, given the chance. If you’re up for it,
I’ll tell you who I am. If not, I will remain anonymous.
AND
Diableret asks: Hi Riddler - Just curious, what do you look for in your henchgirls?
AND
Diableret asks: Can I be a henchgirl? All the best, Di.
AND
Anonymous asks: How do you rogues find henchmen?
Good Lord. People just lie down on those train tracks, don’t they? First and foremost,
I’m not hiring. Neither would I pick some pleb on the internet to be tasked with the
supreme privilege of protecting me, nor would I pick someone who clearly just wants to
get into my pants. For the sake of speculation, I require strength, loyalty - all the better if
that loyalty is tied to a regular paycheck - and a certain Shoot First mentality. Now, one
thing I’ve learned from these constant fawning questions is that many of you seem to
like me, or idolise me to a fashion; that is an undesirable quality. I do not pay you to like
me. You do the job I pay you for and pull your own weight, or you get left behind to fend
for yourself. If you still think you can do it, tell you what: if any of you can best my
current henchgirls in a feat of strength, you can take their positions. Sound fair? Good. I
look forward to reading about your achievements in the Obituaries.

anonymous asks: Everyone has a “first time” story, and I’m not talking about your first
crime either.
That day, I got up before everyone else; before dawn. It’s possible I didn’t even sleep. It
had to be early: no one was going to stop me. I had a story rehearsed for where I was
going, what I was doing - but no, they took my money and didn’t ask. Hunched in the
seat, my knee jumped as I stared out the window, heart pounding as I willed the bus to
move, ever fearful that someone was just around the corner, coming to drag me off like
Persephone to Hades. This time, the world saw fit to roll in my favour and nobody came.
The bus pulled away with me on board, and I breathed again. I sat up and saw the
horizon and the rising sun, just for me. The windows were open; the wind whipped my
hair. I closed my eyes, smiled, and relaxed. For the first time in my whole life, I was free.
…
I know you wanted to hear about the first time I had sex. This is better.

Pancakefairy asks: You’ve reformed, and relapsed on your old ways so many times,
Riddler. Why do you think that is?
AND
anonymous asks: How was going straight for you? Do you wish you could have stuck to
it longer or got more support?
AND
definitelyglasses asks: Good day to you, Mr. Nygma. I’m curious about something. By
what you’ve expressed before, it would seem you have a brain capable of solving
challenging riddles, puzzles, et cetera. So with all this talent, why not go into detective
work? Or is it simply more fun to create crimes than solve them?
AND
permanentnoob asks: Hypothetically, what job would be your second choice if you gave
up being the Riddler?
AND
auserbyanyothername asks: Riddler, you’re the smartest man in Gotham, why don’t you
join the good guys and put the criminals behind bars? It would be as easy as solving a
riddle, you would make Batman obsolete and be praised for the genius you truly are.
Trying to be ‘good’ is like going on a fad diet that you know is never going to stick. You
believe it’s the best thing for you, surely it must be: other people endorse the hell out of
it, it worked for them. But really - are these people you aspire to be? The answer is
always no, and you keep asking yourself why the hell you’re still doing this. But I’d
rather not go back to being a detective, as it felt too beholden to the whims of people I
cared nothing for. I suppose if I had to choose an occupation outside of being the
Riddler, I’d take the public sector. White-collar crime has always been right up my alley.

queen-derp-a-lot asks: Have you ever thought about how you would die?
AND
valoscope asks: What do you plan to have done with your remains? Assuming there’s
enough of you left of you left to account for, of course. Cremation, with ashes scattered
to the wind? Burial in an unmarked grave? Monuments and hired hench-mourners?
While actions do live longer than any of these things, I’m curious if they’d matter to you.
I have a mausoleum prepared. The state of my remains would depend upon the manner
of my death. If it is more seemly to be cremated, then we’ll go with that. But all of this is
spelled out in my last will and testament, along with a couple of interesting provisions.
Put it this way: in the event of my death, certain packages containing certain things will
be sent into the world without me to prevent them. The only regret I could possibly have
is that I won’t be around to see the fallout.

anonymous asks: Hello, Mr Nygma. I was just wondering… What was your father like?
AND
anonymous asks: How do you feel about your father?
AND
anonymous asks: I would just like to say that I love the responses and comments you
have given to your ‘followers’, if that is the correct term. I can’t help but agree with your
opinions on all of the subjective questions. But of course, you’re always right, and cocky
about it too, but you deserve to be. Flattery aside, I do have a question for you: Have
you ever wondered what kind of person you would be if your 'father’ hadn’t treated you
as he did in your childhood?
AND
anonymous says: yoooooooo I heard you got some daddy issues.
AND
anonymous asks: Do you still hate your father?
AND
anonymous asks: You still hate your father?
AND
anonymous asks: Would you say that your compulsion for riddles comes from the abuse
you experienced at the hands of your father? Would you say that it also helped develop
your narcissistic personality? Also, I’ve come to believe that your need to create and
solve riddles is not only a product of your father’s abuse, but also a side effect of your
narcissism. Proof that your mind is indeed 'superior’ and thus everything your father
said about you was wrong.
Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie
owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother
was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would
womanise, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the
question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy, the sort of general
malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical:
summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we’d make meat helmets. When I was
insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds… pretty standard, really. At
the age of 12 I received my first scribe. At the age of 14, a Zoroastrian named Vilma
ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum. It’s
breathtaking, I suggest you try it. (pause) The real story is far less interesting, but that’s
all you’re getting. (chuckles)

Madamephantom asks: Thanks for the follow back, Riddler! Your blog is most quality, if I
may say, and I hope you find mine at least somewhat entertaining. As for a question,
have you ever tried to solve Einstein’s Logic Puzzle, and if so, how challenging was it
for you? How long did it take to figure out?
Oh, I don’t look at what other people are doing; I don’t care. This puzzle is the same as
the subsequent logic puzzles birthed from it: simple enough because all you do is follow
the logical constraints. It’s not what I would call difficult, as all the information you need
is in the clues. The real laugh is that he predicted that only 2% of the population would
be able to solve it: there’s an exercise in delusion and self-aggrandisement. If you think
you’re special because you solved it, boy have I got news for you. (chuckles)

Anonymous asks: Have you ever had a relationship with any of your henchgirls?
AND
Diableret asks: Is there more to any relationships you have with any of your henchgirls,
other than them just being hired to help you take down Batman?
AND
Anonymous asks: You’ve had plenty of women by your side in crime, but have you ever
wanted someone like what Harley Quinn is to the Joker?
AND
Anonymous asks: You didn’t seem very interested in the idea of dating a henchgirl, have
you had a bad experience, or just not like the idea?
I’ve never had any inclination to date anyone who works for me. Aside from the thought
never occurring, it strikes me as abysmally lazy. Next to which, have none of you ever
heard the phrase “don’t dip your pen in the company ink”? Of course not, you have a
Harlequin romance novel where your brains ought to be.

comicsandslushies asks: Hello Riddler, I was just wondering if you’ve ever heard of the
“Evil Overlord” list, and if you have, what do you think of it?
I originally thought that this heralded list was a ranked ‘Who’s Who’ of supervillainy, and
was rather looking forward to seeing where I was placed and what they said about me.
But I seek it out, and what do I find? A list of rules. Rules! As if villains got anywhere by
playing by the rules. I’m still waiting for the real list, by the way. Get on that, would you?