jeremywest&kelseylima
Jeremy: [00:00:00] Welcome to Jeremy Chats with Coaches. Today
I have with me, Kelsey Lima. Is that correct? Kelsey Lima. Yeah, that's perfect. Fantastic. Before we really jump in, can you just share with me and my listeners a little bit about who Kelsey Lima is and how you came to the world of coaching? Yes. Thank you so much. I'm super excited to be here with you. It's so funny because I feel like it's so cliche, but it was a journey to get here.
I actually started out as a respiratory therapist and I was working in the hospital in the intensive care, emergency, things like that. And after I had my son, I had this real natural birth, and I was totally shamed in the hospital for it. And I decided I wanted to do something else. And I ended up pursuing coaching.
And that was something that my mom had that was her biggest dream was to be a life coach. And this was way before popular, right? Yeah. So I've always been good at this. Type of stuff in the mindset and understanding and psychology. And I [00:01:00] became a master practitioner of neuro linguistic programming and I started my business and it's been six years.
Fantastic. Yeah. There's a reason things become cliches because they are true. Yeah, totally. Yeah. I'm like, Oh, it's so funny. Cause all of us coaches, it's so similar. It's we all have a story, right? An origin story. What brought us here? And that's exactly why I asked that question Yeah, I love it.
Yes All right. So kelsey. Yeah, that's great that your mom wanted her mom. Are you american or canadian? I'm canadian Yeah, right. i'm an american, but i've lived in australia for 19 years. So i'm always correct myself Like if i'm talking to my mother I call her mom, but otherwise I say mom me Anyway, it's fantastic that your mom was wanting to be a life coach because that way you actually got to know about it much earlier than most people.
Most people don't even know the whole thing exists, or at least, as you say, it's getting more popular these days, [00:02:00] but that's good. You've always been doing it and and you knew it existed as a career. Yeah, well, it's how she raised me too, which is why I think I, I'm like, she literally, as a small child, she raised me to make continuous improvement every single day.
Like Kaizen, that was, yeah, like around the house, there was like Kaizen posters and it was like continuous improvement every day. And that was the thing, choose a better word, find a better word, how can we make this positive? It was just like, Like almost exhausting, but also now I'm so grateful for it.
That's good. So who are your clients? Who's drawn to you to be their coach? Yeah, so in these six years, I have worked with an array of different people and I've, I feel like I worked with a lot of men for a very long time, but now I very much really just focus on women. And the women that come and work with me are generally the age doesn't really matter.
There's so many facets, right? They can be in their early twenties and school all the way up until like their fifties, but they're women [00:03:00] who They want more, but they want wealth, they want the dream life, they want the relationship but they don't really fit anywhere. They're here to pave their own way, type thing.
Yeah. So, yeah, describe that a little bit more. Why don't they fit? Yeah. So it's really cool because a lot of the clients that I've had that have been really interesting. So women come to me initially, they want to find the relationship. They want to find a man. But then they also want to find themselves and become themselves and build a business.
So I ended up really it's like a very holistic approach when I work with women, it's all aspects of themselves, but. There'll be these really interesting women, like in the sense, one of them is a psychic, but she also works in corporate. And then another one is it's so like what?
And then she does like these natural birth and working in a hospital. Yeah. Like it just doesn't work. It doesn't match. But I also had one there and all my clients are like this they're all like, one of them is a fitness instructor, but [00:04:00] she also does like heart healing with her clients So it's like they're there for the dream body, but then she's doing super deep healing of their emotions and their heart.
It's just very cool, yeah. Yeah, they usually come because they want me to help them break free from these limits that they have themselves in. That's so good. That reminds me of my favorite quote that I've mentioned a few times on here, which is why Are you trying so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out?
Yeah, it shows 100%. So it's like a permission slip. And the way that I live my life and if people follow me online, I really do give that permission slip to just break the rules, be yourself. Yeah, that's one that is pretty much the first thing I had to work on with my coach because we're trained for 18 years that you have to ask for permission to have an extra helping to have dessert to even to go to the bathroom at school, have to have permission for everything.
So [00:05:00] then as an adult we have trouble figuring out that. We can give ourselves that approval. Nobody else has to give us that approval to do anything. Yeah, which is not an easy task, right? It's, Not after 18 years of training and the opposite. Yeah, no, it's not. And it's, that's what there's so many layers and so many facets of why we don't give ourselves that approval or why we, because there's fears and, fears of going against the grain, fears of going against the mother, the father.
Society, there's so much there. It's easier said than done. Yeah. And so much of that, even when you hear it in your own voice, it's actually your parents or your grandparents or society at large or whatever, that's telling you, no, you have to fit in. You have to be like everybody else. Yeah. Yeah. That's amazing.
I love that. That's your class. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, they're pretty cool. I love them. They're great. So if you had to boil your, if you had to boil your philosophy of coaching [00:06:00] or your, the core philosophy behind your coaching specifically, you had to boil it down to just one sentence. What would you say is the core philosophy behind your coaching?
So it's a really good question. So the, I would say that like the, and I don't know that there's a sentence, but the core thing. That's okay. If it's a paragraph, go ahead. I'm like the biggest thing that I heal and that I will like literally scream off the rooftops for my entire life is that the only thing that people need to heal.
In order to, give themselves permission to be themselves, have the relationship that they want, have the life that they want, they have to heal fragmentation. So, everything that I do comes down to healing parts. And it's like ego, like the part, every single person has the part of me that wants to eat the cake, part of me that wants to lose weight, part of me that wants to be in a relationship, part of me that doesn't want to go through a divorce like my parents part, we're all just so fragmented.
And so my coaching [00:07:00] is, and my method that I use is called the mirror method that I developed. And what I do is I use the external world, like your life, as a mirror to show me what you believe about yourself. So, you can come to me and you can tell me let's say, Jeremy, let's say you're like, you're my client.
Let's say, and you say, okay, Kelsey, I have 10 clients. Okay, I'm like, just numbers here. You're like, I have 10 clients. You're like my client. My girlfriend isn't very, or my wife, whatever, is always like nagging and nitpicking me or something. And you're like, my finances aren't where I want them, okay?
You give me these examples. I'll start looking at things. I'll be like, okay, what is your business currently making you feel to be true about yourself? So let's say your business isn't that isn't doing as well as you'd like or let's say you're like, okay I'm like multiple six seven figures, but I want to be doing eight or whatever.
Okay, you can still be doing great, but you want more It'll be [00:08:00] like, the beliefs about yourself might be oh I have to work really hard or nothing ever works out for me or maybe feeling like a failure or whatever it is. So then that tells me that there's parts of you and these are unconscious parts that believe these things about yourself.
So, and this with my female clients, it's okay part of them doesn't feel worthy or part of them doesn't feel whatever it is. So if the man is showing up in a certain way, I tell them your man can't give you anything that you haven't yet given yourself. So what is this relationship making you feel about yourself?
I'm not loved, I'm not wanted, I'm not this, I'm not that. Okay, then I ask them, is there a part of you that doesn't feel wanted? Yeah, okay, then we go heal that. And then the relationship shifts, like almost instantly. It's crazy, honestly. It's so beautiful. Yep. So if I were to put it into a sentence, I would say, that your philosophy is everyone needs to be put back together again.
Yeah, [00:09:00] I love that. A hundred percent. Made me think of Humpty Dumpty. You're better than the king's horses and the king's men because you can help people put themselves back together again. Exactly. Yeah. And that's really what it is. And then they can come from a place of wholeness and create a life from there,
which is fantastic. Can you using using an alias, a fake name could you share a success story where one of your clients that the coaching that you did with the client. Made a difference in their life, their career, their relationship, whatever it was they were wanting to change. Yeah, so I mean there's there's been so many but there's been a few recent ones that I'm really excited about so One client came to me on her way to become a doctor, but Knowing that she had these parts of herself that didn't feel like she could ever do it, right, really not the best parents that support them, things like that.
And so there was this belief system of not feeling good enough, not being capable, things like that. And over our work together, we discovered [00:10:00] that the entire purpose of trying to become a doctor was to try to prove that they were enough. But. Interestingly enough, we're trying to prove that we're enough, but then we don't feel like we're enough.
So they were having a lot of sabotaging tendencies, right? So we ended up healing the root cause of the wounds of Not Enough, which was like, around the father. And then we cleared through all of their sabotage, because they had they had some pretty sabotaging moments where they were going to they just didn't go to, they didn't go to their They didn't go to work, they didn't go to the exam, they didn't go to all the things.
And they just messaged me today to tell me, I'm like gonna cry, that they're done, they became a doctor. And I'm like, holy, that is so beautiful. So that is one of them. Now what? Was it? I know. Was that was a woman? Yeah. Yeah. So now that she's a doctor and she's proven she's enough to be a doctor, now what?
Yeah, so now what's really cool, and this is one of the things that I teach too, yeah, because then once you let go of the [00:11:00] desire to prove that you're enough, then you literally just get to be enough. And this is when you get to live, right? So
that's fantastic. It sounded like you were gonna, Oh, sorry, I was getting, I think I interrupted you were sorry. Sorry. Okay. Yeah, so it's like, when we clear that belief of not being enough, then now you get to actually just live. Right. And you just get to be alive. So now she's so excited because now she's going to start building a brand and Right?
Just like being alive and traveling and reconnecting with the love of her life and like now there's time and energy and space for life and for newness and for joy, which is so cool. Because generally when we're operating within those wounded parts of ourselves, it's Groundhog Day, it's sabotage, it's pain, it's trauma, it's drama, right?
So yeah, that's one, one client. I've recently just had another client message me saying that I saved her marriage. She's so happy. Yeah. [00:12:00] That one was, they were ready to sell all, split their assets and now are like back in love, good to go. And that one also was the marriage was proving different parts about herself, not being loved, not being wanted, you name it.
And when we cleared that there was a fresh energy in the relationship and the man was able to. show up differently because we really do, especially as women, we really do birth our realities and our relationships through our perceptions. Men as well, but you know, women, I like that word, like they birth their relationship, they birth their reality.
So when we shift that, everything changes. So that was a really beautiful one as well recently. Yeah. How long were you working with her? So that one, four months. Wow. It's incredible. Yeah. It's like such a massive transformation because I remember the first day when they came to me, it was like, truly, I'm coming to you because I'm ready to split my assets.
Help me. [00:13:00] And I said, you don't need to do that. We're going to save your marriage. And we did. Wow. Yeah. Which was so cool. I just, I knew it. I know the work that I do works.
That's incredible Kelsey. Thank you. Yeah, it was really cool. And yeah, like I think that's what clients need to is that confidence, right, knowing that you can do it.
So, can you tell me, then, amongst your clients, have you noticed a pattern, are there some common challenges that, that your clients have? So, the biggest one, which was like this really cool moment back, probably in October, November, I had this really deep realization about emotional unavailability within women.
And I ended up signing on like 20 clients from my group program because they were all showing up with the exact same issue, which was they were all realizing, Oh my gosh, I'm emotionally unavailable. And all of these women were saying that they wanted relationships. They were all saying that they were open to commitment, open to [00:14:00] love, and they were all showing up emotionally unavailable, terrified of love, terrified to be seen, terrified to be vulnerable, terrified of being hurt.
And This is probably the biggest thing that I see in women, and it doesn't present the same as men, at all, which is I think why women don't know that they're actually the ones that are emotionally unavailable, not the man, which is really interesting. So are you saying that often when they are almost always when probably either person, but in this case, the woman says that the Man, they keep meaning men that are emotionally unavailable or the man that they're with is emotionally unavailable.
It's actually a mirror and that they themselves are the ones who are emotionally unavailable. Yeah, hundred percent. I would say almost always because what often happens with these clients and I've seen is that the man, they'll come and tell me that the guy got in a relationship with the next girl and this happens all the time.
Which is when they [00:15:00] start to realize, oh my gosh, maybe it's me. And it's because a man is he cannot give you what you haven't yet given yourself, what, like I said, and he, in order for him to fall in love, he needs to connect with his heart. You have to be able to bring him into his heart. But if you are closed, if you're afraid of being hurt, afraid of being loved, afraid of being abandoned, you name it, then you are a woman who's operating within her masculine.
You're operating within the mind. So you are not bringing him into his heart. You're closed off emotionally. You're not actually letting him see the true you. You're not actually vulnerable. You're not sharing your heart with him. And because of that, he's not connecting with your heart, and he shows up uninterested.
And the same thing shows up all the time with women. It's Oh, I'm just not looking for that right now. Oh, this isn't I'm what is it? I'm just not ready for that. That one shows up a lot. I'm just not ready. The men will say that all the time, and the women will show up so confused, they'll tell me he seemed really keen in the beginning, he was so excited before we went on our date, and then he never tex talked to me again, after a date.[00:16:00] 
And it's well, because your heart has a 10 foot electromagnetic frequency, and when he got on the date with you, You were sending off all of these signals unconsciously and within your heart that you are closed for a relationship So now he's basically just seeing you as somebody that he doesn't want to date or somebody that he just wants something casual with Because he's not gonna fall in love with without the heart, right?
Yeah, I mean it's I guess this is a cliche, but every time you're noticing or being annoyed by other people for something that they do or a way that they are, you have to have a good look at yourself to see if they're actually reflecting your own issues. Yeah, totally. And this is this is why a lot of the content that I make to the women who eventually come to work with me, the content that I make on socials is like, Okay, how many emotionally unavailable men are you going to meet until you realize you're the one who's emotionally unavailable, right?
Because there's a story right now that every man is emotionally [00:17:00] unavailable. Nobody wants anything serious, but we see men falling in love every single day. So what's happening here, right? And was I interpreting what you said earlier? Correct. A lot of them come to you saying he was emotionally unavailable.
He said he wasn't ready for a relationship. And then A few weeks later, he's in a relationship with somebody else. Yeah, exactly. This happens all the time. Cause women, they'll go look at his Facebook or they'll go look at his Instagram, right? And then you'll see he's getting married. He's in a relationship.
What happened? Right. Told me he wasn't ready for that a few weeks ago. And here he is. Yeah. Yeah. Which is heartbreaking, but also has nothing to do with the woman, right? It has it has nothing to do with her as a person. It just has to do with I truly do believe that if it didn't, If the guy you were dating ends up dating somebody else after you, or the guy you were seeing, he's just not the one.
So I always tell women don't like, get all down on yourself and hard on yourself he just isn't it, but what can we [00:18:00] do to empower ourselves to move through the world differently?
Yeah, and so what's how do you help that if that's the most common challenge, that or at least a very common challenge that you're seeing right now is women actually being emotionally unavailable and therefore Mirroring that to the people that they're trying to date How do you help them overcome that obstacle?
Yeah, so, my process that I take women through is six months. Like now, right now I have a group program that's six months and now all of my one on ones moving forward are going to be through this six months process. I've just been like refining and mastering The, this is like what we do, right? We're constantly refining and mastering the more clients we have.
We can really understand the process. So in order to heal the emotional unavailability, we have to understand that it starts with themselves, right? So most women who are emotionally unavailable they're unavailable to themselves. There's a part of themselves that they're actually repressing and not in touch with.
Right. And that [00:19:00] part often looks like the part of them that was neglected as a child, or abandoned, or wasn't loved, or wasn't accepted by the mother, or rejected, whatever it is. We have to start healing that relationship, which means that we often The journey that I take women through is a bringing them bringing awareness around their patterns bringing awareness around their wounded Feminine energy their wounded maiden.
I call it. It's like a princess energy. Okay, and then from there They go through this little Awakening. And then we start to do the deep work, which is the mother wounds, the father wounds, the, we heal the inner child, the inner teenager. And we start to heal these parts, these fragments and slowly take down these walls.
Because women who are emotionally unavailable, like I said, it's to themselves. So they're actually completely disconnected from the part of themselves that's unfulfilled in their career. Unfulfilled in how they dress, unhappy in so many different ways, they're just completely shut off from her, right?
[00:20:00] Because to face that part would be to face the pain and all these things. So there is a journey where they really do have to transform, or they don't have to, but they generally transform every single area of their life as they start to heal that emotional unavailability and really soften and go into their feminine energy, which is what ends up happening at the end.
And by the end, they're open hearted. They are soft externally, they have strong boundaries internally so they can protect themselves, and they are available for love, but not just from a man, but from their clients, from the wealth, from life itself. So that's really the journey. Fantastic. In that journey, or even beyond, it's, so whether you want to talk about this issue specifically or go beyond it, that's To all of your coaching or even just life in general, what's one piece of wisdom that you consistently find yourself giving to clients, especially, but anybody?
Yeah, it's really [00:21:00] to surrender. And that's such an interesting topic. And I'm running a program right now about it. But because it's like, there's so much depth to it, but it's let go. Because. If in your life, you're experiencing the same patterns over and over, so whether it's the same men over and over, or the same patterns in business, whatever it is, these patterns are happening because of choices you are making, right?
And the choices we're making are generally coming from the mind. We're like thinking our way, right? We're thinking about what we want to say, we're thinking about the strategy, we're thinking about what we want to do. That is the opposite of life. Life is just this the, and, we can say a lot of people like the feminine masculine but it's just that part of you internally that's alive and connected to all that is.
So when you can surrender to that, Beautiful things happen because now you're getting out of the mind, you're getting out of the patterns, you're getting out of the ego, you're getting out of who you've always been, and you're surrendering to who you are in this [00:22:00] now moment, which is constantly changing, constantly evolving, right?
And then what happens is life starts to flourish. So if a woman has been in the same pattern with men, And she surrenders. She lets go of the usual response. She lets go of the usual things she does. And she just responds to what she's feeling in that moment. Things start to change, and they evolve, and they grow, and we break out of the patterns, we break out of the stagnancy.
I love it, and you've got your bit of wisdom. You have an elevator pitch, but you also have that down to one word, surrender. Yeah, surrender. Yeah, which it's a new program i'm running and i'm very excited. I haven't started the program called surrender. Yeah. Yeah I love it. Thank you. Yeah, i'm excited.
Have you read the tao of poo by any chance? No, I haven't or okay. So for this For you and for [00:23:00] listeners. If any of that resonates with you, what Kelsey just said yeah you can find the audio book free on YouTube. If you want to listen to it the Tao of Poo Tao is T A O and I didn't know anything about Taoism.
I thought it was a little bit of a secular Buddhist. But then my favorite movie is everything everywhere all at once. And I was looking up this stuff behind that. And I thought it was. Buddhist, but it turns out it's more Daoist. And I guess Zen Buddhism is where Daoism meets Buddhism. So that's Zen Buddhism is where I've learned a lot of this stuff that I, that made me think I was a secular Buddhist, but actually I'm Daoist.
And basically Daoism boils down to Go with the flow. Stop trying to fight against it and be, and I think with those of us who are different go with that actual flow of who you are, not trying to fight against it and be what everybody else thinks you should be. Yeah. Yeah. I love that. And I have read a little bit of some stuff from the DAO, but [00:24:00] not a lot, but I feel like it is something that I'm feeling called to do.
It's, when I, the Tao of Pooh is fantastic because it just uses the characters of Winnie the Pooh to explain Taoism. And I think it's actually, even though it's the Winnie the Pooh characters, it felt like it was actually more written for adults. But I'm sure kids could probably understand it as well.
It's pretty simple. But Yeah, when I listen to it, I just found that's just how I've been living my life, my whole life. So it just resonates with me. There's not a whole lot you need to well, you're not doing anything other than surrendering. Yeah, I love that. It's a simple philosophy, and I there's a book called Letting Go, and he talks about it's well, I know I'm supposed to let go, but how do I do it?
And it's just imagine you're holding a ball. Now stop holding the ball. That's it. Let go. It's simple, just not easy. Yeah. Yeah. Which is most truth, right? Simple, but not easy. Yeah, so now we're coming to the [00:25:00] end of our time here. I'll just ask 2 last questions to make sure that we've covered everything.
That we want to, so either both of these questions can the answer can just be no, that's perfectly fine. Or if you have something that's fine as well. So, is there anything that we started talking about that? You didn't get to say as much as you wanted to, because we're headed off in a different direction.
No, I think we did pretty good. And then, a little bit broader than that, is there, because I'm just getting to know you myself, Kelsey and you've known yourself a lot longer than that, is there anything about you, your philosophy, and your work that I didn't even know to bring up that would be a glaring omission in the life and work of Kelsey Lima?
Yes, that's such a beautiful question. And it's like such an interesting one. I stole it, by the way, from a podcast called Broccoli and Ice Cream by one of my favorite comedians, Mike Kaplan. Check it out. But I still, he always asks those last two questions at the end of his interviews, and they're perfect questions.
So I've stolen them. Yeah, I [00:26:00] love that. I think like one of the things that I'm just, I do want to share, and I am like really integrating right now, is that do I even really? Yeah, I think that it's really just understanding that And I think it's part of the surrender, right, and it's part of the trust, is like every situation and everything in life is always right.
And I think that this is so helpful for women, for men, it's like everything that you are being given is right, is good. Whether it's for your healing or whether it's for your growth or whatever it is, because if I look back on my life, if I look back on, like all the experiences I've had, I've lost my mom, I've lost my dad, I've been divorced, I've been all of these things, when I truly look back at everything, It all connects and makes sense.
Did you ever think of being a country music singer? I should, yeah. I would've , so much to think about. Totally. Yeah. No, I prefer to just post memes on Instagram, . It's easier. I don't know how you guys would like my country singing too. Yeah, and it's if I could have just understood this later, like earlier, [00:27:00] truly to just trust that everything was exactly as it was meant to be, I think that my life would have been so much easier because we really do, like any women that might listen to this, you're fighting in relationships you're fighting when he wants to leave, you're, you're fighting your circumstances and it's like there's an easier path, there really is an easier path when we just Let go.
So I think that's like just really the last thing that I just want to motivate people with. It's not that hard. There's a path. I like the word God, but God, universe, whatever you want to call it, really is trying to guide you to the place that you know you want to go. But could you actually just let yourself be guided there versus trying to control the entire thing?
That's it. Amen. Amen. Amen to that. And I'll say the universe. So thank you very much for that. Now, there's two main audience members that I like for this podcast. There's people who just either already have a coach and not ready for a coach, whatever, [00:28:00] and just want to listen for free. Hear all these different coaches with all these different approaches and all these different things that they work on.
They can glean whatever they can from each episode. Sometimes though, there's going to be people listening. Like today, there are people listening who go, Oh my God, I need Kelsey Lima in my life to help me learn to surrender and to be what I'm meant to be. So those people that are wanting to seek you out, how do they find you Kelsey?
So I would say the easiest way is through Instagram or Facebook and it's on Facebook It's Kelsey Lima or Instagram. It's Kelsey Lima official. And i'll just get you to spell those just even though they're they seem like perfectly normal spellings to me, but you never know Yeah, so it's k e l s e y L I M A.
So you can just send me a message. If you go on Facebook, you can literally just book a call with me and go from there. But I'm always bringing women into union. It is like our bread and [00:29:00] butter, our signature offer, and I love it so, so much, and the girls in it are constantly just evolving and growing, so that would be the coolest thing.
And yeah, just message me. And we'll go and that's it Kelsey and you can find me and all my links at jeremywest. net including a link to All of the episodes of this show and thank you very much. Kelsey. We'll talk to you again soon Awesome. Thank you so much. Jeremy. This was so great. Thank you. Bye. Bye