[00:00:23] Genna: Okay. All right. Cheers. Cheers. Let's grab our favorite drink and let's get hella real. [00:00:38] Pauline: All right. So we are here today with my lovely mother. This is Maribel. I am Paco. And, um, yeah, as you can see, she is We've got a situation on our hands. so more recently what has happened that mama had a [00:01:00] fall at home and we are in the comfort of our home today. and she broke both her arms. And so this is the situation and our reality and part of the reasons why we had to delay launching the podcast as well. yeah, we're hanging out with mom and we are There's been a lot of reflection about, this season and this happening and it being very real and traumatic, I think, the least to say, and, affecting relationships as well when you probably don't realize it, but it has. And so we've, we've thought about, um, just Genna and I kind of talking about, Let's feature this. Let's talk about it. And people are going through this. just the cycle of life and the reality and the grit behind it, uh, how real it is. So, yeah. [00:01:55] Genna: So, do you want to speak on what happened? [00:01:58] Maribel: Yeah. Sure. [00:02:00] I can share with you guys. everything was going well, it was, uh, day after Christmas, so December 26th. And, uh, like around, five o'clock, I was going to the kitchen and I tripped with my shoes. I got, you know, tangled up there and I fall very hard. So, for a moment I thought that I can get up. I tried to put my hands and tried to get up, but I knew at the moment that I have fractured my hands. And so I was yelling to my grandson to call 9 1 1. Thank God that I was not here by myself. Yeah. Yeah. my granddaughter was here from college, little break that she had for Christmas. So they both called and they came, but during that time it was awful pain. I told you they were never gonna come and show up. It took forever. Finally, the ambulance got here. [00:02:58] Pauline: maybe 40 minutes. [00:03:00] 40 minutes? Yeah. I think so. Wow. Because I got here as they got here. So were you just laying on the ground? Laying in the ground. Yes. For [00:03:09] Genna: 40 minutes? In [00:03:09] Pauline: agony. Like I'm surprised she didn't pass out with two broken arms. [00:03:13] Maribel: But in a moment, I kind of like got a little weak. [00:03:17] Pauline: Yeah. [00:03:17] Maribel: And I go, no, I have to start breathing. And I start doing my breathing exercise. And, um, because I was like, so much pain. [00:03:27] Genna: That's amazing that she knew how to do that. Normal people wouldn't know to stop and think, okay, let me calm myself down or [00:03:35] Maribel: I [00:03:35] Genna: do go into shock. [00:03:36] Maribel: Right, my heart was going miles per hour, so I knew then that I have to calm down. and I was yelling my granddaughter, call, call again, call again, so she would keep calling 9 1 1, but they came by and they picked me up, they took me to the hospital, it's been a long process because they kept me at the [00:04:00] hospital for five days with, doing nothing in my arms. [00:04:04] Pauline: Just putting her in splints. Nothing, [00:04:06] Maribel: yes. So, I got a little down, uh, wont lie, [00:04:11] Genna: And you just celebrated a birthday, like, yeah, two days before. So how did, I mean, what was going through your mind of like, okay, I just celebrated my birthday. And then this happened? Yes. [00:04:26] Maribel: I had not just my birthday, but I have other plans. You know, I want to get a little part time job, I say, well, right after Christmas. Oh, you [00:04:35] Genna: did? Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. Okay. [00:04:37] Maribel: So, I'm going to start looking for a job and, I have my own plans, but everything kind of crashed during this time. But at the same time, I feel like, um, it was, meant to be and I just gotta go with the flow and have faith on God that I'm gonna get better. [00:04:58] Genna: Yeah. and you [00:05:00] are? I see. Uhhuh . Yeah. I see the changes every time I, every time I see you. So that's, that's a positive note, Yeah. You are getting better. [00:05:08] Maribel: The first couple weeks was really hard. [00:05:11] Genna: Oh yeah. [00:05:11] Maribel: In what way though? Like what? In my way they, I am a very active woman. Mm-hmm . I very independent. Yes. And I was, uh, to the point that my daughter was taking care of me. everything, you know, my hygiene, my daily routine, and even going to the bathroom. She was, she has to take care of me. So I feel very vulnerable. Yeah. That's such a [00:05:41] Genna: vulnerable, intimate part of, caretaking. Oh yeah. Like beyond, I think what people realize what caretaking involves. Yeah. You know, [00:05:52] Pauline: for sure. [00:05:53] Maribel: And it was, for me, it was just, Amazing how my daughter, took care of me and step up [00:06:00] because, well, first of all, the, we were gonna go to, they referred me what do you call this? Oh yeah, [00:06:06] Pauline: so like a nursing facility, still a nursing facility, because she couldn't, she couldn't even feed herself. [00:06:14] Maribel: No. [00:06:14] Pauline: Like she couldn't even hold a utensil to feed herself. She couldn't use the bathroom by herself, right? Right, like. You would, no brainer to me, obviously, she needs some type of home care, you know, or not home care, but Yeah, like 24 hour type of care. If she fell, she literally is depending on her legs, her lower body, which And her face. Yeah. If anything happened again, they were honestly trying to send her out of the ER. We got there in the evening. They were trying to send her back home that same night with two broken arms. No way. No way. [00:06:49] Maribel: But you know, It's a plan. God has a plan. And they deny me. My insurance didn't want to cover that part of my treatment. So there was no other choice, but [00:07:00] at the same time, it's kind of like, well, who's going to take care of me, but thank God that my daughter step, up and took care of me at the same time. I, I feel like, we never have this time to bond together and never have this time to be so close to each other. Always like, when I work, I work, she works, so we never spent quality time in thinking about what kind of relationship we had and all through these years, it was just a wonderful time to get to know her more. As my daughter, you think they, when they're little and they grow up, you, you know them, but there's some areas that you discover in your kids. [00:07:46] Genna: Oh, for sure. [00:07:47] Maribel: You know, when, uh, any circumstances like this come up. So they're all different, all the kids are different, but, my daughter really step up and now my son comes over too and takes care of [00:08:00] me. Yeah. when she needs to go somewhere. Yeah. So they really came, to take care of me and I see that. I see how they treat me and, thank God at the same time knowing that my kids are good kids and they've been there for me. of course not everything is being, peaches and whatever in the family. We have our moments and we have our times, but, I never been in this state in my life that I need so much help. So you see, the love of, of your kids. and at the same time, I figured out what I, I didn't do such a bad job. Aw. Because I, I figured out that, um, I give them a lot of love. You do. You know? Yeah. [00:08:53] Genna: And you're such a caretaker to not just your kids, to all of us. all of Pauline's friends. [00:08:58] Pauline: Everyone that kind of encounters, [00:09:00] yeah. Abuelita is like a mom by nature, like it doesn't take long for you to be like, okay, can I call you mom? Yeah. Yeah. [00:09:10] Genna: Yeah. So it's been, a time to reflect and to heal and to grow in my faith and, I'm, I'm thanking God every You don't realize how much you use your hands until you lose the ability to use mine. [00:09:27] Maribel: Yeah, it is been very, very hard. [00:09:29] Genna: Like when you told me that she broke both her hands, I'm like. Literally in my mind I'm like, oh my gosh, she can't even use the bathroom. She can't even drink water She can't even hold like she can't hold anything. No. Yeah. Well, actually I didn't even know the extent At which she couldn't use her fingers to even hold two. [00:09:47] Pauline: Yeah, so luckily she's been able She is like a lefty holding forks and spoons, so she's learn this awesome skill. Oh yeah, I mean, you definitely [00:09:57] Genna: adjust for sure, but, but gripping [00:10:00] when, when I first saw you after, Oh yeah. Even a couple days after you could even hold a cup at that [00:10:05] Pauline: point. No. Yes, no you can't. Straws and toddler utensils have been our You bring back all those stuff. I know. You're like, I [00:10:15] Maribel: swear we have all these toddler things. Plastic straws, [00:10:17] Pauline: plastic cups, [00:10:18] Maribel: lids. That's how my life is. With time to eat, I have to use Avery's forks and plates. Everything light. Because it's not, they're not heavy, you know. [00:10:29] Pauline: One of my favorite investments. That I realized I have during this time the little time that I have has been the, the robot vacuums. Oh. That thing has hit my floors. Oh, [00:10:43] Genna: yeah, you know, I haven't seen it more. Yeah, [00:10:46] Pauline: and did you [00:10:47] Genna: just get it? No, we've had it But you just didn't really use it before because [00:10:51] Pauline: she's always sweeping But i'm like, I ain't got no time to sweep and mop and like that's I barely can do dishes at the end of the night [00:11:00] Um, my stove gets clean once a week But yeah, she kept this place immaculate before So she'd always be sweeping and mopping and everything. So i'm like no her name's rosie You I just start Rosie and keep Yeah, you sure use her a lot. I use her a lot. I even did some maintenance on her, like So guess what? You [00:11:21] Genna: don't have to sweep so often when you get your hands wet. You're like, Rosie, go to work. Dishwasher. Like, I can use two fingers. I can turn it on. [00:11:32] Pauline: Yeah, yeah. This has been my number one. That and the shower heads that you take off the detachable shower heads. Oh, cause to help her, yeah. That was one of the first things we went and bought that when we brought her home I was like, nope, she needs a shower and it's gonna be They didn't a shower that whole five days inside the hospital. [00:11:57] Genna: Wow. [00:11:58] Maribel: It's been hard [00:12:00] because, that's not the type of living that I usually, hygiene for me is really important. Number one. But, you know. I felt for her coming home, I was like, look. She just has to be humble in situations like this, Very patient. [00:12:15] Pauline: Yeah. [00:12:16] Maribel: For everybody. [00:12:17] Pauline: Her patience was really pushed to the limit. But, I think she's so positive and calm and, I can't, just a couple times do her discourage. Oh yeah, [00:12:29] Maribel: like I said, one day I was like, raging. [00:12:31] Pauline: Which is normal. She throws some cuss bombs, I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, calm down, everything's going to be okay. Just let's go home now. Who are you mom? [00:12:39] Maribel: Yeah, it's okay. Yeah, it was really hard for me to know my pain and know that I was there for, you know, Um, almost three weeks with my hands. Nothing done. Nothing. Yeah. Not even a cast. Three weeks. And I was just like, the how I felt. That's how I was. [00:12:59] Genna: How, [00:13:00] wait, why did, why didn't, they wanted to wait to the swelling to go downs, right? Yeah. [00:13:05] Maribel: But I didn't understand that part. It was like, I wanna, now she's just like, fix [00:13:10] Pauline: surgery. Yeah. Everything now, and I would be too, I would be super over it. Yeah. [00:13:18] Maribel: Especially with the pain that I had. Yeah. know, it's been so great. Um In our relationship with my daughter has improved. [00:13:29] Pauline: Yeah [00:13:29] Maribel: I'm more confident and tell her what i'm thinking and what do I want to do in my future? You know, I still want to get a little job though, but I have to heal first. But it's gonna, it's gonna take time with my, uh, physical therapy and everything. But I'm, uh, I feel like I'm strong and I am, and I'm gonna get better. Strong lady. In the name of jesus Come back, [00:13:59] Genna: yeah come back [00:14:00] stronger. Yes. Yes. [00:14:01] Maribel: Yes In all areas, of course There's a lot of people who need me still [00:14:08] Pauline: Slow your roll lady. Take care of yourself do stuff for you [00:14:12] Genna: So as much as it was hard to be in this. predicament. And this in this state, right? Yes. It's been a blessing, overall, which is. [00:14:24] Maribel: Yeah, it's not necessarily the right time to, yeah, to do certain things, right? Yeah, yeah. Kind of slow down. [00:14:31] Pauline: I think too, like, thinking about the why. I think you mentioned, asked the other day, right? Why do you think this happened? And I don't think I've heard her like break it down and explain it. but something that I thought about was maybe it's not so much for her. Well, one, I think it's to slow down. So she lives, mom lives with us, helps out immensely, like huge help. sometimes I have to tell her like, please stop. You don't have to do that. [00:15:00] Go relax, chill out, go take a break, go on vacation. And she's just. It constantly is a helper in the house, and it's great, but it also comes with, some things that we've had to discuss about, like, I need my space to be a woman of my house too, so just trying to find a balance and, and boundaries that sometimes you have to even bring it back up and talk about it again, right? Um, otherwise we start bumping, or at least I'll start bumping heads. Or say things that are a little out of pocket, but I think going back to that question of like, why has it happened, you know, and I think it was a big dose of humility? Maybe that's not the word, but of reality, right? And how fortunate I am to have my mom in my life. [00:15:52] Genna: And I think you said the other day, Your privilege that you were able [00:15:56] Pauline: to take care [00:15:57] Genna: of her privileged. Yeah, like [00:16:00] it has not once felt like Oh my gosh, this is a burden not once has that passed my mind to be like Oh, I gotta like cook her meals and I have to Make sure she's this and that or comfortable or wipe a butt, you know It's like not once was like I can't do it or this is too much of me, It honestly pivoted Did you have that feeling though in the beginning of like, oh my gosh, I have to do everything, because of the fact that she, yeah, no, like initial, initial thoughts, [00:16:34] Pauline: I, the initial thought was, wow, our life's going to look different. Yeah. That was the thought, but it wasn't like, Oh, this isn't, this is gonna be an inconvenience, you know? Cause I could see that [00:16:47] Genna: happen to some people. I think that's natural like thought, but I think it was [00:16:51] Pauline: more like, oh my gosh, is my mom okay? Okay. Yeah, like how severe is this? I mean I even thought for a minute like are they gonna have to [00:17:00] amputate Her it was such a devastating fall that she shattered her elbow that they were like there's deformation there's Her elbow would never be the same and I was like, oh my gosh, what does this mean? And it's her right arm, you know Obviously I didn't say that in front of her because I was trying to be cool as a cucumber. and just keeping everything really calm and collected. The moment they were like, no, she can't go to a facility home, I was like, give me my mom. Like, I'm done. This is enough. We've been here long enough. let's get her, we'll figure this out, you know? we'll just have grace on each other and navigate that. And so I think it made us, it made this tension that I might have been having of when, you she was so busy in my life of helping me that I was bumping, she probably doesn't even know that I was bumping heads. I was bumping my own head behind her head. Like she didn't even know that I was feeling certain ways, but I do. [00:18:00] And again, it's just kind of, maybe she was encroaching on my boundaries, my, my space as a mother, as a, homeowner, like caring for my home. but she didn't even know that, but this allowed me to. Just kind of put that like that wasn't even how minor is that how? Silly is that notion? I'm now thinking about it now, right? [00:18:24] Genna: Yeah, [00:18:24] Pauline: and what a privilege right to have that flip right? Okay. Okay. It's almost like the Lord saying like oh Okay, you want your mom to back off? Yeah, here she is. [00:18:34] Genna: Yeah, [00:18:35] Pauline: it's like that, here have the whole house And some right here have all the parenting and all the navigating of carpooling and all this stuff that she really helped so much with that like, oh and you [00:18:49] Genna: want this but you want to do this You [00:18:52] Pauline: get to take her to appointments You know twice a week. So it's almost this extra load got put on my plate, but it was just [00:19:00] a beautiful reality check is kind of what it was. [00:19:05] Maribel: Yeah, it's, it's been hard for her and, now that she talks to me, she says, mom, this is a big house, it's hard to keep it up. And I let her know, and I say, yes, it's a big house. And maybe you didn't realize, but I worry that you guys are working, you guys do this, you guys do that, you guys are busy all the time. So I try to do my best. to help you with the house. Yeah. To help you with this and that, nobody's telling me what to do, but I'm sorry if she feels like I was stepping in her own grounds and, taking, responsibilities that she probably want to do as a, mom or as a wife. But, that's not what it was my intention. Oh, absolutely. That's why I couldn't [00:19:53] Pauline: be mad. she's just so sweet about it, you know? [00:19:56] Maribel: My, my intentions are totally different. I wanna help [00:20:00] all my kids. I go to my other, sons and I do the same thing. First thing that I do is, helping cleaning. That's, I, I like to do that. [00:20:10] Pauline: You better be careful, Genna's going to give you keys to her house. I know. We'll make space for you. You don't want it? I'll take it. You can use all the house. [00:20:22] Maribel: It was kind of like, okay. He goes, Mom, you don't have to work no more. Come and live with us. I moved, I, I made the decisions to, uh, move and commute to my job. That was like, I still had like about two years, to retire. So I keep commuting and doing, as much as I could, but Avery is a little older now, he started doing things on his own, but, um, he's very attached to me, and, I feel like, uh, what am I going to do when I leave, you know? I'm planning to, to move, I know there is time for [00:21:00] me, they want a, they want their own space, and, my son, who lives over there by, Tahoe, he wants me to move back there. It's a totally different environment and everything, but I think, you know, I'll try. [00:21:14] Genna: I don't know. This is news to me. I didn't know you're moving. Hold on. Yeah. Hold on. Hold the phone. [00:21:20] Pauline: I think just like letting her. [00:21:22] Genna: You can't take Abuelita from us. I know. I was [00:21:25] Pauline: like, hold on. I don't need to like. Like, hold on! When are we going to take care of you again? [00:21:30] Maribel: I know! Like, hold on to it. It's just, in case, Who, yeah, who knows. Just in the future. Who knows in the future, my son or his mom, you are welcome. Yeah. You can come stay here with me. [00:21:42] Pauline: I think the idea, too, would be if it's too cold there, she comes and stays with us for winter. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. And so just having multiple, you know, staying at multiple. Yeah, [00:21:53] Genna: that's what we want our parents to do too. Yeah. [00:21:56] Pauline: So, so what have you learned from this [00:22:00] process in terms of yourself? Like, what have you learned about yourself through this process? Uh, [00:22:10] Maribel: I think I, um, [00:22:11] Genna: Knowing the timing of it all, right? So you just celebrated your birthday, you had all of these plans, you're like, okay, new year, right? We were about to celebrate new year and all of these things happen. Yeah. And I'm sure, again, you said you were discouraged and upset and frustrated, all the things. All these things, but, But after all, what have you learned about yourself? [00:22:32] Maribel: Life is too short for sure it is, it's just like, it's too short. You have to live and take care of yourself. a lot of times we think that we're going to be here forever. And, oh, you, we're going to continue doing things in, in our daily, life, like, a routine. And that's a big change to see for me there. I don't have to be [00:23:00] doing everything every day the same thing. I have to have a little more fun. [00:23:05] Genna: Oh, [00:23:05] Maribel: good, good, good. And enjoy myself more. [00:23:09] Genna: Enjoy your time more by yourself. Yeah, yeah. But it helps [00:23:12] Maribel: me too because I see my daughter, things that are, I, I was like, so into the kitchen. Like, it has to be clean. And go, I go to bed and it has to be clean because I don't want to smell the kitchen or things that I, you know. That's how I grew up, in my house. You don't leave garbage, you don't leave dirty dishes. That's how I But now that I see my daughter It's not the, the, I don't appreciate what she does, but, uh, nothing is gonna go away. You can do it anytime. You can take a break. [00:23:50] Genna: Yeah. [00:23:50] Maribel: And come back. [00:23:51] Genna: Yeah. [00:23:51] Maribel: And for me, it was no break. I have to do it now and do it right. [00:23:56] Pauline: Mm [00:23:57] Maribel: hmm. And now I feel like, it's never gonna go [00:24:00] anywhere. Go do what you gotta do and then come back. [00:24:03] Pauline: Especially, like, dishes or house things, it's Well, the stove isn't gonna get it looks like a hot mess in the stove. Well, guess what? I don't have the time and my sleep is more important tonight, so She couldn't say it because she can't help. [00:24:20] Maribel: Yeah, [00:24:20] Pauline: right. Yeah, I think that helps me a lot [00:24:23] Maribel: too [00:24:24] Pauline: We all just kind of have to accept Oh, it is what it is kind of thing [00:24:29] Genna: true, but it could be Opposite so I grew up in a household like that, too Like, why aren't you cleaning? Mm-hmm . Which I understand, like I appreciate a clean house too when it's done, but now that I was a mother taking care of three babies by myself, yeah. You are not always gonna have a clean kitchen, So Totally understand. But if you're living in a house when you are used to it, I'm sure that like was hard. Oh my gosh. Aren't you cleaning down? [00:24:58] Pauline: Oh yeah. And she like, [00:25:00] I'm sure she bit her tongue and I really appreciate. Because I think if she did say something, right, I think I would have been bothered. Ooh, let's get real. Okay, hold [00:25:11] Genna: on. Did you want to say something? [00:25:12] Maribel: Yes. [00:25:13] Genna: I knew [00:25:14] Pauline: it! I knew it! [00:25:16] Maribel: Oh, excuse me. [00:25:18] Pauline: Oh, I feel, I feel the eyes lasering towards this. She'll be like passing the [00:25:23] Genna: kitchen, like. [00:25:25] Pauline: Yeah. [00:25:25] Genna: That. You missed a spot. Yeah. [00:25:28] Pauline: Yeah. [00:25:28] Maribel: But no, she's been really [00:25:29] Pauline: quiet. [00:25:30] Maribel: I think I say a couple things in the beginning. Okay. Okay. Okay. Like when we first moved here, I say a couple things like, why don't you guys just clean after yourself, you know? And she goes, you don't have to clean, just leave it. And I go, how am I going to live this? Yeah, yeah, [00:25:50] Pauline: knowing that that's not what you are used to. It's kind of, you know, living with another person, right? They have their own habits, their own cleaning [00:26:00] expectations. just like any roommate, right? If he really bothers you, you can put them in, but I'm not doing that right now. So then she just took a liberty and was like, okay, I think, right, I'm going to, I don't want them. So I'm going to put them away. Yeah. And then that just became norm. She just like someone drops anything in the sink. She's Running over to wash it and put it away. I'm like, oh [00:26:22] Genna: god. You've seen it happen. Not that, but like even with my parents. I'm like, mom, dad, I'm not done with my glass of water. You know? I'm gonna leave it on the side. Like, I feel like I have to, I definitely preface okay, I'm not done drinking from this glass. I really don't wanna. dirty another dish, but I'm gonna come back for it in 10 minutes, Now it's [00:26:44] Pauline: coffee cups. She did that in the beginning and I was like you threw away my coffee again Coffee is like liquid gold. Yeah, and so she's like I will never touch your coffee mugs and I was like, thanks mom let's [00:26:57] Genna: put everything in a [00:26:58] Pauline: cup. There's a drop in there. [00:27:00] If there's a drop of [00:27:01] Genna: coffee I'm drinking it. Okay. I will reheat it. Yes. 100th time. I plan to. [00:27:07] Maribel: You leave it in the counters because you don't want to drink anymore. So that was my thing. That was her thing. No, it's in the sink. Then I just clean up. [00:27:14] Genna: That's hilarious. Yeah. But yeah, so holding your tongue. I'm holding my tongue. [00:27:20] Maribel: And sometimes they go to bed and they leave the living room. I'm, I'm very picky. I feel like, uh, you're going to get up and you're going to go to bed. You're supposed to fix your sofa before you go to bed. So in the morning everything is perfect. [00:27:36] Genna: Yeah, [00:27:36] Maribel: uh huh, but not here Everything is on the floor So now in the morning But but it's nothing I can do this what they They're so used to the kids and everybody in the house. So I just let it go. And then the morning when they go to work and they go to school and then I clean the, I'm like, I have [00:28:00] to, uh, learn and adapt to, because nobody's going to be like me and nobody is going to have things like I want to. But it's her house, and I respect that, and I see how, I don't want to be in the middle of it because it's not my place. Even though that I teach here. Dang, mom, you make me sound like a slob, okay? [00:28:25] Genna: It's not that. It's a house lived in, right? Yes, yes, we live in this house. [00:28:30] Maribel: But, I respect that. And I don't wanna, have any issues in Regarding to how they live and, I'm trying to do my best and in the beginning, yes, I do get upset. [00:28:43] Pauline: Yeah. But [00:28:44] Maribel: I recognize that this is, this is their house, and this is how they want to do it. Fine. [00:28:50] Genna: Yeah. [00:28:50] Maribel: But I try when no one see me. She's cleaning. I'm cleaning. I'm cleaning and picking up and everything. Yeah. So [00:29:00] that's my nature. I like to sit down and. Have everything as Spick as fine, clean, and have my little coffee or glass of water to enjoy my, my, my day. A clean house. A clean house. I mean, [00:29:12] Pauline: I'll love me a clean house, but this is a lot of house. she did really well not being able to touch the thing and move it. I mean, maybe she could move something. I can only [00:29:25] Genna: imagine just [00:29:26] Pauline: It was so funny she was like Walking around and I know she's thinking oh that needs to be picked up that needs because she all she can do is really Walk around and look And then I glanced over at her and I'm like, Mom, [00:29:41] Genna: You felt the energy. [00:29:43] Pauline: I felt it, yeah. I was like, Mom, how hard is it right now to not pick stuff up and clean? She goes, This is torture. Ha ha [00:29:51] Maribel: ha! I hate this. [00:29:55] Pauline: This is torture. I can't do anything. NOOOO [00:30:00] inside I'm like, Inside I'm like, [00:30:03] Genna: That's right, sucker. You can't do nothing. I feel like, that's, that would be like, Kellen, like, don't drop that on the floor. Don't drop that on the floor. And you're like, just drop it. You walk away, right? Yeah, which you gonna do better? No, but I've tried my very best. I just turn around and I go [00:30:23] Maribel: back to my room. [00:30:25] Genna: So how, so how long did it take for you to get used to not being able to pick something up? [00:30:33] Pauline: She's probably not used to it yet. [00:30:35] Maribel: Well, you know what? I do better in my room. [00:30:39] Genna: She's like, that's why I'm in the room 90 percent of the time. You know what? [00:30:45] Pauline: I just closed my door. I ain't stepping into that, that pigsty of a mess. [00:30:50] Maribel: No, it's not bad. [00:30:52] Pauline: Come on, it's not that bad. [00:30:56] Maribel: No, no, not, not at all. But in the beginning, I [00:31:00] knew that I cannot do it and I don't want to see it. So I just go back to my room. [00:31:05] Genna: Yeah, I mean, it's hard because you're like, I used to be able to just pick that up. I used to be able to just clean that up, I'm sure because it's a real, it's, I don't see a reality check of what you're able and what you're not able to do anymore. Yeah. It's not having that control, right? You're right. It's literally surrendering to everyone else. Yeah, no chant low. Gosh, [00:31:27] Maribel: I can that that's hard Yeah, especially when you're used to doing it by yourself [00:31:33] Pauline: and like that honestly How much she does around this house is like a full time job. from going to that to this and being like, I can't do nothing depending on me, is, has been a big. [00:31:47] Maribel: And I'm thankful because she recognized that. It's not that I want her to recognize, but she knows now how much I help her before she didn't realize because she just came tired [00:32:00] from work and she, I had food at the table. I have everything. So she just like, I think she probably think that I didn't do anything all day thats how I feel. No, [00:32:10] Genna: no, but you it's always the little things, right? So it's either a clean counter or sweeping. Yeah, something you don't think takes a long time. Yeah, but you're like, man, my floor is looking dirty, right? Like now you're noticing. Oh, yeah, all of those little things. And all those little things add up by her. Yeah, [00:32:32] Pauline: I think I appreciated it, but you just become so numb to that treatment. Right? Yeah, you get [00:32:37] Genna: used to the routine. Yeah. Uh huh. Of it all. Right? [00:32:40] Pauline: she just made it look so easy. That when we come home, it's just a natural thing that the house is picked up. She's, she's done things already. The bathrooms get cleaned. so I think it's just a normal. Day to day thing. When that's been done for years when [00:33:00] you walk in it's like you lose that appreciation I think over time or you don't acknowledge it. You don't lose it because I do come in i'm like, oh man the house is so clean Right, so I appreciate it, but I don't acknowledge as much [00:33:13] Maribel: So having her a few times you you say something but not [00:33:18] Pauline: Yeah, not every day, you know when she cooks and stuff. Definitely. It's a labor of love that I can You eat, you know? Yeah. So I'm like, thanks so much for cooking a meal and dinner, so yeah, it's, it's been a lot. Yeah. [00:33:32] Maribel: I think it's our culture too, I noticed in my family too, we're all the same way, like our house clean. our environment where we live because we spend a lot of time at home. [00:33:46] Genna: Oh, well, that's interesting. You said Nate and Pauline do not spend a lot of time at home. [00:33:52] Maribel: No. [00:33:52] Genna: so I think she is growing up in such a different way than what you are used [00:34:00] to. So it's like, okay, well, I need to go, I need to get out of here. And you don't have the time, with everything that you do. We're out of the house so much. And we're the same way too. And it is hard for someone that is used to being home on the time. Cause you are and [00:34:18] Pauline: taking pride in your clean home. [00:34:20] Genna: And so you, I can, I mean, I can definitely see that you like, if you're going to be home most of the time, I want to be in a clean home. So that. Definitely makes sense point. Point. Yeah. We're never home. If I'm, yeah. If I'm the days that I am home, I can't think, when the clutter, because it got so Yeah, me too. Because, and I, it's terrible. You spend that that day and you definitely feel it, but the difference is it is different culture. Different culture and Yeah. And the way you live your life, right? Yeah. As an adult. [00:34:52] Maribel: Yeah. Uhhuh, . [00:34:53] Genna: Yeah, [00:34:54] Maribel: for sure. And, and, and I enjoy being at home. Uh, that's one thing that I do. She [00:35:00] tells me sometimes, Mom, why don't you go out, you know? Once you have friends. [00:35:05] Genna: Yeah. [00:35:05] Maribel: I wanna learn how to have healthy friends. other than that, I'm like with my sister, we go to trips, we go, eat almost every week, but that's my sister. But, it's for now. Which I want [00:35:20] Pauline: her to do more of. [00:35:21] Maribel: She wants me to do more of that. Like I say, now I can go out more often. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. The dishes are gonna be here [00:35:29] Genna: Being social is important and it honestly keeps your your brain moving too and there is something to be said about Being social so I will say that too. I used to work at a chronic back and spine clinic and I could tell the people that didn't have family and more friends that, versus people that did. And it is amazing to see the [00:36:00] huge difference. some guy would be walking in and I'm like, man, you're in your 60s, 70s. No, he's in his 80s. Wow. And pep in his step, relatively healthy. And first thing we always ask, like, are you social? what do you do for fun? they always say they play with their grandkids. They're social. The people that are in their 60s are walking in literally with not even a cane, a walker. They're like bent over. You can see their health just deteriorating. They stay at home by themselves. They have no family around. And it is a huge difference. So I do think there is something to be said. And granted, you're You are surrounded by family, so that's really helpful, but I do think, there's still something to be said about getting out and being social, yeah. [00:36:53] Maribel: Yeah, um, easy to make friends too. [00:36:56] Pauline: That's where I get it from. Um, [00:36:57] Maribel: I do. Yeah, [00:36:59] Pauline: she's really [00:37:00] good at it. [00:37:00] Maribel: and easy to relate myself to others, but, uh, before I, I was not that open. I was very quiet and everything that I was going through I keep it to myself, but now I'm more open. I, I think, one of the things that it helps me a lot, it was the years that I was in my recovery. I have my own therapies and I have my own, counselor and I, I work with myself a lot. [00:37:28] Genna: Yeah. [00:37:29] Maribel: like a lot of times I think that I can, I'm gonna be able to open up. with nobody because they're not drinking. I gotta drink to be able to socialize. And now I work on that. You don't need no alcohol. You don't need no drugs to be able to socialize and talk to people. [00:37:47] Genna: For sure. Yeah. [00:37:48] Maribel: I practice and practice. It was hard in the beginning. I even felt that I had panic attacks. [00:37:54] Pauline: Oh. Uh, with [00:37:54] Maribel: myself to be able to talk, to people. Mm-hmm . But it was in back of my mind, man. the booze, [00:38:00] the, I was not drinking. I was sober. Mm-hmm . But little by little I started improving. Improving, improving now, like, easy for me to, to develop a conversation and to get, to know people. So it's helping me a lot, but that's part of my, I would say my tools was my counselor, that I had during that time that she teach me how to process my thoughts and process what is in my mind. [00:38:30] Pauline: Yeah. [00:38:31] Maribel: and not too many people know how to do all that. You know? [00:38:35] Genna: Yeah. [00:38:35] Maribel: and that helps me a lot. [00:38:36] Genna: Or really to be able to talk about it. Yeah. Honestly. [00:38:39] Maribel: Uh huh. A lot of people doesn't talk. [00:38:41] Genna: No. And [00:38:42] Maribel: they can be in a very bad situation, but they don't, they can't. [00:38:48] Pauline: Yeah. [00:38:48] Maribel: I love to do my testimony to people that I can, that I see they can get, something out of it, There [00:38:55] Genna: is. Yeah. Uh [00:38:56] Maribel: huh. So it should be said by that [00:38:58] Genna: therapy or you [00:39:00] know, They're not by [00:39:01] Maribel: themselves. They're not not alone. There's a lot of people, here I am at 68 years old And i've been clean and sober for about 30 years Congratulations. That's amazing. Yeah, and you don't you cannot tell me it doesn't work. It is not possible. It is possible [00:39:17] Genna: Yeah, [00:39:17] Maribel: With the grace of god, of course It's like, my main, foundation. [00:39:23] Genna: Yeah. Well, really, that's, that's exactly what we're here for, too, It is having the space for women to talk about their experiences and making sure that other women know that they're also not alone. Yeah. Other women have gone through this stuff. Yes. And I mean, you're a testament to that, of the addiction that you went through Again, people don't want to talk about it. And it is, to them, it's something that's in embarrassing. Right. Or, and they feel like they're going to get judged, but everyone has their own experiences and we definitely have to [00:40:00] give grace to those people and give them support. Yeah. [00:40:04] Maribel: Yeah of a lot of people the They learn the, addiction is not, an illness, it's something that you can cut it off yourself and know. you need a lot of love. [00:40:15] Genna: You do. [00:40:16] Maribel: And thena lot of families think that tough love will get you, straight and be able to not to drink and. tough love. it's very hard to give to your loved ones. Or it's [00:40:27] Genna: not that serious. Yeah. because you're like, because people, normal people, they're like, well, just don't drink. Yeah. Just don't do it. Right? Well, when addiction, when you, yeah, when you have that addiction, it's not that easy, right? It is a battle. Yeah. [00:40:45] Maribel: And you have to have open mind too, that, what other people are going through is not the same as you. Yeah. And be, have open mind to, to help others and to put yourself in, in their place, [00:41:00] how, how you, you're going to cope with that and what can you give as a support because they probably are broken, the majority of us in addiction. We're suffering from trauma. We're suffering from, lots of, emotional trauma and, molestations when we were little, victims of rape, and same with the men. Yeah. Yeah. Uh huh. Men go through that too. So, it's not that we, that you think there is because you just love alcohol. No. It's a root there. [00:41:38] Genna: Yeah. [00:41:38] Maribel: And you have to be able to get to the root of the issue to be able to give that support and be able to help that person. [00:41:46] Pauline: Yeah. Uh huh. [00:41:47] Maribel: But yeah, you know, I thank God that I'm in this stage of life that I can appreciate everything that comes to my way. Yes. You made [00:41:58] Pauline: it out. [00:41:58] Maribel: Yeah. [00:41:59] Pauline: And [00:42:00] yeah, in multiple areas and I think this recent thing was just a real small one. Yeah. And I would say I'm grateful, like you asked her what she's grateful for. And I'm just super grateful that I have my mom and I have the honor to have at home with me, um, even though we might bump heads here and there over usually cleaning the house. [00:42:29] Maribel: Yeah, that's the most ridiculous thing. Why [00:42:32] Pauline: did she say that out loud? It's pretty stupid. [00:42:38] Genna: It is. Like, why did you throw this dog toy? You're like, it's on the couch. The dog's using it. Don't touch it. It's [00:42:49] Maribel: just coffee cup. But yeah, it's pretty [00:42:52] Pauline: silly. In the scheme of things, right? Yeah, I think it just really Yeah, I think it just really [00:43:00] um, boiled it down to a reduction of this is my mom, I won't have her for long. She's here. She is here, and how awesome it is that I get to spend time with her These days with her and she gets to be a part of our lives and she gets firsthand experiences with my son my daughter man, why wouldn't I take care of her? It's just a no brainer and I almost feel like You know if we could do this we could do There there may be a season in her life that we'll have to pick this back up and do it again and it may look a little different right? But hey, I think she's happy that You It's a little snippet, a teaser into our future, possibly. Possibly. You never know. You never know. She's going to come back stronger. I know, right? Reverse age. I know. Yay. I've seen it. I've seen it. Trust me, we're on a mission. [00:44:00] Now that this happened, I was like, okay, squats, how many did you do today? Oh yeah. Let's go, let's go. Oh yeah, [00:44:05] Genna: that's right. We were talking about it. I'm supposed to work with you some balance training. So [00:44:10] Maribel: I'm on down because that's I want to get strong and be able next time that I'm like, Oh, you don't want to catch yourself. Yeah. And have those [00:44:21] Genna: reflexes. Yeah. [00:44:22] Maribel: we're gonna work you out. Don't worry. Yeah. I [00:44:25] Pauline: got you. [00:44:26] Maribel: Yes. Thank you, guys. Love you, Mom. I love you, too. I'm so happy. Can I get a hug? Yeah! Aw, I love you. You want a hug, Paco? You [00:44:38] Pauline: want [00:44:38] Maribel: a hug? Mom. so [00:44:40] Genna: much for sharing. [00:44:41] Maribel: Yeah. This is No, any time, you know, I, I, Oh, [00:44:44] Genna: Paco loves [00:44:45] Maribel: you. He wants a hug too. Yeah. I'm so grateful to have you guys and be able to share this with you. anybody who needs help. [00:44:55] Genna: Yeah [00:44:56] Maribel: And be able to get stronger because that's my goal [00:45:00] [00:45:00] Pauline: Yeah, [00:45:00] Maribel: get stronger. We're gonna get stronger And I thank god too because of the The bonding that I have with my daughter now It's not the same as it was before So I appreciate it Yeah. Everything she does for me too. So, and my, and my other kids, I'm grateful. Yeah. Thank you. And for, and for all, all her friends. You guys are a big family, How you guys came and Rachel, Chris. Yeah. All of them, they've been coming. So, thank you so much. Of course. I appreciate it. Yes. I feel the love. [00:45:39] Genna: Yes. Okay. I'm glad, yes. We're glad we're here for you as much as you were for us and still are here. [00:45:48] Maribel: Yeah. Thank you, mom. [00:45:49] Genna: Yeah. [00:45:49] Maribel: Thank you. You're loved. I know I can feel it. [00:45:54] Pauline: Good. [00:45:56] Genna: All right. Thank you guys. All righty. Until next [00:46:00] time. Yes. Until next time. The next time you see her, she's going to be like running marathons. That's the first thing we're signing her up for, is marathons. Marathon. Alright, well, cheers! Cheers, ladies! Cheers to Abuelita's first interview. Oh, she's kind of back. She's getting stronger already. Look at her. [00:46:24] Pauline: Salud! Salud! [00:46:29] Pauline: Awesome!