[00:00:00] Cheers!
Let's get hella real. Grab your favorite drink. Cheers! Yeah, over a cup of coffee. That we're still really vulnerable with space. Of like, I am giving love. Stress how hard it is. And you're like, ooh yes.
[00:00:24] Pauline: Okay. Ladies and gentlemen, Bay Area mom. Talk up in the house. Yes. Grab your favorite drink and let's get hella real. Real. Okay. Okay. Okay. Cheers. Okay. we are here today in beautiful Clayton, California with our favorite drink. Today I'm, uh, hot Totting it you, sir. 
[00:00:49] Nate: It's a nice little cold beverage. I'll just, I'll just say that. Yeah. 
[00:00:53] Pauline: Y'all watch you souping on some coffee. Eh? 
[00:00:56] Genna: Ice coffee. Ice coffee. My fellow gentleman over here today. There we [00:01:00] go. Well, these fellow gentlemen to be our husbands, the 
[00:01:04] Pauline: hubbies 
[00:01:06] Genna: little dad talk going on.
Yep. This is part two of our episodes. 
[00:01:13] Pauline: Maybe into physical touch. We'll see. We'll see, we'll see. Yeah. So my husband's here on my left 
the charismatic, the confident. Nate Jabal. 
[00:01:23] Nate: Yeah. Hey, how's it going? He, 
[00:01:26] Pauline: he just took 
[00:01:27] Genna: over 
[00:01:27] Pauline: that mic. He's like, all right, so, 
[00:01:29] Nate: so for the long have 
[00:01:31] Pauline: we been married, how long have you been married?
[00:01:34] Nate: I just asked you this question the other day. 
[00:01:36] Pauline: Yesterday we were talking about it 
[00:01:37] Nate: and you didn't get it right. 
[00:01:39] Pauline: So 13, Pauline didn't get it right. 13 years. So apparently, 
[00:01:42] Nate: so let me ask her the question. How long have we been married? 
[00:01:46] Pauline: 13 years. 
[00:01:48] Nate: Are you sure about that? 
[00:01:49] Pauline: Your final answer. Yes, sir. So what year did we get married? 
2011. 
[00:01:53] Nate: Okay. Ding. Ding. So 2025 how many years is gonna be.  
[00:01:58] Pauline: 14. I could do basic math. [00:02:00] 
[00:02:00] Nate: Okay. Just making sure. Yeah. 
[00:02:02] Pauline: Yes, yes. And how did we meet? 
[00:02:05] Nate: Yeah. We met at, uh, we met in North Beach, in San Francisco, California at a, Mutual Friends party. It was actually a Willy Wonka party.
And you're dressed up as, I don't know. I do not remember. 
[00:02:19] Pauline: There wasn't a character 
[00:02:20] Nate: and then I was 
[00:02:23] Pauline: micy the Cowboy. 
[00:02:24] Nate: Yes. So 
[00:02:26] Pauline: the rest is history. micy the Cowboy. 
[00:02:29] Genna: What we're gonna have to, you guys gonna have to find a photo? Oh yeah. And you guys should. 
[00:02:33] Pauline: Throw it up there. Yeah. All right. I'll look for one.
micy. Yeah. Bang, bang. Okay. 
[00:02:40] Nate: Yeah. So this, this was in my younger days, right? So I, I mean, to keep it short and simple, I was dancing with the lovely Pauline and all I remember was actually either one. I was, were you grabbing my necklace or did, did you have a necklace? 
[00:02:57] Pauline: I had a, um, an interactive charm necklace 
[00:02:59] Nate: on it.
[00:03:00] Yeah. There it goes. 
[00:03:01] Genna: Interactive charm necklace. Yeah. What is Char, what does that at a toy store, what does that mean? 
[00:03:06] Pauline: So I worked at a toy, a children's toy 
[00:03:09] Nate: store, children's toy store. So 
[00:03:11] Pauline: au looked at me like, that's New Children's toy store. And um, it was a charm necklace and there was, one of the charms was like a spinning wheel thing, so you had to like flick it and it would spin and land on something.
So. You were. Yeah. He spun the wheel. Yeah. 
[00:03:29] Chauncey: Several times. Probably. 
[00:03:32] Nate: Yeah. Several times. Yeah. 
[00:03:34] Pauline: And we danced and he had good moves. We dance. Yeah. 
[00:03:37] Nate: Well, I thought I had good, good moves. Yeah. Yeah. At that time. Yeah, 
[00:03:41] Pauline: we come.   
[00:03:42] Nate: But yeah, so 
[00:03:43] Pauline: that's how we met and met. We stayed in touch and kept hanging out with her friends.
And here we're later. 
[00:03:51] Nate: Yeah. 
[00:03:52] Pauline: All right. There you go. 
Good 
[00:03:55] Pauline: past the torch. All right, 
[00:03:56] Genna: so 
[00:03:57] Pauline: how are we meet 
[00:03:57] Genna: babe? Well, I need to [00:04:00] introduce you first.
Would you wanna I, I wanna jump the guy. Let's go. Introduction. What is your name?   
[00:04:06] Chauncey: Alright. My name is Chauncey and I am the husband of this beautiful woman to my right. Very talented woman named Genna. I think everyone knows who she is. This is her show, right? And Pauline show. Um, but nonetheless, she's gonna introduce how we met, right?
[00:04:26] Genna: Mm-hmm. Yes. So how we met.
We met around, oh, I was visiting New Orleans with my sister, and then Chau was also visiting New Orleans. And the first bar we go into. Chauncey, this guy puts up his hand and I give him a high five and he followed me to the bar.
My sister did not like that. She was throwing bows. You made her laugh and that was it. And we talked [00:05:00] and did long distance. 'cause you were where?   
[00:05:03] Chauncey: Miami Beach. Yeah. 
[00:05:05] Genna: So yeah. So I was in grad school in Mississippi at the time. And he was in Miami, so we just did long distance. Yeah. But New Orleans Suburban Street.
I wonder if people are finding their spouse there today. Mm. I wonder how that has changed. I know the 
[00:05:24] Pauline: Super Bowl just happened. Did someone find their That's right. Yeah. That place is packed. I'm sure there was connections happening all over. 
[00:05:31] Genna: I don't know. I'm sure no one, I feel like it was bold. I mean, people now think.
Going up to a girl at the bar, I feel like is bold now. Like did you do that before? 
[00:05:44] Chauncey: Holler girls at the bar? Oh, yes. Which year is this?
[00:05:48] Genna: No, but I don't, I don't think they do that anymore. Oh, 
[00:05:52] Chauncey: I, oh yeah, we, no, we have, because we saw some young kids and they're like, they avoid each, each other. I don't know you on my feeds or chains.  
but I [00:06:00] think when you're at a club, like where I met you, what kind of 
[00:06:05] Genna: club was it? 
It was 
[00:06:06] Genna: a fun 
[00:06:08] Chauncey: dance club where you go in to get your groove on. So you get your 
groove on, you know.
[00:06:14] Chauncey: See, well, you know those types of spots. Um, if you can dance groove 
[00:06:24] Genna: or twerk, which one was it? You tell me.   
[00:06:28] Nate: So ever since I met Chauncey, his iest name in the bay, what is it? 
[00:06:36] Chauncey: I don't know. Who are you making out   
[00:06:40] Genna: Get his groove on. He get his groove on. 
[00:06:44] Pauline: Get his groove on. Get my groove on. Awesome. Well, these are, these are the fellas in our lives and our partners that we're doing life with and raising children with and, uh, [00:07:00] it's pretty amazing journey.
So I'm glad I get to be a part of it with you guys too. Yeah. And I feel like, um. We recently did an episode, Genna and I solo discussing our love languages, and one of them in particular was physical touch that we were touching base on and we thought, how cool would it be to actually bring in our husbands, we'll find out what their love languages are, and discuss this a little deeper with the people that we have to actually speak this language to and receive language from.
And so, yeah, let's dive into it. 
[00:07:35] Genna: Yeah. So I think we, in the first episode we did talk about Chauncey being physical touch. Is that your love language? 
[00:07:45] Pauline: Are you a physical toucher?
[00:07:48] Genna: yes 
[00:07:48] Chauncey: or no? Yes. 
[00:07:49] Genna: Yes. Or maybe or other. It can change, 
[00:07:53] Pauline: and let's just break down the five love languages. And this is based off of a book as well. We can kind of [00:08:00] reference it too, in the show. But it's, uh, come on guys. Help me out. We got physical touch. Yep. Babe, you name one. 
Yahoo. You can't cheat. Are 
[00:08:11] Genna: you cheat? 
[00:08:12] Pauline: No, I got it. He's literally not phone. Okay, so 
[00:08:14] Genna: go. 
[00:08:15] Nate: Acts of service. 
[00:08:16] Genna: Cool. But what does acts of service really mean? She doesn't need your 
[00:08:19] Nate: mic. What does acts of service mean? So what do you think 
[00:08:22] Genna: acts of service like when as their love language, what do you think? What does that mean?
[00:08:30] Nate: um If my love language was acts of service, right? Mm-hmm. So I would think that my wife would either one, right? Possibly wash my clothes, which she already does, right? Like, you're 
welcome. 
[00:08:47] Nate: Two, make dinner, which she's doing a better job at it, right?
Because before this, she never cooks at all. No, [00:09:00] that's 
[00:09:00] Pauline: literally one of the reasons. No, no, no, no, no. This is literally one of the reasons why I married this guy, because he was a cook. Just saying, because he, because he, but 
[00:09:08] Nate: obviously I don't have any time anymore to cook. Right? So 
[00:09:11] Pauline: step up. 
[00:09:11] Nate: Um, so she's been cooking, right?
Which truly appreciate the fact that she understands when I get home, it's just like, I'm gonna be either want a, a nice hot meal, right? Mm-hmm. Um. Or something just to feel my belly, right? 
[00:09:29] Genna: Yeah. Okay. So acts of service, A lot of times they say, um, actions speak louder than words. Yeah, right. So actions speak louder.
So just doing things around the house for your spouse. And then next one is words of affirmation. So for someone else, it's words instead of. Doing things. It's words of encouragement and appreciation, um, for your spouse. Mm-hmm. All right. What's the next one? 
[00:09:58] Chauncey: Oh, shoot. [00:10:00] Um, what's next on the list? Nate, what is, okay.
What is my love 
[00:10:03] Nate: language? I got you. Oh, 
[00:10:04] Genna: here. 
[00:10:05] Nate: Receiving gifts. Ah, 
[00:10:06] Chauncey: yes. Receiving gifts. Yes. 
[00:10:09] Genna: Is that my love language, though? Okay. What's receiving gifts? 
[00:10:12] Chauncey: Um, I think receiving gifts would be when someone shows their love by. Purchasing gifts for their loved ones, and that's their way to communicate their love for them.
[00:10:24] Genna: Okay? 
[00:10:25] Chauncey: Yeah. And no, you're not a gift. That's not your, all right. So what's my love language? 
Um, 
[00:10:33] Chauncey: won't you tell us what your love No, 
[00:10:35] Genna: I, I, you gotta give us an answer. Give us an answer. 
[00:10:39] Chauncey: Hers changes. It used to be, uh, time. 
[00:10:43] Pauline: And that's the last one, right? Quality time. Mm-hmm. No quality 
[00:10:47] Nate: time is the next one. Yes.
Quality 
[00:10:48] Chauncey: time. Yes. 
[00:10:50] Nate: We got one more. One more. After quality time says, oh no, you said, says the 
[00:10:53] Pauline: cheater. 
[00:10:54] Chauncey: He's cheating. He's keeping us on track. So there's one more after quality of time. 
[00:10:58] Nate: Well, you [00:11:00] guys, that was their episode, which, which is physical touch, so, yeah. Yeah. But 
[00:11:04] Genna: we 
[00:11:04] Pauline: wanna, okay, we got him. 
[00:11:05] Chauncey: So, yeah. So I would say yours is still time, quality time, but that could be changed.
What is it?   
[00:11:15] Pauline: I think it's changed. This is new. Hey, gimme this mic. What is it? Give it to me. I think it's changed. Changed. This is new information. 
[00:11:24] Genna: I think now that like, okay, what does, what does it say for quality time? I think give you quality 
[00:11:28] Pauline: time, 
[00:11:28] Genna: bro. 
[00:11:29] Pauline: What 
[00:11:29] Genna: does quality time? I don't know. I'm not 
[00:11:30] Pauline: cheating.
I'm not a cheater. I got, 
[00:11:31] Genna: no, no, no. What does it say? Cheater. Tell you. Hold on. 
[00:11:34] Pauline: Okay. Quality time refers to uninterrupted focus or time together with no distractions.
[00:11:41] Genna: It's about prioritizing that time together and truly giving your partner your attention, connecting on an emotional level, actively listening and being engaged. So yeah, so I think mine has definitely changed. Okay. Okay. So, and I say that because. Time. I definitely wanted that and I, I [00:12:00] mean, I think that's still a big part.
Mm-hmm. But it's not quality time. It's actually, I realized that I need quality time by myself. It's not quality time with my spouse. It's quality time to myself with no one trying to touch me. No one trying to say, mom, I need something. Right. So it's, I 
[00:12:22] Pauline: feel like that's a different category entirely. I don't think that's like a partner related thing.
Well, no, that's 
[00:12:27] Genna: what I'm saying. That's why I think it used to be quality time, but now that I don't, now that we have kids and now that we're away from support and we don't have childcare. That has shifted because now it's like I don't have any time to, even to myself.   
[00:12:43] Chauncey: I think what Pauline is saying, that's not a love language.
[00:12:44] Genna: I'm not saying it's a love language. This is what I'm explaining why I've changed. Right. I've changed because, because I don't have that quality time. Now it's acts of service. Mm. Does that make sense? Yeah. Yes. So I'm trying to where it's, that's what I'm trying to get [00:13:00] at is like, that is why it's changed.
It's not quality time with my husband. 'cause now it's like I don't even get quality time for myself. That I don't even need quality time with you. I want myself, I'm choosing to have quality time for myself. I want to be by myself. 
[00:13:17] Pauline: So you're feeling loved by your husband, giving me, um, to do acts of service that allows you to have to have time.
Yeah. And so that makes sense. That 
[00:13:26] Genna: is, that, is that it's like, okay, Chauncey, 
[00:13:28] Pauline: are you confused? Does this make sense? 
[00:13:31] Chauncey: It sounds like it's a bend in the matrix, like. 
[00:13:32] Pauline: In what way? '
[00:13:34] Chauncey: cause you have 
[00:13:35] Pauline: to pass mic, pass mic, 
[00:13:36] Chauncey: in order to give back to the love languages, we need to give her seclusion. Seclusion to be 
[00:13:43] Genna: by yourself.
Because it's like it is getting down to the root of it, right? Yeah. In a way it's not, yeah. It's like you have to do that in order for me to be able to want to spend time. That makes sense. 'cause I don't have the energy 'cause it's. [00:14:00] As moms and I have three littles, it definitely makes it hard. And again, no support of, um, outside support.
You know, I stay at home with my 4-year-old, so I'm constantly with him. And so when I don't have that, that has shifted my priority of like how I feel loved, 
[00:14:21] Chauncey: because what if you don't get it 
[00:14:23] Genna: and I don't get it? 
[00:14:24] Chauncey: And then marriage goes downhill. 
[00:14:27] Genna: Yeah. Yeah.   
[00:14:29] Pauline: Gotta keep at it. Real, real deal, I think. I think that's where communication and like being real with your partner, because I feel like you can feel drowned.
Like, man, doesn't he get it? Don't they know better? And then you set, you have these ex silent expectations, you know? 'cause they, 
[00:14:46] Genna: they're supposed to know. They're supposed to know. 
[00:14:48] Pauline: Like I've told them I love language, right? Yeah. But it's so foreign because we often have complete polar opposite languages that.
We don't even know how to even communicate that [00:15:00] language. We were never taught, we were never shown as children, we, we, it's like, it literally is like learning another language. And so if we're not communicating and we're not telling each other, Hey, I'm not feeling like you're doing this, or, hey, if sometimes it comes off, like if he comes through the door and he is like, really?
You've been here all day? Is there anything I can eat? Can you know, like. I, and there's a bit of tension, right? He expected me to have maybe something cooked, but have 
[00:15:30] Chauncey: you been there all day? 
[00:15:31] Pauline: Maybe I was, I don't know. I'm just putting an example out. 
[00:15:35] Chauncey: No, I'm just trying to, but I'm 
[00:15:35] Pauline: more intentional now. If I'm home all day, I wanna have something warm and ready for Gotcha.
That's delicious to eat and that he, I'm like almost seeking like a little bit of like, uh, because he is a cook, he has really high expectations of tasty food and so I'm trying so much more now. Like, I'm really putting love into it. Before it'd be like, frozen meal. Here you go. Happy birthday. [00:16:00] Right? Yeah.
But now I'm, I am being more intentional about it that I, if I am home, I'm gonna put on a good meal. Right. And, um, but communicating that, yeah. And sometimes communication could butcher the entire, like if he's not communicating it very well, it turns me off. Right. And I'm like. Damn bro. You don't have to say it like that, right?
Like just say, Hey, I would really appreciate it if you did this, this, not like, well, it'd be nice if there was a meal around the table once in a while, right? That, that comes off. And then sometimes I get the other where it's like, hey, I would, it would mean a lot if you cook more often. Right? So you can get both, but if you're not communicating it.
Yeah. So 
[00:16:41] Pauline: having this discussion and, and bringing it out with friends, getting comfortable with other couples, getting real with it. And hopefully being able to take this discussion to be like, Hey, what is my spouse's love language? Let me ask him. I never asked. Yeah, right. Like for [00:17:00] everyone else watching and listening to be like, Hey, what is mine?
What is it that I feel super loved when my husband comes through the door and I get a hug? Right. Yeah. I 
[00:17:09] Genna: think 
[00:17:09] Pauline: that 
[00:17:10] Genna: should be established very like early on, early on in the relationship. But any relationship. 'cause I think. There's so much miscommunication there. I don't think we discussed love languages till years after we started, years after we got married.
Yeah. You know, and so the way one person shows love, you might just because, so again, mine used to be time, and so if I would give my time thinking I'm showing love, right. Again, that's not the same. 
Mm-hmm. 
[00:17:42] Genna: For his love language. And so he's not receiving it because it's like, it's doing nothing for him.
Yeah. Speaking another Lang language. Right. It is completely foreign to them. Like, well, I don't wanna spend time with her. I just, I just need, I just need be touched, you know? So 
[00:17:58] Chauncey: it's kind of crazy 'cause [00:18:00] you know, I have a good friend that talks about, oh, you guys should do love languages, but early on in a marriage, you really don't.
You could do the, like, I think there's a love language test in the Book of Five Love Language, but they really don't have a strong impact until I feel like you have kids. And then it's, that's when you start to get pulled into different directions and then that attention from. When you're single. Yeah.
Cooking dinner, cooking breakfast, right? Yeah. I'm giving back massages, foot rubs. You're doing all these things, so you're probably hitting a lot of the language. Your love language is there, but as soon as your time gets restricted with kids, 
great point. That's 
[00:18:40] Chauncey: when this thing is serious and it, it truly is.
Um, now I understand the impact and the power of lang. Yeah. Love languages. Yeah. Before I didn't really, yeah. Put any, you know, credence or precedent to it. But now it's, it is, it's a serious thing. And I think in keeping relationships healthy, the problem I think we [00:19:00] have, um, and you hit it on it, is that we are here in California without a support network.
Yeah. 
[00:19:05] Chauncey: So the fact that she needs, um, time by herself is a very scarce commodity. Yeah. Like we got three kids. Yeah. One kid's at home. And then we both have to make a living. Yeah. So sometimes I feel like what she's asking for is unrealistic, but she needs it. Yeah. At the end of the day. 
For sure. Which, 
[00:19:27] Chauncey: which sucks 'cause I'm sure there's relationships out here that it ain't happening.
Like Yeah. Some people work a lot longer than 40 hours a week. Yeah. But yet their spouse needs time and they have kids. I'm like, man, how do you do it? 
[00:19:39] Genna: Yeah. 
[00:19:40] Chauncey: Yeah. You have to speak on viewer. 
[00:19:43] Genna: I mean, I don't, there's no way around it, right? I mean, yeah, we're still navigating, you know, this issue. So it's not, it's an ever changing, ever evolving kind of problem for us.
Um, but now that we have a better [00:20:00] support system now, I feel like it is a little bit more attainable to have that time. Um, but for the people that. Don't have that and that's nowhere near them. You know? I think it is hard. Yeah. I don't, because it's still a problem for us in a way. Like, I don't even know how to give advice for people that do it.
You know? It is, I mean, all I have to say is that with that, I think it is a mindset change too, in a way, just to make me feel a little bit better, is, you know, our kids are young, are really young, and I. We have a 10-year-old and she's growing up so fast, and so just really changing my mindset in a way too has helped, you know, because they're so little and I'm trying to really just enjoy this time knowing that our daughter just really grew up before our eyes and now we have a 4-year-old, I think has 
mm-hmm.
[00:20:55] Genna: Kinda made it a little bit better, but yeah, I mean, do I [00:21:00] feel. The days or the weeks that I don't get time by myself, and then I like I, it's like a crash, right? Yeah. 
Yeah. 
[00:21:09] Genna: It's like, oh my God, I've gone two weeks without any time for myself. Yes, I feel it. And that's where problems do arise, and I have to be like, Hey, you're upset that you are not getting your physical touch, but look what I have on me.
And Kellen's literally sitting on top of me just holding. My or leg on top of me, you know? Yeah. Just sitting on the couch like, this is what I'm dealing with, and I've been dealing with that for how many weeks? Like 
[00:21:34] Chauncey: to the point I'm like, dude, get off of her. You're taking my time of such way. I'm like kicking his hand.
My wife 
touching her. 
[00:21:42] Genna: Oh my gosh. It's so funny because yeah, Kellen is like, I'm trying to work. He's like, hi, mommy. 
Yeah. 
[00:21:51] Genna: Hi. Okay. I can watch my movie now, you know, and I'm like, I need to work or I need some time, you know, to even think. And so it's still, it, it's, [00:22:00] it's hard and it's definitely, I didn't realize how much it affected me until I moved here and didn't have any support and that really, and I honestly had no idea what it was.
I've never been in that, in that state before, and it was a really tough time. As much as I loved being in California and. Love seeing our kids thrive. It was really hard for me to just understand what was, what I was going through and all of the feelings associated with not having that quality time for myself was like, why am I having so much anxiety and like depression?
I didn't get it. Mm-hmm. Because I always had that time. Yeah. And that was still such a foreign. Feeling of like, what am I feeling? Why am I feeling this way? And I never realized until I sat down And 
[00:22:52] Chauncey: yeah, I had to ask him like, do you, are you happy being married? Because like if she's not communicating what is going on [00:23:00] in her mind, I'm just feeling this cold presence.
Sure. In the house, I'm like, what's wrong? Like one no touch. So I'm already feeling depleted. And then she is cold and the house is cold. You know, women. And they're upset. The whole house is cold and they act like nothing wrong, but they ice blood it cold. So just 
[00:23:18] Genna: FYI, happy wife, happy life. Right? It's like, I think it's so true with that.
Just from what you were just saying, happy wife, happy life. That's what they I don't, 
[00:23:28] Chauncey: I don't hate it. Yeah. They had I opinion 
[00:23:31] Genna: about this. 
[00:23:31] Chauncey: Lemme tell you what's, what's the opinion? 
[00:23:33] Genna: what does Happy Wife, happy life here look like? So what is Pauline's language? Love language. Good. That's good. And Nate, you have to answer this one though. 
[00:23:43] Pauline: Go give it to him, baby. 
[00:23:44] Nate: So it's changed over the years. Ooh. 
[00:23:52] Genna: It is changed over the years. How so? Yeah. Okay, so what was her, so what was her previous love language?
I knew 
[00:23:58] Nate: her was, hers was [00:24:00] physical touch before? Yeah. 
[00:24:01] Genna: Okay. 
[00:24:02] Nate: Then it changed and then now it's more so acts of service. 
[00:24:06] Pauline: Wow, 
[00:24:06] Genna: babe. 
[00:24:07] Nate: Um, 
[00:24:07] Genna: oh, is that accurate? Yes. Okay. All right. Good job Nate. Good job. Talk about this topic, guys. 
[00:24:15] Nate: So, yeah, even, even in the book, right? So it even says that your love tank will fluctuate.
Yeah. So
[00:24:21] Genna: after 13 years, you guys have learned how to communicate Yeah. What that love language is. So, but what, at what point did your love language change? Like why did it change for you guys? Me, that Mic, 
[00:24:36] Pauline: it's 
[00:24:36] Genna: like, so for 
[00:24:37] Pauline: me, I think it changed once he started a business.
So once he started his own business and he just started getting good at learning my language of physical touch and like holding my hand and like holding my waist often when we were out public affection. So like I was just, he was just getting in the swing of that. But I will say his love language has [00:25:00] changed too.
So we'll get into that in a second. Um, but I, I do believe it's because he's kind of started his own business venture and his. His presence at home is kind of checked out and so like the duties at home have fell. Or how he, how he used to cook. Right. That's something that I actually was super attracted to that I didn't even know was an act of service at that time.
 And so now he's not doing it anymore. And so I think that's what caused me to like have a shift of, hey, this has to get done and. Hey, I really take the trash out and stuff like that. 
[00:25:38] Genna: So at that point, would you say, just for people also listening that don't have really an idea about love languages and even the shift, right?
So when he started, like how did you know that that was your new love language? Right. So if he was showing love how you normally sh So he's over here thinking, [00:26:00] oh. I'm holding her hand, I'm touching her when I pass her by. Like we communicated it. And you, because you realize that about it has changed, right?
[00:26:09] Pauline: That I I kind of told you. I think there's, 
[00:26:12] Nate: yeah, change. I just thinking like in any relationship that you have, like you go through your peaks and valleys, right? So it's either you grow with the person or you grow away. But it's every effort because it's our duty as, a unit. A unit. Mm-hmm. To actually try to keep that core.
Right. But that's the hardest part, honestly, is like truly keeping that core or that communication It's so easy for, even, honestly even say for myself just to veer off and just say, you know what, this is not even worth my, worth my time. Yeah. 
 But then, but we know what the core is, right? Once you understand like what the core and what the unit is.
Mm-hmm. That, that is so helpful because it's just like really understanding, what comes first, right? number one for [00:27:00] us is, it's always gonna be, God first. And our relationship. Is is gonna be second and then our kids. 
[00:27:07] Chauncey: No, I like that. I think that's what, um, what probably keeps a relationship grounded. Like I think in some relationships people put the kids before their spouses, and then if you put your spouse on a pedestal, you also may have a issue too.
So having God first I think is important. And then knowing that you two come second. Mm-hmm. And then it's, and then the kids. And I do think people sacrifice. Their spouse for their kids all the time. I you know 
[00:27:34] Pauline: yeah. Or their at least kids for this. Yeah. Vice versa. So, yeah. 
[00:27:37] Chauncey: So 
[00:27:38] Pauline: yeah, it's true. 
[00:27:39] Chauncey: Yeah, that's, that's, that's big.
Look at that. 
[00:27:41] Pauline: I think too, like for Nate, um, I think your, uh, love language has changed too. So Nate used to be, words of affirmation. So he, he needed to be told like, I love you. I didn't need nobody to tell me they love me because I know I'm loved and I do [00:28:00] have my own core right of, of love.
So that was really hard in that 
[00:28:06] Genna: respect. Right. In terms of words. 
[00:28:09] Pauline: So your initial love language Really? Yes. Is words of affirmation. A hundred percent. He's like, this is news to me. Look at you. Like sat up. He's like, no, this is not. Ooh. Words of affirmation. 
[00:28:21] Nate: You dating someone else. Is she getting it confused?
I don't got it twisted. No, I don't. She was 
[00:28:27] Pauline: sold on, it was words of affirmation. We have 
[00:28:30] Genna: a whole episode of her talking about words of affirmation. 
[00:28:33] Pauline: Yeah. When we were first married, mind was physical touch. You were words of affirmation. Needed to be. You needed words of affirmation that like I needed to speak well to you.
Like, Hey, you're doing a great job. Oh, you're home. Oh, so good to see you. You're home. You fixed dinner, and thank you for fixing. Yeah, thank you for cooking for me. You're the best cook ever. Love you so much. Like you needed those things. I think they still should be doing that, 
[00:28:57] Genna: by the way too. I had to pump 
[00:28:58] Pauline: him up and I did.[00:29:00] 
Oh, I spelled and I did. But it took, but it was so hard. It was such a hard thing for me to do. 
[00:29:06] Genna: And now, but, and now it's easier. Nate, Nate seems confused. Nate. It's not his love language anymore. No, I'm, but I feel like he's still confused of that. No. 
[00:29:13] Nate: Well, I can, that was his love language at first. I don't think so because 
[00:29:17] Genna: what 
[00:29:18] Nate: I totally, 
[00:29:19] Genna: you.
We literally, we talked about this for like 40 minutes or something. So I'll tell you this because 
[00:29:25] Nate: I didn't know, I didn't even know love languages when we first dated, so No, it's not, 
[00:29:29] Pauline: she's just not 
[00:29:30] Genna: dated. 
[00:29:30] Pauline: Married. Oh, married Mary. Like started finding out your number one was, your number one was words of affirmation and I was supposed touch for sure.
He's like, no, it, he's paused. He is physical touch. Physical touch. He shook. He shook us right now. No, 
[00:29:46] Nate: I think it was quality time, honestly. 
[00:29:49] Pauline: I don't, 
[00:29:50] Nate: yeah, because when we used to live in this, well we to do a lot of things. 
[00:29:56] Pauline: Yeah. But those are just things, we still do a lot of things, but that's not our love [00:30:00] language.
We're, we're like a lot of thing kind of people. We always doing things, but that's not a love. Always 
[00:30:07] Chauncey: quality of time is an interesting one though, because. It requires like a sacrifice on the individual trying to the quality. Okay. So 
[00:30:15] Genna: regardless, everything is a sacrifice. We, I think, you know, we hit touched on this in our first episode.
It was so hard for Pauline to literally say. encouraging words or say, I love you because she's like, you already know I love you. Right. So that in itself is a sacrifice. It's so hard. I could just touch you like this and you'd be fine. But to me I'm more than that. I know, but like I know, but I'm saying like just doing this and stuff, but to me that is like.
It was so hard, you know? So everyone's giving a sacrifice no matter what it is, even if it's time, that's still. 
[00:30:52] Chauncey: But I feel like that shouldn't be hard. I feel like touch is one of the easiest level one. That's what you feel. 
[00:30:58] Pauline: I know that's what you feel. And I feel the [00:31:00] same way. But do you know how hard it was?
He didn't. Honestly, I felt like we couldn't even hold hands properly. That's how 
[00:31:06] Nate: awkward, dude. I was so awkward, dude. Like I'll be, I'll tell you this, like I.   
[00:31:11] Pauline: Awkward. This is a 
[00:31:11] Nate: whole different other episode, but like I've never really hugged or touched anyone like I was, I couldn't do it. 
[00:31:19] Chauncey: Right. 
[00:31:20] Nate: Yeah. And then he 
[00:31:21] Pauline: gets like just, I don't, I don't know.
No, he just gets a little icky about it. 
[00:31:26] Genna: okay, so, so your previous love 
And what was it now, okay. 
[00:31:33] Nate: I think it's more quality.
Well, no acts of service. 
[00:31:36] Genna: No, 
[00:31:37] Nate: that's fine. No, it's physical touch.   
[00:31:40] Genna: Whoa, 
[00:31:40] Pauline: buddy. I know how to do that.  
You're like, oh, it's so easy. I do that, baby. It's so easy. I feel your tank. We do that. Cool. guys. 
[00:31:52] Chauncey: But you're not touch anymore.   
[00:31:54] Pauline: I'm not, but I, I speak that language. I'm fluent, but she can, yeah. I'm fluent in physical touch. Bilingual. Heck yeah. That's [00:32:00] awesome. But is he an acts of service?
No. So that'll be a journey in itself. Yeah. We doing it though. 
[00:32:07] Chauncey: I feel like I got set up 
[00:32:09] Pauline: why, when 
[00:32:09] Chauncey: we first started dating, she used to wanna, she held hands and I didn't want to do it at that time. But now I'm like, where's your hand? Like, give it to me. Yeah. He was definitely, don't do any of that anymore. I think 
[00:32:20] Pauline: that's what you're saying, right?
Earlier of like not having kids, you're, you have the, you have this energy to allocate all these different languages and you can speak bilingually. Mm-hmm. Right? And it's so easy because time and, and your energy is to this one person, right? And so you're thinking about all, how can I hit all these areas?
And it's not, it doesn't take anything from you. You're en enjoy. You enjoy that, And you don't even know what they are receiving. So we just give the all this out. '
[00:32:49] Genna: cause you have all that. Yeah. And you're trying to get someone to love you. Right? So it's like it's so you're throwing Yeah, yeah, exactly.
[00:32:56] Pauline: This army knife liking it. So sorry. And then you [00:33:00] realized, right, once you was touching, you 
were like, yeah, that was, that's nice. I like that. Right? Yeah. And so once you stop getting it, 
you're like, oh shoot. Yeah, I need that again. Set me 
[00:33:09] Chauncey: up for the Okie-doke.   
[00:33:12] Pauline: I set you up for what? 
[00:33:13] Chauncey: The Okeydoke, 
[00:33:14] Pauline: what's 
[00:33:14] Chauncey: that?
[00:33:14] Pauline: The Okeydoke. Oh, what is that? 
What's the, okie-doke kinda Okie-doke. You get your groove on Dunking. 
[00:33:21] Nate: Turn around and do the Okie-doke. Okay.   
 So maybe 
[00:33:24] Genna: If, you know, if you're looking for someone, just ask them what their love language is because it's all uphill from there. You know? They already know   
[00:33:32] Chauncey: kids, they can't be single because they don't know. 
[00:33:34] Genna: And it is ever, it's ever changing, ever evolving.
You're right. And that, that is also another thing. It's just making note that. Life happens and you know your love language can change. Yes. And also realizing that and communicating that with your spouse. 'cause I think again, as life changes, it makes it harder for you to understand that, that there is a shift.
Yeah. Mm-hmm. So. [00:34:00] Totally. Yeah. 
[00:34:01] Nate: I like it. 
[00:34:01] Pauline: Cheers, guys. All right. Cheers. Thanks for, uh, talking love language. Cheers. 
[00:34:06] Nate: Cheers. 
[00:34:07] Pauline: So, victories and work. All right. Till next time. Thanks guys. Woo. Yeah. Nice. All right. Okay. So Victor, good job. All right. Okay. Is it, are we gonna