Meet Aaron (What a nice surprise…)

Here I am, Gianni: I'm ready to go.
Even early, honey! It's better this way, we'll have more time for ourselves. I'll put on my jacket and we'll leave right away.
What car are we going with?
What questions, puppy: with the Smart. Otherwise how can I photograph it?
Ah, I thought it was already there.
And how did it get there? With the power of thought? No, I went to pick it up personally yesterday afternoon at the dealership: it's parked a few meters from here, haven't you seen it?
No Gianni, I didn't notice. After all, it's easily camouflaged, it's only half a car.
Oh, again with this story of the car being sawed in two… You'll like it, you'll see.
I doubt it, it's not my genre.
Actually your genre is more like a slightly battered old off-road vehicle.
Damn! My Suzuki is in perfect shape.
Yeah, come on, I was kidding. Don't take everything personally...
Well, well. I didn't think you were joking.
Darling, you know it drives me crazy to see you arrive on the back of your old and faithful steed: you are my favorite knight, every time you stop under my window you give me a shiver of emotion.
Will you let me know when you're done taking the piss out of me?
How could I take the piss out of my little marmot? I wish I could... But we both know that's not possible and we love each other anyway.
Yeah okay. But the surprise you were telling me about?
It's waiting for us at the bar down here, my love. Come, you'll be amazed.
(They go down the stairs. Noise of cars and city traffic. They enter the bar.)
Here we are, Aaron: are you ready to go?
Yes, sure.
Emmanuel, meet Aaron. Aaron, this is Emmanuel.
Nice to meet you, Emmanuel.
Well, little puppy, aren't you going to say hello to him?
I... yeah, sure. Hi, Aaron.
Shall we go?
Let's go.
I'll pay the bill, you can start going. Wait for us out here and follow our car.
Okay.
(Aaron exits, Gianni pays the bill and exits with Emmanuel.)
Aaron follows us on his motorbike: the Smart Fortwo, as the name suggests, is only for two people. After all, it's a beautiful sunny day and he has a Yamaha YZFR1 that is out of this world. I pay for his gas, of course.
I understand.
Come on, get in the car: do you want to drive or would you prefer me to drive?
You drive, Gianni: I can barely fit in this thing.
Exaggerated.
(He starts the engine and they take off. The Yamaha roars behind them. A few minutes of silence.)
So, honey, have you lost your tongue? What about the surprise?
I'm speechless, Gianni: he's a spectacular hunk.
Isn't he creepy? He's a Canadian Métis, a Menominee to be precise, from the Algonquin family, so to speak. You know, they're famous for some of their crazy-beautiful traditions: for example, once a year two virgins marry fishing nets.
In what sense do they marry them?
Ritually, puppy: how else? Fishing nets, as far as I know, have no sexual organs. Then they cultivate the myth of the hero Gluskap, who freed the waters seized by the dragon.
Do they use drugs?
Their shamans certainly do, as do all sorcerers.
No, I'm just saying in general: I've rarely heard more insane things in my life.
Don't you feel captivated by these ancient traditions?
No, I don't feel captivated.
What a hard heart you have, my love: after all, I already knew that. However, that's not all: they make symmetrical geometric designs, for example double spirals, and their culture is centered on birch bark.
Really exciting.
All this however does not justify the permanence in the Canadian reserves of a star hunk like Aaron. He is of a suicidal beauty. Look at him now in the rearview mirror: Daniel Day-Lewis effect in “The Last of the Mohicans”, stops the heart in the chest.
Yep. Truly breathtaking.
And so he thought, rightly, of trying his hand at a career as a model and came to Milan. As soon as I saw his portfolio, I called the agency and said bluntly: “This boy is mine”. Imagine if I would let an opportunity like this slip away: this guy breaks the screen, he tears the lens apart.
Undoubtedly. May I know, then, what need you had of me today?
Love marmot, but what are you doing to me, are you acting haughty and offended? Are you angry with me because there is another beautiful in my life?
Gianni, I simply asked you a question and I would like an answer: what purpose do I have today? Or if you prefer: did you make me come here just to show me your latest conquest?
What if it were? I love sharing my stuff with you, you know.
Thank you, but I ask you to keep some things to yourself.
Come on, my little woodchuck, don't give me that ugly face...
You once asked me to make an “ugly ugly” face.
And in fact I still love it like crazy! I can't tell you what I would do to that capricious little mouth.
Nothing at all, I'd say, judging by the night we spent together.
Oh, that night… My dear puppy, I can’t forget it. But that’s because I love you: if I didn’t love you I would do the worst things to you, believe me.
Curious logic, but oh well, I'll pretend to believe you.
It's not at all curious. I think you're too young to have seen a film from many years ago, "The beautiful Antonio", based on a novel by Brancati: if you had seen it you would understand many things.
No, I haven't seen it: I'll look for it somewhere and watch it calmly.
But let's get to the point. No, love, I didn't bring you here just to show off my latest conquest, as you call it: you are and will remain my favorite marmot, so today you will take pictures with Aaron.
I mean, let me get this straight: would you think of fielding two guys who are six feet tall to sponsor a city car the size of a mouse?
Yes sweetie!
What's the point? It's stupid, sorry to say: a really cool guy with a spectacular body goes around on a Yamaha, exactly like he does, not on a Smart! And on top of that with another guy? And what exactly are two like us doing together on a Smart?
Don't you get it? It's a great publicity stunt! That's exactly what everyone will be wondering: "what the hell do these two have to do with the Smart?" And they will start to come up with the most imaginative hypotheses, eventually landing on the most obvious one: they're gay and they're there to have sex! And that's it.
What? Are you out of your mind? Two people that tall having sex in a Smart? We couldn't do it even by reclining the seat, come on, what bullshit.
Yes, darling. The absurdity is the key to everything: everyone will think of the terrible effort those two poor boys will make to undress each other in there, tearing their clothes with their teeth and banging their elbows against all the corners, and they will deduce that only a blind and overwhelming erotic passion can push them to knock down all those obstacles.
Or, more simply, they will deduce that they are going to fuck in a motel and that's it.
No, darling, because they can't resist: the urgency of passion has overwhelmed them. In short, an advertisement like this certainly won't go unnoticed. And then we'll play a lot on ambiguity: he's so dark and sinister, a young and beautiful demon, who holds a defenseless blond angel with an ugly ugly little face...
No listen, Gianni, I don't want to do this bullshit: just think if my parents or Antonia see it...
You'll make a lot of money, my love.
Oh well, I'll have to work as a bricklayer for a while longer. I don't feel like prostituting myself.
Sweetie, please don’t give me this grief… I already have the whole photoshoot in my mind, shot by shot. I really care about it, you know? For me it’s a great career opportunity. And the place where we’re going is fantastic, you’ll love it.
Gianni, damn, you're really asking too much of me...
Little little little maaaarmooot....
All right, I don't want to disappoint you.
I love you, little one.
Eh, I love you too, otherwise I would have already sent you packing.
Oh, one thing: Aaron doesn't speak Italian, so I'll have to address you two in English.
It's not a problem, I understand it very well.
If we have to say something personal we can do it in Italian, since he doesn't understand a thing.
Agree.