00:00:00 - Johnny Sanders
I am now offering consultation services through faithfully engaged. If you're struggling to find a church, dealing with a destructive habit such as pornography, or trying to find a way to homeschool your kids but don't know where to start, come check me out. Go to faithfullyengaged.com/consulting to learn more information and to see how we can get started. 

Well, welcome back, everyone, to another episode of Faithfully Engaged. Really excited about having my guest on today. Her name is Michelle Apples, and she'll speak more about the community that she has there specifically for Christian singles. I know some of my friends who are Christian singles, so I'm definitely going to be pushing this episode on them to try to get them some help there. So, Michelle, why don't you tell us just a little bit about yourself?

00:01:00 - Michelle Apples
Yeah. Thanks so much for having me, Johnny. My name is Michelle Apples, as Johnny mentioned, and I'm the founder of the Christian Singles Hub. And that was just born out of a need that I saw for Christian singles to just have spaces to be in community, to meet other like-minded Christian singles, and just. Yeah, just get closer to Jesus. As they walk through their singleness and what that looks like and what. What that means today as a Christian. So it's been a whirlwind, and God's done some pretty amazing things within our community. Community. Yeah, that's a little bit about me.

00:01:34 - Johnny Sanders
Awesome. Well, let me start. I always like to hear origin stories of why people create certain things or go into certain careers. You mentioned, and I'd certainly agree that there's a specific need there for Christians in the dating world, but kind of just walk us through in a little bit more detail what led you to make this website here.

00:01:58 - Michelle Apples
Yeah, that's a good question. And honestly, if it was, like, up to me, I probably wouldn't be here doing what I'm doing, but it was definitely just the Lord and his calling on my life. And so years ago, I actually worked for different companies that worked with singles. So I actually hosted thousands of events for not Christian singles, just secular, any singles, really, and took singles across international trips. I did a trip to China with 40 singles one time, and then I got asked by a matchmaking agency to come on board and work for them. And that was just right before COVID hit. And then I just. You know, as a Christian, sometimes you just don't feel like you align with the morals and values of different companies that you work with. And so that's kind of what I always felt in these different roles was, hey, I love working with singles, and I love what I do, but I don't know if I align with the values and morals of the company. And so, really, during the pandemic, I felt led to start my own matchmaking agency. And that's kind of how it started. And then during COVID and just such a time of isolation and loneliness, specifically for singles, I just saw such a greater need. And so it kind of turned from this, what I thought was going to be this tiny little boutique matchmaking agency into this global community of Christian singles. And it was just so cool to see people gather and just feel seen, heard, valued, and loved. And a lot of them said, like, I prayed for this for 20 years. I prayed for a community of like-minded people. I've always felt overlooked in the church. I've always felt overlooked because of my relationship status, which actually broke my heart. And I was like, there is such a need for this. And so, you know, I don't know who I am to start this and to navigate this, but also, like, if not me, who? If not now, then when? And so it was just kind of one of those things that I just was like, okay, if this is what God has called me to do, I need to step full force into it. And so it's been a whirlwind ever since, and God's definitely done great work in it. And so, yeah, it's really amazing to just see that so many singles aren't feeling as lonely as they once were because of our community.

00:04:17 - Johnny Sanders
Yeah, no, that's an incredible news, for sure. Yeah. I have a couple of things that come to mind as far as questioning goes. One, some people who know me personally know this. My wife and I, have been married for almost seven years now, and we met on a secular dating site. And one where, when people kind of ask me where we met, it's almost kind of an embarrassing thing of like, yeah, we met online, but I always tell them, despite me meeting my wife online for this particular set of ours. This particular website and I was on it several at the time, it's like I still hated it. Like, I met my wife. I love my wife, and I'm glad I met her. But the side itself, I was just. Nothing good. It was a bad experience. So for you, and I know that you've experienced this through both your career and just hearing some from the singles that you work with currently, why is it important for Christians to have a specific, like if they're single and looking for a dating website, why is it helpful to have a specific Christian website instead of just tinder or bumble or whatever kind of the secular website, why is it important for Christians to find a specific Christian one?

00:05:35 - Michelle Apples
Yeah, so that's such an interesting question, because, like you, I actually met my husband on a secular dating app. And so I always say that dating apps are just tools. Most people use them inefficiently, which is why people get so frustrated being on them. Because if you put, you know, 1000 people on it and you have, say, 25 of those people actually using it from a pure heart of, like, I am looking for someone who's like-minded and looking for someone to actually, that actually is going to lead to marriage. If only 25 people out of a thousand are on that, doing that, of course, it's going to be a frustrating experience where, you know, if you take apart the secular dating apps and the Christian, more Christian base is like, as a Christian, we are looking for marriage as a secular dating app. Most people don't. Maybe they're looking for marriage, maybe they're not. Maybe they're just looking to meet people. Maybe they're looking for fun. And so you have a greater pool of frustration because you don't have people that are like-minded looking for the same things that you are, where if you go onto a Christian, a dating app or a dating site, you're more likely to get those like-minded people. And of course, there's still going to be people that aren't looking for that because, you know, dating apps, the majority of them are free. Anyone can go on them. You can't. You know, you don't know that everybody's intentions are pure, but you're more likely to have that success meeting someone on a Christian site than you are on a secular site. Just because the amount of pool of people that are going to be like-minded is, is like you. And so even when people come to me and say, hey, I want to work with a matchmaker, and they're inquiring about all these other secular matchmakers, too, and they're like, I don't know which one to work with. I'm like, you have to look at like, okay, my database is all going to be Christian singles. Now. If you go to a secular matchmaker, their database is going to be maybe 10% Christians, you know? And that's the difference between using a Christian platform and using a secular platform is really just like, who do you want to meet? If I want to meet a Christian single, well, I should be going to places where Christian singles are not just, it's like saying I want a date. I want to find a husband and then go to a bar to find them. It's probably not going to be someone who is equally yoked with me. But again, like you said, you met your wife on a secular dating app. I met my husband on a secular dating app. So it absolutely can work. But you're more likely to find like-minded people if you actually go on platforms that align with your values and morals.

00:08:16 - Johnny Sanders
Absolutely. And that's said when I. When I saw your, uh, your profile on. On Pod Match, where I get a lot of these guests on the show, I was so intrigued by you. In fact, uh, I told my wife just not long ago, right before recording, like, oh, I'm talking to the. To the. The dating app lady. I'm really excited about this one. Uh, just because of how unique this is, and just by the name itself, the Christian Sngles Hub, that is unique in it, in and of itself. We can even take the Christian part out. And it's still pretty unique because most dating apps, it is. Yeah. Either you match with somebody or you do the swiping thing, and it's a very singular focus. Maybe you're talking to several people, but it's trying to get that match and this, like, certainly, I would imagine you. You want to get people connected, but it's a community, and that's so intriguing to me, especially as. As a Christian. I mean, we're. No Christian is called to do your faith on your own. So to have a community is so unique and so needed. So what about your experience through Christian singles hub and just even from your. Your past job and some secular sites, what role does the community play, and why is that so important specifically for Christian singles?

00:09:45 - Michelle Apples
Yeah. So, you know, when people come to our site, sometimes they get a little confused because they are so used to those dating apps where it's all very romantic focused, where, yes, obviously, we have some services, like, we do virtual speed dating events, we do the matchmaking. But a lot of what we do is community-focused because so often, we don't even know how to behave and act around the opposite sex. As a Christian single, we haven't really been taught this. We've actually been taught the opposite. I remember when I. So I was raised in faith, but then I walked away from my faith for quite some time. And then when I went back to the church, I just remember being like, why is this so weird? Like, it was like, women on this side, men on this side, and you need to be separated, and you do not interact. And it was just this weird experience that I was like, why is it easier to date as a secular person than it is as a Christian? And why does nobody talk about this? And so really, our community just kind of bridges that gap of, like, getting around like-minded people of the opposite sex. You get to learn so much not only about other people but about yourself as well. And we've seen, you know, best friends form and, like, travel to different things. We had two, two girls that met in our community. They literally went to Costa Rica for a month, like, literally a couple of weeks ago. And I was like, that's amazing, you know? But we've also had those romantic relationships form, and we have people. We have a guy from Canada who met his fiance now in the Philippines, and they're about to get married in September, they met through our community, and it was beautiful. And. And we've seen people get married and have kids, and that's amazing, too. But if all you get out of it, if you don't find your husband, you still have an amazing time. You meet amazing people. You get to learn about other people. You get to learn about yourself, and you just get around a community of people who are encouraging and willing to build you up edify you, and just lead you closer to Jesus, which is amazing. And that's why I love our in-person events and our retreats and our. And different things that we host in person because you get to see those dynamics come alive, where people kind of arrive as strangers. They don't know each other. They're kind of all nervous, and by the end, everyone's family, nobody wants to leave. It's like the most beautiful thing. And I just believe there's so much to that where people have said because I came to your event, I actually then came to your virtual speed dating event, and I met my boyfriend because I was able to see how safe this community was, was able to interact with people and not feel so nervous and so uncomfortable and so, you know, regardless, if you come to a retreat and say you don't meet your spouse, like, you gain so much else besides that as well. So I love that we do it not just for dating, because if we were to, like, do a retreat and say, it's like a dating retreat, they come in with so much pressure, and they'd come in so weird and so nervous, and it's like, we just want to create amazing, fun, safe spaces for Christian singles to gather together and to have that hope risen in them. To say, I'm not alone in this season. Like, I love that so many people came, actually, to our last summer camp, and on the last day, we were kind of unpacking the weekend, and they're like, I always have felt so alone being single, because the church doesn't really offer anything for people in my season, and so I often feel very isolated. And then to come and literally be joined by 50, 60 other Christian singles, and all get to share their experiences if people leave, and they're like, wow, my hope has risen. My faith is risen, and I believe that I'm not walking this journey alone.

00:13:40 - Johnny Sanders
That's really encouraging to hear. And that is something that, unfortunately, is very common throughout pretty much any church. That I've been in. Um, that being I've experienced this as a single, and then just seeing other singles out there, it is harder. Um, it's. My wife and I talk about that all the time. We kind of have built-in social reasons with our kids. We just got done with soccer season. Bam. There's. There's socialization right there. Uh, we don't have to think about it. Got other kids at, uh, at church that are our kids age. And there we go, other married couples. It's just a lot easier there as an adult when you have a marriage partner when you have kids, and things of that nature to be plugged into church events and everything as a single person, it's not impossible. It is possible, but it is. It's more difficult. There's no getting around that. And I love that this. You talk about safety, such a huge part of dating in general, especially in today's online dating world. My wife always likes to tell me this. The story of when we first met said it was a secular dating site. She didn't know who I was, and we met at a Starbucks for just our first kind of wasn't really a date. Just get to know each other thing. And she sat. She already bought her coffee, and she sat at the very edge, like, right in the corner, right next to a door. So if I was some creep, she could just get out of there. She thought that through because safety was a concern there. She didn't know who I was, and obviously, she stayed with me, and it worked out. But to provide that safety of not just with dating, but just to feel yourself, feel that you have other people that you are in connection with and that care about you. I think that's just so unique that the type of community that. That you have there, and I'm sure for so many people, like she said, even if they don't find a date that it's so welcoming and loving and that they just walk away feeling really refreshed.

00:15:49 - Michelle Apples
Yeah, it's honestly amazing. And I would have, again, never seen myself being here. But, you know, we. We get to see that. We get to see people feeling impacted by what we've created, by what the Lord has created, because it wasn't me, it was all him. So it's really beautiful.

00:16:09 - Johnny Sanders
Yeah. You mentioned some of these events that are put on through the Christian singles hub. Why don't you tell the audience just a little bit about what are some of these events and what makes them so unique and stand out?

00:16:26 - Michelle Apples
Yeah. So actually, in one month, we have our second annual summer camp for Christian singles. So we bring in Christian singles from all across the United States and even Canada. People fly into our summer camp, so it's really cool to see. It's like bringing back that childlike wonder and creating those spaces where you can just come in and be a kid again. But we do have those Bible studies, those worship nights together, the bonfires. You know, we're going kayaking this year. It's in Lake Tahoe. Last year was in Alabama, so we changed up locations every year, and it's just amazing. We have competitive games and hiking and just different elements that really allow you to get out of your own way or get out of your own head and just, like, meet people, you know? And so we try to, like. We know. I love church conferences, you know, but a lot of times you're just sitting there and you're listening to speakers. You're not able to really interact and meet people. And so we really like to center our retreats around the just concept of fun, of that joy of the Lord, of that childlike wonder of coming together and, like, being a kid again, leaving all your worries at the door and just coming in. And so we do that, our annual summer camp once a year. So that's coming up in a month. We still have a couple of spots left, and then we do retreats as well. So we have a fall retreat coming up in Michigan, and then we just launched our local hubs. Local hubs are something that we're working on, which is to bring hubs locally to different regions. So we have event hosts coming on from all different regions across the US and Canada to really host gatherings so that people can not, you know, because what I. My fear is they're going to come to a retreat and then go back home, and they're like, okay, so now what? I. I don't have anything. And so we, like, to do online things, but we like to do in-person things. We have the local hubs, we have the retreats, we have the summer camp, and so we do a prayer night weekly. We do a monthly hangout online. So there's so much going on within the Christian singles hub, and I'm sure so much more to come as well.

00:18:41 - Johnny Sanders
Yeah. Oh, that, that's fantastic. And I love, again, just, the uniqueness here that you've. We've all seen commercials for both secular and Christian types. Type of places. But, I mean, maybe there's some secular place that does something somewhat similar, but I've not heard of it like this, just for, like, again, throwing the Christian part out for a second. This alone is really neat. And then you add the Christian part to find like-minded singles, um, that community aspect, that there's just so much that's going on here. Um, far better. Um, I always tell my friends that, um, that are currently dating. Like, man. Like, I do feel for them, I do pray for them, that I don't miss those days where you had to just swipe in and go on dates. I used to. I told my wife this, actually, after, um, we got married, that I used to always take dates to a Yemenite, similar restaurants, or, like, two or three restaurants. And the whole reason was, was, well, if the date went poorly, at least I got food that I liked, so I would take them to these restaurants that I just enjoyed because it got tiring after a while. Like, why did I just waste my night? So it's a tough space to be in. And what you're describing was nothing like my experience. It's full of joy and hope and fun, um, even if you don't find that date right then and there. So, yeah, what. What is being built there? And I love that you gave glory to God there of what God is building is so, so encouraging. And I'm, I'm. I'm interested here, especially since, again, the focus is not just on finding your partner right this very second. Um, it's. It's not a big pressure sell there. How have you seen both through, through the hub, and through your experience and talking with other singles for these Christians? How do you? How do they help? How do you help them navigate just that difference between encouraging them to be? To be active, to try to go on dates, and to take the risk to try to put yourself out there while at the same time being content in this single season. How do you kind of encourage people to go through that process?

00:21:00 - Michelle Apples
Yeah, that's such a good question because it is hard. Like you're saying it is hard. I feel for people dating right now because it's not the way that our parents stated. It's not the way our grandparents stated. We are dealing with a new way of dating that no one has done before. Like, our generation is the first. That really is, like, plugging into this online dating, and it feels exhausting. There's actually, like, scientific stuff, studies showing that, like, the more choices you have, the more likely you're actually not to choose at all. And this is a huge problem with dating in this day and age because we have unlimited options. So you can go on dates all the time. And again, it gets exhausting. But also, more often than not, people are like, well, there might be something better out there, right? And so I think you have to be self-aware enough and just pray for that discernment, pray for that self-awareness to know when you need to, like, actually put yourself out there. And when you need to just say, okay, you know, I need a break from this because so often what I hear is I'm so exhausted from this. And it's almost like it's, it's. It's really hurting our self-love and our, you know, just, yeah, dating is so challenging. And, you know, you're on the apps and you, all of a sudden you're feeling like garbage about yourself. And it's like, you gotta know to take yourself out of that before you get to that point because this is just one area of your life. You need to nurture the other. The other areas like your spiritual health your friendships and community and your health and well-being. And if dating is taking over everything else, you're going to feel bogged down and you're going to feel discouraged with it. And so really just that balance of knowing, having that self-awareness to know, like, when to step out and say, okay, I'm going to put myself out there, and when to say, like, okay, I've just been doing this for a long time and it feels. I just feel discouraged every time I go on an app. Then you should probably take a break from apps. And so, you know, but also, like, you know, I love the question of, like, how do you stay content because you have so much purpose in your singleness. Purpose does not start when you get married. Your life does not start when you get married. And I think so often, that's almost like what singles, especially Christian singles, believe is that like, oh, well, I'm not going to do these things. I want to do because, well, I'm going to wait to do them with a spouse. It's like, well, no, you lie like the Bible says, to live today like it's your last. You don't know what tomorrow if there's going to be a tomorrow. And so really, just what is it that I want to do in my singleness? You know, maybe that's making a bucket list of things that you want to do and see and accomplish. And, you know, I can honestly say that, like, my singleness, like, was, was beautiful. It was a beautiful time of learning and growing and evolving and traveling and discovering. And then when I met my husband, it was, like, so beautiful that I was, like, I had no regrets of, like, leaving your singleness because once you get married, God willing, you don't go back to being single ever again. So this is a time where, like, I just remember during COVID being single and having so much time and I just had so much intimate time with the Lord that, like, now being married and, like, I'm sure you married with kids, like, you don't have hours to just sit there in the Lord's presence because you got kids coming at you and your wife has needs and my husband has needs. And so it's just a different season. It's beautiful and it's a blessing to get married, but it's not any less of a blessing to have your singleness. And I think that's what we have to realize as Christian singles your singleness is a blessing if you let it be, if you choose for it to be. Now, if your perspective and your mindset is just, I hate being single. I can't wait to be married. I hate being single. I mean, then your singleness is going to be, it's not going to be great. So often I'm told, like, from people that, like, get married right away, they say, oh, man, I really wish I didn't rush out of my singleness to get to a preferred season that I thought I would prefer. But now I never, I never go back there. You know, once you're married, you make a covenant with your partner and the Lord, like, I will never be single ever again. But I can honestly look back at my singleness and say, wow, I really took that as a time to be with the Lord, be intimate with the Lord, get to know myself, do healing that I really needed to do before I got into a relationship and got married. And so I think it's that balance of, like, again, being self-aware enough to say, hey, this is one area of my life. Dating is literally only one area of my life. It's not everything. It's not my identity, it's not who I am or what I'm doing. It's one area of my life. Now, if dating is the only area of your life, then that's when you have to take action and say, no, no, no, I need to nurture these other areas of my life and make sure that I'm living. You know, just like the Bible says, singleness is a gift because you get to be fully devoted to the Lord and what he's asking you to do. And I would have never started what I'm doing right now if I wouldn't have leaned into that and, okay, God, you're calling me to walk into this. And I was able to move across. So I'm from Canada. I moved across Canada at one point because the Lord asked me to. I moved to the US from Canada because the Lord asked me to. You can't do those things when you get married because now you have to check in with someone else and make sure that you're all on the same page. And so, yeah, I just think just taking the season for what it is, that it is a blessing and you get to do so much in that season and that you never go back once you get married. And just to nurture, nurture that.

00:27:03 - Johnny Sanders
Absolutely. That's something that kind of joked with some of my, my single friends that there's been some times of, I'll get like a twelve-hour notice. Hey, let's hang out tomorrow across enough to drive several hours. Like, I need a little bit more notice. When I was single, I didn't need notice. You just do what you want to do. Like, I got kids, I got a wife, and it's beautiful and I love it. I wouldn't trade it for anything, but that freedom is something that you get when you're single. So, yeah, being able to take advantage of that time, and I challenge some people and my, my day job as a counselor as well, that are in the senses, in the singleness that, yes, we want to, we want to enjoy that time and to use it as a gift from God, but we also want to look at and kind of that challenge component of am I the person that I want to be as a husband, as a wife? Are there things that I could be doing better? I need to challenge myself and not just. It's not all about your efforts. I get it. There are some circumstances, and sometimes God has you in a season of life for a reason. But get yourself ready to be married. If you're, if you're not, you don't have a job, you're living with your parents or something, go get a job. Go get yourself ready to be married and to not just live in the woe-is-me mentality. Now, I say that not as, like, speaking bad to any singles that are listening to this. I was that way. I definitely had seasons where I just felt sorry for myself. And I get it. It can be tough, but to use this as a challenge, to be content and also to let me better myself, let me go pick up a craft or some hobby, learn pickleball or something that I have time to do, like get, get you, get yourself in a spot to where if when you do meet the girl that you really want to marry, the guy you really want to marry, you're in a healthy spot that we can get this stuff going and not just kind of keep throwing Hail Marys and hope something sticks.

00:29:07 - Michelle Apples
Yeah, I love that. I love that, Johnny. And I think I totally, 100% agree. When I got married to my husband, it was so beautiful because we had both individually done the work in our singleness, and it was so evident when we walked into marriage. It was like, wow, I've stewarded my finances really well. You have, too. Now we come together and I feel like I gained an inheritance. It wasn't this, like, somebody's pulling me backward and I'm trying to move forwards, but now I got these chains on me because I'm marrying someone who's, who's been bad with finances and like, you know, now I'm carrying all their debt with me into marriage, you know, when I've been stewarding that well, right? And so I think it's so important and not just that where it's like the habits that we have in our singleness, we only highlight, get highlighted when we get married. Like, if I'm lazy, that gets highlighted when you're around someone 24/7 when you get married and you realize your flaws very quickly because you have someone who's looking at all your flaws with you in marriage. And so I love that you said, like, get yourself prepared. I always say to people, take inventory of every area of your life and, hey, where needs work right now? What does that look like in my life? If my spiritual life isn't good in my singleness, it's not going to be good when I get married. You know, if my finances aren't good in my singleness, it's not going to be good when you get married. If my health and wellness aren't good in my singleness, it's not going to be good when I get married. And so all of those things just amplify when you get married. And, you know, there were things that my husband and I had to navigate because we come from different backgrounds and learn different things, you know? And so I love that. It's like, what, what can we do in this season to help prepare us better for that relationship, for that marriage?

00:31:00 - Johnny Sanders
Absolutely. Well, Michelle, I'm hopeful that everybody listening here, and I'm confident that they are, especially if you're single or maybe, maybe you're not single. You've got a. Got a kid that's single or your best friend single. Anybody that. That you know that that's a Christian single. I hope that this has been encouraging to know that it's not a hopeless battle. God is ultimately in control. We have that faith as believers that even when it doesn't feel good, we know he's in control. But even aside from that, that there are communities like the Christian singles hub, that there are other Christians out there like you, there is hope out there. So, Michelle, for those that are listening that maybe want to know, all right, how this sounds great, or my, my kid needs to get signed up for this. Um, how, how can they find out more information about the Christian singles hub and just kind of tell them a little bit about how to get started there?

00:31:56 - Michelle Apples
Yeah. So, uh, the best thing to do is go check out the website at thechristiansingleshub.com, which will give you access to retreats and events and everything that we have going on. But if you actually go to the christiansingleshub.com podcast just to listen to this podcast today, you'll actually get a seven-day free trial of our app. So you can connect with like-minded Christian singles and also get discounts on all the retreats and free in-person events and online events and so much more.

00:32:27 - Johnny Sanders
That's fantastic. So definitely take advantage of that. Said, if you're single, your kid's single, your best friend, whatever, let them know about this. Because even if they just use it for seven days just for encouragement, like, check it out. Because I said I about guarantee you from personal experience and other people that I know there's not another community quite like this. So definitely check it out. And Michelle, thanks again for joining us and for encouraging the audience today.

00:32:55 - Michelle Apples
Thanks so much for having me, Johnny.

00:32:58 - Johnny Sanders
Absolutely. And thank you again to everybody who tuned in today and we'll catch you on the next episode.