Ep 4 Speak My Language: Honest Exchanges
[00:00:00] Cheers!
Let's get hella real. Grab your favorite drink. Cheers! Yeah, over a cup of coffee. That we're still really vulnerable with space. Of like, I am giving love. Stress how hard it is. And you're like, ooh yes. 
[00:00:24] Genna: Hey! Hey, girl. Let's get real. 
[00:00:27] Pauline: And grab our favorite drink. 
[00:00:28] Genna: Drink. 
[00:00:30] Pauline: Cheers. 
 You know, even though I'm always cold. I can never turn down an iced coffee. 
I'm impressed, girl. I feel like you're freezing all the time. I am. Cold right now. Yeah? I know. 
[00:00:46] Genna: I wish I had a blankie for you.
You're good. I could just wrap myself up with this. There you go. Okay. So, what are we talking on? What's today's [00:01:00] topic? Oh, what are we talking about? Okay, what was the statistic? Can you remember? The statistic was Physical touch. I feel like I'm getting quizzed right now. Do you remember? 74 percent of adults say they need physical touch in an intimate relationship.
For maintaining. For maintaining a physical intimate relationship. Okay. A 
[00:01:30] Pauline: meaningful relationship or something along those lines. Okay, let's say that again. Ready? 74 percent of adults
[00:01:37] Genna: yes Require physical touch And maintaining their relationship Okay I think I kinda nailed it Yeah, yeah Okay, thanks That's what it was And then 36 percent Say they don't have it They can't find time for it Oh yeah They can't find time for it Yeah And so Okay, let's, let's [00:02:00] talk about this Physical touch, to me, is part of the love language, if you haven't heard it.
There's five love languages in this, but we're going to focus on some physical touch. It's a book, by the way, and it's all over the place. A lot of people know about it, but it's an easy read. Five love languages. So if you don't know your love language, go read it. Or, a lot of the times, if you don't know your love language, if you find yourself So, if you were to do something nice for someone, give them a birthday gift, or like, yeah, if you were to do something, well, it's really, if you were to do something nice for someone, what would you consider nice?
Like, what would you be doing? 
[00:02:42] Pauline: Like, how would you want to make them, like, if you wanted to make them feel special? 
[00:02:46] Genna: Yes, yes. Right? How would you do that? Do that, right? So, it's like, Giving a gift. Yeah. Um, quality time, words of affirmation, [00:03:00] physical touch, acts of service, and acts of service. You like how physical touch is like getting.
Yeah, I know. I thought you're gonna leave it for the last. So with all of that, usually people, how they give love is how they want to receive love. So that's usually how you can kind of tell what your love language is. Yeah. If you don't. No, right?
[00:03:25] Pauline: Yep. So that's one gauge. Yeah, for sure. And it's funny because I feel like most times when you're pairing up with your partner and you likely have different love languages.
And so it's really difficult because you're loving on them the way you want to be loved. Yeah, so you're just like, and they're like, man, I don't need that. I need you to do this and they do that to you and you're like, I don't need that. So it's like a, you have to learn some totally new way to love someone.
Yeah. That's foreign and difficult and hard. And 
it almost takes, I don't know about you, but it takes years to master. I feel like your partner's [00:04:00] love language, if it's not the same.
[00:04:02] Genna: Or to just realize it's honestly just realizing like, Hey, they have a different love language, right? So it's like accepting you in your mind is what are you, I'm giving all of the things That, again, they know in their mind is love, but then their partner's like, That's not what I need.
This is definitely not, yeah, this is definitely not what I need, but there is that huge miscommunication of like, I am giving love, and then the person saying, I'm not receiving love because I want love to be shown this specific way. Correct. So, yeah. And then you're like, but I've been loving you, I do this, this, and this.
Exactly. Exactly. That doesn't count. Yes. And then you're like, ego kick. Yeah. I'm like, how am I gonna try it hard? Because a person can't, again, that doesn't count. So it's like, in their minds, they don't know how to voice their love language, right? 
[00:04:58] Pauline: Yeah. 
[00:04:58] Genna: In a way. 
[00:04:59] Pauline: It's so [00:05:00] hard. 
[00:05:00] Genna: Yeah. This can be so hard. So, what's your love language, Boo?
So, talking about how hard it is, so even, If you know, Or we're sticking on, should we just stick to physical touch? No, I'm just saying, even if you know Someone's love language, because I know my husband's love language, he knows mine. So as much as trying to figure out what your love language is, and just understanding, each other's love language, even if you know, it's still hard because his is physical touch and mine is quality time.
Um, From what I thought I feel like it's kind of Changing. Okay, and I can't remember what we had talked about. Definitely not gifts. I think maybe acts of service Mm-hmm . But quality time or just alone time Right. Has been really big and has been such a reoccurring, 
[00:06:00] arguments, As much as I know it is, is hard. So I fall under that 36%, but like, I don't know how I'm gonna get this love language. Yeah. Yeah. As much as this all, that's all he. Did you see that? That's all he needs. Wait, one more time. Like this is, this is all he needs. This is it.
That's all. That is all. And in my mind, it's like the hardest thing to do sometimes. I mean, I, so my love language is physical touch too, and that blows my mind that that is hard for you to do. So hard. 
[00:06:41] Pauline: But I'm just I'm naturally a touchy feely 
[00:06:43] Genna: kind of person. Yeah, exactly. And he is, and he is too. But I'm not.
I mean, I feel like I used to be. He definitely is like, man, he used to do this more often. Oh. But I have three children. You know, so that's a huge difference. [00:07:00] Difference of what happened like I had so naturally I had my alone time, right? Naturally, but now and I've also been a stay at home mom for the past nine years Yeah, so You know that overstimulation is Real.
Yeah, it plays a toll. Yes. So at the end of the day when he comes home, he wants to like I'm just like, get off me! Get off! Do not touch me! I've already had a child just attached to my leg all day, meanwhile, he's like, dying in the corner. 
[00:07:39] Pauline: Just 
[00:07:39] Genna: sucking his love soul. Literally, like, touch!
But I just need to touch you, my darling! And he comes home and he's like, I need And, I mean, it's not He definitely gets that, I kiss him when he comes in, but I don't like, hug, you know, it's not like a, yeah, that's what he needs. Six [00:08:00] second hug, three second hug, two second, like, one second hug, it's like a kiss, hey, how are you?
So it's hard sometimes. Hug your hubby, just a little more, just try. But you know what's so funny? Because the days that he does stay home and our youngest one, and he helps with the kids, he's like, I totally understand. Oh. You know what I mean? Yeah. But then he reverts back. And then he's like, will you touch me?
Yeah, exactly. And I'm like. Can I please get touched? Where was that time you told me you know exactly how I feel? 
[00:08:36] Pauline: Yeah, but, but that's not, you're, yeah, I get what you're saying. No, no, no, but that's fine. He still needs physical therapy. No, for sure, 
[00:08:44] Genna: for sure, for sure, exactly. But, even if he needs it, definitely understands.
But we've been having this argument for years of like, Well, not for years. It's really been recent, honestly. we fight about [00:09:00] this so much, just because it's hard. We have three kids, three young kids, and so my, my love language is time. And so I haven't, I haven't had that alone time.
So again, you keep breaking me down, and not giving me alone time. I have this much left. Yeah, the last thing you want to do is give it to your husband. Yeah, that's the last thing I'm thinking of. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, I can't, like my mind is not like, remember his love language, his physical touch, touch him because he needs to be loved.
And
[00:09:33] Pauline: but sometimes that's how it is. It's like super compartmental. 
[00:09:36] Genna: Yeah, but I'm like, oh my gosh. Okay, you're home. I need to do this, this, and this, and this. And like that's literally, you know, I'm like, Oh, thank goodness you're home. I have to do that. I have to get this done. Like, can you please watch the kids for a moment?
You know? So it's definitely hard to be like, turn that switch on and be like, okay. I mean, even getting in a routine of when you do [00:10:00] have like your high kiss, giving him a hold a little bit, in retrospect, it is three seconds. in addition to the kiss. No, for sure. But it's again, it's, it's the mind thing.
Yeah. You have to program yourself to do this stuff. Yeah. It ain't easy. Oh yeah. And I am the worst at learning new tricks. Like of, of yeah. Like you need to take a pill. Every day at the same time. I am the worst. Like I have my routines, but I don't that type of stuff. It's like it's a kind of a choice.
Yeah I'm gonna take it. Let's let's be real. Yeah, you really want me to take this for how many days every single day at this exact time? You remind me. I take my vitamins Yeah, so It's yeah, I get it. It's I I definitely get it and i've been better about it because like From another episode we had talked about, that had this epiphany of [00:11:00] dying, or someone dying, and just really embracing life and, giving those longer second hugs and kiss and, you giving them more attention.
So I've been trying to get better at that type of stuff, but, still, it's like, it's hard. It's so hard. 
[00:11:18] Pauline: I feel like once I think you're right. So, like, the The first part of it, the half of the battle is honestly identifying what your partner's love language is. 
[00:11:29] Genna: Yes. 
[00:11:31] Pauline: Another part of that is not expecting for me would be not to expect that they understand entirely my love language and that they're going to provide that for me to feel loved.
Yeah. You know what I mean? It's not like, okay, well I'm going to do this for you. If you do this for me, you got it. I mean, ideally. That would be awesome, right? But I think, um, that was, that's, that's one thing. Luckily, we both learned it at [00:12:00] the same time, and that helped a lot, but I would encourage anybody to, like, read it.
Find out what your love language is. Don't get hung up on it too much until the other person can, reciprocate that they understand. But, also, so that would be one bit. so my love language is physical touch. And I come from a family that was big on hugs, long hugs, bare hugs, like, Oh, I'm the same way.
We are just, bam, I'm the same way. Up in your mix. Like, I sit really close to my brothers, 
[00:12:33] Genna: Which is funny because Chauncey's not. 
[00:12:36] Pauline: Yeah, Nate, my husband, either. So Nate, as well, comes from a family 
where, I mean, 
 I don't think he grew up with a lot of that physical touch.
Yeah. And so. So, like I slept in my mom's bed since I, I'm embarrassed to say how long, um, to my early teens, let me just say. So that's another form of like physical touch that was [00:13:00] pretty big, right? we didn't have two bedrooms, right? We had one bed. So that's what was happening.
It was just the two of us. But I think, it was so hard for Nate. to do that. Like, hold my hand. he still doesn't know how to hold a hand. 
Oh wow. Like, that's how foreign this was. And I'm like, dude, you used to have hella girlfriends and stuff. Like, well, what did you do? Don't tell me you didn't hold their hands.
Like, this is how you hold your, their hands. And it was like, it was like awkward. Yeah. Just like halfway. And I'm like, no, I need like. Like a connection, the holding of hands. Got it, got it. So like, that's all I need. If we're going for a walk, hold my hand. Yeah. Put your arm around my shoulder, right? now we're way better at it, 
Where like, he'll grab me and sit me on his lap or put his hand around my waist. Yeah. That stuff makes me feel hot and loved. Yeah. 
And, and then I, that I'm being desired. Yeah. And then I'm being [00:14:00] loved on by my husband. but again, that's just happened like recent,
[00:14:06] Genna: more recent, yeah.
[00:14:07] Pauline: Maybe the last three years. And we've been married for, I'm ballparking this bad boy, 13 years, 14 years. Yeah. I thought you said it was like 14. I think so, yeah,I dunno. 
So it it 10 years with like, getting in fights about it. Yeah. Like, hold my hand better, or mm-hmm . Hold me. And, and especially for men, physical touch when you're like nine.
[00:14:35] Genna: So we're at nine years, so, you know, we're getting there. Yeah. You're having those tough conversations and you're learning.
Well, again, it's only happened. Yeah, more recently. You so more recent. So this hasn't been, I mean it's too long in my mind, that we're having this conversation. Yeah. But it's still pretty recent in our marriage of not necessarily doing this, Yeah. And like [00:15:00] understanding that. Because it was a lot easier when we had more time and I had, I had way more time.
Sure. Or just, Yeah, kids in the equation, man. Yeah. Or just that expectation, of like, I think people getting married, right, that's already an expectation of, Oh my gosh, that almost killed our marriage. So that's the biggest thing, right? So it's okay. Now it's out in the open, you know, me, that's, that's the biggest thing, you know, me, you know, my love language.
Right. And that's, that's the same thing. It's like, you should understand. Yeah. I don't have to tell you, and that's exactly how conversations like, you know, and vice versa. But it's fake news, baby. And, and you do you understand at that moment, but then life goes on and routines go on and three kids and, you know, nine years later.
Yeah, exactly. Oh my gosh. But yeah, so it's like, you know, me, that's where that expectation comes [00:16:00] because now, it's out in the open. I'm not holding a secret of why I'm upset with you. I'm literally having the conversation. I mean, argument by myself right now, but I think too, with the expectations, I think one thing Nate and I did, maybe halfway through, 
 We literally would say my love tank is at this level. Yes, we would just say it. Yes. Yes. Yes instead of me like guessing Or like seeing him getting flustered and me being like what the heck is your deal? yeah, and you should know me, you know You don't know to do that and I feel like we stopped doing that for some reason And it did it honestly it really did and I tell my friends that all the time.
Yeah And i'm gonna try it No, we have done it. Oh good. Are you doing it now? No, we need to bring that back. I don't know what happened he definitely used to say like my love tank is low and then I just automatically know and it's not like jarring for some reason yeah, like Okay, like asking me what's for dinner?[00:17:00] 
I'm, like he's like 
leftovers Yeah, but I think 
 I know you're gonna hate this question, but what i'm like, oh so for him to be like, hey, my love tank is low Love tank is low. I'm like, okay. Yeah, again, it's not as cutthroat for some reason. Yeah, 
[00:17:16] Pauline: you're just you're like announcing a general Fact, and it has nothing of like, touch me.
Yeah, touch me, you know, I'm like, oh and you didn't point the finger What did I say? Yeah, yeah, yeah 
public announcement. Okay public PA real quick Right? so that's something that, that helps and way better. And I think love languages shift at times. 
[00:17:40] Genna: No, for sure. 
[00:17:41] Pauline: So I think we're in a total like in the last couple of years we've been shifting and my husband's love language is physical touch.
[00:17:50] Genna: Now. Yeah, I rubbed off on it. Yeah, like oh you like that. Does he notice that? What do you mean? I was [00:18:00] gonna let that slide. Let me bring it back. Yeah But anyways, we'll let it slide. We won't talk about your butt rubs Okay, so I mean has he noticed like hey my love tank is low and No. He receives that touch?
[00:18:18] Pauline: No, because now we like, physical touch is more second nature to both of us now. Okay. So we reciprocate really well. Mmm. Um. Oh, got it, got it. Because you naturally are giving it, so then he's gonna naturally receive it. Yeah, like if I come up to him and hold him, he's scooping me up and loving on me physically.
[00:18:38] Genna: What was his love language? 
Before, it was words of affirmation. 
[00:18:43] Pauline: So now, was that hard for you? 
Hell yeah. Okay, because And that's two seconds, right? Hell yeah. Remember you were saying that's three mg, right? OMG. Oh my gosh. Okay. You get it, you get it. It was so annoying, so, okay. Oh my [00:19:00] gosh. Yeah. 
[00:19:00] Genna: Okay. So what did, what did you just tell me, you said it was only three seconds.
Words are not even like, I have to move my body. You can be like. Oh, you're doing so great. Yeah. I love your cooking. Yeah. Yeah. That's all he needed. I could just yell that. I could do that any, all he needed. Don't touch me, but I could yell. Oh my gosh. Thank you so much, babe, for washing those dishes. I could do.
Yeah. You looking so good. Washing those dishes, that's all he needed. I could, I could totally do that. Just don't touch me. Just like don't come up. See, I can do, oh my gosh.
[00:19:35] Pauline: I can do life. I could do life without one. from anybody else. I just, I'm, I don't need it. I feel loved without anyone telling me that because of just who I am and my own confidence.
[00:19:51] Genna: Yeah, yeah. Which is amazing. I wish I had that. So I don't need it. Give me some, give me some. It's going to [00:20:00] rub on you, don't worry. 
[00:20:01] Pauline: It started off honestly with me texting him at work. 
so he was like I love you, and I felt like that was 
such a weird thing Wait, so like, okay, wait, that sounds so bad.
Okay. Yeah, that's why i'm like, no, that can't be it That can't be the whole story. Oh my god. Okay Those back up. That 
was funny. I'm going to eat those words real quick. Okay. Okay, so roll it back. Oh. So, 
he was very much a verbal, Affirmations. Very verbally. But did you, did you know this? so you guys figured out each other's languages at some point.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so he was like, Oh, mine's is words of affirmation. I need, accolades, like ego, just 
whatever he needed. You're like doing your, your cooking is 
amazing. You're doing, 
I love you. You're handsome. All of the things like, let's just keep it going. Let's just pageant you, baby.
And [00:21:00] all these gorgeous words and you are going to be filled. 
Okay. And that's what he needed and I was like, man, that's so weird. That's so strange to me. It's so strange. but that's what he needed and it was really hard for me to do and it was so hard to get out of my mouth, but, okay, 
so let me get back up to, I love you.
So, you know, we'll just be laying in bed and I love you, babe, or like, I love you. I love you. Are you gonna say it back? Like that. 
But at this point in your relationship, you guys were saying, I love you. Yeah. To each 
other. 
[00:21:34] Genna: Of course, we're married. Oh, okay. I love him, but I felt like He was fishing. Like, let me, let me hold you.
Like, if I, if I said something nice, you better say something nice back. Yeah, so like 
[00:21:45] Pauline: reciprocate that I, he's like, 
[00:21:47] Genna: say it back. You know, and it was like, 
[00:21:49] Pauline: yeah, I love you. Of course I love you. You really need me to say that out loud? Got it. Got it. That's what I mean. Do you really need me to say this out loud?
Cause you already know, 
like we're not boyfriend and girlfriend. You [00:22:00] know what I mean? yeah, obviously I love you. I'm gonna have your babies, I love you too, babe. Like, cool, cool. Yeah. Some people, it just felt weird. Yeah. and so when I started out, 
like when I had a process and accept that I need to do this for him, for him to be the best version of himself and to feel loved and love me and love others.
Right. Yeah. I started texting him at work like one on my way to work and it will it would make his whole day And he like eventually told me that months down when I would text him to just say hey, babe. I love you You're an amazing husband like a little you know a little blurb You know have a beautiful day.
I can't wait to start off the day. Yeah And it was so much easier for me to write that than it would be to call him and say that. 
[00:22:49] Genna: But it's so interesting, though, because naturally, you're a person that does that to other people. You know that, right? I think I might have, like, learned. [00:23:00] Oh, but before, so before we met, you weren't naturally like that.
Because when you go up to people I give compliments. Yeah, but that's the same thing. But that's the same thing of, like, for him, right? You're giving him a 
[00:23:13] Pauline: compliment. But I'm giving people compliments because I'm, I'm friendly and this is a great way to influence your friends and make friends and build your people 
up, right?
And so, but when you, but I don't, I don't do it to fill your love tank. Does that make sense? 
[00:23:28] Genna: No, no, no. For sure. But I'm saying like, it's easy for you to do that for other people when you're meeting them and like give compliments, but for him it was like, but for him it was like really hard. Yeah. Cause I'm like, that's silly.
[00:23:42] Pauline: I have to tell you this. Yeah. But I'd rather me be telling him this than some other chick going out and being like, look at that shirt you're wearing. Oh my God. That's so nice. He would eat it up. So, yeah. So I was about to say, I was like, you don't want to be, the reason [00:24:00] why our marriage didn't last is because I wasn't filling up that tank.
Yeah. Shoot. I've heard that before. Next episode. Seriously. That's, I think it's like the root. That is a lot 
of breakups, bro. I know people say like finances. I mean, and stuff. I mean, that's pretty up there, but like next to that is 
[00:24:25] Genna: like empty love tanks dried out. Like people evaporated, people push in the car and evaporate.
Yeah. 
[00:24:35] Pauline: We going uphill, pushing this tank. It ain't going to last. We're going to get rolled over. Seriously. Don't play. 
[00:24:44] Genna: It's happening. It's happening. Yeah. So You're so right. Yeah. 
[00:24:48] Pauline: But now I totally, my husband puts an apron on and this woman can contest to this, but if he puts an apron on, he will get the most compliments [00:25:00] a girl can give.
[00:25:02] Genna: And girls love to eat, girls got to eat. Yeah. But then you're going to 
be like, Oh my gosh, this is so good. 
[00:25:08] Pauline: Like I will embarrass him in compliments because of how flippin hot my husband looks in a flippin apron. Don't play. Like, I will His knives You come close to my husband in an apron, we got problems, okay?
[00:25:24] Genna: I'll pick up one of his knives. Don't come. Don't come too close. Fishing him compliments. Mm mm. No. I'll parade that man around. My Gosh. So hot. Apron. 
I love it. 
[00:25:36] Pauline: He wears more clothes under the apron, just so you guys know.
Just so that's clear. It's a public thing we can do. I'm like, babe, my love tank's low. Go put it on an apron. I'll fix that. I'll compliment you. I'll fix that for you.
[00:25:57] Genna: All day, all day. That is so [00:26:00] funny. But yeah, that's so cool that it's changed. So, it makes giving and receiving love so much easier. For both of you.
It is. Yeah. The fact that like both of us can cling on to physical touch now. Oh my gosh. That should be a freaking dating app. What? Your love language or what? Yeah. You're only doing love languages. You can only get paired up with the person that has love language. I don't know, I don't know that I love that.
That's an experiment. An experiment indeed. I feel like that should be an experiment. I mean, all of those dating, these dating shows is an experiment. That could be. Yeah, that's true. Love is one is totally an experiment. Marriage at first sight, right? Yeah. In first 90 day, a fiance. Well, 90 day, they just meet online.
That's true. Oh. But yeah, so those shows. Yeah, that's an experiment. It could be, but I feel like. Okay, so yeah, why didn't you think?
[00:26:55] Pauline: I, the reason I hesitate, I appreciate [00:27:00] learning, like I, I really. appreciate the adventure, like the journey we went on. 
[00:27:06] Genna: That's you. All right. I don't. That's why there's maybe a lot of failed marriages because they don't want to be patient and learn and challenge themselves.
How many years did you say that took a long time? Exactly. Maybe eight years. 
People wait, not eight years. OK, exactly. That's exactly my point. People don't want to wait. People get. These days, obviously, marriages don't last as long, right? We're not as patient, like people are on to the next thing if they can't get it, right?
You're like, you already know, it is out in the open, you should know me, you should know me by a year. Expectations. Right? This is exactly. Sabotages everything. And so, if you, if you know how a person receives love, and you're not, and that person's not giving it, they're like, [00:28:00] I guarantee I'll find another person that's gonna give it to me.
I mean, that's pretty I mean, again, take out finances, cause that's probably the number one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, love language and receiving love, because people don't feel loved. 
[00:28:16] Pauline: But you said yours used to be. Like, you, you were able to be Physical touchy before, and so like life changes and you can't just throw in the towel when, but people do crap gets hard, 
[00:28:29] Genna: it's so unfortunate, but people do. Well, listen, that's why you need reality, right? 
[00:28:38] Pauline: But that's why you need community and that's why you need to do life with other couples. That's why men need to be vulnerable with other men. So speaking what we are doing. Exactly. Listen. Oh, I love it. I love how you brought that back.
Girl. Yes. Honestly, like you're right. This is exactly [00:29:00] what it's for. Yeah. You're so we've done, you know, when we go out most of the time, if it's not a girl's night, but the guys end up meeting us somehow some way. Yeah. But the guys are with us, and we talk about real stuff and we get real with each other and.
And men are harder nuts to, to crack than women are, but if you can't come Oh no, Chauncey would say the opposite, but Oh. 
We'll bring them on next 
episode. 
 but yeah, I feel like if you bring, that 
stuff to the table, get open about it, don't be ashamed, to call each other out in front of people that you trust and that won't judge you.
Yeah. Yeah. And find that community, if it's more serious, obviously you might need some professional professional help. Yeah. But sometimes it's just another man to empathize or another woman to be like, I hear you. And it's very important to not have bashing on each other's, like not bashing your spouse.
I [00:30:00] think that's the one thing is finding a true friend that loves the both of you 
and is in your corner as a team. Yeah.
[00:30:06] Genna: As a team to support both of you guys. Yes, because we have enough that's like a one side player. Yes And we don't need that so totally learn that. Yeah the hard way.
[00:30:17] Pauline: Yeah, so it's gonna get hard Marriage is the hardest thing in the whole world that i've experienced so far Yeah, it tops parenting for sure. 
[00:30:26] Genna: But you know what and it sucks though because There are definitely people That I know i've talked to it's like get on my side like I want, like, you know, they're bashing that person.
There's their spouse or the significant other. You've experienced this? Yes. They're bashing. And I get it, the stuff that they've done, from what, again, and it's coming from that person, right? Yeah. One side, one side. But when you hear that, their side, it does, it does sound [00:31:00] like, Wow.
Man, that sucks. Yeah. Yeah, like, he is a terrible person. Or she is a terrible person. I get why you're doing that, like, yeah, you need to divorce him or you need to get rid of that friend or whatever, but again, you're not hearing it. So it's so easy for someone to come to, you bashing them and for them to be like, oh yeah, yeah, that's hard.
And as a friend, you know, you're like, yeah, I, I get it. I don't understand what you're going through because they're living it and we are not. So we can only again, take them for face value for what they say. But you also got to give benefit of the little devil's advocate in a way. That's like, I mean, we tolerate certain things, right?
Yes. It's hard for, as a friend. people want to feel validated. They don't want to sound crazy. And I feel like you can do both. I think a real [00:32:00] friend will do both. Like, hey, I'll listen and I'll validate you. And I will empathize that you are going, even though if I've never been in your shoes, I can still have empathy in, in the space that you're in at that moment.
 and maybe sometimes it's not the time and place to discuss that, but. I'm definitely a friend that is going to tell you what you need to hear, and not what you want to hear. And so, it's so much easier to gravitate towards your girls or your friends, that are going to tell you what you want to hear.
For sure, yes, yes, yes. But like, cling on to and appreciate and have a couple that will tell you what you need to hear. Yeah. And be open to that. Yeah. Cause, you're not, that's not fair. Yeah, I agree. I definitely have a couple people and there's been like friends where I've asked like, Hey, will you be a person that will tell me like, be real with me and challenge me?[00:33:00] 
And where do you think I could be better here? Or, 
 tell me what I need to hear. And to see if they're capable and they weren't, they just weren't capable of doing that. And they were a different kind of friend for me. Do you know what I mean? And so, and then I have my other ones that are like, Super devil at like, I think that's who I am is like, Oh, okay.
I hear how you feel, 
but did you consider X, Y, and Z in this equation? Right? Yes. And I'm the same way. And it's hard. Cause some of, some people would be like, I know that, but I don't want to hear that. You know what I mean? And I've definitely had people like, I don't want to hear that. again, they just want to be validated.
And so then we talk about our friends, not quite emotionally mature. It really boils down to, being emotionally mature, I think. Yeah. To saying, okay, let me hear you out. You care about me. You care about a bigger picture than just me, You care [00:34:00] about my family and my husband and a unit, 
Yeah. It's hard when we live in a selfish, me me me me world. Yeah. And, again, their feelings should be validated, right? I'm not saying that, yeah. For sure. But I do, I wanna respect that for people that do just want that. Oh yeah. You know what I mean? So like I, you just need event because you've never told anybody this.
Exactly. Exactly. For sure. So I feel like that's what our podcast, I want our podcast to be about giving if they want that unbiased. Yeah. There's both fear at the table advice or they want to vent. Mm-hmm . Because I do wanna give people the space and they have the right to, and they have the right to have their own feelings about whatever they've experienced.
And, to be heard and be like, Okay, yeah, I feel you, Because again, you can feel empathy, you can feel all of that for that person, and that's all we do, right? [00:35:00] It's like, I feel you. I'm so sorry that happened to you, Keep talking, I want that. and I want to be able to provide that to people.
Yeah, especially if they don't have that. there's a lot of people that are just keeping all this inside. Yeah. And, like, self sabotaging. Yeah, all they want is just to feel a little bit of validation, And, yeah, definitely want to support that, too. Because I do, I do understand that people don't want that.
Like, well, have you thought about this person's perspective? And they're like, I don't, I didn't want to hear that. I don't think I've heard anybody say that. Oh, I hear so many people do. Tell me that all the time. Yeah. Okay. All right, because I would play that devil's advocate or i'm like, I hate i'm just here to listen and they've told me like I don't want you to listen.
I want you to bash with me or I want you to like that's against my moral code Yeah, not bash but like yeah. Yeah, actually. Yeah, they definitely have said that i'm like no i'm just here to listen and, [00:36:00] I don't know, I can't remember if they accepted it or not.
Yeah. But, yeah, people just want to do that. Granted, again, the whole podcast thought, the whole reason for people to call in is more so not bashing with you, it's to listen. Yeah. Right? So we'll definitely be there to support. For sure. have that validation however you need it.
[00:36:23] Pauline: Totally, yeah. 
[00:36:24] Genna: but yeah, no bashing, but I could feel, I could feel bad and understand. Yeah. Um, or try to understand really, honestly. For sure. Yeah. Awesome. Oh, I love it. We cover a lot here. This is awesome. All right. Well, cheers to another episode. And I can't wait to hear what other things we're going to talk about.
This was a good venting. This was a good one. Episode two. I love it. I liked it too. Bye.
I hope you're recording. And [00:37:00]