About excessive positivity.
What's happening to you? You're shaking all over. Stay seated, I'll bring you something to drink. Do not move.
It's nothing, I'm just dizzy.
Here, some peach tea will do you good. Drink slowly, like this. Is it better now?
Yes thanks, I feel much better.
Have you heard from Doctor Fasano? Did you have yourself visited?
Of course: he is the one who confirmed my pregnancy.
And what does he say?
That for the moment it's all normal.
Do you want to lie down on the bed? I'll carry you in my arms.
Michael, then you don't understand: I will never go back to that bed again. I want to leave, you have to deal with it.
It doesn't make sense, Antonia. Let me take care of you at least for a while, without ulterior motives. I'm scared for you and for him. Don't you understand that, by doing this, you are also endangering the child?
I know, but I have to go.
Tell me why you want to leave, if you know you're in danger.
Because I can't continue to use you as a lightning rod like I have done so far. I have to take responsibility. I'm at a dead end, Michael: I can't pretend or even tell you the truth.
Which truth?
How can I explain it to you?
Do not panic. Try telling me calmly, as if you were seeing it from afar: it's important to distance yourself from negative things.
Here's the point: you are too positive to imagine negativity in others, and this is a serious limitation of yours, because you don't see evil even where it exists. You cannot protect me from evil, simply because you do not recognize it.
 

I never thought about it, you know?
I know, I've known you for a long time.
Seriously Antonia, this is a shock to me. You were right to tell me. I'm obviously not that smart, if I didn't realize it myself.
It's not a question of smartness: you are very smart, but you don't have that kind of intuition. It is typical of honest people not to assume dishonesty in others. You perfectly understand the negativity of political and economic situations, you recognize without fail the rhetoric of international treaties, and you know how to move to avoid the worst. But when a guy pats you on the back you just can't imagine that he could be a bastard.
Who are you referring to?
No one in particular. There is so much evil around us, Michael: so much that you can't even imagine it. You sheltered me like a safe haven, I hid behind you: up to a certain point you protected me, then I was overwhelmed.
You never asked me for protection, Antonia: you never told me anything at all.
I tried, but you didn't listen to me: you always had too many problems at work. And then I myself wouldn't have known where to start. There are a lot of negative people around you: almost all the girls who frequent your house, many of your friends, myself, your brother...
Here, let's talk about my brother: what kind of person is he?
A very strange question on your part.
No, it's not strange: you know him much better than me, it's obvious. So tell me, I need to know: is my brother a bastard?
No. In Emmanuel there is an immense potential for good and an equally immense potential for evil. He hasn't decided yet whether to be an angel or a demon.
I hope he hurry up and decide. And you? What are you attracted to? To the angel or the demon?
To both. That's why I have to leave, I'm not up to it.
What do you mean I'm not up to it?
 
Don't make me say anything else. We all have tremendous gray areas. It's like uncovering a sewer and diving in headfirst: you can't even imagine what you can find in there.
Sewage, excrement and rats, I suppose, being a sewer.
But also pearls and diamonds. That sewer is life. When you try it, you realize that everything else is fake, a kind of mediocre parish play.
I get it: it must have been terribly boring being with someone as mediocre and predictable as me.
I didn't mean that.
But you said it.
I'm sorry, Michael.
It doesn't convince me, Antonia. If things were as you say, Emmanuel would have remained here despite our marriage, he would not have run away to Tuscany with the first arrival.
Believe me, there are things about him that you don't know or even imagine.
Just to know, what role does my little brother have in that sewer? Who else is in there to keep him company? I bet there's some rat in that charming sewer dealing hard stuff.
Michael, I don't want to hear you talk about these topics: it seems to me that they make you dirty.
They make me dirty because they are dirty, Antonia.
Now I feel better, I can go: thanks for everything.
Oh no: you won't leave here before telling me the truth. You've told me lies for years: now I demand to know what happened in my house while I worked day and night to keep things going for everyone, including you! Is that clear?
Sorry, you're right.
I know I'm right. And now speak.
What exactly do you want to know?
I want to know if my brother is a drug addict. You can only answer yes or no.
Michael, I...
Yes or no!
Yes, he was.
 

And you knew it, right?
I thought...
I don't give a shit what you thought. Who did it?
Michelle.
As I imagined. She is an extremely dangerous woman, it is absurd that she bears the same name as me. What do you know about her?
Almost nothing: Emmanuel never talks about her. He suffered a lot, and not just physically.
Was he in love with her?
It is difficult to distinguish love from addiction. She certainly didn't love him.
What did she want from him?
Maybe just have some fun: your brother is a beautiful toy for a spoiled girl like her. She took him apart piece by piece. Or perhaps something worse: those people enjoy killing, they have a cult of sacrificial victims. It's part of their religion.
Which people? Which religion?
You know that Turin is full of strange sects: she's a kind of priestess of one of them, or something like that.
Crazy. That girl is the daughter of family friends, people respected by everyone, including my father and mother.
Those you respect and revere are almost all horrible people.
Why didn't you ever tell me?
I didn't want you to worry uselessly.
Uselessly?
I tried to get him out on my own, Michael, and I succeeded. He had stopped completely, he was fine.
May I know how you got him out?
In the only way possible.
Which way, Antonia?
Replacing one addiction with another.
Therapeutic fucking?
Michael, how do you express yourself? You make everything sound disgusting.
I make it sound like that?!
You can't even imagine what a time that was. From what I understand, there was also a man involved: Emmanuel was completely out of his mind.
What? A man?!
Don't be alarmed: Emmanuel is not a pervert, he was simply very ill. He almost immediately stopped seeing them when he was with me. He wanted to be faithful to me.
Almost immediately? Faithful?
I know, said like that it seems absurd, but living it was different.
But how could you fall so low, Antonia? This has nothing to do with love!
It's not like you're thinking. Please believe me, even if all appearances are against me.
Aside from disgust, you risked catching serious illnesses and transmitting them to me too: didn't you think about it?
My tests are fine, you have nothing to fear. It was a terrible time, I almost gave my life for him. Luckily it's over: now Arianna will take care of it.
In what sense did you almost give your life for him? What the fuck happened behind my back, Antonia?
Enough Michael, I don't want to talk about it anymore.
Fuck you, Antonia, this is too much! Go away, go to hell, I feel I may no longer be accountable for my actions.
You see? It's like I told you: not even the best of men are safe from violence. Let me pass.
Wait, come back here.
Don't try to touch me. Stay away from me, I must protect the child: I warn you, I could kill for him!
Don't worry, I have no intention of touching you. You disgust me. I suddenly realize that I can no longer bear your presence: you have been living with negativity for too long. There is no way out of this story except by erasing your character.
I thought I explained to you that you too live with negativity, you just don't recognize it. You obviously don't understand, but it's no longer important, since I disgust you.
You see, there is a fundamental difference between you and me: I reject negativity with positivity, while you let it enter inside you.
It's true, your positivity is like a shield and for now it protects you: but, as you can see, not enough. Be careful, Michael: you are surrounded by enemies whom you classify as friends, so you are in danger. You remind me of Julian.
Julian who?
The emperor, the one the Christians call the Apostate. He went to fight without wearing armor and died at the age of thirty-two, hit in the chest by a friendly javelin.
One of these enemies disguised as friends is you, Antonia.
You're right: I should have been your armor, but instead I stabbed you in the back. Pass me the jacket, please.
Wait.
What's still there?