jeremywest&nathanfrancis
[00:00:00] Welcome to Jeremy chats with coaches My name is jeremy west. I'm your host and today I have nathan francis with me. Hello jeremy. Thank you for having me Thank you for coming on nathan. Just as a start, can I just get you to describe for me and my listeners? Who is Nathan Francis and what drove you into the world of coaching?
Okay, well, Nathan Francis is a coach, he's a writer, he's a blogger, he's a podcast host himself, so he might be able to I'll interview you one day, mate, it'd be good. I sort of was heading down an interesting, we'll say, dark path prior to 2020 and that lifestyle of drinking and partying and doing those things young boys do was.
Taking its toll on me and it was that 2020 year where I really went in deep with some world trues and my own trues and was able to quit some things that were holding me back from ever stepping into my true potential. [00:01:00] And then I came across some awesome mentors, some awesome people in my life to help me through my stuff.
To then give me the tools to help me through it. Then I thought, well, if I can do it on myself and I've can transform myself to even being on a podcast like this today, then I can do that for other people all over the world. So that's sort of what started me off on the journey was having those people around me.
That I reached out, asked for help and got people on my side to sort of coach me along. Well then I can then circle back and be that person for many others. And it sort of started me off on this path now as the. as a coach and a writer and different things and it's been an awesome journey thus far and yeah, I'm only four years in.
I'm keen for the rest of it. So that's sort of mean a two minute spiel for you. Yeah, thank you. That's fantastic, Nathan. So then first I'll just ask, did you have a rock bottom or did you just sort of decide? You were done. Good question. Yeah, I had a rock bottom [00:02:00] two and a half years ago. So the start of 2021.
So I'm Australian, but you might have some misses from Australia. I'm not too sure, but there is a sporting code down here called the AFL, which is a football card, which is a sport. And they had their grand final on this particular night in 2021. And I remember I'd already started this journey of bettering myself and alcohol was still kind of the one thing I was doing.
I remember looking myself in the mirror and I said myself that night that I'll never do this again. This is my last night and that, that is it. Like no more drinking, no more being immature, no more chasing women and no more living that lifestyle. So fast forward 12 hours at 5am on that Sunday morning, I remember sitting on a plastic foldout table talking to three young girls and I was 26.
So they would have been no older than 20 and I'm sitting on a plastic fold out table talking to them and I remember falling through that table and hitting the concrete. So I feel like that moment was my rock bottom moment to be, to bounce me out of what I was [00:03:00] in to then take that next step. Because I'll never forget that next day.
I was pretty tired, pretty hungover, pretty flat from some other substances I did that night too. And I remember listening to a podcast, one of my first mentors did with a, through a mutual friend. And I listened to that podcast on self sabotage and I ticked every box from negative thoughts to having women come into my life and self destructing to alcohol, obviously, to, you know, poisoning myself through all those substances I was just talking about, and through good things that are happening in my life, I would sabotage some of those things subconsciously.
So when he was talking, he really hammered home some truths to me, and I ticked every box and labelled myself the king of self sabotage. So that set me off on a journey to then, he opened up his coaching program, his coaching school, called it is the Self Sabotage Psychological Reprogramming Institute, through Jason Kristoff, he's the mentor, he's a Canadian, and Did the program like I had to do it and he opened it up and I just had that [00:04:00] feeling.
I was like, I have to do this. I've got to sort myself out and then we'll sort the rest out. And sorting the rest out was fantastic because it not only did it help me go into my own patterning and my own programs, it then enabled me to then learn about this information of the mind to then go and help others.
The same way I help myself. And it's been an incredible transformation. I'm very grateful that I looked at myself in the mirror that night and set that intention to never drink again, because my life has only gotten better since that moment, even though I hit the table and hit the concrete. But from that moment onwards, my life has just gotten better and better.
You, I, it's interesting because I wonder. If you would have kept that commitment, had you not fallen through the table and hit the concrete. Not sure. Not sure where I'd be. We'll never know. Darling, we'll never know. We'll probably next time ask that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but that's fantastic, Nathan.
Wonderful story of yours. Who. I'm assuming that people like you, the situation you were in, who are your client, who are the [00:05:00] people attracted to your cooking? So, for me, I focus a lot on the youth of today, so teenagers, young adults, I'd go an age bracket from 12 to 40, really concentrating on that age group because I feel like, well, especially the 12s to 25, like, they're our future, right?
You know? And I often say, we leave this place better than when we found it, meaning earth. And I feel like a lot of us haven't left this place better than when we found it. And one of the values I have is ensuring that this place, when we leave is better than when we found it. And we look around the world right now and we can see that this place is no better than what it was 30 years ago.
It's getting worse. So we can turn this ship around and I'm here to help steer that ship in the right direction.
So, yeah, okay. So your clients the ones you're most focused on are teenagers and young adults. Yep. And how do they end up where [00:06:00] do they come to you with at first? They come to me with a handout asking for help. You know, sometimes it's just that I just need to talk and I'll provide them a space to be heard.
And to just see if we're the right fit. And if my story sort of resonates with them, which it usually does, and if we're the right fit, then the coaching will begin. And yeah, it's one on one. I've got group programs out as well. And yeah, if someone ever just needs someone to just be there I'm more than happy to be that person to just sit and listen, because in my life if I had someone to sit, listen to me 13, 14 years ago.
Who knows, I'd be in a bit of a different spot now, but yeah, I just like being that person for the young people that We'll just listen because when I was young, I didn't have a lot of people in my life that would listen. Yeah, so you're providing for the young people what you didn't have yourself. [00:07:00] Yeah.
What would you say is the core philosophy behind your coaching? Core philosophy would be to provide a space for my clients to shift their perception of themselves, the world. Especially themselves and their environment to implement change, which can then have a ripple effect in their lives in a positive way, where they can experience the most amazing transformation because It happened to me,
spiritually, emotionally, physically, mentally, and financially. So can you encapsulate that maybe into one sentence, your core philosophy? Core philosophy is to help change your perception of yourself and the world to create the life of your dreams. Fantastic. So, What would you say is the result?
What is, by following your coaching, what's the result that your clients end up with? I [00:08:00] show them how this part of the subconscious mind really works and how it's programmed from when we were kids to where they are now. And how you're living part of your life or sometimes all your life in autopilot. And I help show you.
You're not broken. You're just running on programs that you've picked up in your environment on a repetition basis when you're a child and we can help shift those and transform those and reprogram towards the life of your dreams. Now, we all had dreams as kids. I know I did. And it's about going back to that or going back to a dream that you had.
And steering it in the right direction so that you can achieve it.
So the end result is that they achieve their dreams because they have been able to find all that on the path or they're on the right path to achieving it. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Good. Could you share with us then a success story where your coaching made a real difference in it? And the client's life. Yeah. I've got two stories for you.
So one, a client I [00:09:00] had was 19 is now 20 good friend of mine. Now she lives far away from me, but we're from the same hometown and she had three sessions with me last year. And after the third session, she moved out of a family home. She moved States and started this whole new life. And I thought that's pretty impressive.
She just upped and left her old environment and created something pretty special up, up where I live now. And. Yeah, I sort of took some inspiration from that myself, be like, well, wow, maybe I can do that. So, three months later, I packed my bags and did the exact same thing. Are you ended up in the same spot?
Yeah, we are, yeah. So, we're about half an hour away from each other now. It's pretty pretty awesome. So, where, whereabouts are you located? So I was in Victoria, near Melbourne, for those that are in Australia. I've now moved two states north. I'm now in Queensland on the Sunshine Coast. Sunshine Coast, okay.
I'm I know, you probably noticed I have an American accent, but I actually lived in Australia for the last 19 [00:10:00] years. So what brought you to the Sunshine Coast? The energy, the people. My brother and I went on a trip last year. We just packed the car one day and just made it happen. We went on a trip up the Northeast coast of Australia and we found ourselves in a city coast and we thought, wow, we could probably set up camp here and make it happen.
So we went back to Victoria and put in a lot of work to get ourselves in a position to be able to go, right. We can make a move. So that happened in August of last year. So yeah, we just went on a trip two years ago and found our homes. We, you know, put it out there and made it happen. Good deal. All right.
Well, that's fantastic. So, with your clients what would you say are some common challenges that they face? So we can break this, we can break this up into age groups. So the 16 to 25s is usually the same. It's a lot of anxiety, a lot of fear, depression, a lot of substance, I don't want to say abuse, but a lot of substance use we'll [00:11:00] say, like alcohol and drugs and all these things.
And the common theme is always something in their childhood that happened to them that they're still holding. onto. Might be a relationship with a parent, might be a relationship in their lives, like a partner romantically. Might even just be something that happened to them that they're still sort of haven't dealt with properly and they're sort of using these things to sort of numb the reality and numb the pain of that.
So I help them understand the situation, give them the clarity, To then be like, well, this is why, well, this happened to you from the start. We can forgive and let the emotions out and go to then take that next step towards what's next, rather than holding onto what was, makes sense.
I feel like it did . Yeah. Yeah, definitely. And the common theme from probably 30 common theme from 30 to 45. [00:12:00] From clients I've had is simply just regret of not, of the way they lived their youth, right, might've been, Oh, I slept with too many women, which is something I did, which I don't regret anymore.
They were lessons for me to grow could be regret of working in a job that they didn't necessarily, that I don't necessarily like, and they're holding on the choices they made in their youth that is now impacting their lives from 30 plus. That seems to be a common occurrence. And some of that childhood stuff too, like, I feel like there's a lot of, don't want to sound mean here, but there's a lot of adults in, or there's a lot of children in adults bodies getting around the moment.
They're not necessarily emotionally mature and it's about making them more consciously aware of their emotions and how their lives being to implement that change, if that makes sense too. So I'm seeing a lot of that on a deep level. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. From my I don't have a [00:13:00] limited understanding of drug abuse.
But It seems to me that the drug abuse Isn't actually the problem that the drug abuse is an attempt for the solution So i'm thinking that with your clients you generally have to find what it is That what are they trying to self medicate and I was just going to ask if you're okay sharing it What did you find in yourself?
You are having to self medicate Well, that's a good question and we can go as deep as we can here, so for me It started with porn. So porn, incident porn came in when I was, so I'm 29. So incident porn came when I was like eight or nine. This is as deep as this is. This is the root of mine.
So, we'll, I'll just, yeah, this will be about a minute spiel. So porn for me was the first thing, so when I was a kid, porn was the first thing. It's like that naked woman on screen. It's like, oh wow. You know, this is pretty cool. Get those feelings, no sensations. I remember a buddy of mine down the road said, Oh, come in.
Well, [00:14:00] you know, I've got this awesome website or some beautiful women that are naked. I'm like, Oh, what's that? So it jumped on that look. And that was sort of my start to porn. I had, I watched porn for 20, 26, 21 or 22 years. So porn was my first thing. And then as you get older, you pick up the alcohol. You know, all my buddies were doing it.
So I was just doing it too. And I was just doing, cause they were doing it, then it became an escape mechanism from the stuff I had going on in my life at the time around the time I had some family stuff going on in my house that I was escaping from. I was also running away from myself and my fears and things that I hadn't necessarily dealt with.
So alcohol became an escape. Porn was there too. So then porn became sex. So then for me. It was porn, alcohol, and then sex, so I was addicted to porn, wasn't really addicted to alcohol, but I was addicted to sex too, where I would then run away with a woman to escape what I had going on, so it was sort of just [00:15:00] working in unison together was the porn, the alcohol, and the sex for about 10 years, and it wasn't until I actually slowed down, stopped, and realized that, hey, there's some really dark stuff going on in my life that I'm sort of running away from here, you know?
And, I wasn't consciously aware of it until I slowed down and, whoa. What's going on here? Why am I running away? Let's cut let's quit those things and start to unpack why I was doing it. So as I was unpacking it all and quit alcohol and quit porn and then went on a, I'm on a celibacy journey now.
So I've had physical contact with women for two years and I needed to go on that journey to understand how to actually treat a woman. Cause the way I was doing it was just not aligned with me anymore. So there was that. And then I used exercise as a form of. Really self sabotage too, because the way this part of the mind, the subconscious works is, you seek familiar and safety.
So for me, I was seeking familiar and safety in comforting porn and sex and [00:16:00] alcohol. Well, I quit those things. Then I was finding familiar safety and comfort in exercising, where I was running 140k a week, riding probably, the same amount. I was doing that much exercise. My body started to break down.
I was getting shin splints, pain in the hips, feet pains. Like my body wasn't ready to take on that amount of training, but I was still in that sense, I was literally running away from ever going to that dark place. And it wasn't until I actually sat with myself, got some guidance that I could actually go to that dark place and go, right.
That's my shadow. I acknowledge you. I appreciate you. I love you. You've shaped who I am today. Now let's write this comeback story. And you're always there with me, but I'm not gonna hold on to you and run away from you. I'm going to let you in and show me what it is you've been trying to tell me. And my shadow was, Hey, there's some traumas here from your childhood, some traumas here from dah.
Your house had a [00:17:00] lot going on in your environment. Deal with those, deal with the people, forgive, let go, move forward. And that was sort of being my journey with all of that was forgive, let go, move forward. Does that make sense? Yeah, that might actually answer. I'm wondering if that's going to answer another question that I like to ask, which is what is one piece of wisdom that you consistently find yourself giving to pretty much anyone who will listen?
Well, I've got, there's two mottos that I give and that I sort of. Uses my little, like, you could call it catchphrase, motto. Patience, resilience and discipline. They're the three core values that I've still learning. You know, you don't get perfect at these things. You're always working towards that.
So patience, resilience and discipline are the three core ones. And then forgive, let go and move forward. I thought, forgive the move like the move forward would be, yeah. Yeah, with the first one, what's, where does the I think I understand, let's [00:18:00] see, the three were what were the three again for the first one?
Patience, resilience, and discipline. So I understand the patience and the resilience. Where does the discipline come in? Well, for me, discipline would be, right, because porn was such a big thing for me to run away to, and I think it's a, it's gonna be resonating with a lot of young boys out there, because I think porn's a really big thing, and it's being disciplined with that energy of that, like, you get, we all have These needs, these desires and these wants that come up and the sexual energy is quite a powerful energy and it's about being disciplined with that energy and those temptations towards that thing.
I tend to use that sexual energy to build my life, to build myself to make content, to talk on a podcast like this, to go to the gym. I'm not just going to sit there and allow the temptation to just override me to a point where I'm putting porn on and I'm going to use that to then rid myself of my life force energy.
I'm going to hold on to that life [00:19:00] force energy and be disciplined to go, no, I'm going to use that energy not to watch a woman and two people on a screen. I'm going to go no, I'm going to go to the gym. I'm going to. I'm going to write a blog. I'm going to talk on a podcast with Jeremy. I'm going to do these things with that energy that's building my life.
It's not necessarily depleting myself of it, but it's, I'm using that energy to transform my life and myself rather than sitting at a screen and depleting myself of all that vital life force energy, which is what a lot of young people are doing at the moment. That makes sense. So being disciplined in my habits, being disciplined in the things that I do to build what I want to build.
Yeah, that's interesting. So when you channel that energy into something more productive, do you find that you get the same sort of payoff and chemicals in your brain that you were wanting? Yeah, it's more of a, I find it is more of A lot of people and boys out there are seeking that instant [00:20:00] gratification, that instant dopamine hit.
When you sort of channel that energy into something else, it's like a delayed gratification, it's a delayed dopamine hit. Like you're getting, you're putting in the work now to get the rewards later, rather than Oh no, I'll just put porn on and that's the easy way. Then, you know, I'll just get my dopamine hit and I'll just ejaculate.
And that's my dopamine hit. It's like, no. You're doing the work now and then get your rewards and everything else later. It's more of a delayed gratification rather than. Oh no, I'll have the alcohol. Oh no, I'll have the smoke. Oh no, I'll have the vape. Oh no I'll watch TV. Oh no, I'll watch porn.
Well, you're getting that instant dopamine hit right away. You're sort of turning it back on that and you're getting a delayed gratification. That's how I see it. Yeah, and so I guess one question would be, would you be counselling or coaching people to never use porn at all? I wouldn't say to never [00:21:00] use it.
I would say that I would give them the tools and the information, like I would say the women on there are being trafficked. It's two people on a screen. If you're looking for a ro a romantic partner, you're necessarily not going to find it watching porn. Go out there and talk to a real woman. Go out there and talk to a real man and put in that groundwork that we used to put in before these dating apps came here and going back to our old sort of ways of living where, you know, a conversation with someone face to face is better than swapping left and right on Tinder.
So I sort of say, look, you know, porn, you know, you've got two people on a screen, the women are probably trafficked. It's a really horrific industry. You're supporting something that's not really aligned with your values and who you are. So you could probably carve that aside, but it's about going deep in that subconscious mind program of why are you watching it?
You know, are you drawn to porn as a kid? Was it used like me as an escape from reality and escape from my [00:22:00] life? Like we go to the how and the why they're using it. To then be like, well, how can we flip that script so that you're not really going to use that again? So it's about Not quitting it straight away.
It's like a resistance, right? You know, you can carve it for a bit. Your resistance might be three days. It's like, oh, awesome. Three days. Give yourself a hug. Be like, right. I'll put it on today. I've got three days. Great. Well, next time it's longer and it's about making it longer and longer and that resistance will get to a point where you're like, You know what?
I don't need that anymore. You know, it's been three months and Hey, don't feel like I need it. Now I can build this now and go over here and do this. It's a never, it's a journey rather than just a quick straight away, you know, it's about progression, not perfection. Yeah. And then it's also, it sounds like it's not about.
The quitting, it's more about replacing it with something else that will, as you say, be giving you a delayed reward and but a bigger reward. [00:23:00] So, yeah, good. So, do you give out sort of homework to your clients? A lot of coaches do. It's a good one. Good question. I don't necessarily call it homework, but I'll give them tools like we can make a vision board that makes some goals together.
Or they can go away and make some goals and come back in the next session. Like, Oh, here's what I've sort of come up with. I sort of give them, it's not really homework. It's like evolution transformation work. So be like, well, you've got, you might be holding onto something to do with your mother or your father.
So it's like, well, I'll give you a meditation or an Hawaiian prayer, which is, I love you. Thank you. Oh no, I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. Which is the Hawaiian prayer. I'll give them something like that. And they can call that person in and forgive that person, let it go. Or it might be as something as simple as, Hey, you know what?
You're holding a lot of stuff on your mom there. It's holding you back from X, Y, Z. Maybe write her a letter. Don't give it to her, [00:24:00] but you can burn it. Write her a letter and put all your feelings and all your emotions out and then burn the letter at the end and be like, well, that's sort of like an evolution transformation type work.
So it's, yeah. It's different for each person. It could simply be a meditation or hypnosis recording that they can listen to for a couple of nights or for a week or two. And then we come back and see each other and go, well, how do you feel now after having two weeks of an awesome lady in your ear telling you how much she loves you and how much you love yourself and how transformed has that been for you?
So it's different for each person, but yeah, something as simple as writing a letter to a loved one that you're sort of holding on all this stuff with. Is something that I'll be like, Hey, maybe you should, before our next session, write that letter and see what comes up and then burn it. It reminds me of a meme that I saw or heard recently, which was my, oh, my coach told me to write letters to everyone that I'm angry with and then burn them.
But then what do I do with the letters?
Laughter Anyway Laughter
[00:25:00] Anyway, Just wanted to finish off with two final questions and they're basically Make sure that we're not missing anything. So if your answer is no to both questions, that's fine. But if you've got something that's great as well. So firstly, is there anything that we started talking about, Nathan, that you didn't get to say as much as you wanted to, because we went off in a different direction.
Well, we did go off in a couple of different directions, didn't we? Yeah, there is. If you're stuck, if you're struggling, if you're listening to this and I happen to resonate, that's awesome. You can find me on teenageselfsabotage. com. My Facebook's Nathan Francis, Instagram's Nathan Francis, and you can find me and all my contact information's there.
My podcast is called Breaking Free. You can find all your mainstream platforms. But if you are stuck and you are struggling and you are going through this journey now, Where I was, we could be in a different place, different dark place. Just know that a, you're not alone and B we're not born this way.
We're not [00:26:00] born to be, we're not broken. We're not born this way. There's just programs, belief systems. There's so much stuff there that's. Sort of holding you back, that's keeping you where you are, that we can easily transform, we can easily move forward, we can easily let this stuff go. And we can move forward into the version that you see yourself being rather than this current one.
And it's just remembering that A, you're not alone, and B, Not broken, you're working as designed, and you were definitely not born this way. Fantastic, and if you can't see anything but the self that you see now, then I'm sure Nathan can even help you to see that better self that you can become. Yeah, that's the next part of this too.
When you come And we sit and we have a chat and I'll give you my questionnaire to fill out and we have a chat. It's like, I see your potential, I see you as being something awesome and I see [00:27:00] that in you. You cannot see it yourself. But I see it and it's sort of a mission for me to help guide you there and you may not necessarily see the awesomeness that I see, but I'll help you see it yourself to then go, Oh, okay, let's transform.
Because I had some awesome mentors over the, when I was in that position, stuck, they saw things in me that I didn't see myself. And to be that person now, Forever grateful to be that person that can see everyone's potential. I love it, Nathan. Last question. Is there anything about you, your philosophy your life, anything that would be a glaring omission in in a case study of Nathan Francis and the work and life of Nathan Francis.
I had this conversation with a 16 year old about three hours ago. So it's interesting that comes up now. And I said to him, I said, bro. When I was in your position 10 years ago, I never had [00:28:00] someone to, that saw me, that saw my awesomeness and that was able to provide a space to just listen. And I said to him, I said, if I had that person in my life, 10 years ago even like, Yeah, 10, 12 years ago, I could be further along and I said, I don't hold onto that regret, but you're in a position right now at 16 to have someone here that can see all of your awesomeness.
They can see the greatness in you to help guide you there. I said, mate, let's go.
Sit down, Nathan. That's what you said. Is that what you said? Oh yeah. I did say that. Yeah. And it's just a matter of, you know, To be that person for anyone. It's a very wonderful thing. Sure is. So Nathan has shared where you can find him and you can always find me and all of my links at Jeremy west. net.
And I just want to thank Nathan Francis one more time for coming on [00:29:00] and we'll talk to you again soon. Sounds good. Thanks for having me, Jeremy. Thank you. Bye.