jeremywest&sarahibrahim
 [00:00:00] Welcome to Jeremy Chats with Coaches. Today I have Sarah Ibrahim with me. Welcome, Sarah. I'm so excited to be here. Thank you for having me. Fantastic. Well, Sarah, before we really get going, could I have you just tell me And my listeners, a little bit about who Sarah Ibrahim is a little bit of your story and how you came to the world of coaching.
That is a very big question for 7am I am a single mom here in the UK. I have a five year old little boy and essentially having him was the turning point in my life for so many things. So prior to that, I had been an absolute party animal, long story short. and had spent many years kind of running from myself, which I didn't know at the time, you know, I just really viewed it as I was having a great time and I was choosing this life and, you know, I had no responsibilities and so why wouldn't I party my life away, right?
And so I [00:01:00] developed this affinity with first with ecstasy, then with cocaine in later years and cocaine really became my nemesis. And, you know, that's what essentially led me to the path of coaching. Now, I fell pregnant when I was three. Sorry, how old did you say your, how old did you say your child is?
He's five now. Five, okay, fantastic. Yeah. So I had fallen pregnant from a one night stand after a coke fueled night out. And It was a catastrophe, Jeremy. I was just like, what the actual no, this cannot be happening. You know, I was a holiday rep. I was working abroad in Spain. I had this lifestyle that I thought that I loved.
And then, boom, a child. And I was like, oh my days. When you say holiday rep, does that mean you're selling timeshare? No, I was working for a holiday company, so I would be the one at the airport greeting the guests and bringing them back to the hotel and, you know, managing complaints, doing all the silly dances over the pool at lunchtime and all of that stuff, the kids club, [00:02:00] etc.
And so How did all that stuff choose to sell timeshare? I just thought maybe we had that in common. All right, yeah, go ahead, Sarah, you were working in that field and you were partying and having fun and got pregnant and what happened next? I came home between seasons and that's when I felt pregnant and I was due to go back out to Spain in April and I just thought, you know what, this child has actually been sent to save your life.
Like at that point I was partying for three days without a break, you know, literally no food, no hygiene, no sleep, no nothing, just coke, cigarettes and alcohol and that was it. And so, I realized that this child had been sent to create a pattern interrupt essentially and decided to go ahead with the pregnancy and in my quest to be a decent mum, I obviously I gave up everything during my pregnancy.
And it didn't bother me, Jeremy, you know, previously I had toyed with the idea of maybe stopping this or stopping that. never really had the [00:03:00] impetus and, but through my pregnancy, it was no problem at all. But when the child was born three months later, I relapsed, right? And it took me another two years to get my head back on straight.
Now, in that time, I discovered coaching and I had basically started a network marketing business and realized that actually the coaching element I was really good at. So you know, managing my team and keeping them motivated and all of this stuff. And that just set me on a different trajectory.
So I started, you know, training as a life coach and all of this stuff. And I actually found I was really good at it and realized that I had been coaching people all my life without realizing that's what I was doing. And. Eventually, after two years, when I finally turned my life around and gave up the drugs, I discovered the Recovery Coach Academy and trained with them and am now a qualified recovery coach.
Fantastic. So that's, I'm guessing that people that are your clients now or your ideal clients are [00:04:00] people just like you, but from 5, 10, 15 years ago. Is that right? Well, so I've done a lot of spinning my wheels with my recovery coaching in all honesty, Jeremy, you know, trying to find my place. Okay, who is it that I'm really here to help?
Is it the ones that are stuck and can't get off that hamster wheel? The ones that were like, I was just a couple of years ago. I'm only three years clean now. Or am I looking to help the ones that are actually in early recovery who are like, What the hell do I do now? Because that was a place that I really found myself.
You know, there's all of this support to help you to quit. There's all of these fellowships and all the things. But once you've actually quit, what I found was there is the biggest gap there where nobody is going, Hey, Sarah, you might suddenly start to have feelings. They're like, Oh, This is what they are, and this is how to navigate them.
And this is how to be okay with them. There was nobody there going okay, here's how to figure out what to do with your life. Here's how to rebuild the carnage. Here's how to, you know, repair your relationships. There was nobody there telling me all that. And so the coach that I am now is the person that I needed at that point in my [00:05:00] life.
Yeah. Fantastic. Well, that's, this keeps coming up in every Many episodes of this podcast that psychology and psychologists are fantastic for getting you out of mental illness to a neutral state. What then happens is they say, okay, that's it. You're healthy now. I'm done with you. And then you're like, are you still have no direction?
You don't know where you're going. That's where coaches come in. But this is a new word thing for regular, everyday, ordinary people to know about the whole coaching thing. It used to be just for working famous people. No, I love it. I feel like everyone should have a coach, you know, because there's so many different things.
types of coaches and the value that they provide, I think is widely misunderstood. You know, we're not here to give people answers, right? We're here to help you find your own answers. And that's something that I am really good at. And something that my clients just love, you know, is from asking the right questions that they're like, Oh, holy fuck, this is what I should do.
Or this is something that I never thought [00:06:00] of before. Have I never realized that like when that light goes on in their eyes, I just love it. Me too. And I love that the way that we get them there. is simply questions. And so the answer has been in them all this time, but then they needed somebody to draw it out of them.
Exactly that. And so to be that person is such a privilege, you know, and so my ethos for my coaching is that there's no one way to recover. Like your recovery is your business. If that looks like you're moderating your coke use, great, that's up to you. If that looks like you're abstinent, Great.
You know, I'll support you in that. Like it's really not my concern about your using, which may sound counterintuitive for a recovery coach, but there's just so many different models of recovery. And I think there are some associations out there that will tell you've got to do this and you've got to do that.
And, you know, you've got to exhibit certain behaviors. I just don't subscribe to that. You know, this is all about building a life that you don't want to escape from. And there's no way that you can do that if you're stuck within these confines of you must attend 90 [00:07:00] meetings in 90 days, for example, whatever, you know?
And I feel like a big part of this for me is about healing as well. So. As much as I'm looking forward versus looking back, I am all about understanding, okay, where did this actually come from? And, you know, how can we stop ourselves from falling into that particular hole again, going forwards? What do we need in place?
What do we need to realize? What are the thoughts that we need to start to adopt as our own? If we're going to stay on this path of enlightenment, because it's a new life, right? You've never done this before, maybe. And so the fear is well, what if one day no doesn't mean no anymore? Or what if I go to a wedding and everyone's then how do I say no?
How do I make sure that I stay on track? You know, all these kinds of things. I'm really figuring out what to do next with your life because you've got all of this energy and all of this joy, all of this impetus to do something. And it's well, I don't even know what I like. You know, I was 39 when I went into recovery, Jeremy.
Yeah. And someone said to me, so, you know, what are your hobbies and interests? And I was [00:08:00] like, Hobbies, what the fuck you on about? Like I go to the pub and I get smashed. That, that is my hobby. Like I, I don't know. I didn't know if I liked cooking or if I liked, you know, art. I didn't know anything about myself.
I had not been with a straight head on for a single day of my adult life, essentially. And so it was really a case of who the hell is Sarah? And that is again, what I help people with Now. Yeah, well, that seems to be I was just talking to a friend today about this podcast, and he asked if there was any common themes that were coming up.
And I said, all different kinds of coaches, all different things that they focus on all different methods and ways, but what seems to weave all of them together is that they're all helping people find their true identity and who they truly are and are meant to be not. Yeah. What society has told them, or their parents have told them, or or they've told themselves because of what they've heard from society and parents and everything.
So, yeah, that, and I can see, [00:09:00] let me ask you I don't have nearly the knowledge that you have on you know, drug abuse disorders, but my thinking would be that the drug abuse is a problem. isn't the problem. The drug abuse is the self medication. The real problem is something much deeper. And when you're talking about whether to abstain completely or to cut back or whatever, that's really just looking at the surface issue, isn't it?
What's really important is why do you need to self medicate? What is the, what's the real deep trauma that's there in the first place? I love that you have that perspective, Jeremy, because so many people don't, you know, it is drugs are not the problem. They are the symptom, exactly as you said, and, you know, our doctors and a lot of the recovery models out there will simply treat the symptoms like, okay, get them to stop taking drugs and problem solved.
Well, no, it's not because once they leave rehab and they're not wrapped up in it, you know, they're going to go straight back to their old behaviors. So it's really about, you know, it. unlearning all of the things or all of the [00:10:00] ways that we have been and replacing that with something that's much more conducive to leading a life that is in the light, as I call it.
And so, yeah, you're absolutely right. It's about getting at the root cause and understanding. Okay. Wow. You know, all this time I thought I was choosing it, but actually it was just an adaption because I wasn't coping with something. Yeah. Have you seen the study with the rats and I think it was heroin. Yes.
Yes, where they if they were alone in a cage with no one to socialize with and nothing to do, then they always chose heroin over was it food or water? And then, but then if they were put together with the community and with activities, then they always chose heroin. The water or food and not the heroin.
Exactly, and that's why community is so important in recovery, especially because, you know, addiction has us isolated. So it may start off as something that's very social and something that facilitates connection. It certainly did for me. You know, cocaine had been in my life for [00:11:00] about, I don't know, probably about seven years before it really got a hold of me and it controlled me rather than I controlled it.
And so, you know, I would be very sociable and really chatty and all the things. more and more that my using increased. The more I was isolating myself indoors so that people didn't know how much I was using and, you know, I was really ashamed of it and all of that. And then of course we had a global pandemic.
So my using just shot through the roof. And you know, it became something that, addiction has a voice, Jeremy, is what I always say, right? Addiction has a voice and it will tell you things like, this is a good idea. It will tell you things like, no one will know. Don't worry, you're not going to stay up till four in the morning this time because you've learned your lesson, you know, and it will tell you a pack of lies.
And so what I found is that, you know, addiction, thrives in isolation. Yeah. It absolutely thrives in isolation because that voice can just have its heyday. Yeah. And so when we're alone and we're not plugged into people, we're not plugged into the outside world. We're not connecting with others. We just [00:12:00] run.
By this voice and all it wants is to be fed. It doesn't care if you lose your home. It doesn't care if you get your child taken off you, it doesn't give a damn. The beast just wants to be fed, right? And so, you know, once we get to the other side of the fence and we go into recovery, community becomes so important because it's the opposite of addiction.
Connection is the opposite of addiction. In my eyes, and to be able to be around people that really get it. People that have lived that life as well. You know, it's and I often say this as well. It's like trying to explain a sunset to a blind person. Yeah. Like you could get it right down to the most finest nuance, but they're never going to fully appreciate or know what it's like because they can't see it like you can.
Right. They can't marvel at how it makes them feel the way that you can. And so. Addiction is the same in the sense of, you know, you might be able to cognitively understand, yeah, okay, that sounds like a bit of a rough ride. But until you, unless you've actually been there, there's no way to make it make sense that, you know, you've vanished for [00:13:00] three days on end and you turn your phone off and you don't call your husband.
Like, how can you explain that to somebody? It doesn't make sense apart from to someone else that's done it. Yeah. Yeah. And then I guess that's what, when we talk about community being the opposite of, or what was it? Connection is the opposite of addiction. Yes. Yeah. That's what I think is missing.
When you go in recovery, that's exactly what you have is a community of people. And then again, when you're, if you're at a facility and then you go back home. There goes that community and I can imagine the temptation immediately to just start again. Yeah, it's not helpful or it can be, let's say, you know, there are plenty of people that go to rehab and come home and they're cured.
But there are also plenty that's not the case, you know, and so like for myself, I wouldn't I'm going to need that community afterwards. Yeah, for sure. You know, and I didn't understand about community in the first instance, right? So what happened for me was that I had been to Cocaine Anonymous a few times in the past and [00:14:00] I just didn't resonate with it at all.
Now, I am not here to knock any pathway of recovery. If it works for you, go for it, right? However, for me, that particular pathway, it wasn't resonant. And so, when I decided to quit As far as I knew, I was on my own, right? I just thought my only options are go to the doctor. Well, what's he going to do?
Maybe give me a pill or refer me to someone, or go to one of these fellowships. And I just thought these are not options for me. And so what I did was took to Facebook and started essentially blogging about it, right? And so that wasn't my intention in the first instance. My intention was to hold myself accountable.
And I thought if the world is watching, then it's going to be a lot harder for me to fall off the wagon. Bear in mind that I was a life coach at this time, right? So I, when I went live and shared my story, it's kind of five weeks into my recovery. I was just like, what are people going to think? Who is going to trust a life coach that is actually a cokehead?
What's going to happen to my business? What if my child gets taken off me? All the things, but you know, I knew that it was [00:15:00] something that I needed to do. And so off I went on my merry way. The result of that set me on this different trajectory, right? Because I literally couldn't have predicted what happened next.
So to date, over 5, 000 people have viewed that video for a start, which is shocking and highly embarrassing actually, because it's a very snotty, very sweary production, right? However, it's very real. And so, you know, loads and loads of people were just reaching out to me like, Oh my God, that's so amazing.
You're so brave. You've really helped me to see that actually I can tell my boyfriend or my mom, you know, all of this stuff. And I was like, Oh my God, people think I know what I'm talking about now. And I don't, I just know my own story. And they were like, you know, can you help me? How did you do it? And I was just like, the truth is I just decided.
And when I decided. It got to be so, you know, it literally is no more complicated than that. And so I shared my story online for about eight months, and that's when I finally discovered the Recovery Coach Academy. And so when I started training with them, of course, that plugged me [00:16:00] into a recovery community.
And I was just like, Oh my God, that's what everyone's been talking about all this time. I just didn't get it until I got plugged into it. And now I wouldn't be without it. Yeah, and it's a different kind of community. As you say, there's cocaine anonymous. That's good for you. That's good for you. But yeah, you know, this is a whole different kind of community.
Exactly. What would you say, Sarah, is the core philosophy behind your coaching? The core philosophy behind my coaching, to my mind, is about creating a life that is just beyond anything that you ever thought was going to be possible for someone like you. By which I mean someone that's come from a life of addiction.
You know, I never knew that this is who I was going to be. I couldn't have imagined it. I wouldn't have believed you. And I certainly wouldn't have known how to create it. And so it's really about, you know, there's no one way to recover. Everybody is welcome here and let's look forward, best foot forward and create something incredible from the carnage.
Okay. So, can you put that in [00:17:00] one sentence? What's your core philosophy? . Well, I'm very wordy. Don't knock me for that. Jeremy . I'm not knocking you. That's, that was a fantastic way to, to say it for some people and then some people need it to still, yeah. Okay. So in one sentence, the core philosophy is there's no one way to recover.
Excellent. Essentially, that's. Well, I love that. It's you know, I knew of a couple who wrote a book, a relationship book, and the title was something like, or maybe it was, I think it was the man that wrote the relationship book and let's say his wife's name was Sarah. And so the title of the book was how to be the best husband in the world to Sarah or something like that, because everybody's different.
And you know, a self help book, Can only help you so far because it's really the perspective of that one particular author and what they've experienced. But but yeah, when you have a coach that's working with you individually, or even in a group, but when they're working with you, then you are obviously able to do it the way that [00:18:00] works the best for you instead of a one size fits all sort of situation.
Exactly. So I recently in October last year created this little program called transformation and I had a real hard time articulating what the heck it was, Jeremy, because transformation is so personal, right? To each individual. And I didn't want to say, okay, work with me in October. By the end of the 30 days, you are going to have given up drinking or you're going to have your first 10 K month or, you know, because it just wasn't that it was you come here.
Yeah. Tell me what your transformation. is that you want and I will help you to get the pieces in place that will be the building blocks to create that. And it was awesome. And so even though I struggled to articulate it because there was no tangible outcome that I could define in a way that was, you know, results driven.
It was epic. It was so epic and I loved it. Fantastic. So then tell me a little bit about how that core philosophy That there is no one way to recovery. How does that translate into tangible results for your clients? That's a good [00:19:00] question. Okay. So, what that looks like is that there's a lot of experimentation.
There's a lot of exploration of, you know, what Trying things on for size, essentially. And so we get to treat our sessions and our programs, our community as a playground. Right. And so because there's no pressure to achieve a certain thing, then your result gets to be whatever it is that you want That you deem as a result, essentially.
Okay. So for some people, for example, one of the girls that did transformation came in and she was just like really angry, right, about everything. And so her transformation that she wanted was to let go of this anger. And so she, The way that we approach this within the context of recovery was to really dig into the times, you know, okay, where, when has this happened before?
What are you making this mean about yourself? Right. And how are we going to address that? And so by adopting the ethos of, there's no one way, [00:20:00] it meant that she could just try loads of different stuff and you know, whatever resonated with her, that was her way. And that was what led her to her result.
Excellent. And what was her result? So her result was actually mind blowing, actually. So within, I think, about a week of doing this program with me, she was, people were approaching her at the school gate and telling her that she seemed different somehow. And I was like, okay, that's beyond anything that I could have imagined.
Like how close are you to these people for a start? But the end result was that her relationships were just so much smoother. You know, there was less friction, less conflict, less she wasn't getting. Irritated as much in the first instance, that was the turning point for her. It was that the things that previously would have been like, you know, that she would have bitten, she was just like, nah, you know, this doesn't have to mean anything and able to sell through it.
And so the conflicts weren't even happening in the first place. And so now she doesn't have to take substances to take her mind off of all of it. Yeah. So [00:21:00] she'd already stopped with it. She'd already stopped it. She was only about a month or two in. And so what I have found in recovery is that anger is kind of one of our responses.
It can be, you know, it's just God, now I've got to get through life and every single situation without my favorite security blankie. And that can make us mad. Right. And it manifests in all sorts of different ways. So I wasn't kind of surprised that she came with this thing that she wanted to resolve.
But what it's helped her to do is to appreciate the value of recovery more because she can see that it is a better life without this anger. You know what I mean? We're giving up drugs and then suddenly becoming really angry. It's well, I've traded one thing for something else that still doesn't feel great.
But being able to navigate that has given a different perspective. Fantastic. What would you say are some of the common challenges that you find that most of your clients face? So a lot of it is around identity at the core. You know, we've spent so long creating this construct of who we [00:22:00] think that we are based on our behaviors and the life that we have become so accustomed to and the stories that came with that, the narratives that are inside of our minds.
so much. And actually when all that is stripped away, which it is, as soon as you go into recovery, suddenly like naked and it's Oh, you know, and so you've got this blank canvas and I forgot the question. Oh, identity. Sorry. It sounds like, yeah, he's created this blank canvas and it's almost time to start over again.
The question was, what are some common challenges that, that most of your clients face? Yeah, so it's about feeling lost, and that feeling lost is about the identity piece, a lot of it, right? So what presents as lost, and it looks and feels like lost, it's not, it's just a new place. It's a new person, it's a new way of thinking, new perspectives that are required.
And that takes some getting used to, you know, it's okay, how do I select a response to this situation now? Because I can't just be however I've always been because I'm not her anymore, you know, and so [00:23:00] really dismantling the old version of ourselves and putting together this new one that is intentional and more from a place of love essentially.
So identity is a huge thing that is across the board really in, in terms of early recovery. Sarah, you're you're breaking up a little bit. Is there another room or something that might be a little bit better internet connection? I can try. Hold on.
My apologies. The Wi Fi is notoriously bad. Okay. Is that better? Okay. I think so. Yeah. So yeah, identity. It's fascinating to me how similar, cause what I do, what I've, most of my coaching has been people who are recently separated or divorced from a long term relationship and It's the same problem.
They come out of the and I had that was my recovery after a 13 year or 13 year relationship. My clients and myself have all had the same thing as you're talking about going off drugs [00:24:00] and we all have had to figure out a new identity that is us as an individual rather than. Us codependent with another individual.
Yeah. So it all boils down to the same thing at the core of it. But also just, you know, other common things that I find with my clients is, you know, about who do I be? Like, and so again, this is tied in with the identity piece, but it's more about, you know, what am I trying to achieve here in my life?
Because we can often have this big feeling of regret. I know I did. I was like, Oh my God, I've wasted 20 years. And so it's really about trying to turn that around and channel it into something meaningful. Now, for some people like myself, it's about becoming a recovery advocate. The others, they just want to, you know, have a healthy and happy life.
They want to go on a health journey, et cetera, et cetera. And it's really about tapping into that piece and going, right, okay. Now that I've identified who I am. Like what do I want to do and where do I want to go and figuring all that stuff out, but also [00:25:00] feelings are a massive one that we are trying to navigate.
So I know from my own personal experience, you know, any kind of feeling, whether it be good, bad or ugly, I would just get on it. So you know, if it was raining, I'd get on it. If I had an argument with someone, I'd get on it. If it was a Wednesday afternoon, I'd get on it. You know, all roads lead to coke essentially.
And so having, Suddenly having a straight head on and experiencing a feeling, I was like, what the hell is this? Oh, okay. I'm frustrated right now. I know that I'm frustrated. What am I frustrated about? And what do I do with it? I don't know. I didn't know what to do with these feelings then. So it was essentially like I had stopped my own emotional development from the age of 17 or 18 when I first discovered drugs, you know, and hadn't been plugged into that at all for 20 years.
So I was kind of learning the how. feelings thing from the ground up. And this is something that also is something that I see a lot with my clients, you know, like I'm really angry or I feel sad. Like, why do I feel sad? Or not even knowing, not even [00:26:00] having 20 years of sadness and you've saved up and you're feeling now.
Yeah. Yeah. But then not even having a label for that feeling because you've never fully experienced it before. So you don't, you can't say, Oh, actually I feel sad. You're just like, something doesn't feel right. Do you know what I mean? You just have to assign the kids, the Disney kids movie inside out to them.
So I had a little boy, I've still got a little boy, obviously. And so trying to teach him about navigating his emotions and managing his feelings when I didn't even understand my own. That was a whole nother thing. Do you find that you, that a lot of the people that you attract are new parents? Yes, actually, I hadn't noticed that, but yes, I do find that and so I get a lot of kind of single moms reaching out to me as well.
That's interesting, actually, I hadn't noticed that dynamic. Well, I've just been noticing with all the coaches that I talked to that the most common client is someone that's 5, 10, 15 years behind you in their journey. Not that long, definitely not that long, maybe a year, not even that. Three years for you.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. [00:27:00] Excellent. Well, do you know, that's actually, that can be a lot better because you remember better what it was like than you will at 10, 15, 20 years. Then you'll have more experience, but. You've been coaching your whole life. So, I was going to ask that since you've been a life coach your whole life before you ever knew what it was, and before you ever got paid anything to do it, what's one piece of wisdom that you find yourself whether it's in your life coaching career or just in life, one piece of wisdom that you find yourself doling out all the time.
It's about let them, and I've been seeing this all over the internet recently, funny enough. Say that again. Let them, the concept of let them, yeah, like it just takes the heat out of it when someone is annoying you, if you can just give it permission to be, just let them annoy you, then it takes the power out of it, and you've reclaimed your own power, do you know what I mean, if somebody wants to mistreat you, just let them.
let them, you get to then decide, okay, this is it for me. And I get to walk out the door or I get to cut you out of my life or, you know, or whatever. But [00:28:00] the concept of let them, it is so powerful, you know, and it has been transformative in the way I've handled myself in relationships and, you know, just day to day life, essentially, you know, things that used to bother me, just don't bother me anymore because I give them permission to be.
Yeah. That reminds me of the piece of wisdom that I'm constantly giving out, which is something. I don't know who said this, but I read or heard this sometime in the last few years and it's really stuck with me which is to just assume that everyone is doing the best that they can. There's no reason to hold grudges against them because they're doing the best they can with their genetic makeup and their experiences and what they've been through.
And there's also no reason to keep them in your life if they're, you know, The best they can isn't good enough. Exactly that. Another thing I fall back on again and again is like asking yourself, what are you making that mean about yourself? Or don't make it mean something about yourself. You know, if somebody doesn't call you, right, you can easily deviate to the narrative like, Oh my God, you know, they don't like me anymore.
Or, you know, they think something bad about me or whatever. [00:29:00] Right. Don't make it mean something about yourself. It could just be that they're busy or they forgot. Or, you know, today's not a good day for them. You know, that was just a silly example, but you get what I'm saying. Situations in life, don't make it mean something about yourself.
There's like a whole fricking world going on out there. It's not all about you. And when we realize that actually we are just this tiny little minuscule speck in the vastness of the universe, all of a sudden things lose their heat a bit. I mean, fair enough. Your life. pretty much, you know, you are the main character in your life and your life pretty much is all about you.
However, that other person who didn't call you, their life is also all about them and you are not the star of their story. No, you're right. Yeah. The only person that it happened to is you in your own story. Like in their story, it's happening to them. Exactly. Yeah. All right. Well, I'm gonna just finish off here with two final questions.
Now, these questions are just to make sure we haven't missed anything [00:30:00] really important. So it's perfectly fine to answer no to both of these questions. And it's also great if there is something. So, first one is there anything that we started talking about that you didn't get to say as much as you wanted to, because we headed off on a different direction and went off on some sort of tangent.
Maybe just to mention a little, one more thing about community, which is that I have literally just started my very own recovery community. And I just want it to be a space that is different. You know, it's a place where outdated methods of having to do certain things and, you know, it being very structured, it's kind of gone out the window.
This is a place where healing meets spirituality, which meets recovery, which means connection, friendship, fun, all the things, you know, we get to have fun with this. So that was one thing. But aside from that, no. Okay. Well, then the other question is even broader because I'm only just getting to know you today.
And you know, yourself a lot better than I know. It's been at least 39. that's [00:31:00] 1 page thrown out there. But you've known yourself. For decades, longer than I have, is there anything about you, your philosophy and your work that I didn't even know to ask about that you think would be a glaring omission and a discussion of the life and work of Sarah Ibrahim.
I mean, there's obviously a lifetime worth of stories there, but essentially, and this is actually a really good story, let me tell you this real quick. So, the way that I realized the root cause of my addiction was because my little boy, who was three at the time, had decided that wiping his butt after a perp was something optional, right?
And so, and I was going nuts, I was just like, okay, this is not cool, you know, hello what's going on here, right? And this one night I was going absolutely berserk. Bear in mind, he's three. Okay. And I had asked him and he had said no. And I'd asked him and he said no. And I was going nuts. I put him to bed and I thought, why the hell did you react like that woman?
That is really OTT for the crime. Right. And what I realized was the lie had triggered me. Right. So the fact that he said no, when he meant yes. Right. And I thought, come on, he's [00:32:00] three. Like his lie is not the same as a lie to you and me. Yeah. And so when I started thinking about that, I was just like, why has that lie triggered me so much?
And I realized it came from my childhood. My dad would lie to me all the fricking time. You know, this was just his way of being. And he would go to Egypt for weeks on end. And he would say he was going for two weeks and he would come back six months later, you know, things like this. And so little Sarah created these stories of, well, you're not worthy and he doesn't even love you anyway.
And you're actually. Probably really annoying. That's why he keeps leaving the country. You know, I didn't know this at the time, obviously, but when I started digging into, Oh, okay, this lie reminds me of my dad. And all the things that I was making it mean I was absolutely staggered and I was like, Oh my God.
With that, I continued writing, right? Journaling is a huge pathway for me in my recovery. I started journaling and I was like, you know, but he did used to take me to the pub and I was that cool kid that was allowed to drink and all the things. And he used to give me money to make up for abandoning me.
And as soon as I wrote down the words abandoning me, [00:33:00] I was like, holy fuck. Fuck. This is what the whole thing has been about. It was an abandonment issue. And I'd spent 11 months in recovery going, why me? Why am I druggy? Why? You know, how come my brothers and sisters aren't like this? What's wrong with me?
All the things. And suddenly to realize, Oh my God, I was just repeating a behavior that I was taught from a child. You know, he died when I was 17 and that's the ultimate abandonment. Right. And I was a daddy's girl. And so I had subsequently spent the next 20 years abandoning myself again and again.
And it was just the biggest epiphany, Jeremy. I was just like, Oh my God. And you know, the permission that it gave me to just feel that and to finally feel relieved that, you know, it's not just me, you're not just a wrong gun. Right. And that set me on the pathway of learning more about trauma and someone which is fascinating.
And so. Yeah. There's a story for you to close on. That's fantastic. Thank you. Cause I'm sure there are a lot of people who relate to that. So when [00:34:00] there's two main reasons that I'm doing this podcast, number one is for anybody interested in any in self development to be able to listen to all different kinds of coaches talking about all different.
Ways of coaching and to glean whatever they can from all the different episodes that they've listened to you But i'm imagining that also Every once in a while Someone's going to be listening and they're going to hear the person that they absolutely need in their life to help Oh, yeah forward.
So for those listeners who feel that way about sarah ibrahim How do they find you? So all the usual ways. I'm all over socials. Facebook is my Bain platform. So you can just type in facebook.com. I am Sarah Ibrahim. Or, and can you spell your surname for us, please? Sure, yeah. It's I-B-R-A-H-I-M. And Sarah is S-A-R-A-H.
That's me, yeah. So you'll find me over there on Facebook, also on TikTok, also on Instagram, SarahRecoveryCoach. So that's a bit more simple for you to [00:35:00] find. Or you can email me, sarah at sarahibrahim. com. Oh, yeah, you're definitely generation X with me. I don't think the kids do email anymore. It's like our parents talking about faxing or something.
So if anyone needs to find me, you can find all my links at Jeremywest. net. Thank you very much, Sarah, and thank you everyone for listening and we'll see you next time. Thank you.